WELCOME

[dorcas r. meadowes]

One of the side effects of wine was becoming very sleepy. At least it was for Dorcas. It was one of the reasons why she rarely drank it. When she drank alcohol she wanted to have a good night that lasted well into the early hours of the next morning. Firewhiskey, vodka, cocktails, all helped give her a buzz and energy that carried her past being tired and kept her afloat on the sea of being awake. Wine on the other hand didn’t give her the same experience, after a few glasses she was giggly, another two and she was starting to feel sleep creep up on her.

It probably didn’t help that she was overworked and surviving on less sleep than she needed. Between the pub, Madam Malkin and the Order and her social life her batteries were running very low. She didn’t really notice it since it had been building up slowly over the past few months and she drank enough coffee to get her through the day. But tonight was a relaxing night and she found herself feeling tired before midnight.

And it wasn’t just her hectic schedule denying her sleep. She tended to sleep alone a lot nowadays, she hadn’t had sex with any of her recent boyfriends as she just couldn’t find any of them interesting enough for that. But she wasn’t used to sleeping on her own. She had grown up sharing a room with her twin and then a dorm room with other girls. Now her twin had moved out so she had a room to herself at her parents place, and when she stayed with friends it was naturally on the sofa and therefore she was alone in the room. She found it difficult to get to sleep and then difficult to stay asleep. There was very little she could do about it though, she was going to be nineteen soon, women her age did not clamber into friend’s beds like she had done to her twin when they were five years old.

Eventually she said her good nights to Lily and went into the spare bedroom. She pulled off her clothes and tiredly put her pyjamas on before brushing her teeth in the bathroom. At least the mirror showed that she looked good, the face mask made her skin glow, her nails were painted dark crimson, and her eyebrows had been precisely dealt with by Lily. This had definitely been a successful night. Plus her skin was lightly scented with aloe vera from the moisturiser she had used and that was a smell she could never get bored of.

Finally she crawled into bed. The sheets were crisp and fresh and smelled of the lovely detergent that Lily used. Even though it was a double bed Dory didn’t stretch out. Doing so would only remind her that she was sleeping on her own yet again. Instead she curled up on “her” side and snuggled down under the duvet, quickly drifting off into much needed sleep.

[sirius o. black]

The night had been an utter fail. He proposed the night out precisely because he wanted to get some shagging going on, but in stead, after having drank a few (more than a few actually) glasses of whiskey and beer, James called it a night. Sirius didn't even feel in the mood for stuff like that anyhow seeing as someone else had been on his mind the entire time. A couple of times he even wondered whether or not to blast the DJ booth to nothing with how crappy music he was choosing. Honestly, was "Hazel O'Connor - Will You" really a song for a late night in a pub, for Merlin's curly crotch hair's sake. He didn't even know the other songs that pissed the hell out of him but most of them had been about whether or not to go to the girl you like. How could he not think about Dorcas with lines like "It's getting kinda late ... I wonder if you'll stay".

In the end he wasn't too sorry that they left, but he had hoped go to another pub. James kept telling him that, but upon reaching said pub he found himself at James's house. Great best mate, that one could be sometimes. And now he kept pushing him to go to sleep, not to wake up Lily, kept apologizing that he didn't have enough Hangover potion for both of them (like Sirius would get a hangover, hell NO), or enough sober-up potion (like he needed that crap, hell NO). He unsteadily made his way to one of the armchairs where he found a little bottle with something hard crimson in it, but without spearing a second thought he tossed it over his shoulder as soon as James came in.

Sirius didn't want to go to sleep, but James wasn't in his best moods, so he got up. Upon James helping him find his balance he slowly pushed his best friend away, insisting that he wasn't drunk and could walk on his own "Very well, shank you." trying not to hiccup too loudly not to wake up Lily.

It wasn't the first time that he slept over at James' place so he knew which way to go. Finding the room was the tricky part. The first room he opened was a bathroom, although he had been convinced that it was the room on the left. Turning around to see if James could help him with direction, he saw the living room empty. He then looked at his other left and saw another door. He weaved unsteadily to the other side of the corridor and slightly slouched onto the frame. When he opened the door, there was no light. He didn't turn it on however, being certain that he could find his way around the simple organised room, after all there was only a bed and nightstands in it. How hard could it be?

