Group: The Capitol
Posts: 17
Member No.: 39
Joined: 21-November 11
Its you and me and were runnin this town
And its me and you and were shakin the ground And ain’t nobody gonna tell us to go cause this is our show Everybody Woah, come on, ohh, all you animals Woah, let me hear you now, ohh Tonight tonight there’s a party on the rooftop top of the world Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign I don’t know if I’ll make it but watch how good I’ll fake it Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight Yeah its all right, all right, tonight, tonight Just singing like Woah, come on, ohh, all you party people Woah, all you singletons, ohh, even the white kids Just don’t stop lets keep the beat pumpin’ Keep the beat up, lets drop the beat down Its my party dance if I want to We can get crazy let it all out
It had been a really hectic week. Beckett was trying to spend more and more time at the jewelry shop and less and less time planning the Games. It wasn’t really something he enjoyed, and it tore him up every which way inside. He felt bad because he knew that innocent families would get caught up in the death and the numbers for those who are innocent would continue to rise. Beck understood more than just ‘well’ why Cragen was doing it, and why he was getting pleasure out of it, and some days it was harder than not to believe in things the way Cragen did. But… it just didn’t make sense. Sure, it was the rebels who had gone out of their way to make life a living hell, and sure it had been the rebels that had been the reason the Capitol had gone after Cragen’s family, after Beck’s own second family and his sister, but they had all been innocents. The Capitol hadn’t known that, though on the other hand they hadn’t even bothered to find out. It was the worst sort of predicament to possibly be in. Crag’s father had been a rebel, that much was true, and it made sense on some level that the Capitol went after the entire family.
Words spun around Beckett’s head, plots, thoughts, ideas, concepts, misconceptions, things that could’ve been said, ways that murder could’ve been avoided… He just didn’t know what he stood for anymore. When he had first arrived at the Capitol with Crag and they were told they were going to plan out the Hunger Games, every game for as far reaching a time as they possibly could, Beck had a stance. He knew it was wrong. Logically speaking, it wasn’t right to do that. There would be too many innocents, innocents like Aedra and Ciara, who would get caught up in the Games. It was highly unlikely that every child chosen to be a participant would be the son or daughter of a rebel, or a rebel themselves. Beckett had always been a more solid, logical thinker than most, despite his extreme creativity. It was something that puzzled numerous people. Now, as he lived in the Capitol longer and longer, and now, as his best friend’s jaded talk and actions continued to wear him down, Beck was starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe, the Hunger Games were as bad as he had originally thought they were.
The shower started to cool off, and Beckett realized that he was actually in the shower, and had probably been in there for far too long. Now a days, it seemed as though it were the only place he could find sanctuary, peace, quietness, a place for thinking. Anywhere else, it was Hunger Games this or rebels that. As much as Beck loved Cragen, he was such a Debbie Downer and all he wanted to do was tear rebel families apart to show them just what they had done to his own family. The thought that Aedra might actually be alive briefly passed through Beck’s mind, but he let it go as quickly as it had come. It wasn’t fair to hold on to a piece of hope that had no validity. He had absolutely no reason to believe that Aedra was still alive. Cragen wouldn’t be the mess he was today if she were still alive. And anyway, if she were still alive, why wouldn’t she have come searching for her family? Beckett sighed and turned the water off, shaking his head like a wet puppy to release any extra water that might be clinging to his hair.
Beckett wandered out of the bathroom naked, wondering why there were no towels to be seen. Usually there were at least two in the bathroom- one for each person who lived there and used the bathroom- and others in the closet. Beckett could find none. Cragen was sitting at the kitchen table, right where Beck had left him before going to shower. “Crag, are we out of towels,” Beck asked, cocking his head to the side, one eyebrow raised. It wasn’t like them to have no towels around, and Beckett figured that Crag must be doing a load of laundry or something for there to be zero towels available.
