Meeting Alexander (Beryl), Continued

Aphrodite:
She leaned her shoulder against the wall and pressed her fingers over her burning eyes. Gods, why did he have to be so... nice? She didn't deserve any of it.

"Everyone I love ends up either dead or gone." she said quietly. "I can't- I wouldn't be able to bear either happening to Alexander. I'd hamper him. I wouldn't want him to fight. His horse never tells him not to swing a sword, does it? But I would, and I- he'd grow tired of me, and he'd leave me. Or he would swing a sword and one would swing right back. Zeus, even now I'd follow him into every battle he had if I could."

_________________

Apollo Collective:
He met her eyes. "The gods know, I worry, too. Worse, maybe, because I'm with him in the midst of battle, and it's..." His voice trailed off. He bit his lip. "But I can't stop him. I can't tell him to watch from a hilltop like any other general. He won't ask men in the front lines of battle and not be there himself. That's who he is. It can't be changed.

"But I think...I don't know. I suppose he could use someone worry about him, since he won't do it for himself. He wouldn't begrudge you that."

_________________

Aphrodite:
She sighed again and glanced at him. "Either way, I wouldn't be able to tell him. I don't think he could forgive me. I did the most horrible- Callisthenes- no, I couldn't. What would I say? I can't talk to him the way I used to. Even when we first met I was always honest with him, but now honest means uncollected and I- I just couldn't."

_________________

Apollo Collective:
"Couldn't, or won't try?"

_________________

Aphrodite:
"I can't." she insisted unhappily, rubbing her arm.

"Yes you can. Tell him what you told me. I care more about him than he does about himself, and I've forgiven you. Besides, what's worse than this?"

(( Yes! A new board. That "Congratulations! You're a very lucky person..." pop-up was starting to get on my nerves ))

For the first time in a long time, the shadow of a smile passed over her face. "Do you think he'll believe me?"

((*dies* I know! One of the reasons I had to move, I couldn't stand it anymore. Btw, I've been getting worried- can you see the background? I've had experience with backgrounds not working, it's bad. ))

Hephaestion rubbed his arm thoughtfully. "Yes, I think he will. He wants to believe you."

(( Yep. And I love it, btw. ))

She nodded slightly, then sighed and reached up to re-fasten her hair. Once her eyes were dry she drew herself up to her full height and gave him the full benefit of a smile. "Well? Presentable?"

((Good. And good again thanks ))

"You always look beautiful." This, too, had no trace of lecherousness. It was simply fact. ""You're a bit rosy from crying, but I suppose a bit of color becomes you."

She nodded resignedly. "In any case, he should get used to the way I look when I haven't done anything about it."

Now faced with the actual ordeal of walking up to the deck, Thais visibly hesitated.

"Out," said Hephaestion. "Before I have to expell you myself."

Making a face at him, she obediently left the room and walked up the steps onto the deck. Once there, she found herself at quite a loss as to what to do- Callisthenes was still standing at the railing, and though he had not seen her yet she knew he would. She didn't want him to ask after her health. She didn't want him to talk to her at all.

Alexander sat in silence a few feet away from Callisthenes. He hadn't anything to say to the youth, and although he cultivated a habit of making small talk with his men, he was not in the mood to do so right now.

When Thais reappeared, he began to stand and then remembered that he should not care - the man at the railing should.

"Thais!" Callisthenes exclaimed, craning his neck around to look at her. "Are you-"

"Alexander." she said desperately, ignoring him. "I'm sorry, I really am- I never wanted to hurt you, it's not that- it wasn't what I was trying to do, I would do anything not to hurt you- ever- I just didn't know what else to do, and I felt terrible about-"

She stopped suddenly, realising that she hadn't explained herself and therefore sounded as if she was apologising for leading him on. "No, wait- that's not what I meant!" she said urgently, stamping her foot in frustration. "What I mean to say is th-"

"Thais? Are you alright?"

"Oh, shut up for once!" she cried, waving her hand irritably in Callisthenes' direction and trying to collect her thoughts. "I didn't come here to apologise for making you believe I was in love with you. I'm apologising for making you believe I wasn't."

What was that?

Alexander blinked. He had thoroughly missed her point - whether because it had been rather garbled or because he refused to allow himself the pleasure of believing her remained to be determined. "Thais, are you feeling well? Perhaps you need a bit more rest..."

"I don't need rest!" she cried, now thoroughly frustrated. "For the love of Zeus- I don't need to be ill to love you, do I?"

Alexander's mouth bobbed open, fishlike. He glanced at Callisthenes, who was quite naturally watching them. As were a number of other soldiers and crewmembers. This won't do, the rational part of him managed.

"Perhaps we should have this conversation in private."

"Oh." Thais said, now thoroughly thrown off. "I- yes. That would probably be the- um- the cleverest way of going about it, actually."

She was seriously starting to wonder whether her earlier fall had caused her head some considerable damage.