At the first step his tibia found the frame of the bed and would have shouted at the top of his lungs if it weren't for James' request to keep it down and the last thing he wanted was for James to get mad at him. After everything that man had done for him, it was the least he could do. Feeling his way towards the head of the bed, he felt a pillow and sat next to it. He took his boots off, pulled off his shirt and t-shirt, unzipped his jeans and let them fall to the floor only to have to fight them once they were there. He had no pajamas seeing as this wasn't planned and James never gave him any because he didn't wanted, so he pulled the duvet away, laid down, then swung it on top of him, but something was holding it. He looked to his right and saw a sleeping form.

James didn't tell him anything about sharing with someone, what if it was Peter. He shivered at the idea of sharing a bed with Peter and so he got up on one elbow and leaned over to see who it was. He could barely see anything and was way to tired to search for his wand in the mess that was what his clothes were, so he got closer and resumed to the next best thing. He sniffed. After the first scent hit him, he felt his insides twisting and turning. It couldn't be. James wouldn't have done this to him. He wouldn't have. But Merlin she smelled good.

[dorcas r. meadowes]

Dorcas was asleep, but it wasn’t a deep sleep. Little noises occasionally pulled her out of unconsciousness, such as a muggle police siren going off in the distance. But she was quickly dragged back into slumber, waking only for a few seconds at a time if that, certainly not long enough for her to remember it. This was why she was so tired, she never managed to get a night of undisturbed rest, but the waking only lasted seconds at a time and so she never remembered any of it in the morning and assumed she had had a good nights sleep. She was disturbed again when she heard a soft thump, but she didn’t equate it with someone walking into the foot of the bed she was in and she fell back asleep instantly, unaware that she was no longer alone in the room.

She wasn’t entirely sure what roused her next. Maybe it was instinct, warning her that she wasn’t alone and she needed to open her eyes before she was killed by a crazed lunatic. She opened her eyes and blinked sleepily, unable to see much in the darkness of the room. She could feel someone else in the bed next to her, very close to her, but she wasn’t particularly scared. She may have been tipsy bordering on drunk when she had gone to bed, but she was in bed in Lily’s spare room, which meant that whoever was sleeping next to her was a friend and not a psychopathic serial killing rapist. Lily was good at charms and James was good at DADA, there were probably a few basic protection spells around the place that would put off most murderers.

Slowly, unsure of what she was about to see and feeling very nervous about it, she lifted her head off the pillow and turned to look over her shoulder. In the dark she could make out long-ish hair, and a rather handsome facial profile silhouetted in shadow, she was fairly sure that it was Sirius. He wasn’t moving, and he wasn’t lying down either, he was propped up on one elbow and looming over her slightly. Well...that wasn’t too bad, she had woken up next to him plenty of times in the past. And she trusted him to not start molesting her while she slept. And, frankly, she really needed someone next to her right now. She didn’t like to sleep alone, and now she wouldn’t have to.

Sleeping alone and sleep cuddling however were two different things. But she wasn’t completely awake and what she did next seemed perfectly natural. She rested her head back on the pillow and then moved one hand back until she found her arm, carefully lifting it up slightly before she wriggled back until she was nestled against his body and in his arms, her back against his chest, her legs curled around his. She couldn’t remember the last time she had actually been in this kind of position with a man, she rarely cuddled with her boyfriends, and what surprised her more was that it was Sirius. There was just something about him that made her feel very safe and secure in his arms.

[sirius o. black]

It wasn't that he was dizzy or unable to concentrate, seeing as he wasn't drunk, but he found that there were some thoughts in particular that were stronger than the others. The not so good thing about this, one in number, because he generally liked the fact that he could be very passionate about something and that once an idea came to mind he had to find a way to make it happen, but the bad thing in this situation was that they were thoughts he would and could usually banish from his mind, or even if not, he fought against them, not following them. Now, he couldn't really bring solid arguments of why it would be better not to.

Sirius felt her moved and was about to jump out of bed, but found it much more comfortable in it, so he didn't but was pretty worried, not because he was in bed with her, but because he didn't brush his teeth. He always did that before going to bed, but he had no tooth brush, and plain tooth paste kinda had no effect without the brush. What could had done. Eat tooth paste?

Dorcas seemed still half asleep and as she grabbed his arm to put it around her waist the evil intoxicated part of him that was in control brought a melancholic smile to his lips. How he longed to sleep like that with a woman. Not with any woman though, but with the one next to him. She had been the only one he had slept with, as in fell asleep, did not snored or grumbled, but slept the most peaceful sleep of his life. He didn't do that because it was kinda sacred for him, reason why he never spent the night at none of the women he's been with, nor invited them over. Up to this point, no woman slept over at his place, much less in his bedroom, nor there had been any that he brought over. So, in extension, the flat was yet to be baptized.