Group: The Capitol*
Posts: 40
Member No.: 35
Joined: 15-November 11
This morning was supposed to be a workday, like any other day. He should have got up, showered, shaved, and headed out the door for the tramway to work. Instead, he had lain in bed for a good thirty minutes after waking, listening to the city gear up for another long day. As he sat up in bed, his eyes still felt sore and puffy from all the crying he had pretended he wasn’t doing all night long. Today was going to be rough. There would be no working today. Even if he went, he’d get nothing done. Besides, anything might set him off and then he’d be a weepy mess at work and that was bad for business. He was supposed to be tough, hardcore, emotionless. Sobbing into his coffee at work would completely negate all the effort he’d put into his stern persona. In the Capitol, it was dog eat dog, and Cragen knew that if he showed any sign of weakness, he could endanger himself as well as Beckett.
Beckett… Did he even know what today was?
Not bothering to shower, shave, or even comb his hair, Cragen crawled into an old threadbare shirt he’d worn as a teenager in Four and a baggy pair of sweatpants of Beckett’s he’d claimed as his own while doing laundry one day. That was one good thing about living with your best friend. Stealing their clothes was easy and acceptable, since they only had to walk into your closet to steal them back. With his hair sticking up at all angles, Cragen plodded into the living room of his and Beckett’s apartment and looked around. He could watch tv, play a game, maybe even read a book. …nah. Instead he went to the door that opened out into the hallway of their apartment building. There, just in front of the door, in a pile on the floor, was the daily mail, including the paper. Picking up only the paper, Cragen started to unfold it and meandered into the kitchen area of the apartment, plopping down at the table while pretending to find the sports section interesting.
At some point, Beckett had strolled in, said something about a bath, and strode back out. Cragen hadn’t really heard him. He was too busy trying to burn a hole through the date on today’s paper. A year ago today he’d been standing knee deep in water next to the most beautiful girl in Panem. Aedra had looked so amazing in her wedding dress. She just glowed. He’d been mesmerized, entranced. She was a goddess. At least, Cragen had always thought so. His heart ached when he realized he didn’t have any pictures of their wedding. He had grabbed what he could, but that hadn’t been one of the pictures he’d had time to snatch off the walls. Reaching out, with a sniffle, he tore the date off of the paper, crumpled up the bit he’d torn off, and threw it at the wall, cursing loudly. If he’d only not gone back… If he’d only taken her with him… And the baby… That was the worst part of all. Would it have been a boy or a girl? How old would it be now? Would it look like him or Aedra or both?
“Crag, are we out of towels?”
“What?” Cragen looked up from his ponderings in pityville to see his best friend and brother-in-law standing there totally nude and dripping wet. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Beck!” Cragen looked away with a groan of disgust, but really, there wasn’t anything all that disgusting about Beck, clothed or naked. He didn’t like to admit it, but there had been a short time that he’d not minded Beck strolling around their apartment in the buff. It hadn’t been a long time or anything super serious. He’d just been so… Well, he wasn’t sure what he’d been. Lost, he supposed. That really didn’t make sleeping with your best friend any more acceptable, so he just tried to forget it had ever happened. Beck didn’t make it easy, especially with his extra comfort in his own skin. “Man, cm’on.” Cragen looked back and forced himself to keep his eyes on Beckett’s face.
“You can’t just…” Cragen couldn’t think of anything to say, so he just threw his hands up in defeat before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, we’re out of towels,” he finally said. He hadn’t felt like getting up today, much less doing laundry. Yeah, clothes and towels were his job. Beck did dishes and made the place look presentable. Cragen made sure the bills were paid and they had clean laundry. It worked out pretty well, which was why, after half a year, they were still living together. At first, it had been ideal considering their…closeness. They hadn’t even bothered picking out whose room was whose. Cragen had gotten used to sleeping with someone and, childishly, he supposed now, hadn’t been able to sleep alone. That’s really how all of this had started, this… stuff he tried to forget ever happened. Yeah. It had been his fault. He’d been the one to get all cuddly and lonely and needy. But, he was better than that now. Stronger. He could be alone. He didn’t need anyone, especially Becks. “Why do we still live together,” he asked, getting up to go start laundry. He walked towards Beckett, since, after all, the laundry room was in that direction. He had every intention of walking past him and just going on with his day, but, as he got closer, he got all choked up. He hated that Beck and Aedra’s eyes were the same shade of blue. Stopping about two feet from Beckett, Cragen let out a dry sob. “Today’s my anniversary.”
