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 an ache i still remember,, otto/callie ♡
sophie james
Posted: Sep 26 2012, 06:04 PM


31 - nurse - erin
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Group: cancer
Posts: 634
Member No.: 168
Joined: 8-May 12




you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
she was sad. and it was beginning to become more and more evident that she had been sad for some time. even though sophie awoke each day like she had done for years, and still smiled the same bright smile everyone told her they loved, there was a sadness that was continuously looming in her heart. she was alone. so alone. and while her friends and family helped that a lot, they had their own lives, just like sophie was supposed to if she hadn’t thrown it all away. the sadness wasn’t always about otto – some days she was fine with that decision, and the relationship they had that ended. but then there was a trigger, an item or smell that brought her back to the time they spent together, and how complete she had felt in his presence, and everything became about them no longer being together. she hated that this was what it was down to – that she was depressed over being single. it felt so trivial and selfish. however it could be argued that it wasn’t even about getting married anymore, and it had become just the desire to know that there was someone out there who couldn’t wait to see her at the end of a long day, who just wanted to sit in silence and watch tv with her without the constant chatter of what was going on in their life. she wanted the stability and consoling of a healthy relationship.

the sadness was probably the reason behind what had started as an innocent fall cleaning turning into a full blown self-pity party. deciding to clean out her closet, maybe give some of her old clothes that she no longer wore to charity, or kourtney, which was essentially the same thing in sophie’s eyes, she had found an article of clothing that she couldn’t place. an old college sweater not belonging to her alma mater, and it was only a few brief moments that it clicked, she didn’t recognize it because it wasn’t hers, it was otto’s. something she had probably borrowed months and months ago when they were together, wore it home from his place or the hospital or somewhere and just failed to return it. it really made no sense why it stirred something within her, they had been broken up for months. they saw each other on the regular at work at things were fine, awkward maybe, but they were courteous enough, and hell sophie had even momentarily dated someone else in an attempt to move on. but she had never really dealt with everything that happened between otto and her. just let it hang there, swatting it out of the way whenever it popped into her mind. she narrowed it down to simply not having the time, and then blasting through the grief that came with everything they went though, but it still popped up at the silliest moments.

and so, discovering the sweater had sent her into a momentary coma, fueled by wine and crying. but that was last night. she had since pulled herself together, choosing to forget the moment of self-pity she had collapsed into, washed the same sweatshirt after falling asleep in it, and was now sitting in her car in front of otto’s building. she had no idea if he was home, not able to remember if she’d seen his name on the schedule. he probably wouldn’t be now that she thought about it – he practically lived at the hospital. but keeping the article of clothing was like keeping a ghost in her house, a constant reminder that he wasn’t coming over to pick it up, and she needed to get rid of it – which meant if he wasn’t home the next stop would be the goodwill store to donate it. she felt self-conscious about what was happening here, and even just being there, but as she exited the car she committed to making to his door. and once she got there, took a deep breath, and rang his doorbell, it was obvious she was committing to this whole scenario. a silent prayer was said for him not being home, but then the door opened. ”hi.” she said plainly, looking up with a small smile as she did so.

tagged: otto/callie | notes: i tried and failed to keep this short xD i hope this is ok <3
cassie at atf.
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otto chancellor
Posted: Sep 29 2012, 03:15 AM


30 - emergency room physician - callie
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Group: libra
Posts: 88
Member No.: 773
Joined: 6-September 12



YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF
every once in a while, otto would occasionally find the time to sit on his plush couch and flip through the television channels. he was plagued with what was called remote adhd, where he was never able to stop on one station for more than three minutes. it wasn't his fault that he could never find an interesting show to watch. although, that new sherlock series had peaked his curiosity the other night. but sherlock wasn't on right now, and only fifteen minutes had passed of mindlessly watching a rerun of judge judy before his eyes started to become heavy. watching her tear a new one at plaintiff's who had iq scores lower than 50 was always a guilty pleasure of his. sometimes he even watched with popcorn. today was different, though, and he started to doze off in between commercials. the past week had been rough. heck, the past six to eight months of his life have been a struggle.

