Sometimes words weren't enough for Regulus. He could say them and they could have absolutely no meaning. However hard he tried to connect his emotions to the words that came out, they wouldn't stick. He'd tried venting to Edeva, if only to see if that would take the edge off, abate the feelings that had been long quelling within him. He had tried and failed and now he felt worse than ever. He felt even more disconnected, more angry, than ever before and try as he may he couldn't express himself. His parents expected great things of him. His peers looked at him and saw a man, not a boy, and he knew that the boys in his house looked to him for some guidance. He, after all, had sat at the same table as the Dark Lord. He had been acknowledged. Him. And he was thrilled. Or at least, he thought that was what he felt. It was hard to differentiate sometimes. But he knew he felt great pride at having been noticed. The Dark Lord himself... He'd looked him directly in the face and smiled. But, Regulus realized, that his smile wasn't at all like the other smiles he saw. It wasn't even the same glean his cousin Bellatrix got her eyes when something had given her great joy, nor was it any sort of smile that he'd seen from Narcissa or even his parents. That smile had meant something, he was sure of it, but the meaning had been lost on him so he had only been able to stare back, looking downwards as his father had instructed him to do. He would be invited, his father said afterwards, to meetings. Meetings the other sons and daughters would not be invited to. Not all of them anyways. He had been... happy.

And then everything had been ruined. All of it. It seemed that he took one step towards his happiness and there were all these hands dragging him back. The hand that gripped him most tightly at that moment was the hand of his mother. She'd picked the match, with his father's approval, and so he would marry Druella Llewellyn in what he was sure to be a macabre display of elegant doilies and white lace. Putrid. He would have sooner died. Perhaps it was his fault. He showed no real interest in girls and perhaps that had been what had driven his parents to choose someone for him. But that's not what Regulus saw in all this. His parents wanted an heir to carry on the Black name. A boy strong and dark and clearly a Black. But that wasn't his job! It had never been meant for him. To carry on the Black's bloodline, why that had been Sirius' role. Not his! He could've kept on as he was, taking great interest in this revolution, in the Dark Lord! Selfish, spoiled, idiotic, foolish Sirius; he was to blame for all of this. They'd hardly spoke since Sirius had gone. Not like they'd spoke much before that, but before Regulus had still looked to him as a brother. They'd still been blood and Regulus had grown up knowing that blood was thicker than anything. The Black's family motto should have been something about blood beating out. How disappointing it had been for Regulus all those years ago, to learn that his brother, someone he looked up to, had let him down. He'd selected a new role model now. Someone far more sinister.

And so it was with dark circles under his light eyes, deprived of sleep for days, Regulus Black went just a little mad and stalked his brother about the castle for an entire day. He lurked in his shadow, creeping in his every footstep. He waited outside of his classes, outside of his common room. His hands shook beneath his robes, clenched tightly into fists and in one hand he held his wand. He wasn't even sure what he was intending on doing, he just followed after his brother, staying hidden and keeping silent. This carried on for the entire day until just before dinner. When the skies were pink and students were filing into the Great Hall. He had fully expected his brother to join them, but when he veered away from his friends and headed outside, Regulus blinked and followed. Blinked and followed. All the way down through the front doors, alongside the castle's exterior. Following his brother's pace and realizing that it was actually getting more and more difficult to follow him. He quickened his pace. So did Regulus. So intent was Regulus on keeping an eye on Sirius' back that he didn't notice that they'd entered the Forbidden Forest, he abandoned all pretense of quiet and broke out into a maddened run. He dashed through the underbrush, following the tails of Sirius' robes until suddenly they vanished and Regulus was alone. He stopped running, breathless, and spun this way and that. His wand was out, his eyes spinning all around him. “Show yourself!” he bellowed finally, his voice half-crazed, waiting for his dear, dear brother to appear from behind a rock or one of the many trees that surrounded him. In fact, Regulus realized that he'd stumbled into a bowl; a dip so deep into the earth that the ground that rimmed about him was clear over his head.

((I might make it pretty when I'm not about to die <3))