[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">What struck her first was that she was warm, and that she wasn’t alone in the bed. Someone’s arm was around her, and this was an entirely new feeling; Ana wasn’t used to being held, and as such being held felt almost constricting, like she was trapped, caged. She was lying on her side, naked as her name day, and she could feel the way someone was pressed up behind her; she had the faintest suspicion it was Julian. Her suspicions were confirmed when she shifted to look over her shoulder, not because she saw him, but because of the reek of ale over her shoulder when she turned even slightly. Definitely Julian. Not only because the young lord was a notorious drunkard, but also because he’d flown into a rage the last time he’d caught her sleeping with anyone else. She’d made a silent vow to be stealthier about it, and then wondered why. It wasn’t like she was <i>his</i> anyway.
<p>
But the scent of ale made her stomach turn and brought back a few memories she seemed to have temporarily forgotten, or at least pushed to the back of her mind. To say the young Lord Dahlberg had been stinking drunk the night before would have been an understatement, and now that she was awake Ana could remember a few choice words that had been shared between them…and wished she’d thought to get drunk before allowing Julian into her bed, also drunk. Had she allowed him into her bed? Ana wasn’t sure – maybe she’d just woken up and he’d been in there with her and what had come afterwards had been a response out of habit. Either way she was suffering for it now, and her tiredness pounded a mantra in the back of her mind and made her eyes want to shut tight. She wanted to go back to sleep, but she couldn’t quite get over the strangeness of the feeling of being held, and she wasn’t entirely sure it was a good thing. Nor was she entirely sure it was bad, so for a while she just stayed like that, weighing up her options.
<p>
Huffing, she let her eyes slide shut and pulled the soft furs up over their shoulders, and part of her hated the way her stomach tightened so familiarly at the warmth of being close to him. As much as she was still getting used to being around one person so much of the time (when he wasn’t busy training or eating or pretending he wasn’t interested for the sake of his father and her brother, or sleeping with maids like he thought she didn’t know – though in fairness she’d become more subtle about her own activities) Ana was still prone to the constant temptation to run whenever her chest and stomach tightened like that at the realisation he was around, and in truth she could never have explained why she didn’t. This morning her excuse was that she was too tired. She tried to keep her eyes open and hugged a pillow and pressed back against Julian (because he was warm, she consoled herself) and stared at the ceiling, and huffed a sigh.</div></center>[/dohtml]

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It had been another one of those nights for the young Lord Dahlberg. He had went to the local tavern with every intention of finding some random woman to bed for the evening, but once the drinks started being passed around (the ale tasted exceptionally well that evening) Julian wouldn’t help himself but to drink each one that was passed to him. He can’t recall what happened a majority of that night, but what he did remember was that he ended up in someone’s bed and his body was filled with a certain relaxation that could only be obtained during one of his post coital blisses. The first thing that jerked him from his sleep was the tightening in his stomach, the need to retch everything out that he had drank that evening threatened to overcome him but he fought the feeling back with a quick frown and furrowed brow before he moved closer to whoever was in bed with him, nuzzling his face into the person’s back and letting out a soft sigh before he froze completely.<p>

What the fuck? There was someone still in his bed?<p>

What had become apparent in his still somewhat foggy mind was that whoever it was pushed back against him, getting herself more comfortable and for some reason he let it happen, the arm that was draped over her gently tugging her closer to his chest. Then it hit him, the unmistakable dark hair and when he experimentally pressed his lips against the skin of her shoulder he tasted sweat, honey, and a little bit of ale – Ana. What was she doing in his bed? Julian turned his head to look around the room and realized that he wasn’t even in his room to begin with. There were no animal heads mounted on the walls, no extravagant tapestries, and even the bed was the slightest bit more firm than his own was. He closed his eyes, his mind being plagued with a wave of dizziness as he pressed his forehead against the warm skin of Ana’s back, a groan of discomfort escaping his lips.<p>

Julian opened his bloodshot eyes, his vision still somewhat distorted but slowly he was becoming more and more used to it – gods above he hated being this in-between stage of drunk and sobering up, especially when he felt the overwhelming need to throw up, but his mind screaming at him not too so he could keep cuddling with the woman in his arms. Hell, was that what he was doing now? Julian Dahlberg didn’t cuddle and without further ado Julian gently slid his arm to her side, his hands moved along the skin of her waist as he gently pressed the lower portion of her body against him with a soft chuckle – yeah, that was more like it, but even then he wasn’t in the mood and instead he just rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, which spun wildly above him. “Gods, what the hell happened last night?” Julian groaned, his eyes closed in a futile attempt to fight off another wave of nausea. <p>