As his left arm found a place that hadn't been touched by him for the past three years and a half, it rested there for a bit as she placed her head back on the pillow, but as he watched her close her eyes, he searched her hand with it and as he found it he intertwined his fingers with hers. The need to take another dose of her natural perfume, not the aloe vera, nor her Jasmine perfume, but her actual scent, the one that he could sense better in the morning once all the other smells would vanish and it was just that, well ... he needed to sniff that again. With his other hand, that was tucked beneath his head at a weird angle he moved some of the hair that went on the base of her neck and lowered his face, at first, only intending to catch the smell better, but as he came quite close to her skin he couldn't reason with his body to stop, and in all honesty, didn't want to, as his lips found the soft skin where her collar bone met her elegant neck muscles.

[dorcas r. meadowes]

There was a moment of uncertainty where she thought he might decide it was best to sleep on the sofa in the living room. Given the history between them it would probably have been for the best, but that didn’t mean that it was what she wanted. Most of the time Dorcas didn’t know what was best for her, she chose the wrong men, made the wrong decisions, even when the right answer was staring her in the face she picked the wrong one. She didn’t like to admit it though, because who did? She went with what she wanted, and right now she didn’t want Sirius out of the room.

She slept in the same bed as her boyfriends because getting up to leave in the middle of the night was only something whores did. She was distinct on that point, she might sleep around a bit but she was not a whore. She didn’t cuddle with them, she just curled on her side and slept next to them. She didn’t like to sleep alone. Even the first time she had slept in Sirius’ bed had been far more a comfort thing than a sexual thing. That first night they had simply slept with Sirius’ arm over her waist, he wasn’t used to sharing a bed and that had been all he was comfortable with at the time. But she had woken up the next morning and found herself cocooned in his arms and after that she had never wanted to cuddle with anyone else.

She felt his hand move about, even brushing against her breast for a split second, before she could wonder what he was doing his hand suddenly wrapped around hers. She smiled to herself and held his hand, enjoying the added comfort and the fact that he was the one that initiated it. When his hand had been close to her chest she had worried that he was trying to start something else entirely, something that she wasn’t sure she wanted right now.

His lips suddenly brushed against her neck. A thrilling tingle ran down her spine, a soft, tiny whimper of pleasure slipping from her throat. But then she bit her bottom lip. They couldn’t do anything here. She couldn’t fool around or do anything with Sirius when she was a guest in someone’s home! It felt weird and a bit sordid. She wasn’t entirely sure if that was what he had been thinking of, but it seemed best to stop it before it had a chance to progress further. She squeezed his hand gently and moved back to look over her shoulder at him, keeping her voice at a whisper so James and Lily wouldn’t overhear.

“Sirius, we can’t do this here.” It didn’t even occur to her that she was telling him to stop because of their location, not because she didn’t want to have sex with him. “This is James and Lily’s home!”

[sirius o. black]

The smell threatened to intoxicate him, but the need for more wasn't overpowered by the, barely felt, but present, fear that he was doing something wrong, something that he shouldn't. If he were sober (not saying that he was drunk), he wouldn't have done that, he probably wouldn't have even lay next to her once he knew it was her, he probably would have settled on the living room sofa with a blanket and a small and uncomfortable decorative pillow. If he was sober he would have found and explored the reasons, maybe, upon questioning (very unlikely that she would have questioned him as to why he would go and sleep elsewhere), he would have explained his reasoning to her. But, alas, his mind was void of all the reasons for which he shouldn't do this.

Her skin was as soft as he remembered and the smell, the distinct smell that could only make him think of Dorcas, was the same. Sirius tried for many months now to stay away from her, even in his thoughts, he tried not to think of the memories that he had with her, of how he missed the little things, her smell being one of them, or how she used to blush at the beginning of their relationship whenever someone would catch them kissing in the common room, even though it wasn't something that outrageous. She used to giggle and give in whenever he would pull his puppy eyes look, look that he wasn't even aware of before her mentioning it, look that became like a weapon for him, a weapon that never failed him and would make the girls do pretty much whatever he wanted. He had tried to not think of all those things, but he hadn't managed much.

Her soft whimper only made him want her more, even if he probably wouldn't have been capable of doing much given his current situation, but at that small sound his hand, the one holding hers, while still being intertwined with hers, gently grabbed her around the middle and pulled her closer to him. Her words however made him stop. She was right; they couldn't do this here. It sucked because he really wanted to, but this was James' home.

