I live in a hallway with no doors and no rooms (STRENGTH & SACRIFICE)

Title: I live in a hallway with no doors and no rooms
Description: attn: open

Arina Kuznetsova - November 21, 2011 10:59 PM (GMT)

[dohtml]<div style="width: 450px; background-color: #0e0e0e; padding-top: 25px; padding-bottom: 25px; border: 4px solid #2f2f2f;">
<img src=http://i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j461/raineyleonhart/arina.png><BR>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.7px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 30px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: b7b7b7;">FEEL THE LIGHT</div>
<div style="line-height: 80%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">SHE HAD A WAY ABOUT HER THAT MADE YOU </div>
<p>
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Arina tucked the small bundle down into the canvas shopping bag she'd been toting all afternoon as she moved from shop to shop in Center City. The shopping district was chilly and windy, but Arina would have sworn that she didn't even feel the cold. She was Christmas shopping for the large, extended family today, and had already made a few gems of purchases. Her mother, especially, would love the hand painted silk scarf she'd found in the last little boutique.
<p>
Her family was Eastern Orthodox, but they still took time to celebrate Christmas, at least among the family, on the more traditional western date. It was simpler for everyone to gather on days that most of them would never be asked to work. Arina herself practiced about as much as any other second generation Russian girl she'd ever met, but that didn't mean that she didn't wear a saint's medallion on a chain around her neck. St. Luke the Evangelist, patron saint of artists. Her mother had given her the gold medallion and chain to her for her sixteenth birthday, shortly before her first solo art show.
<p>
Asya and Arina might not always get along, but she knew she was loved and supported.
<p>
Pausing for a moment to think, Arina made a mental tally. She still had two female cousins, Anya and Svatlana, to buy for. Surely one of these little boutiques would work very well for those two. But... Arina was realizing that other than the tall coffee she'd had for breakfast, she hadn't eaten all day. She glanced at her watch. Almost three. No wonder she was hungry. She glanced around and... ah, there. A street vendor. She smiled to herself and stepped into line.
<p>
She scoped the menu and wondered if calories counted when you were doing your holiday shopping. Sure that they didn't, she decided on french fries with her chicken sandwich.
<p>
"Hi, can I have a grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomato, pickle, and no mayo. Cheese frieds on the side, and a diet coke." she smiled, paid, and received her order. She snagged a bench and set about demolishing her meal. She was hungrier than she'd anticipated.
</div><p>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">TEMPLATE CODING BY GOLDEN ALBATROSS OF CAUTION</div></div>[/dohtml]

Taryn White - November 27, 2011 11:06 PM (GMT)

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<div style="width: 370px; border-top: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-left: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-right: 9px solid #0198E1; border-bottom: 9px solid #0198E1; text-align: justify; padding: 0 5 0 5px;">

<img src="http://www.tattoodonkey.com/pics/a/n/annasophia-robb-photoshoot-session-at-the-tea-house-in-downtown--.-n-tattoodonkey.com.jpg" width="370px">

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 42px; font-style: italic; text-align: left; line-height: .6; letter-spacing: -4px; border-bottom: 3px solid #C0C0C0; padding: 8px; color: #0198E1; line-height:15%; text-shadow: #444444 2px 2px 2px;"> → feel good </div>

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: right; line-height: 110%;"> i’m walking on sunshine. and don’t it </div><br>

