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Posted: Jul 27 2014, 12:26 AM

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Posts: 3
Member No.: 406
Joined: 10-July 14

seventy four




scarlett johansson

this is not

dorki's fault

at all

They say you don't get over someone until you find someone or something better. Others say it takes two years for every year you've shared with that person. But in reality, it is a matter of willpower. It is over when you say it is and accept it to be. As humans, we don't deal well with emptiness, whether it be in our hearts or on the other side of the bed. Any hollow, void space must be filled with something. Immediately. The pain of emptiness is far too powerful for one to endure. It compels the victim to stuff that place with whatever they could get their hands upon. A single moment with that empty spot causes excruciating pain. That's why we run from distraction to distraction -- and from attachment to attachment.

I'm not a bad person. I know how that sounds -- defensive, unscrupulous -- but it's true. I'm like everybody else: weak, full of mistakes, but basically good. I'm prone to making bad choices but they came out of good intentions. Aiden would disagree though. He considers me a typical pretty blond. A stupid whore. Similar words would also come from Jason's mouth as well. See, many months ago, when Aiden was still my boyfriend I left him for no reason at all. I crushed his heart into little pieces. And didn't even bat an eyelash when he begged me to stay. I left. Just because I felt like it

I wasn't always like this. I swear I wasn't. Before all hope died, I used to have this stupid dream that shit could be saved -- like my relationships -- that we would be in bed together like the old times, with the fan on, the smoke from out weed drifting above us, and I'd finally try to say the words that could have saved us. I didn't though. But I'll tell you something, I was born with this vast, empty void in my chest and I always felt the need it fill it with something. Anything, really. I don't know why though. Maybe it was from the lack of coddling from my painted whore of a mother. Or the fact that my father thought he could make me happy by giving me material things in replacement for quality bonding. Perhaps it was being overshadowed by my twin, who was subjected to follow the footsteps of my father. It could be anything and everything that had gone wrong in my life. But I could say one thing for certain: I have loved and lost and cried and won myself into the person I am today.

I'm basically a blue blood. Being the daughter of Wolfgang Kingston has its perks because Kingston was a name that carried history, fear and respect.. And it still does. Anything I wanted, I could have gotten. All I had to do was ask or even wave my hand. If I wanted a car in the newest model, I would get it. Diamond necklace? Why not. And if someone looked at me the wrong way, Daddy would set them straight. I had everything I could have ever wished for, so why was I so unhappy? It was that stupid emptiness that I was talking about earlier. The one that needed to be constantly filled with something. Material things could only fill the void for so long before it was completely and utterly useless.

I was not involved in the mafia, but I knew enough for there to be blood on my hands. I'm not the one that pulls the trigger, but I might as well be. I know of their doings. Their secrets that are whispered. I knew more than the average person did, but I didn't take part because they kept me in the dark about everything they could because maybe they thought it was better for me since I was bored and raised to be lady. But I continued to pry and ask questions. And never did I ever get a straight answer no matter how curious I was. If there was one rule to being a Kingston, it was loyalty. Family was the most important thing in the world.

Oh. And don't fuck up.

But I did.

It happened when I packed my bags, kissed everyone goodbye and left home. I was young and foolish and felt the need to make a name for myself, deciding the venture the world on my own after being sick and tired of being brushed off to the side by my own family. Honestly, I didn't want to let go, but I didn't want to be hurt anymore. It's not a great place to be, but what else can I say? A choice had to be made.

Let me tell you about a guy. This is how all these stories being. It wasn't supposed to get serious between us. It was the whole opposites-attract sort of thing. It was the great sex, no-thinking relationship. I couldn't see us getting married or anything of that sort. I was never the kind of girl who would allow herself to be tied down to just one. He understood that. But still, we lasted a while. I might even say that we loved each other. What the hell, we didn't know jack shit about what love really was, so what's the point?

But still. It could have been love. We moved in together and everything. Shared breakfast in bed with each other. Sat alone in silence just listening to our hearts beat together as one. We might've even called it official without even meaning to. We didn't last though, but that's okay. And things weren't always great, but there were some good moments. Great moments. And when things got bad, we fucked until we would pretend nothing hurtful had just happened.