Feeling rather unsatisfied he accepted the situation regretfully. She did make a very good point, but Digger disagreed with it. Trying to kill the raging lust that overwhelmed his entire body he settled on kissing her cheek lingeringly and keep his arm around her possessively, but a frustrated grunt still escaped his lips. He had to make this happen, somehow, anyhow, this had to happen at some point.

His mind was racing to find a better location. The first thing that popped to his mind was his flat, but that meant that she would spend the night, something he hadn't allowed so far, next on the list was her place, but that, he was reminded, was her parents' place and that also was unacceptable. He had to find a location, neutral, but not a hotel, Dorcas not being the kind of woman to take and shag in a hotel. His breathing decreased in intensity as his anguish subdued and soon enough he had drifted off into the mysterious land of dreams where he had the place and the opportunity to finish what he intended on starting tonight.

[dorcas r. meadowes]

Dorcas knew that stopping him was the right thing to do. She knew that they really could not mess around in their best friend’s flat, she would be mortified to see the look on Lily’s face in the morning. It really wouldn’t work, Sirius was drunk and she was halfway between tipsy and drunk and neither of them would be happy about the situation in the morning. Still it was difficult to stop him. She had very fond memories about his hands and his mouth. It was her everlasting regret that he had broken up with her before they had gone all the way together. She was sure she would have enjoyed her first time a whole lot more if it had been with him.

Sirius’ arm was holding her waist quite tightly. Not quite hard enough to be uncomfortable, but certainly enough to be very possessive. But for the first time in months she felt safe and secure, not a feeling she could indulge in that often. Sirius was ultimately loyal and protective, she had no doubt that he would fight and die for the ones he loved, and tonight at least she knew for certain that that included her. Having sex with him wasn’t a good idea, but being curled up in his arms simply felt right. It had always felt right, even when they had been dating at Hogwarts.

She could feel his arousal pressing against her leg, heard him grunt softly when he kissed her cheek. She should have felt bad for stopping him but she didn’t, she was saving them a lot of hassle in the morning. She didn’t try to tell him that she wanted him too, that she was tempted to let her legs slip open slightly so his hand could glide down to a very familiar place. It would encourage him and she didn’t want to lead him on. She was tired and what she really wanted right now was to sleep in his arms. If she led him on and then stopped him then he wouldn’t even stay in bed with her, he would either go sleep on the sofa or he would floo straight home, either way she wouldn’t get to sleep near him.

She waited until she felt his body relax behind hers. His head drooped until it was against the pillow, his nose buried in her hair. His arm loosened it’s grip on her waist, and his breathing grew steadier and deeper, until she was finally sure he was asleep. Only then did she wriggle into a more comfortable position against his body, rearranging his arm slightly so it was a little higher up towards her ribs, and then she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

[sirius o. black]

Sirius lay into half consciousness unable to grasp the world around him just yet and unwilling to. He wasn't aware of his body aside from the bad feeling in his stomach as flashes of the night before took their time to form in his mind one by one. He also needed to hit the loo and he felt thirsty like he had slept with his mouth open all night long, although his mouth seemed closed. There weren't any sounds around him when he felt the first signs of waking, but sure enough he gave into sleep again not even bothering to open his eyes.

The worst hangover he had was the night after he ran away when James introduced him to whiskey and he drank a full bottle of Johnny Walker Red Label on his own, and so he had a slight idea of what to expect as his memory came back to him and he realized just how much he drank the other night. At first James kept placing drinks on his table, but when the first waves of alcohol hit him, he felt confident enough in his poor financial situation to indulge in more alcohol. He started the night with a glass of whiskey, than another round on James, that a beer on James, then different shots of spirits of diverse intensity and power like Jagermeister, Vodka, some cocktails with gin, but generally stuck to whiskey, which was his favorite. And plenty of it.

At one point he tried to raise his head and open his eyes to see where he was, not even being sure of his whereabouts at the moments, but as soon as his head left the pillow he became aware of a throbbing pain in his head that made him wish he would get kicked in the shin so that he could focus on another kind of pain. It seemed to bestow him with another heart rate, but with every pulse he longed for nothing else but to go back to sleep. He was afraid to even move much because of the surge of ache that hit his body when he tried to stretch slightly. Another very bad mistake.

He had no idea what time it was and he dreaded getting out of bed, but as he tried to make up his mind to pull himself out from between the sheets the door opened. He found it impossible to look towards the sound, but when it closed mere moments later the sound reverberate in every corner of his brain multiplied by a million. Instinctively he pressed a hand on his head to try and stop the throbbing, but with no effect. He then became aware that he wasn't alone in the bed and began fearing his whereabouts. The last thing he could be certain at the moment was that he drank way too much and couldn't remember the last moments of last night, seeing as he had no recollection of leaving the pub, much less getting to his flat.