otto could feel his head start to lull back. but a knock at the door abruptly sobered him. his posture straightened and he looked at his front door with confusion. someone was visiting him? it was probably a package. rarely did he find himself having visitors lately. except last week, when his mother came by to drop off some groceries. it was like he was a child again--nevermind the fact that he now made triple of what they made in a year. otto leisurely sauntered towards the door, and out of habit, he glanced in the peep hole. the luscious blond hair is what made him stop dead in his tracks. sophie. sophie was here. sophie! otto frantically ran both of his hands through his hair and turned back to take in the state of his apartment. it was a disaster. his humble abode had somehow magically turned into the typical bachelor's pad overnight.

otto quietly cursed under his breath. when had he become such a messy person? he took off in a run, making a full circle around his apartment to pick up the random items off of the floor. he swiftly dodged his furniture with his feet (well, so he thought), and then somehow caught his hip on the corner of the couch. he clutched his side in pain, trying to muffle his pathetic cry. most of the items were articles of clothing, which he simply threw in the closet. finally, when his apartment looked decent, he rushed back to the entrance to see if she still happened to be there. lucky for him, only about thirty seconds had passed. he ran his hands through his hair, but this time it was ruffle it up a bit to make it look better. his appearance wasn't exactly up to his own standards. unfortunately, he hadn't shaved in a day or two, which made a shadow appear on his facial features. oh well.

before he could change his mind and cut up his face by trying to shave too fast, he opened the door. there, standing in the hallway, was his dream come true. he tried to disguise his panting by coughing a little bit. "sophie," he beamed. "what a nice surprise." and it definitely was. in the background, otto heard the familiar voice of judge judy's, and his face reddened as he realized that he had forgotten to turn the television off.

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sophie james
Posted: Oct 1 2012, 04:51 PM


31 - nurse - erin
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Group: cancer
Posts: 634
Member No.: 168
Joined: 8-May 12




you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
during the brief interlude between her knock, the sound of shuffling inside, and the door opening, it was all sophie could do to stay in one place. she wasn’t scared of him, but she felt weird appearing out of the blue, uninvited like this. it could be seen as unfair, not that he had to hide anything from her, but sophie didn’t want to overstep. she was always concerned with doing so when it came to most people in her life, even her family, until something pushed her overboard. but even then she couldn’t own it confidently. she always waivered between thinking she was doing something stupid and selfish, and something that needed to be done. there wasn’t much time to think before he came to the door, but she was beginning to falter in her thinking. she shouldn’t have come over. he didn’t want to see her on his day off when there was hardly a day gone by that they didn’t run into each other at the hospital. and yet it didn’t convince her to abandon the plan. she wanted to see him, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, it was true.

as the door opened, sophie had to admit she was surprised he was home. although there was some speculation that her mind was twisting his devotion to the hospital in a negative manner in order to further justify their relationships demise, she still held the belief that he spent most of his time there. of course everyone was entitled to a day off, and sophie was glad to see he was taking one. she hoped he was taking care of himself, and that if he had gone through anything after their break-up, he had been able to bounce back. sophie wanted him to be happy, no matter how unsure she was about her own feelings or mental state, she truly wanted otto to be happy, and satisfied with his life. as his face came into view, and his familiar face beamed at her presence, sophie couldn’t help but let the small smile turn into something with more confidence. her eyes lingered on his face, taking it in. she had always thought it looked different outside of the hospital, like he wasn’t carrying a burden of some sort – brighter maybe? but again it could just be her perception, her own desire to see him doing something besides working. she noted the shadow appearing along his jaw line, an indication he hadn’t shaved, not that she was allowed to comment on that anymore.

shifting on her feet as he spoke of her unannounced visit being a pleasant surprise, she had a feeling he meant it. ”i hope it’s ok i just showed up like this.” she replied, with a little shrug as she did so – she still lacked the confidence in her decision. ”i’m not disturbing you am i?” the sounds coming from his apartment sounded like the tv, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been enjoying whatever he was doing, or that he was alone. the last thing she wanted to do was burst into his life when he was trying to move on. ”i just ... i found this and wanted to return it.” she held out her arm, the folded clothing in her hand. her mind still conscious that she could be wasting his time, so well might as well get right to the point right? sophie, always ms. polite.

