Art

[Anallae]

Any comments?

[Soara]

You, my friend, have a disieased and twisted mind. Absoloutely brilliant. One day, you may grow up to be as random as me. But wait, my fellow turnip - I muswt show you the root of all that is random, my own personal masterpiece:

The Polarizing of the Streetlight’s Wrath.
By Soara

Before I start this story, I would like to talk to you about the purpose of my story. My story was written to educate today’s society about the importance of randomness. We could not live without randomness. So very few people realize the ultimate truth, it really is sad. Most of our world is made up of randomness. Really, who would guess that one must drive on the don valley parkway and park in ones driveway? What could that be but randomness? And why does fat chance mean the same thing as slim chance? And why are wise guy and wise man opposites? Randomness really is the essence of our lives. Not only that, it is a great tradition, which must be upheld with honor and dignity. The gods of randomness have fallen so low in our society they are not even mentioned in most churches! The almighty ones who decree everything that is random must be worshipped! Randomness is a great privilege and gift, entrusted to only the most faithful of people. Those with this power must use it wisely, for it can be dangerous. The importance of randomness knows no bounds! Today’s society is in jeopardy if we do not continue the tradition! We must find our inner selves, and unleash the randomness! We must rescue this world from the dank depths of all that opposes randomness – boredom, snobbishness, and coffee! BE THE RANDOM WITHIN YOU!!!
-Soara

PS. You also may want to contact your insurance company before reading this. I assume no responsibility for any and all side effects that may occur. (Including but not limited to, vomiting, nausea, and an urge to wear Barbie pajamas.)

One day Obb was driving along the road when he saw an upside - down jukebox ahead of him. He got out of his mobile toothbrush, went over to it, and exclaimed, “Holy farting grapefruits! He stole that man’s wallet!”

So he ran over to the pink section of the store and pulled the blue lever marked “IN CASE OF PLAID BISON RAID, EAT GREEN SHOE.” This made the juke box screech “BLARG!” and jump into a sewer.

But now Obb had a new problem, for squiggly was stuck in Mt. Hopacus! He needed to get the paper wrench so he could set the trousers on fire and open the gateway to Atlantis!

Obb knew what to do. At the speed of hamsterboard he drew out a math test and raising it above his head he cried “I SUMMON THE POWER OF BINKIE TO ME!”

Lightning flashed and thunder crackled, but then the lightning hit Obb and he was blown all the way to ~1!3@7#5$>2%)8^9&4-*%(6\[{?, which coincidentally, was where Mt. Hopacus was! Now he could get squiggly and save the Tea bags!

He made several calls that resembled the screech of a dying hot tub and suddenly a giant fuzzy hippie bus came flying in.

“Climb aboard!” It pancaked cheerfully. “And I will take you to Mt hopacus!"

Obb spun around, did the moonwalk, then howled "Nay! By the power invested in me, I dub thee Chickinator!” and at once he raised a shiny plate and stomped on a disco ball. The hippie bus died instantly and Obb used the hide to trade for a ticket to Mt. hopacus.

On the plane, the announcer dude said, “Yeah. We’re flyin’ t’ like, Mt hopacus… uh... yeah. There’s gonna be like, food, on the like, plane so …yeah. Like, have a peaced-out flight dudes.” Everyone gasped in horror.

“The fiend! One man cried.

“The terror!” screamed this lady sitting on a pile of horseshoes

“The applehead!” screamed the horseshoes.

BLASPHEMOUS SCUM, YOU ARE! ALL OF YOU!” screamed the little old lady who lived in a poo. “YALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED! I NEVER SAW SUCH A BUNCH OF GOOFINATING MINYOIDS SINCE MY NEIGHBOR (who lives in a shoe) INVITED SPIV OVER FOR BLENDER WRINGING!” and with that, she abruptly jumped out of the plane clutching a flower patterned rubber chicken.

“What have we done?” yelled one man.

“I know! Pop the balloon!” yelled a guy with a sploon.

“POP THE BALLOON! POP THE BALLOON!” chanted the other people.

“No!” gizmoed Obb defiantly. “We must preserve the lion banana! Charge!” and he swung out of the plane on a snake.

“My spleen!” yelled the snake.

Obb landed at the bottom of Mt. hopacus.

“Yes!” he said “Now the whale will be justinificated!” and with that, he began to scale the mountain. He endured many long, struggling hours of scorching heat and blistering cold, of lame commercials and really, really bad puns!

At last he came to the top. There was a giant button in the middle of a large plateau. Therefore, Obb took a shower. When he got back there was a cave where the button had been. Obb papered purposefully into the dark and gloomy cave. He came to a dead end, then as he was about to turn back, he saw a flash of two red eyes.

“Who are you?! And why do you reek of parmesan cheese?!” demanded Obb boldly.

“You of all people should know… Obb…” sneered the eyes.

To this Obb replied, “He gasped. Could it be…? He stepped back in fear, his thoughts racing furiously - oh no... I’m narrating the story out loud again aren’t I?” after a pause, Obb groaned

“MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-*cough* *choke* ahem. Yes you were.” Said the eyes.

“Oh great.” Said Obb. “Anyway, you’re… No… It couldn’t be!”

“Yes, Obb.” Laughed the eyes

“I thought I killed you 4 years ago!” demanded Obb fearfully, taking another step back.

“But Obb…” And the eyes narrowed. *puts on really bad Darth Vader accent *“I Am Your Fathah!”

Obb dropped to his knees “NOOOOOOO!” he yelled. Suddenly the eyes stepped out of the darkness, to reveal-

Shrek!