He forced his eyes open, against his better judgement, to try and make out the room around him and he was left with a vague impression that he was in James' spare bedroom, before he shut his eyes again against the vivid light that came through the uncovered window. But still there was someone else in bed with him and he hated having to force himself again, but he had to. Shielding his eyes with his free hand, he looked to the person next to him, praying to Merlin's crotch that he didn't bring some lass to James' home not even wanting to think what Lily would have to say about that. As he squinted his away against the urge to close them back up from the light, no matter how much he tried to shield his tortured eyes, he managed to make out a female form, long-ish hair, thin frame, brown eyes looking up at him. He couldn't help the word that escaped his lips as he acknowledged the woman lying next to him as Dorcas Meadowes, one of his eldest friends and most painful friendship.

Throbbing pain left his thoughts as ideas of what he couldn't remember formed in his head, what if they slept together and he doesn't even remember it, what if he pissed her off, what if he'd been a complete jerk. Nothing wanted to come back to him and he feared the truth "Holy shit." there wasn't really much he could manage given his state of hangover, but "Did we...? I mean ... What hap ... We didn't ...?" he tried but failed voicing his fears. The fact that he wanted Dorcas to be his, although denied it, had nothing to do with his current desperate need to hear that nothing had happened between them. Wanting her did not mean that he wanted to have and not remember anything about it. Sirius really hated himself very much while he waited for an answer from her.

[dorcas r. meadowes]

It was one of the most peaceful nights sleep Dorcas had had in months. She felt warm, cosy and protected, she didn’t jump at little noises around the flat or even noises outside the flat like a car door closing. She didn’t dream about battles, or coming home to find her sister or parents brutally murdered in the living room, or being chased through shadowy streets by some unseen danger. When the morning light started to break through the window, she had forgotten to draw the curtains before she went to bed, she continued to slumber peacefully. She had been quite sensible with her drink the night before, all she had was a minor headache.

Except the minor headache turned out to be two headaches, one minor and the other very, very major. In the depths of her dozing she was vaguely aware that someone was sleeping next to her, but for whatever reason it wasn’t enough to worry her. She knew that she was in Lily’s spare room because she hadn’t drunk enough to suffer temporary amnesia. And she knew she had slept well and she wanted that to continue, so she buried her face in her pillow with a vague incoherent mumble of protest against the person that was moving next to her and tried to sink back into the lovely warm darkness.

Even though she could remember being in Lily’s spare room she was less quick to remember who was sleeping next to her. She had been half asleep when Sirius had crawled into bed the previous night and so the memory of it hadn’t settled well in her head. She lay quietly and tried to work out who it could be. Had Marlene or Mary popped round after she had gone to bed? They had both known that she and Lily were having a pamper night even though they themselves hadn’t been able to make it, one of them might have decided to stop round after work but mis-timed it. She knew that Lily wouldn’t be able to turn a friend away, and sharing a bed with one of the girls wasn’t too unusual or uncomfortable, she could have popped one of them in here without waking Dorcas.

She was finally pulled out of sleep properly by the sound of the bedroom door opening, a pause of a few seconds, and then the door closing again. Since the person sleeping next to her was still there the noise hadn’t been them leaving the room. It suggested that someone had come in to check on her, but then left quite quickly. And that was odd, Lily would have no hesitation to wake her up if she had work this morning and James would quite happily throw a quick jet of water at her to wake her up, if only to hear her shriek in shock. Why had they looked in and then left her?

She rolled over onto her front and then turned her head so she could peek at her bedmate with her face partially buried by the pillow, once she saw who it was she could go back to sleep quite easily this way.

Except it was Sirius.

Sirius fucking Black.

Sirius fucking Black in bed with her, in Lily and James’ flat.

And then it all came flooding back. He had been drunk, he had got into bed with her, and she had pulled his arm around her and snuggled up against his body. She remembered the way her skin had lit up when he kissed her neck, remembered the way her whole body had ached at the memory of his touch, remembered how much she had wanted him. His reaction though was a little more alarmed, but then he had definitely been far more drunk than she had been and clearly didn’t remember as much as she did.