tagged: otto/callie | notes: <3
cassie at atf.
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otto chancellor
Posted: Oct 3 2012, 02:07 AM


30 - emergency room physician - callie
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Group: libra
Posts: 88
Member No.: 773
Joined: 6-September 12



YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF
otto watched her look at him from a third perspective, and wondered what she thought of the facial shadow growing in, or of his disheveled clothes, or perhaps the unsanitary apartment behind him. he would give anything to read her thoughts right now. there were many nights at the hospital where he was left groveling to know what was running through her mind. she had an amazing poker face--something he had learned about her back since they were children. playing b.s. with cards had never been fun with sophie; she had always managed to win every time with her gifted lack of expression. but other times, when it mattered the most, he could read her eyes like a book.

he glanced at the sweatshirt in her hands, and inwardly felt confusion. she had come all the way over here to give him this? that's all? she couldn't wait until the next time they were working together? after all, that would be more appropriate. but with sophie, he didn't want to be appropriate. this had to mean something, right? that perhaps she couldn't afford to wait to see him? during these hard times, otto wanted to latch onto anything he could. "oh no, come in, come in." he hoped she wouldn't catch the slight change of tone in his voice. otto could honestly admit to himself that he sounded a bit desperate. that's attractive, he mentally chided himself. "i was just watching judge judy verbally abuse a psycho redhead from killing a dog with medication that she left in an open cabinet. you remember how i love these shows." he walked over to his kitchen. "do you want anything to drink?" he opened the refrigerator to nothing but curdled milk, some eggs, and a small selection of condiments. "all i have is water," he said, slightly embarrassed, and closed the door. "gotta go shopping soon," he mumbled to himself.

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sophie james
Posted: Oct 3 2012, 09:51 PM


31 - nurse - erin
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Group: cancer
Posts: 634
Member No.: 168
Joined: 8-May 12




you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
if anyone were to ask her opinion she might say the stumble was attractive, sexy even, but different. it was a different look on him than she was used to, but her thoughts didn’t move past that. she couldn’t consider that she was behind any behaviour change or lack of order in his life, and even if that thought was a blimp on her radar, she couldn’t buy into it. sophie couldn’t venture into that kind of thinking because it was just dangerous. this had been her decision, and therefore she had to stick by it. but she was questioning her decisions lately, perhaps evident by her unexpected arrival at his apartment – it couldn’t just be about returning the sweater, especially since she was always mentioning how often she still saw him – she was questioning lots of things because the choices she made had left her like this, feeling sad and alone.

she hadn’t meant to be unreadable, or leave him confused with what she was thinking, and so at his invitation to come in, sophie couldn’t help but allow the gentle tug at the corners of her mouth pull her lips into a smile. it was genuine, and she hoped he’d be able to see that. ”oh. thanks.” she was a little surprised at the invitation, it wasn’t what she had been looking for when she came over, but nothing in her brain told her not to take it. sliding past him into the apartment, she nodded at his explanation of the tv, a little pang at his prompt that she had to remember this one thing that he loved. but of course she did. how could she forget? ”you and crappy tv, i remember!” the slight perkiness to her tone was a little more forced than she’d like, but it was honest nonetheless. she did remember, and loved that about him. or had loved. they weren’t in love anymore, and now she was just a sad girl forcing herself into his life uninvited, interrupting the crappy tv he loved to watch but never had time for.

following him into the kitchen, she stood slightly awkwardly, watching him go into the fridge. she couldn’t see inside it, but as he mentioned all he had was water, she could only imagine what was, or wasn’t, in there. letting out a small chuckle, she tilted his head as she looked over him. ”water would be great otto. thanks.” she nodded as she said it, really quite grateful. ”sorry if i’m intruding, again i didn’t mean to just come over and interrupt your afternoon.” the words started with a steady, stable tone, but got a little quieter towards the end as she grew a little insecure at once again apologizing. it was in her nature, but even now it was going a little overboard. ”how are you?” while they saw each other at the hospital, and even some time interrupted it had been some time since they talked, and sophie had missed him.