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Taryn smiled as her blonde hair blew behind her as she walked out of a small boutique. Her mother would love the ornament she’d bought her just now. She didn’t have much to spend this year, knowing in the back of her mind that the loans were going to pile up if she wasn’t careful. But she loved to make her mother happy, to see her smile. And she did what she could to show how much she appreciated both of her parents. That’s why she had been out shopping today. <br><br>Taryn looked down at the small collection of bags hanging off of her arm. There was a book for her father. Some candles for her parents. And then there was the scarf that she’d bought herself. It had been on sale so she thought she could splurge just a little, especially when you took into account the awful wind that had picked up in Philadelphia lately. Speaking of which, she was feeling a bit chilly as it was.<br><br>Taryn spotted a small café and thought that some hot chocolate would be nice. Walking into the café, she ordered the warm beverage to go and paid the young woman behind the register. Afterward, she took her cup, thanked the woman with a smile, and was back on her way. The café had been full, so she would have to find somewhere to sit outside somewhere. But it seemed that many of the others shopping here were enjoying a break themselves and it looked as though all the benches were occupied.<br><br>Taryn continued on her way until she spotted a bench occupied by only one other person. Perhaps she wouldn’t mind sharing just a small corner of the bench. Besides, she didn’t need to sit wrong, just a rest to catch her breath and sip at her warm drink. Then she would make the trek back through the city to her dorm room to show her roommate all of the wonderful things she’d found, even if they might not seem so wonderful to anyone else.<br><br>“Excuse me, Miss. But would you mind if I join you for a few moments. I won’t be a bother, I promise.” The blonde smiled, hopeful for a bit of a break. The walk back to campus would be a long one, and she wasn’t keen on making the trek alone to begin with. So a bit of rest and some company now might go quite a long way for her. And if not, she’d smile and thank the woman and continue her search.
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<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 30px; font-style: italic; text-align: right; line-height: 0%; letter-spacing: -1px; border-bottom: 3px solid #C0C0C0; padding: 8px; color: #0198E1; text-shadow: #444444 1px 1px 1px;">the info ←</div>

<div style="font-family: georgia; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: center; line-height: .9;"> tagged: arina | word count: 425 | notes: none </div><br>

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Arina Kuznetsova - November 27, 2011 11:26 PM (GMT)

[dohtml]<div style="width: 450px; background-color: #0e0e0e; padding-top: 25px; padding-bottom: 25px; border: 4px solid #2f2f2f;">
<img src=http://i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j461/raineyleonhart/arina.png><BR>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.7px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 30px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: b7b7b7;">FEEL THE LIGHT</div>
<div style="line-height: 80%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">SHE HAD A WAY ABOUT HER THAT MADE YOU </div>
<p>
<div style="width: 400px; background-color: #2f2f2f; line-height: 110%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; color: 7b7b7b; text-align: justify; padding: 10px;">
<i>december 17, 2011. taryn tagged. 286 words.</i>
<p>
Arina glanced up at the timid little "miss" that interrupted her mental gymnastics and smiled slightly. She'd polished off her meal like she'd been starving, but she was lingering over her diet coke. She smiled warmly at the cute little blonde who'd appeared and nodded. "Oh, sure, sit down. I'm hardly taking up the whole thing." she added. Now that she was done eating, she reached for the brown leather gloves that had been a present from her uncle last Christmas and slid them back on.
<p>
"Doing some Christmas shopping?" she asked and nodded at the bags the girl had. Her own pile of bags was a little bigger, but few folks had as many immediate family to buy for as Arina. She loved her big family, though, so the hit to her pocket book was hardly noticeable. Not to mention having a wealthy uncle who lavished that wealth on his three sons and many nieces with somewhat reckless abandon. She was sure that if her Uncle Nikolai had had any daughters of his own, he wouldn't be so generous, but he was filling the absentia of daughters by fawning over his nieces, and who was she to complain.
<p>
"I am, too." she added. "These little shops are a little pricey, but they have some really cute things." she chatted on. "This little shopping area has done really well since it's opened up." she tried to sound as friendly as possible. She hadn't realized how lonely she'd been today, but apparently she'd been craving some human contact. And the girl seemed friendly enough, if a bit younger than Arina.
</div><p>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">TEMPLATE CODING BY GOLDEN ALBATROSS OF CAUTION</div></div>[/dohtml]

Taryn White - November 27, 2011 11:48 PM (GMT)

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<div style="width: 370px; border-top: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-left: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-right: 9px solid #0198E1; border-bottom: 9px solid #0198E1; text-align: justify; padding: 0 5 0 5px;">

<img src="http://www.tattoodonkey.com/pics/a/n/annasophia-robb-photoshoot-session-at-the-tea-house-in-downtown--.-n-tattoodonkey.com.jpg" width="370px">

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 42px; font-style: italic; text-align: left; line-height: .6; letter-spacing: -4px; border-bottom: 3px solid #C0C0C0; padding: 8px; color: #0198E1; line-height:15%; text-shadow: #444444 2px 2px 2px;"> → feel good </div>