She felt a little offended by his reaction, however. She had wanted him last night, not just because she had been drinking but because she had been tired and her defences had been down, normally it was easier for her to deny her want. She had thought that he had been the same, she could definitely remember the feeling of him pressed against the back of her leg. But it appeared that that had just been a normal physical reaction for him, he had just wanted to have sex and wasn’t bothered about who it was with. She lifted her head off the pillow and frowned at him, stupid panicking idiot.

“You’re a prat.” It was easier to insult him, it helped her bury the feeling of disappointment that was settling into her stomach right now. “Put your brain into gear, I’m in my pyjamas and I’m assuming you have underpants of some kind on. Therefore we didn’t do anything and you don’t need to look quite so disgusted about the entire situation.”

Well, the disgust might be imagined on her side of things, but she had just woken up and his reaction had thrown her off. He sounded like he would be disgusted and that was good enough for her.

[sirius o. black]

As he forced himself to look at her against the vivid light he could tell more from her tone that her face, taking into consideration that he could barely see much, that she was upset. He couldn't help the loss of memory and he felt like shit for it, especially if something would have happened. After all, it wasn't something that he wanted to forget in general, but more so if it concerned Cass as well. He probably wouldn't have been precisely ecstatic if it would have happened with him wasted and both of them would have probably regretted it.


Her voice came out a pitch too high for him to be able to bare it without a grunt escaping his dry throat. "Shhh!" was the first thing that came from his aching, throbbing mind. He wasn't really able to experience any sounds that were even a decibel higher than a whisper. As she kept talking he fought the urge to shut her up, somehow, anyhow, because the pain was a bit too much. Sparing another painful glance at her he did, eventually, notice that she was wearing pyjamas and felt his way under the duvet until he reached his underwear. So nothing happened. Covering his eyes from the light again he replied in a voice, just loud enough for him to understand himself. "I'm not disgusted Cass, but I don't remember much from last night, and I would want to remember if something would ..." He couldn't finish the sentence though, as another round of thunder spread through his head "Fucking pain!!!" he said a bit too loud as he collapsed his head into the pillow. "If I am disgusted, I'm disgusted at myself, Cass." he finished the idea. He hated himself when he got wasted, especially if he got wasted for the sole reason of feeling better. He philosophized about not getting wasted to feel better, only to feel even better, but he wasn't always capable of following his own advice. He was great at giving them, but not as good at listening to himself.

One thing he did remember however, her smell, her intoxicating smell, a hint of it, still noticeable on the pillow and in the duvet and strongly emanating from her general direction, hurting his insides, better said his mid section area, but that was it. They had shared a bed many times so far, but never when he was wasted, drunk or hangover, so even though it wasn't the first time, something was new. Only during the first two or three times did she seem uncomfortable by the way his body reacted in the morning, but grew to accept that it was normal and that there wasn't much he could do about it. She never went down on him, but would towards the end of their relationship provide him with other ways of releasing the tension. At first it wasn't as good as him doing it himself, technically, although having her doing that would make it so much better on so many other levels. She did became better at it in time, but before they could go even deeper in discovering their bodies, he broke it off, led by stupidity to it and a fucked up idea that he would be better of without a girl to pester him into talking. It was too late when he reached the conclusion that a break was all that he needed.

As he lay on his back with his eyes closed from the light again he pulled the duvet to cover his face. As he did that, he felt a slight pressure in his groin area and felt his way towards his lower abdomen only to find a very much awake Digger underneath his boxers. Fuck. he cursed as his body was making this more and more uncomfortable for him. This was the only thing left that could make it even worse Well at least I can be 100% sure that nothing happened. he thought to himself.

[dorcas r. meadowes]

Dorcas really could not believe his reaction. Surely he would know if they had done anything even if he didn’t remember it? She always knew when she’d had sex (not that she ever really got drunk enough to forget it the next morning) because her legs tended to be a bit sore and the bedsheets underneath her would feel very rumpled and bits of her that she didn’t like to name would definitely be feeling it too. Either things were different for men or Sirius was just an idiot, she was willing to go with the latter right now.

She rolled onto her back and sat up, wrapping her arms over the duvet across her bent knees. She had quite enjoyed last night, she could feel her old energy already returning after one night of properly decent sleep. But Sirius had spoiled it all, she wouldn’t be able to look back on it without remembering his reaction. She felt like such an idiot, and Sirius’ explanation didn’t help her at all. She had some sympathy for him since he was clearly very hungover, the way he shouted into his pillow pretty much confirmed it and she knew he had been drinking heavily the night before. But this was Sirius, the man who could talk himself out of most things including several detentions when they had been back in school.