tagged: otto/callie | notes: <3
cassie at atf.
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otto chancellor
Posted: Oct 9 2012, 07:41 PM


30 - emergency room physician - callie
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Group: libra
Posts: 88
Member No.: 773
Joined: 6-September 12



YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF
otto reached in his cupboard to retrieve a glass and filled it with tap water from the faucet. he started to daydream, not wanting her to know where his thoughts were. there was a point in time in which sophie stayed here constantly, almost on the verge of moving in. but he had vetoed that idea before he could invite her to do so, mainly because of his decision to be traditional. he wanted to marry her first before he made room in his drawers. which was ironic, because supposedly, marriage should come before making babies.

he turned around and marveled at how her presence fit--right here, in this apartment. maybe they could've moved into a bigger home, with the white picket fence she's always wanted. a kiddie pool would be right smack dab in the middle of the lawn for all of their toddlers to play in. four, to be exact. some with her hair and his eyes. the majority of them could be girls, because he relished the thought of over-protecting them. yep, he could see it.

otto stopped in mid-thought when he caught himself almost drinking out of the glass he had just prepared for her. "oh! this is yours," he sheepishly exclaimed and handed her the water. "afternoon? what afternoon? i had nothing planned, obviously." he gestured towards the television set with judy's aging face displayed on the screen. "i've been doing well. working, as usual. i had drinks with your sister the other night. that was fun." he was quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say or how much she knew. "soooo," he said, trying to change the subject. "how have you been?" it was a loaded question, and he wished he could know how she was taking the news of the miscarriage, if she had healed, or if she was still as unsettled as he was.

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sophie james
Posted: Oct 15 2012, 05:08 PM


31 - nurse - erin
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Group: cancer
Posts: 634
Member No.: 168
Joined: 8-May 12




you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
seeing him here, in his apartment, was so different from the casual run-ins at the hospital. it was harder, and sophie was having a hard time staying present in the conversation. her mind kept jumping back to the time where she had felt so at home here, practically moved in without moving in, and her worries were all about if they were moving too fast, and how little she cared that they were, a first for her. she usually liked to take things slow, build foundations, but with otto they had already been there, and loving him had just been so easy.

despite the reflective mood, her lips tugged upwards into a smile as he seemed to realize half way through going to take a sip that the glass was meant for her. taking it from him, she nodded her thanks, and took a little sip herself. her eyes followed his gesture towards the tv, still only marginally reassured that she wasn’t interrupting anything. she had wanted to see him, hence her presence in his kitchen, but she didn’t want to inconvenience him. soph had yet to fully figure out just where his feelings about everything lied, but she knew she didn’t want to behave in a manner that would make them any more negative than they might be. she had never gotten the vibe that he was mad at her, and she certainly wanted to keep it that way.

moving forward to place the glass of water on the closest counter, she watched his face as he spoke, nodding and muttering ‘that’s good’ where appropriate. the mention of her sister caught her a little off guard, not having been privy to the plans. she knew otto and kourtney had been close, and they spoke, but kourt had been distant lately and sophie had assumed with everybody, not just her. ”oh, you saw kourtney?” she asked, even though he had just told her such. ”i’ve been meaning to track that girl down. i think she’s avoiding me.” her tone was only half-serious as the james’ sisters relationship was one full of dips and periods of time where they didn’t spend much time together. but the notion that otto was spending time with her made sophie a little defensive. she wanted to be his friend too.

picking up the glass of water, soph shrugged at his subject change. how had she been? could she say that she was a mess? that each day was different, some better than others, but every one a struggle to make sense of just what her life was turning into? she really didn’t want to burden him with that. and as much as she ached to know he felt, and to talk over things that should have been talked about months ago, she was hesitant to do just that. ”i’ve been ... i’ve been ok.” she landed on, smiling simply as she did so, trying to be convincing that she really was, before adding on: ”it’s been a tough year.” that he had to know, after all it was their baby that had started and ended in her womb all those months ago, and their relationship, one that had so much promise, that disintegrated in the time afterwards.

tagged: otto/callie | notes: <3
cassie at atf.
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