It was until the fucking just got pointless. And repetitive. And just plain boring. It became a chore. Somewhere along the way, we lost the spark. We tried to get it back, but the attempts did noting but put a greater strain on us. Out of nowhere, he said, "I love you. For whatever it's worth." It was almost as if he knew and it was his attempt to keep me. But he couldn't. I went to go find someone else to fill that gaping hole in my chest that continued to grow with every passing day.

I figured the cheating would be a one-time thing. But the next day, I went right back, going for another round. And it kept going and going. Until I got pregnant. Karma is a bitch, isn't it?

I went back to him, claiming the baby was his. And he believed me. Or I thought he did because he was a good guy who loved me and promised to care for me through it all, even the bad. He whispered my full name and we fell asleep in each other's arms. "You have to listen to me. This can work", I whispered with my head against his chest, listening to his heart skip a beat. "We just have to let it." But he didn't though. I remember how the next morning he was gone. Completely gone. And nothing in my bed or the house could have proven otherwise.

Except for a note on my bed stand that said: You stupid, cheating whore.

At first, I pretended it didn't matter at all. We weren't even meant to be that serious, I claimed. I harbored a lot of grievance against him anyways. I told myself that I hated the scruff along his chin or the way he didn't clean up after himself around the house or how he hogged all the sheets whenever it got cold. And for a moment, I almost believed it. In reality, I was so alone that every day was like eating my own heart. I kept waiting for the heaviness to leave, kept waiting for something good to happen.

And I had this ridiculous hope that maybe, just maybe, one day, he would forgive me.

He never did though.

I mean. I tried. I tried every trick in the book to keep him. It started out with the abortion of the unborn baby because I knew he didn't want to raise a child that wasn't his and I was in no place to be a single mother. Then I wrote him letters, apologizing to him a million and one times. I stopped drinking. Smoking. I even claimed that I was a sex addict and started attending meetings. I blamed my mother. I blamed my father. I blamed the mafia. I started to take salsa classes because I always swore I would so we could dance together. I dyed my hair red because I knew he always had a thing for redheads. I swore I was sick. Weak, even. Every hour, like clockwork, I said I was sorry. So so sorry. I tried and tried. And one day he responded with a simple, "No more." And I considered protesting against his statement. In fact, I said I wouldn't go. But in the end, I did.

I stopped. I moved back to Sepulchre. And I never saw him again.

It's been years since I've returned to Sepulchre. Sure, things aren't perfect, but I'm content with it. Yeah. There was some issues in my life. My family has gotten even more secretive about the mafia. There is still that void now with a lot of guilt, but I'm coping. I've start managing a band -- Natural Selection -- because honestly, it is the only thing in my life that I could have a proper grasp on. And you know what? It's great.Traveling with the band. Partaking in the concerts. I couldn't have asked for a better team to work with. Sometimes, I see familiar faces in the crowd during a concert.

I remember there was this one time I saw him. Yeah. Him. It was at one of the tours. I was busy making sure everything was running with no problems. And he was in the front row of the crowd, singing along with the songs. He looked well. Sign of aging were starting to show on him and he began to grow out his hair, but he looked good. And the girl in his arms? She was pretty. A brunette with eyes like the sea. Looked like the type that wouldn't break his heart like I did. He was happy. And so was I. Maybe it was better that we didn't stay together because look at us now.

He turned, glancing around the room, almost as if he was looking for something. Someway, somehow, he manged to spot me in the crowd. I would have expected a bitter reaction from him but what he gave me was the exact opposite. He offered me that smile I once loved so much. And I gave one back at him. Without another word, I turned around and walked away, leaving him to continue living his life without me.

Sometimes you just know. Because I did. I knew in my lying and cheating heart that sometimes, a fresh start is all we will ever get.

vivienne kingston
Posted: Jul 28 2014, 12:00 AM

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Posts: 3
Member No.: 406
Joined: 10-July 14

dorki is too lazy to log onto her admin account.
but this girlie is done.
shitty app is shitty
Posted: Jul 30 2014, 12:21 AM

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Group: Admin
Posts: 42
Member No.: 384
Joined: 13-April 14

accepted !

welcome to waiting for the end

you're willy's favorite niece he's sorry he didn't spoil you more

remember to post in the FACE CLAIMS, WHO'S WHO & get to PLOTTING!
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