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| MadBen |
Posted: Dec 21 2011, 06:31 AM
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Group: Members Posts: 709 Member No.: 49 Joined: 1-December 11 |
Gray awoke and whitened his yellows. He had greens for breakfast and left early to go to gray. He grayed forward as usual, hardly noticing the gray around him, when he suddenly came to a red and was accosted by several crimson who threatened to black him, if he wouldnt white his wallet. He felt yellow, but could not green it.
Red arrived late for gray, whiting in his chair and graying at the whites on his desk. His entire white he had been whiting the gray of others, often green when he noticed how pink they were. He grayed and kept whiting, until the gray greened it to be 6pm and white to gray home. Blue arrived home and grayed down in front of the purple. His gray had been black and blue. He watched a crimson, but it couldn't white him. His gaze oranged to the black, where he kept a crimson of his own. Maybe tomorrow he would yellow the crimson that had yellowed him. Or maybe he would black them. It didn't really gray either way. |
| matty |
Posted: Jan 4 2012, 02:13 AM
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Group: Members Posts: 1,253 Member No.: 4 Joined: 8-November 11 |
Creative, Ben.
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| Josh |
Posted: Feb 2 2012, 12:18 AM
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Group: Members Posts: 544 Member No.: 14 Joined: 10-November 11 |
As a poem, the concept is gimmicky and because of it loses its appeal.
Best, Josh. |
| Joan McCormick |
Posted: Feb 2 2012, 08:20 PM
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Group: Members Posts: 374 Member No.: 38 Joined: 25-November 11 |
I’m trying to define you target audience, it feels like it is aimed at children but I don’t think they would get it unless it was in a giant picture book with distinct coloured objects that will focus the wording.
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| nancy |
Posted: Feb 3 2012, 12:03 AM
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Group: Members Posts: 199 Member No.: 82 Joined: 10-January 12 |
Hello Ben,
I do believe that this is the first 'fill in the blanks' poem I ever read. I agree that it very creative. At first i was put off by havint to align my mind to the unusual, then with each reading I began relating my own experiences to fill in the mood of the colors. I like it; it feels like it squeezes out uncommon thought, and that's a good thing. |
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