She just couldn’t bring herself to believe him right now. He was probably wishing she had persuaded him to go and sleep on the sofa instead of letting him get in to bed. Or get into bed without pulling him closer, after all she had been the one that had initiated the cuddle, she had pulled his arm over herself and wriggled closer to him. She should have just left it, pretended to be fast asleep and let him pass out next to her without any kind of contact. It had just felt right to her at the time, left over from the number of times she had slept next to him at Hogwarts. Most of the time that kind of thing that led on to doing a bit more than sleep. But if she wasn’t feeling well or was just really tired then Sirius had appeared to be quite content to just let her fall asleep in his arms without anything else happening between them.

“Mmm hmm, well you can be whatever you like, I’m going to get dressed.”

Had she been in any kind of good mood, any kind of normal mood for her, then she would have dressed in front of him. It could easily be done without him getting to actually see much. Her top was actually long enough to act as a short nightdress, drop her pyjama bottoms and he all he would get to see would be her legs while she put her knickers and jeans on, and then if she kept her back to him while she took her top off then her back was all he would see while she put on a bra and her t-shirt. Easy way to tease him without actually showing anything off. But she was annoyed so instead she just got out of bed, picked up her overnight bag and wandered off to the bathroom.

[sirius o. black]

His mind was still trying to remember anything from after the pub, seeing as things turned blank at the pub at some point. Even though his head was nowhere near capable of focusing on anything really, much less drunken memories, he tried, but gave up as pain echoed every attempt he had at retrieving memories, which were probably lost.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been so drunk as to not remember what happened. Even graduation night was clear in his head, especially the kiss with which it ended, kiss that he had tried to forget ever since. Not because he hadn't enjoyed it, but quite the opposite. That kiss had been the reason for which he couldn't simply fall asleep once he got to his bed, the reason for which he had been a bit awkward toward Cass the next morning, and reason for which would find it hard not to think of her the days the followed it.

Then, as Dorcas was making her way out of the room, an idea formed into his mind. What if something, anything, did happen between them and that being the reason for which she was behaving like this? What other reason could there be? They had been great friends for a good two years now, even if they shared two kisses during those two years, they managed to get past that, so why else would she be pissed at him for? They did provoke one another, but it was all fun, none being hurt or upset over something the other would say.

James couldn't understand how Sirius could be such a good friend of Dorcas with having the history they had, seeing as Sirius barely ever stayed in touch with any of his other girlfriends. Sirius couldn't explain it either, but he knew that if something were to happen to Dorcas, he would do anything in his power to help her, aid her, save her, maybe even give his life for her.

As the door closed behind her the pain seemed less intense, and so he stood up in bed, when to the side where he found his jumbled clothes and started getting dressed. He still couldn't stop wondering what was it that made her angry at him, and as he pulled his pants on, he decided to make her tell him, rather than waste time to figure it out by himself.

He was just taking on his shirt as the door opened and there was Cass in the frame.

[dorcas r. meadowes]

Once she was in the bathroom Dorcas dropped her bag on the floor and sank down to sit on the edge of the bathtub, her elbows resting on her knees so she could bury her face in her hands. She could have handled that better. Rather, she should have handled that better.

Why had she reacted like that? It wasn’t normal for her to go off in the deep end like that, especially with Sirius. Normally she could take anything he threw at her, and when she lost her temper she went all out and yelled and tended to throw hexes and curses for good measure. She didn’t like to do things in half measures and that included arguing. When you shouted people knew where they stood, you were pissed off at them and they could either shout back or apologise. She hadn’t given Sirius that chance, and if pushed she would probably have to admit that it was because she wasn’t really pissed off with him.

She was mostly angry with herself. She had left herself vulnerable and open for disappointment and that was exactly what she had got. Sirius had been drunk, she couldn’t have expected him to remember any of what had happened, it wasn’t fair on him. She should never have cuddled up to him, she should have got up and slept on the sofa herself rather than sleep next to him. At the very least she should have made sure there was a space between them, rather than move back until she was curled around his body. She couldn’t blame Sirius for it, she had done that to herself.

She went through the motions of her morning routine, pulling on her underwear and then her jeans and a plain purple t-shirt, probably the most basic and normal thing she had worn in a while. She hadn’t been planning on seeing anyone in the morning except Lily and possibly James and therefore she didn’t have any of things she felt she needed to look “stunning”. No heels, no make up as she had left it all at home (apart from the nail polish she had used the night before), no bright or bold colours. Even her hair, all she could do was brush it to get rid of the night’s tangles and that was it, she didn’t have anything to pin it up with.