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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">Ana could feel herself drifting partially into a haze of sleep once again even while she tried to stay awake, lying with her eyes open as she stared in turns at the ceiling and at the far wall. But her eyelids were heavier than her will to stave off sleep, and slowly they slid shut again before she drifted back into a half-sleep for a while, not quite asleep but not quite awake, either. That was until she felt Julian nuzzling his face into her back, and if she’d been more awake at the time she might have laughed aloud at the way he froze only moments after – she could actually tell the time it hit him that he was in bed with someone by the way he froze, much like she’d done the same when she’d first blinked herself awake. By that point she’d already decided that if he was going to have his arms around her then she was going to be comfortable about it, and she breathed a low sigh when she shifted back into his arms.
<p>
Though she’d have been the first to admit that she hadn’t expected him to pull her closer, though gods knew Julian was just full of surprises, and maybe it was just nicer to have someone to latch on to when you felt as hungover as he was bound to; Ana had personally never been drunk, but she’d seen well enough the effects drink had on people, more specifically afterwards. Still, she raised an eyebrow when she felt the press of his lips against her skin and by the way he looked around she knew Julian had realised who exactly he was in bed with, was wondering why, and was by this point realising he was in her bed, not the other way around. She sighed and closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his forehead pressing against her shoulder again. He probably felt pretty sick. For a moment, Ana became uncomfortably aware that usually when people were as hungover as Julian seemed, they tended to puke. She’d be more than annoyed if he puked on her, that was for sure.
<p>
Only moments later, as she was tending towards sleep once again, Ana felt the wander of Julian’s hand down her waist and knew <i>exactly</i> where he was going with it, rolling her eyes. True to form, he pulled her lower body back against his and she nudged his leg with her foot, turning over to lie on her stomach instead when he finally rolled away, seeming to give up on that idea fairly quickly. Rolling her shoulders, she hugged the pillow and buried her face in it, stretching and flexing as she settled herself again and glanced at him out of one open eye. <b>“Long story.”</b> she huffed, and closed her eyes again, pressing her forehead into the pillow. <b>“Do you want the good parts or the bad parts first?”</b> Ana really had to stop this habit of sleeping with people when they were drunk. The last time she’d ended up throwing a shoe at…a certain person and storming out, and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to get away with that when Julian was around, seeing as she was stuck here just as long as her brother wanted. No storming away and not seeing him again for two years option available. She sighed and tried not to drift back off to sleep.</div></center>[/dohtml]

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Julian wished that he could have remembered most of the previous night. The more he did try and remember the more his head spin and the more he felt the overwhelming urge just to retch his guts all over the place and all over the woman in her bed. Julian was never one to cuddle; he typically would leave the moment he got done bedding a girl, so what was so different now? He figured that he must have been so drunk that immediately afterwards he just simply fell asleep and hell from the brief glimpses of memories that flooded his mind… well, apparently he had a rather amazing time last night and he hoped that Ana did as well, even if he was completely and utterly hammered. It concerned him that he couldn’t remember how he got back to the castle and whether or not he made a complete fool of himself in the process and more importantly would his father find out? He certainly hoped they still didn’t know about his relationship with Ana because gods only knew what would happen if Ranulf or her brother found out.<p>

He couldn’t help the grin that slid across his features as he grinded her lower body against his, immediately groaning once he felt her foot against his leg as she rolled over onto her stomach. Julian himself stared up at the ceiling, the dimly lit candles swinging around in his fogged and dizzy mind and he felt another lurch at his stomach, closing his eyes once more to fight back the wave of nausea that threatened to overcome him. Gods above how much did he drink last night? Just the thought of having a pint of ale made him completely sick – that was reason enough for him to stay sober for some time after this, assuming he survived this rather painful hangover. His head had just started to hurt, the nausea was ever present, and his joints felt as though he were an old man on a cool winter night. He literally didn’t want to move, but that didn’t stop one of his hands to move and run down the smooth skin of his lover’s back; soothingly, affectionately, and oddly sweet of him.<p>

Julian turned his head to look at her with his bloodshot eyes and he let out a huff of his own as he brought his hands up to his face, sighing. “Gods, was I that bad last night?” Julian croaked, his voice raspy with the faint taste of ale still in his mouth. He nearly gagged at the taste but amazing kept his composure as he rolled onto his side facing her, wrapping one of his arms around her and pulling himself against her, just then noting that they were both naked. “Might as well give me all the bad news since I doubt there is any good news.” Julian muttered, leaning his head down to press a kiss against her shoulder before setting his cheek there, sighing. <p>