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: right; line-height: 110%;"> i’m walking on sunshine. and don’t it </div><br>

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Taryn sighed gratefully as she slid easily onto the empty space at the end of the bench. "Thank you." The blonde smiled and set her bags down beside her feet before sipping on the hot chocolate for the first time since she'd gotten it. It was just perfect, not too hot, not too cold. She sat back and let her feet dangle just above the ground. This was just what she had been needing. It felt good to sit for a moment.<br><br>"Yeah, just picking a few things up for my parents. They're coming to visit for the holidays." She was staying up at school for the winter, working an internship over her winter break. So her parents were coming up in about a week to spend a few days. Her roommate would be home, so they could just stay with her. No money spent on a hotel room and they could all be together for Christmas. The thought made her smile before she heard the other woman speaking again and realized that she probably appeared rude.<br><br>Taryn nodded politely. "This is the first time I've made it out here to these shops. But I wanted to find something special. Have you found everything you've been looking for?" She wasn't trying to be peculiar or strange. She certainly wasn't trying to pry. The girl was just trying to be polite. Besides, it seemed as though the other woman was enjoying conversation, so Taryn wouldn't stop her short. Taking another sip of her hot chocolate she realized she hadn't introduced herself. She brought the cup down from her lips and then extended her free hand. "I'm Taryn by the way."

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<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 30px; font-style: italic; text-align: right; line-height: 0%; letter-spacing: -1px; border-bottom: 3px solid #C0C0C0; padding: 8px; color: #0198E1; text-shadow: #444444 1px 1px 1px;">the info ←</div>

<div style="font-family: georgia; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: center; line-height: .9;"> tagged: arina | word count: 277 | notes: none </div><br>

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Arina Kuznetsova - November 28, 2011 12:50 AM (GMT)

[dohtml]<div style="width: 450px; background-color: #0e0e0e; padding-top: 25px; padding-bottom: 25px; border: 4px solid #2f2f2f;">
<img src=http://i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j461/raineyleonhart/arina.png><BR>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.7px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 30px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: b7b7b7;">FEEL THE LIGHT</div>
<div style="line-height: 80%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">SHE HAD A WAY ABOUT HER THAT MADE YOU </div>
<p>
<div style="width: 400px; background-color: #2f2f2f; line-height: 110%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; color: 7b7b7b; text-align: justify; padding: 10px;">
<i>december 17, 2011. taryn tagged. 286 words.</i>
<p>
Arina shifted and held out her hand with a little smirk. "I'm Arina," she said just as their hands touched. It didn't seem to matter that Arina had already put on her gloves, as soon as they touched the sensation was incredibly unnerving. Arina's stomach sank, and her throat constricted. What in the world was going on? Arina closed her eyes, trying to focus, but when she opened them something had changed.
<p>
The world had gone bright. She was standing (she hadn't been standing, had she?) in the midst of a beautiful garden, dressed in a gown of pale gold. Her hair was styled long, and she was heavy with gold jewelry. She felt at peace, though, as she looked at the roses. Red roses. An important symbol. She turned her head (finding she had some limited control) and saw a beautiful blonde girl looking up at her. She turned and knelt to scoop the girl into her arms, overjoyed. The vision/memory shifted. There was yelling. She turned, cradling the girl close, as a man and soldiers came into view, talking quickly.
<p>
The vision shattered. She opened her eyes to the real world once more, and found that she had pulled the blonde girl close, arms wrapped around her. She should be mortified. She should be frightened, but for a moment, she was at peace.
<p>
She pulled away, not sure even how to begin, not sure what to say.
</div><p>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">TEMPLATE CODING BY GOLDEN ALBATROSS OF CAUTION</div></div>[/dohtml]

Taryn White - November 28, 2011 01:11 AM (GMT)

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<div style="width: 400px; background-color: FCFFF0; padding: 5; border-top: 9px solid #0198E1; border-left: 9px solid #0198E1; border-right: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-bottom: 9px solid #C0C0C0">

<div style="width: 370px; border-top: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-left: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-right: 9px solid #0198E1; border-bottom: 9px solid #0198E1; text-align: justify; padding: 0 5 0 5px;">