Group: The Capitol
Posts: 17
Member No.: 39
Joined: 21-November 11
Its you and me and were runnin this town
And its me and you and were shakin the ground And ain’t nobody gonna tell us to go cause this is our show Everybody Woah, come on, ohh, all you animals Woah, let me hear you now, ohh Tonight tonight there’s a party on the rooftop top of the world Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign I don’t know if I’ll make it but watch how good I’ll fake it Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight Yeah its all right, all right, tonight, tonight Just singing like Woah, come on, ohh, all you party people Woah, all you singletons, ohh, even the white kids Just don’t stop lets keep the beat pumpin’ Keep the beat up, lets drop the beat down Its my party dance if I want to We can get crazy let it all out
Beckett wasn’t surprised to see Cragen wearing a pair of Beckett’s old sweatpants. After all, they were best friends and that’s what they did. Sharing clothes wasn’t a strictly female thing to do- guys could do it without being gay. It helped that Beckett was just an inch or two taller than Cragen and they had more or less the same waist size. They could wear everything of each others’ down to underwear and shoes. That’s not to say that they do wear each other’s underwear on a daily basis, but since Crag did the laundry and separated, sometimes someone’s underwear ended up in someone else’s drawers. Beck didn’t care. That was honestly the last thing he cared about.
For quite some time, Beckett and Cragen had experimented together throughout their middle and late teens, and occasionally into their twenties. It had never been awkward or weird or anything like that. Beck had always been the shier one in the relationship, the one who had never really wanted it. Becks had nothing against people being gay, never really had anything against experimenting with his best friend. It was just something that they did. Beck honestly couldn’t remember anymore how things had gotten started, but he had been fairly sure that it had been something Crag suggested. Looking back on their days as wild and crazy teens, boys goofing off and always messing around, it seemed like something that they would’ve done. Beckett had been the more emotional one, the quiet one, the one who had always been a subtle flirt. Cragen had always been a great kid, but he was more the outgoing one, the loud one. Together, they had made a perfect duo.
It had stopped sometime in their mid-twenties, and then Crag had married Aedra, Beck’s sister. He was more than happy that his best friend was now his brother, and he knew that Crag would do everything he could to keep Aedra safe as the war drove on. Aedra hadn’t been safe, and the two boys, who were now men, had fled to the Capitol. Between District 4 and the Capitol, and during their capture by people in the Capitol, Beckett and Cragen had returned to their teens and early twenties, using the closeness and comfort they had felt with each other as an emotional crutch, often clinging to each other and acting out sexually to sate the feelings of loss they were both experiencing. That had continued even after they had settled down in the Capitol and began to work hard, but had since tapered off over the nine months they had been there.
With the history they had together, it shocked and almost offended Beckett when his best friend and brother-in-law looked at him in a way that was almost disgust. He furrowed his brow and watched as Crag looked away for a moment, then looked back at Beckett. “What?! There are no towels,” Beck shrugged. This hadn’t been the first time he had walked around their place naked, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. He had never done it with company around, and he never would, but when he was alone, or with only Cragen there, he didn’t think anyone would mind. The last time he had done it, Cragen hadn’t minded. If Beck hadn’t known his best friend as well as he did, he’d wonder what the hell was up Crag’s ass. As it was, Crag had been getting more and more jaded and more and more… assholish, if you would, as their stay in the Capitol got longer. Beck wasn’t a fan of who his best friend was turning into, but he couldn’t do anything about it. And, he knew that no matter what sort of complete ass Cragen turned into, Beck would always love him.