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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">She could remember flashes of the night before, but they came back to her slowly, as though she’d dreamed them. In truth she must have been half-awake to accept Julian into her bed at the hour he’d returned at, and especially so when she realised she’d actually agreed to sleep with him despite how drunk he had been. If she’d been anything close to fully awake, or in actual fact had been woken up from a sleep any deeper, she’d like as not have told him where to go. As it were she remembered bits and pieces of the night as they slotted together in her head, but her memory-recounting was interrupted when she felt Julian grinding himself against her, or rather grinding her back against him, and she released a muffled laugh into the pillow when he groaned after she pushed him away. Her eyes had almost drifted shut again when she felt the gentle touch of his hand down his back, and for a moment Ana just turned her head to look at him, wondering why so simple a touch had sent a shiver down her spine despite the warmth beneath the sheets.
<p>
Her lips quirked into a smile when she saw the look on his face, speculatively noting the bloodshot eyes and his absolute tiredness, like he genuinely had the weight of the world on his shoulders and thus did not want to move one bit; Ana was glad once again that she’d never been drunk before, because Julian looked like he was suffering. She laughed under her breath at his croaked question, dark eyes flashing, <b>“No, that was the good news.”</b> she murmured, for once not second-guessing herself when she leaned a little closer to Julian when he pulled himself against her, she just went with it, even though part of her knew she’d ask questions of herself later: she always did. Yawning, Ana tilted her head to look at him once more when she felt the kiss he pressed to her shoulder, then the weight of his cheek there, and ducked her head to rest against the top of his for a moment.
<p>
<b>“Yeah uh, the good news is that you’re still good in bed when you’re drunk. Although I’m fairly sure you already knew that.”</b> she reiterated with a teasing smile, rolling over carefully to lie more comfortably on her back. <b>“The bad news is that you confessed your love for me last night, and then you asked me to bear your heir.”</b> she looked at the ceiling instead of him, mostly because both sentiments made her inwardly cringe. Love and children. Why hadn’t she run away straight away? Maybe, she supposed, because she’d known he didn’t mean it. <b>“So, you know, I was hoping we could clear that one up.”</b> Ana huffed a tired sigh and half-closed her eyes for a moment, brushing her thumb lightly down his cheek. It was probably a testament to her tiredness that she didn’t even think about the affectionate gesture. Probably.</div></center>[/dohtml]

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As comfortable as he was lying in bed with Ana next to him he would have much rather been in his own bed just because it was a hell of a lot more comfortable than this one. He felt the overwhelming urge to fall back asleep, his eyes heavy and he could barely keep them open to begin nor did he want to keep them open with the way his world was spinning. Julian silently vowed to himself that he would never go to that tavern again even if they happened to have some of the best ale he had ever tasted in Shatterstone. What was happening to him was definitely not worth a drink, especially such a damn cheap one. Julian shivered slightly beneath the covers, his teeth chattering for a moment as he inhaled sharply – he hated getting the chills that he got whenever he had such a nasty hangover.<p>

Julian groaned slightly when she laughed at his expense, his bloodshot eyes closing as he turned his face more into the pillow and sighed once more – the smell of ale being so pungent that his entire body tensed, almost losing all sense of composure but after a few seconds he managed to regain control of himself. He groaned slightly when she explained what the good news was and damn was he glad that he was still amazing in the bed even being completely drunk. “I wish I could have remembered any of it. I just get some flashes here and there.” Julian murmured, turning his head to look at her with a faint smirk curled at the edges of his lips. Although that smirk and every other expression faded when she explained the bad news and for a moment he merely stared at her, completely dumbstruck with what she was telling him and for a moment he didn’t quite believe her. <p>

She wanted to celar that up? Julian had never ever thought about her that way at all. Having his children? Telling her that he loved her? He felt his stomach lurch suddenly and he rolled away from her and poked his head off the edge of her bed, his entire back stiffening as he dry heaved and silently thanked the gods that nothing came out. His eyes raised from the ground to look at the door, the temptation just to get up and run was all too overwhelming and for a moment he actually contemplated the idea but he knew this topic wouldn’t get dropped, even as much as he didn’t want to talk about. With a few deep breathes, Julian finally pulled himself together and rolled back onto his side to look at her. “Sorry about that.” He muttered his apologies in reference to almost losing his guts right then and there – the timing of which was terrible. “Uh, for the record, I don’t love you, I don’t want to marry you, and gods I don’t want to have children with you, even if they would be damn beautiful ones.” Julian teased with a tired grin, leaning forward to press a kiss chaste kiss to her cheek.<p>