<img src="http://www.tattoodonkey.com/pics/a/n/annasophia-robb-photoshoot-session-at-the-tea-house-in-downtown--.-n-tattoodonkey.com.jpg" width="370px">

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 42px; font-style: italic; text-align: left; line-height: .6; letter-spacing: -4px; border-bottom: 3px solid #C0C0C0; padding: 8px; color: #0198E1; line-height:15%; text-shadow: #444444 2px 2px 2px;"> → feel good </div>

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: right; line-height: 110%;"> i’m walking on sunshine. and don’t it </div><br>

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<table><tr><td><div style="width:365px;"></div>
<div style="width:365px; height:150px; overflow:auto; font-family: georgia; background-color: #F5F5F5">

Taryn smiled and was about to tell Arina that it was nice to meet her until there was nothing but an image of the woman she saw many times in her dreams, the one she painted countless pictures of. She saw her chasing a little girl around, a girl who must have been herself if what Jocelyn had told he the other day was true. The image fading quickly from her mind though the sound of laughter lingered in her ears. This was insane. There was no way this woman could have been her mother. They were close enough in age to have been sisters. And they looked nothing alike.<br><br>But when Taryn's eyes opened, she found that she had been pulled close to the other woman in an embrace. Arina's eyes were closed and Taryn couldn't help but wonder if she'd gotten the same feeling when they'd shaken hands, if that was why she had pulled her close. Or had Taryn been drawn toward her, seeking that closeness? But as Arina opened her eyes, Taryn looked at her blankly, wondering what she had seen and suddenly aware of the awkwardness of their closeness.<br><br>Taryn blushed as Arina pulled away, sliding herself backward a few inches as well. She looked for words to say to put the older woman at ease. "What...what did you see?" It was a shot in the dark and Arina would think she was a nut job if she hadn't seen anything. But she had to take this chance. It was obvious, at least to her, that the two of them were connected. At least in some way. But what if she was just too anxious to find her mother, even though she had been warned against it.

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<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 30px; font-style: italic; text-align: right; line-height: 0%; letter-spacing: -1px; border-bottom: 3px solid #C0C0C0; padding: 8px; color: #0198E1; text-shadow: #444444 1px 1px 1px;">the info ←</div>

<div style="font-family: georgia; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: center; line-height: .9;"> tagged: arina | word count: 290 | notes: none </div><br>

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Arina Kuznetsova - December 4, 2011 06:21 PM (GMT)

[dohtml]<div style="width: 450px; background-color: #0e0e0e; padding-top: 25px; padding-bottom: 25px; border: 4px solid #2f2f2f;">
<img src=http://i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j461/raineyleonhart/arina.png><BR>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.7px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 30px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: b7b7b7;">FEEL THE LIGHT</div>
<div style="line-height: 80%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">SHE HAD A WAY ABOUT HER THAT MADE YOU </div>
<p>
<div style="width: 400px; background-color: #2f2f2f; line-height: 110%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; color: 7b7b7b; text-align: justify; padding: 10px;">
<i>december 17, 2011. taryn tagged. 286 words.</i>
<p>

A simple question, and yet impossible to answer. What <i>had</i> she seen? She'd had daydreams before, but nothing that vivid. She couldn't imagine what had overcome her... but the girl was asking. Did that mean she'd seen something, too? She opened her mouth to speak, but was too stunned. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and swallowed hard.
<p>
"I'm... not sure. There was a little girl..." she trailed off. A part of her felt deeply afraid for that girl. Rage, fear, a deep seeded urge to protect. Arina was one of the least motherly people in the world, these feelings were foreign to her, but still she recognized them. She thought of her mother, of the one time she'd seen Asya with a gun in her hand. It was no secret that her family was involved in some less than legal things. Asya was usually so mild mannered, but she'd proven she could shoot to defend her children. A mother protecting her child.
<p>
She looked down. "A little girl, and she was so beautiful, and I was so proud of her. I don't know who she was." she ran a hand through her hair. "I should know, but I don't." she looked at the girl she'd just met. Taryn. She felt strangely embarrass and a little uncomfortable. She shifted, looked away. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on."