As she moved around the bathroom, washing her face and brushing her teeth as well, she worked to bury the disappointment and hurt. Cuddling up to Sirius had been nice, but it was clearly something that he wasn’t interested in and she would be an idiot to expect otherwise. It was like the two incidents where they had kissed since breaking up, just a slip-up, an error, falling back into old habits that should have died long ago. It was only once she had convinced herself that she felt able to leave the bathroom and face him. She threw her things back into her bag and went back to the bedroom, finding Sirius already partially dressed. She didn’t even give him a chance to speak, it was best if she just jumped in first.

“Look, Sirius, I’m sorry. I guess I had a later night than I was expecting. I didn’t mean to snap at you. And...I’m sorry.”

[sirius o. black]

They had a past, quite a serious past, and although he tried to act like it didn't mean anything to him anymore, that they could be and were great friends it wasn't one of his strong points. Firstly, he wasn't one to want to see a girl after the relationship came to an end finding it awkward and pointless, not to mention that either he or she had good reasons for not wanting to see the other again. For him it ranged from already having hit that and seeing no reason to do it again, to her becoming a slight stalker. For the girl it could be him being a jackass for not getting in touch with her the next day, to being a jackass for leading her on for too long and not committing to a serious relationship. Secondly, he had commitment issues and he knew it. Having his parents play him like they did, he found it hard to trust another person as much, thus barely opening up to anyone, sometimes not even his friends. After that followed the incident from school when he played a prank or Snivellus which resulted in two of his best friends turning their backs on him. He knew he deserved it but didn't want to accept it. For those two months while James and Remus weren't talking to him he went a bit over the edge and got involved with a Ravenclaw in something quite not emotional and it had been surprisingly rewarding. Thirdly, barely any girl he dated was in or introduced to his group of friends, thus seeing her again was very unlikely even for those who were. His friends knew him and knew how he treated girls so they tried to stay out of his business. Only once it happened that Lily got friendly with one girl. He had dated her for a month and Lily got excited at the prospect of having another girl in the group aside from her, Dorcas and Mary, and after Sirius ended it with her a couple of weeks followed when she kept hanging out with them when they went out and such, but was smart enough not to push it too hard, that and the short talk Sirius had with Lily about said girl.

Taking all that in consideration, Dorcas couldn't quite fall in that category. Firstly, she was Lily's friend before Sirius started paying her any interest which meant that if it were to go after his rules it would have been him who would have to but out of the group. Secondly, it was his first and only real relationship, growing from an easy friendship and becoming more steadily over months not having a timeline of maybe a couple of months. Thirdly, she was part of the group from its start, being Lily's best friend, Lily being James's girl, and James being Sirius' best mate. That string kinda connected them in a different way aside from their former emotional connection. Fourthly, she knew him better that he ever wanted to accept, and it went both ways. With having been together for so long he got to know her happy and sad, angry and excited, he knew how to deal with the small misunderstandings that came and went between Dorcas and Lily, how to make her feel better during that time of the month, how to make her see the half full of the glass even if he would see the half empty, and work thorough their own relationship bumps.

One thing that couldn't deal with however was seeing her with another guy, however rare that happened, he couldn't just welcome him in the group with arms wide open and a smile plastered on his face. She was another reason for which he postponed as much as possible bringing a girl in their circle, although it also happened after a small altercation between the two or her showing up with a guy at their small get-together's, or both, or neither, it depended on how he felt towards her in the moment. He always had mixed feelings for her, never being able to settle for only one. Another factor which had an impact on his momentary change of rank in feelings was alcohol, not only how much but also what. Too much whiskey would make him get personal with her and talk even about things that were generally buried deep down inside, tequila would make him not care about her and hit on any girl too close to him, gin would generally lead to him messing things up and get mad at her. The last combined with her bringing a date resulted in him being an utter asshole.

Last night was a combination of many kinds and last night's laps of memory resulted from that. He didn't know how he felt about her as she walked through the door with having snapped at him like that. Barely remembering anything from the night before didn't help at all. He however didn't expect her to apologize. He had no idea if he did something last night or not, but the fact that he drank as much as to not remember got him thinking of just how much he was drinking.

"Don't worry Cass, I shouldn't drink as much anyhow." for a second he wondered whether or not to tell her why he had been drinking quite that much, but he decided against it. "If nothing happened, all the better, I'd much rather have it happen with me sober than shit face drunk." the words slipped out of his mouth without him being quite aware of what they implied. He meant it, but wasn't quite sure she'll take it well.