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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">She was sure this was going to be a strange moment to recollect later on; even just later on in the day whenever she’d woken up properly, which she felt probably wouldn’t be soon. Ana still felt like her brain was full of cotton wool and her eyelids were attached to dead weights that were just there to drag them down. But at the same time, her brain had woken itself up enough to actually start thinking, and when her brain did that it seemed it automatically reverted to memories of the night before. While she had good memories aplenty of what had happened that night, she could also distinctly remember the words that had been said, even though she really didn’t want to. It had shocked her at the time and it was still weird to think about now in the cold light of day, especially when she woke up and found herself encircled in his arms. Strangest night before and morning after ever, to say the least.
<p>
Ana stifled her laughter at his groaned response, quieting down mostly because she understood loud noises weren’t the best when it came to being hungover and she had no desire to make Julian throw up all over her chambers, either. That would be unnecessarily messy, and Ana really despised mess. She still cracked a smile when he seemed to regain control of his reflex to throw up, of which she was glad, and pushed her hair away from her face, grinning, at Julian’s murmured words. <b>“I hope they’re good flashes of memory.”</b> she commented; the smirk on his lips would most definitely have suggested so. But just like the smirk on his features and all the humour in his expression, her own humour faded when she brought up what had actually been said the night before, and her stomach churned slightly just remembering. All those things she consistently ran from; marriage, love, kids, all presented to her the night before when he’d been drunk. He was lucky he’d been drunk, or there’d be nothing left of her in Shatterstone to find apart from a still-settling trail of dust in her wake. Then again, she doubted he’d have said it sober, so that argument was null and void.
<p>
The timing of his dry-heaving was perfect though, and Ana silently thanked the gods that she wasn’t bloody sensitive enough to think he was nearly being sick at the thought of what he’d said to her. She stretched out on the bed and just hoped he wasn’t going to actually puke on the floor, because it would stink and it would be difficult to think of a reason as to why anyone had been sick in her chambers, much less why that sick stank of ale. <b>“S’alright.”</b> she murmured, looking at him again when he rolled back onto his side, and she couldn’t help but smile at his words, notching upwards at the chaste kiss he pressed to her cheek, though she was much less a fan of the twisting feeling in her stomach that followed it. Rolling onto her side, she flashed him a tired smile of her own, still groggy from sleep, though she’d woken up considerably, enough to clear the cobwebs from her brain a little. <b>“Oh, that’s good to know. I’d hate to have children so striking they imploded from egoism. That’d be a cruel way to go.”</b> she huffed and pushed a strand of hair away from his face absently.</div></center>[/dohtml]

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Julian wished that he had not gone out that night, let alone drink that much in one sitting. The worst part of it all was that he could feel himself becoming more and more intoxicated, but yet he didn’t stop himself. Self-control was a major issue of his, especially when it came to the subject of alcohol, but who was he to deny ale when it was given to him for free? The benefits of being the keeper’s son were plenty, although he began to doubt if this hangover was worth the free drinks anymore. He felt sick to his stomach, his head pounded fiercely with each pump of his heart, and just the sunlight that was filtering through the windows was enough to have him close his eyes in pain. This hangover was even worse than the one he had when his father had so politely walked in on him almost a month ago – gods he couldn’t imagine what Ranulf would think if he walked in on this.<p>

The young lord nodded his head slowly at her question, turning his head to bury his face in the pillows once more to drown out the light from the morning sun. “Just some memories of sex. At least my night ended pretty well, although I am kind of hating everything right now.” Julian muttered darkling, a hand moving to run through his hair as he rubbed at his temples in a futile attempt to ease the searing headache. The one trip he would hate the most today was going to the court physician to ask for something ease his sickness because it would probably only be a few hours before his father found out and then he would have to deal with that possibly and gods the last thing he wanted to do was argue with the man. Wasn’t it enough that he went to the throne room and listened to the people, or at least acted like he did? Apparently nothing he could do would make him the son his father wanted. <p>

Julian was glad he was able to regain his composure, although her words still echoed in his skull and gods all he wanted to do was to run as far away from her as he could. Not once had he ever thought of her like that, at least not consciously. Rumor had it that when you were drunk you really said what was on your mind and for Julian he had always lost his sense of a filter and said practically anything and everything. But [i]that[i]? Never would he have thought he would have said something of that magnitude to the woman that he had been sharing a bed with the past week. Julian’s eyes locked with hers as she rolled over, his hand gently drifted down her side again and a small smirk curled at the corners of his lips. “It would, but you can’t deny they would be striking and the envy of everyone.” Julian teased, closing his eyes again when she pushed some strands of hair away from his face. “Can’t believe I fucking said that. Remind me to never drink ale again, even if it is free.” <p>