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<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">TEMPLATE CODING BY GOLDEN ALBATROSS OF CAUTION</div></div>[/dohtml]

Taryn White - December 13, 2011 01:55 AM (GMT)

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<div style="width: 370px; border-top: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-left: 9px solid #C0C0C0; border-right: 9px solid #0198E1; border-bottom: 9px solid #0198E1; text-align: justify; padding: 0 5 0 5px;">

<img src="http://www.tattoodonkey.com/pics/a/n/annasophia-robb-photoshoot-session-at-the-tea-house-in-downtown--.-n-tattoodonkey.com.jpg" width="370px">

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 42px; font-style: italic; text-align: left; line-height: .6; letter-spacing: -4px; border-bottom: 3px solid #C0C0C0; padding: 8px; color: #0198E1; line-height:15%; text-shadow: #444444 2px 2px 2px;"> → feel good </div>

<div style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: right; line-height: 110%;"> i’m walking on sunshine. and don’t it </div><br>

<div style="overflow: hidden">

<table><tr><td><div style="width:365px;"></div>
<div style="width:365px; height:150px; overflow:auto; font-family: georgia; background-color: #F5F5F5">

Taryn let out the breath she had been holding as Arina confirmed that she had seen something...even if she wasn't exactly sure what she had seen. She had seen something. So maybe there was more to all of this than she had thought. Even though Taryn couldn't imagine this woman being her mother in another life, as Arina began to describe what she had seen as best she could, the student couldn't help but think that they had been connected in a way that didn't make sense any other way.<br><br>Taryn felt her spirits drop a little as Arina turned away, apologizing. "Please don't apologize. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. If it makes you feel any better...I saw something to." Taryn knew this would probably be of no comfort to the other woman. Not if she was uncomfortable with this whole situation. Taryn had met Jocelyn. Jocelyn had explained everything to her. But then again, how many people would believe that they'd lived a past life, had a whole other identity that they knew nothing about? And why would this woman listen to <i>her</i>? Of all people, why would Arina listen to Taryn? They had just met. And Taryn was just a foolish, idealistic girl.<br><br>Should she stay or should she get up and excuse herself. Taryn shifted a little uncomfortably, glancing back at her bags. She couldn't just sit here and make Arina more uncomfortable, even if she hadn't exactly done anything to upset her in the first place. But she needed to be considerate. There was no knowing how much Arina knew of the past, and something told Taryn that she wasn't the one who should tell her. "If..if you'd like me to leave, please, just tell me. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

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<div style="font-family: georgia; padding: 5px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #dedede; text-align: center; line-height: .9;"> tagged: arina | word count: 301 | notes: none </div><br>

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Arina Kuznetsova - December 19, 2011 03:09 PM (GMT)

[dohtml]<div style="width: 450px; background-color: #0e0e0e; padding-top: 25px; padding-bottom: 25px; border: 4px solid #2f2f2f;">
<img src=http://i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j461/raineyleonhart/arina.png><BR>
<div style="line-height: 100%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.7px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 30px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: b7b7b7;">FEEL THE LIGHT</div>
<div style="line-height: 80%; width: 400px; letter-spacing: 1.9px; font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 0px #000; color: 7b7b7b;">SHE HAD A WAY ABOUT HER THAT MADE YOU </div>
<p>
<div style="width: 400px; background-color: #2f2f2f; line-height: 110%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 11px; color: 7b7b7b; text-align: justify; padding: 10px;">
<i>december 17, 2011. taryn tagged. 286 words.</i>
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Arina looked up at the younger girl and didn't know how to respond. Her mouth was already moving before she'd thought out her answer, and she supposed it came from an instinctive place. "No, please. Don't... I'm sorry. What did you see?" She suddenly had to know. She was half desperate to know. Her life was a giant tumble right now, she didn't know how to act, how to think.
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How much was one small Russian girl expected to take before she needed a little mental health vacation from her own life?
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She shifted, a hand on her head, and shook it as if jostling her brain around would somehow fix this entire thing. She couldn't get the image of that little girl out of her head. She kept replaying it in her mind. She had been so beautiful. She had been all that was still good in the world. Why did the thought make Arina want to wrap her arms around the petite blonde that she had just met and never let go?
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A swirl of feelings, and perhaps images. Brutal fighting. Killing. Arina clenched her hand and swallowed hard. What in the world? She looked back at the blonde. "What did you see?" She echoed.

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