“What? I was sort of expecting Darth Vader or something.” Said, Obb, looking confused.

“Fool!” laughed Shrek, and he ripped off his costume to reveal –

Obb’s arch nemesis and greatest fear!

Pacman!

Now Obb recognized him… those unblinking, zombie-like red eyes… that sickening yellow color… the gaping maw… this was an unstoppable killing machine!

“And now…” laughed Pacman “Die!” and he leaped towards Obb.

Obb dodged out of the way just as the razor edged mouth snapped down on nothing. Pacman roared in frustration and chased Obb down a narrow corridor. Obb, running, suddenly had an idea. He put a banana peel behind him, which Pacman slipped on and fell. Obb rounded the next corner – and found a dead end. His fear was so great; he decided to illustrate it poetically:

I toss and turn from side to side
Restlessly in my soft warm bed
As hellish frightful images
Flit through my sleeping head,

A sickly yellow complexion
Blank staring eyes
He Whom I Dread
Wrought of despair and lies,

In this living nightmare I wait
Feverishly for him to arrive
I cannot move, all I can do
Is wait (for now) alive,

As he rounds the dread corner
I tremble in overwhelming fear
Those zombie like staring eyes
Coming so very near!

His gaping maw
Approaching me so fast
With increasing, alarming speed
This breath may be my last!

I wake up sweating cold
And walk over to my pc
As the screen goes on, my chair
Falls back and I scream at what I see,

He awaits me on the screen
The mouse gripped by my fearful hands
The deadly hellish being with those fearsome eyes
He Whom I Dread,

Pacman!

Pacman was so stunned at this beautiful and emotionally feeling poem that he forgot this was not a nightmare and disappeared, as most nightmares do when the sleeper wakes up. Obb was overjoyed, but as he stood up to leave, Pacman remembered this was not a dream and came back.

“Muahahahahah! Puny mortal! You can never defeat me! My might is thousands of times greater than you could imagine! Plus, I look better in makeup.” Sneered Pacman.

Obb smiled. “But I know your weakness!” he said. “FEAR THE FEBREEZE!” he shouted and squirted super ultra mega bloody death skull crushing triple power attack Febreeze at him!

“Nooo! I’m melting!” screamed Pacman, and indeed he was. Butterflies were writing hats on his chimney! Soon all there was left was a yellow puddle.

And with that, Obb rescued squiggly and completed his random story.

“TRAITOR!” yelled a table, and blew up.

THE END



Marvel at the random. Fear the random. Be the random. Want more random? http://www.foon.co.uk/

Random.

(If I am scaring you at all, please don't hesitate to hit me with a breadstick.)

[Comanche]

Nyahahahaha! Fear the randomness!! Fweee!! I want a fuzzy toaster.

[Soara]

The fuzzy toasters will never prevail against the might of the angry wrench-chucking plaid bisons! FEAR THE BISONS!

And don't forget their teapot and rubber duck minions...

[Comanche]

Yes, but the fuzzy toasters have honor. They make fuzzy toast for the fuzzy foozies.

[Florion]

Haha! I remember that story! But I stand by my cookie-sporks. Those're totally awesome; great for bumping ads with too ^^

[Comanche]

SPORKS!!! Sporks shall rule the world! Die Santa die!

[Dregrith]

I have the silver spork of doom! fear me!

-ahh the shiny fingure! beware of the shiny fingure-

don't go near the cool-whip for it's really gonna eat ya'!

do mice squeak if you trod on them?

who else likes anime?

FROGS!

forks must die!

do you do the dew?

what time is it in gremany?

go tell bakura that he must not give keaton that seven pounds of catnip.

-thats random..but you wouldn't BELIEVE how rand some of the suff my one wrights can be!-

[Midnight]

Once I met a man with a spork.
At the time he was eating some pork.
I yelled out, "what about the fork?!"
And he replied, "just use the spork.."


FUZZY SPORKS!

[Comanche]

Once there was a boy
with lots of belly button fuzz.
Then there was me
who yelled "It's Fluffy!"

FLUFFY FUZZY FOOZIE SPORKS!!!

[Etteryn and Shiara]

Out of sheer boredom, I shall reply to everything you just said, Dregith.

Silver spork? Gimme! *army of indestructible penguins charges*

Random star of some gung-ho anime: Omg, we're gonna die!
Random evil dude from some gung-ho anime: Hahaha, you cannot defeat me!
RStarOSG-HA: Ah, no you shall not, because I have- *SHING!* THE SHINY FINGER!

Eh? What? *is eaten*

Yes.

*piled in SJ manga* Not me!

*KA-SPROINK!*

Use sporks instead!

No, I... pep the pepsi? o.O

I believe it is 3:45, Gremany Standard Time.

Too late... *keaton joins the rampaging penguins*

You think you're random? You cannot conquer the demi-gods of random: Jetta'me and Soara. You're pretty random yourself; needs refining though.

[Comanche]

Hi Aunt Polly.

[Ranger]

O.M.G. That story is sooo freakin' funny!!!!!!!!! I just laughed so hard that I started sobbing... OMG! You should get that published!!!

[Soara]

For all who know of inu yasha and/or harry potter, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2526213/1/ (jetta'me's great masterpiece. Read all 7 chapters.)

For all who are obsessed, http://www.geocities.com/slightlys_kingdom/ (Jetta'me's sacred SHRINE)

:D

[Comanche]

Nyahahaha, I couldn't help myself. You'll understand this if you watch SGA.