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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">Ana couldn’t imagine how Julian was feeling there and then, though she also got the impression she didn’t want to. Being wrapped in cotton wool by her brother her whole life had meant she’d never exactly been free to do as she liked, so while she’d supped on wine at many a fancy dining hall, she’d never been drunk – tipsy, yes, but never ever to the extent that Julian had been the night before. It looked like he was suffering, too, from the way he turned away from the sunlight coming in through the gap in the shutters of her window and the way he closed his eyes. She might have found it funny if she hadn’t been half afraid he was going to puke in her bed, and he still stank of ale – gods knew she’d like as not be able to get drunk from the fumes if she tried hard enough. But Ana had no desire to get drunk and most certainly had no desire for him to puke in her bed, so she refrained from laughing at him and closed her eyes, breathing out a slow sigh.
<p>
She felt the bed shift when he turned a little to hide his face in the pillows, and opened one eye again, nodding at his words as her lips quirked upwards into a crooked smile. <b>“I can’t imagine why.”</b> she teased, stretching out again to the contented crack of her spine before she settled into the bed; it wasn’t the nicest bed, really, but it suited its purpose whenever she decided to actually go to sleep in it, which was less often when she equated Julian into the mix. Humming a sigh, Ana threw an arm over her eyes to shield them from the light (she was less than willing to get up, either) and glanced at him sideways when Julian rubbed his temples, feeling slightly sorry for him even if his drunkenness had been entirely his own fault.
<p>
And she couldn’t even find it in herself to hold the strange things he’d said against him, although that mostly stemmed from the knowledge that the words had been entirely untrue. They’d had that discussion within ten minutes of meeting one another, that talk of ‘love’, and they’d both dismissed it. It hadn’t even been down to Ana’s hardened cynicism or her attitude to the world that she’d thought it, nor disillusionment due to being dragged around the kingdom, it had been an attitude she’d grown up with – Ana had been a precocious, feisty child, and she’d never really become attached to anyone the way she had her mother. That was familial love, and the closest thing to love she’d ever felt or would feel. Julian had just been drunk and lost in the moment – that was what she consoled herself with. So Ana grinned, lips twitching, when their gazes met again, polar opposites with her gaze dark and his gaze bright, though both of them were equally intense, and she closed her eyes with the way her skin tingled when his hand drifted down her side. She reached out and drifted her thumb down one of the swipe marks that bear had left on his arm, watching him as she laughed at his teasing. <b>“I wouldn’t deny that, it’s completely true.”</b> she grinned, and shrugged as best she could given she was lying on her side, playfully. <b>“Duly noted. But hey, like you’d listen? It <i>is</i> free ale.”</b></div></center>[/dohtml]

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Julian had actually started to wonder who all had figured out the kind of relationship he had with Ana. He wasn’t ignorant enough to believe that none of the maids or his manservant knew what was going on, since the poor guy had walked in on him and Ana in the middle of the act and he had been careful enough to shield her face from view because he knew that little nark wouldn’t keep his mouth shut if he found out the woman in his bed was supposed to be a ‘proper’ lady. Ana was anything but proper in that respect and that happened long before she met Julian and apparently happened when Niko so kindly took her maidenhood and damn Julian wished he could have been the one to do it – Niko finally had something over Julian. Regardless, he wasn’t going to complain about where his life was right now since it was far more enjoyable having her as she was and not what she could have been if she had never met Niko.<p>

No, he liked Ana for who she was now.<p>

Julian’s thoughts immediately halted and rewound what he had thought. Of course he didn’t mean that he actually liked her because that would involve some sort of emotional attachment and there was no way in hell Julian was about to let that happen. What they had was clearly physical and even his drunken self must have known that when he came wandering back from the tavern and immediately put the charms on her or just flat out told her that he wanted to have sex. Regardless of what happened and regardless what was said (even though that freaked the hell out of him), he wouldn’t have really done anything to change the outcome. After all, he was in bed with a rather beautiful woman and they were completely naked… in his mind that equated to something far more worthwhile than freaking out about what he said while completely intoxicated. <p>

Whatever words he had said during their passionate exchange was merely him being a complete buffoon because she should have known he wouldn’t have actually meant any of that. He hasn’t even thought of his own children and just seeing someone else’s child was enough to make him cringe and want to leave the room. Julian stared into her dark eyes, his own mirroring the intensity of her own and he almost shuddered when he felt her hand drift over the bear swipe scar on his bicep. “Free ale is great ale in my opinion.” Julian muttered, even if he completely hated the hangover he got in the process. Without so much of a second though, acting on pure instinct alone, Julian leaned forward and captured Ana’s lips in a passionate and heated kiss. The hand that was on her waist pulled her closer to him, their bodies pressed flushed to one another as he finally broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers, sighing lightly. “Sorry if I taste like shit.” He laughed, the corners of his lips curling into a faint smile. <p>