He supposed that was why he stayed where he was, smirking, as Cragen got up. Though Crag had always been the one to start things, it had always been Beckett who was most comfortable in his own skin. He got some sort of sick, twisted joy out of watching Crag squirm the way he did, even though he also felt quite dejected by it, as well. He put his hands on his hips, an odd sort of thing that he always thought more girly but could often make Cragen laugh. This time, the funny pose elicited no response from his best friend. As Cragen tried to push past Beck, he stopped, and the two men locked eyes. Beck could see the pain in Crag’s eyes. Before he said it, Beckett knew what Cragen was going to say. Beckett lowered his eyes to the ground and wrapped his arms around his torso. “I know,” he managed. Beckett placed a hand on Cragen’s shoulder. “Stay here for a sec, okay?” Beckett had a picture of Cragen and Aedra on their wedding day. It was one that he had pulled off his nightstand as he quickly packed to leave. It was the only picture that Beckett possessed of his sister, but he figured that Cragen would need it more than he would.
Beckett strode into his room and pulled open the drawer of his bedside table. He sighed and pulled out the framed picture, staring longingly at the goofy picture of his sister and his best friend, making ridiculous faces for the camera. He treasured the picture more than anything as he remembered how full of life his baby sister had been and how retched he felt for ever letting anything bad happen to her. He would never be able to let it go. Beckett walked back out to the living room to find out that, happily, Cragen was right where Beck had left him. “I… I think you need this more than I do,” Becks said, holding out the picture towards Cragen.
Group: The Capitol*
Posts: 40
Member No.: 35
Joined: 15-November 11
Cragen, ashamed of himself, put a hand over his face and fought back another onslaught of pathetic tears. Crying wouldn’t bring her back, and it certainly didn’t make him feel better. “I’m sorry,” he struggled to say around the knot in his throat. He’d done so good lately at not bringing her up, not saying her name. At first, he’d turned many times to tell her something only to realize she wasn’t there. Or, even painful still, had dreamed of her touch and woken up to a cold, empty bed. He hated that he missed her so much and that now, even after so many months, the mere sight of seashells being washed in the sink made his lips burn with wanting. He had plenty of women to let out his frustration and loneliness on – especially Erica. She was no Aedra, but she was totally natural – none of that weird surgery on her body – and that was as close to Aedra as he was going to find in the Capitol. Erica was lovely, and kept his attention, but she didn’t get wrinkles around her nose when she laughed too hard and she didn’t smell like sunshine. Aedra had always smelled like summer and freedom.
As Beckett told him to stay put, Cragen sunk to the floor on the spot and wiped at his stinging eyes. “Whatever,” he said, trying to regain some toughness. The waver in his voice and the crackle in his words did him no justice. He just sounded small and scared. “Fuck,” he said to the empty hallway, since Beck was in his room. Why couldn’t he man up? Why couldn’t he get past this? People lost wives and husbands every day. Why did he have to suffer like this? Or did they all suffer this badly when no one was looking? Would it always hurt this much? “I can’t live like this,” he said into his palm as he sensed Beck’s presence again. He heard Becks words and looked up at him through his fingers only to see a sliver of his own carefree face making a cross-eyed, pig-nosed expression. He moved his hand and, with a small defeated noise, saw Aedra sticking her tongue out and squinting up one eye.
Like a greedy child at Christmas, Cragen snatched the photo away and held it closer so all he could see was his wife’s sweet, silly, stupid face. He stared and stared, until he felt the awkwardness growing in the room. He’d almost forgot Beckett was there. Looking up, he let out a weak laugh. “Man, I’m having an emotional moment here and you’re still buck-ass naked. I’m looking at my wife and your dick is like five inches from my face.” Cragen pushed against Beck’s thigh and laughed like he used to, like when they were younger and nothing could hurt them. “You’re such a fucking weird ass. Put some clothes on, hippie.” He smirked up at Beckett’s face and shook his head. “I hate you and your perfect photo,” he said, holding up the picture. “Thanks, Becks.”
you're my best friend ---, - cragen -