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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">It should have bothered her more, what he’d said. She knew that, but these days Ana often escaped the troubles of things that <i>should</i> have bothered her by ignoring them entirely. It was almost on the same level that she’d been operating on before, except that before she’d used to acknowledge the things that got to her – these days she refused to admit they existed. Things like the way she felt when she was around Julian, because it made her stomach twist and her heart skip and it was all she could do not to run. He’d called her out on that not so long ago, and she still remembered it had almost felt like a punch to the gut to have it put so bluntly. <i>‘And you are doing the only thing you’ve ever known how to do – run.’</i> he’d said it and she’d known he was right; like always, Julian had seen right through her. But maybe running was all she was good at doing, and she couldn’t run from <i>that</i> truth. Still, she had stayed, and she had become so much better at crushing all the things she didn’t want to admit she felt.
<p>
And so now she didn’t have to worry about the way she felt, because her refusal to admit it was there at all was so uncompromising. She couldn’t attribute the way her gut twisted or her heart sped up when he was around to anything else, but nor did she try and ponder just why it was happening when he was there. Blankness was easier, and denial was the closest thing to numbness she was ever going to get. That was the problem – that she felt too much, felt all the hurt and anger inside. But not with Julian around. Life was straightforward and simple this way, this no-strings-attached fling they had going on, and it was good to know that he expected nothing more from Ana than that, aside from well…exclusivity, which she was less than willing to give. She could and <i>had</i> admitted she cared about him, which he had taken the entirely the wrong way, but things had levelled out soon after – then again, Julian was surprisingly good at breaking the equilibrium too, as he’d proved the night before with all his drunken ‘confessions’. It had scared Ana a little, and fear had been the first thing that had gotten past her ‘if I act like it doesn’t exist it won’t exist’ attitude. It was a ridiculous fear to most, but a viable one to two people who firmly denied love’s existence and rejected commitment outright.
<p>
Almost relieved that they’d gotten past the subject of love and marriage and children, Ana found herself smiling when Julian met her eyes once more, the intensity obvious in both of their gazes, dark and bright. The hand that had moved to his arm to brush her thumb across the bear swipe stayed there briefly, and she grinned a little wider at his muttered agreement. <b>“From the impression I got last night, any ale is great ale to you.”</b> she teased, and she didn’t hesitate when he leaned forward to kiss her before she kissed him back with the same quiet intensity that mirrored in her eyes, her back arching as she felt Julian pulling her closer. The hand on his arm moved to his shoulder and she pressed flush against him, humming amusement when he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to hers. <b>“It’s alright, you still kinda taste like ale.”</b> she murmured, turning her head slightly to kiss him again. <b>“I could probably get…contact drunk from that.”</b></div></center>[/dohtml]

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What scared Julian the most about Ana was that she seemed to have a canny ability of being able to read his mind, like he was just some open book for her to read. It bothered him because he could do the exact same thing with her ever since the moment they met. She may have tried to hide her hand from him, tried to hide who she really was, but Julian was far more observant than he often let on to believe and sure enough he realized that maybe Ana wasn’t so different than he was. They both didn’t want to be betrothed to anyone and they both didn’t want kids, hell they only established that they are just a fling and that there was no emotional connection. But yet it certainly felt like there was something more than just a fling – the way his chest tightened and his stomach flipped whenever they kissed and sometimes when they were right in the middle of an intimate moment… the experience was new to him and he should have ran away but yet he didn’t; he stayed.<p>

What had happened last night was something Julian definitely regretted. He wouldn’t be able to take his words back and he had a feeling that Ana would never be able to forget them. But why did he even tell her that he wanted her to carry his heir? Julian had never ever thought about having kids and yet he told her last night that he wanted one and better yet that he wanted her to carry it? The thought alone was enough to cause the young lord to shudder and gods he just wished that he would have passed out in that tavern instead of coming back to the castle and practically spilling his guts out to the woman he was currently sharing a bed with. Regardless of what he said she was still here and that alone was enough to confuse him even more – why didn’t she leave? Ana seemed like the type that would after such a confession but yet here she was, in his arms with his lips firmly pressed against hers and suddenly everything just started to feel a little bit better.<p>

Julian thrummed quietly at her remarks about him still tasting like ale, turning his head slightly so that he could meet her lips in another passionate kiss. The heat of her body pressed against had an almost sobering effect and for a few moments all he wanted to do was pull her atop him and see where things went from there… but just the thought of rolling around had his stomach churning. Julian smirked against her lips and rolled is blood shot eyes, “I can’t smell like ale that bad.” Julian teased, nudging his nose against hers. He let out a soft sigh as his hand brushed down her side and behind to her lower back, gently pulling her even closer to him. “At least I didn’t puke on you… yet.” He laughed, straightening his back as if he was about to spill his stomach before he flashed a grin at her and captured Ana’s lips in another kiss.<p>


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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">While she genuinely did try and brush away all the nuances of feeling that surrounded her these days, it was difficult for Ana to ignore the fact that she felt like a changed person around Julian, and she wasn’t sure it was a good thing. She didn’t like caring about people she slept with, and it made her uncomfortable and feeling like someone had wound her up tight whenever she felt the way her stomach twisted when she was with Julian, whenever either of them made small gestures that could come across as intimacy. That were, undeniably, intimacy. Ana was not ready for it, not prepared for closeness, but she knew Julian wasn’t either – they’d agreed to a fling based solely on a sexual relationship, but sometimes it felt like things had spiralled wildly out of either of their control. She knew she was not the only one tempted to run, but every day she repeated all the mistakes she’d previously made: she stayed, and she slept with him again, and she ruminated in her own slow and eventual destruction, because she knew that whatever this was, it could never be a good thing, could never end well. Both of them were too set in their ways to change, even if changes were happening to Ana entirely without her consent.
<p>
The fact she’d stayed after those things he’d said, for a start. That troubled her more than it had any right to, but it wasn’t in her to regret the decisions she’d made any more than it was in her to try and change them. She couldn’t have said why she’d stayed after being told all the things she feared the most, but Ana suspected it was because – and only because – she’d known they were untrue. And somehow she’d ended up wrapped in his arms the morning after, and all of it should have felt so wrong and so alien to her, but instead she felt this strange shield of calmness keeping her away from all those things, and instead of wanting to run she was content to lie with him, for a while. She trusted him, and maybe that was the problem – she trusted Julian’s word that what he’d said was not true, but in all honesty it should have scared her even more that she trusted him at all. Ana Darkholme’s trust was hard to earn at the best of times, and she could not for the life of her identify when that change had occurred, when she’d begun to trust Julian at all. Or why.
<p>
But she did, and here she was, kissing him and smiling.
<p>
And Ana smiled when she heard his thrum at her words, rubbing his shoulder with her thumb as she felt his lips press against hers yet again. She kissed him back slowly but not wholly without passion, enjoying the moment for a while before she pulled back, and laughed at his words. <b>“Kinda do.”</b> she remarked, grinning at the nudge of his nose against her own; her stomach tightened familiarly. Pressing closer as his wandering hand to her lower back bade her do, she entangled her legs with his and squeezed his shoulder. But when he straightened his back, looking for all the world like he was about to actually be sick on her, she reeled back and then laughed quietly, shaking her head and pressing her face into the pillow. <b>“Oh, time out! Not cool at all!”</b> she laughed, and bit her lip, looking at him with mock seriousness in her expression. <b>“That was definitely not funny.”</b></div></center>[/dohtml]

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There was a part of Julian that wondered just how long Ana was going to stay at Shatterstone. Does her brother even realize how much of a lost cause it was to try and marry her off to him? Had his father even told him that it wouldn’t happen in the first place or was he just flirting with the idea that maybe Julian would change his ways. Sure Ana was beautiful, there was no denying that and sure a part of him could see himself with a girl like her, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be with her. Besides, he was too young to even be thinking about marriage in the first place, although it was kind of ironic since he was set to be married to a girl when he was fifteen but he made damn sure he got out of that messy situation and ever since then his life had been relatively betrothal free. There had been the idea of a few suitors, but Julian always found some excuse to shut down the idea or he even wouldn’t show up to the arranged meetings, much to no one’s surprise.<p>

Hell, that much was obvious when he didn’t even show up to greet Ana or Lord Darkholme and instead opted to train. Of course that lead to a much more fruitful encounter than he could have hoped for when in less than an hour later he was bedding Ana, something he couldn’t have predicted it his life depended on it. So here he was now, in bed with her again and strangely enough he didn’t run away. Sure he felt the need and damn was it burning to just have him get up out of bed with some excuse about being sick or having to attend to lordly duties and get the hell out of there. But he found comfort having her so close to him and it made his chest tighten in that sickening way that had only started whenever he was around her. Whatever he was feeling, Julian didn’t want to believe that it was any more than just the desire and lust. <p>

Denial was his best friend.<p>

Still he couldn’t quite get over the tingle of his lips after they broke their kiss and the moment she reeled away from him after his faux vomiting, Julian broke out into a series of laughter. He ran his foot gently along the smooth skin of her leg as he looked down at her, a bright smile etched across his features. “Oh cmon, you know I’d never puke on you.” Julian hummed, pressing a kiss to the shell of her ear. “I’d puke everywhere around you, but not on you.” He teased, pulling her close to him with his legs. Julian gently traced his hand down her spine, biting his lower lip as he felt the warmth of her skin radiating against his fingertips as they ghosted lower and lower, coming to a stop on her lower back before traveling back upwards once more. “I wish I could wake up to this ever morning… minus the hangover.”<p>


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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">She was fast growing tired of her brother’s games, of being dragged around the kingdom, and maybe she’d needed this reprieve from the routine, this time spent out of the loop where for a little while they stayed in one place. Ana didn’t plan on marrying Julian, now or ever, but gods that wasn’t even because she thought he was loathsome or foul like many of the lords she’d met; he was honest with her at least, just as she’d been honest with him, and she enjoyed his company – even if most of the time, spending time in his company ended with her being utterly worn out. It was a good sort of worn out. He was handsome and cocksure and charming in his own right, but she’d never marry him. She’d never marry anyone, not when it meant submitting to the system she so despised – gods, if she’d been able to love she still might not have married anyone, because it was still submitting to the patriarchy that had made her life hell all this time, and Ana was too proud to submit to anything.
<p>
But as she was lying in bed with him like this, those wandering thought she’d been trying to hold back returned once more, only this time they didn’t seem to matter so much. What did it matter that they were lying together? It felt…good, it felt okay to have someone warming her bed like this, and it felt okay that it was Julian. She suspected it should have felt strange <i>not</i> to wake up with him by now, but over the times they’d slept together the two of them seemed to have mastered the art of silently sneaking out of one another’s chambers before the owner of said chambers woke up; it was quite a useful skill, and in times previous it had helped sate her need to know that what they had was nothing more than a fling, and one that should have been forbidden, too. Now, lying with him, she found herself with a conflict of interests – it was not her heart and her head that argued, for both of them agreed she should run, but something else, this desire to stay that kept her firmly in place, intensified all the more by the quiet sense of contentedness that enveloped her.
<p>
Having reeled away at his faux-vomiting, Ana was still laughing when Julian started to laugh at her too, opening her dark eyes to look at him as she shivered when his foot traced her leg. She flashed him a smile, huffing amusement at his words, skin tingling softly where he kissed the shell of her ear. <b>“You sure about that?”</b> she challenged playfully. <b>“Because you’d have to be the master of your guts to do that. Are you the master of your own guts?”</b> she grinned and let him pull her closer with his legs nonetheless, and arched her spine slowly at the feeling of his hand running down it, pressing her body against his; it was all warmth where their skin touched. Ana squeezed his shoulder gently once more and leaned in to press a kiss to Julian’s jaw, contemplating his words for a moment. <b>“Mmhm, it’s not so bad.”</b> she agreed, and grinned mischievously. <b>“And if you weren’t hungover you wouldn’t be able to pretend to puke on me, so even better.”</b></div></center>[/dohtml]

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A part of Julian wished that Ana wouldn’t have to go through half the shit that she did, but that small part of him could be easily ignored because of the sheer fact that she honestly didn’t have much of a choice in the matter to begin with. Unfortunately, she was born a woman in a world that was obviously dominated by men. Julian could feel for her though, having to be dragged around like you were some slave was no way anyone should live. He especially didn’t enjoy the idea of having to listen to everything his father said and half the time he ignored his words, but in an ideal world where he would be the perfect son and Ana be the perfect sister to her brother, chances were they would be married and by the amount of sex they’ve already had she would be pregnant with his heir. <p>

So perhaps that’s why he said what he did to her last night when he was drunk and completely out of his mind. There was a part of him after all that thought those rather repulsive thoughts, but it was only what he thought would be ‘right’ if they had actually respected their superiors’ wishes. Julian would never marry her right now, but maybe if he saw her again in a few years his mind would change. He enjoyed the freedoms he had now and being tied down with a wife and then a babe on the way would only limit the time he had to himself. That and he would actually have to accept and live up to his responsibilities and Julian wasn’t entirely ready to even begin to embrace that idea. He would rather spend three summers in the throne room than marry anyone right now. Hell, even the thought of having a child of his own scared the living shit out of him; children came with a damn marriage!<p>

“I might be. We’ll have to see, hmm?” Julian said thoughtfully, his gaze staying on her as she pressed closer to him. The warmth of her body against his was intoxicating in every meaning of the word and his mind was still screaming at him to kick her out of his bed, to run away from this entire situation because it was more messed up than he would even be able to begin to comprehend. He felt the strength of her hand as it squeezed his shoulder and the warmth of her lips against his jaw and for a moment he simply stared at her, contemplating just what could be running through that head of hers because even though he had been so good at reading her before, right now she was a blank slate. Julian nodded his head slowly in agreement with her words, but it was obvious by the distant look on his face that his mind was elsewhere and gods he wasn’t quite sure how to even begin to word what he wanted the right way without scaring her off. “Ana… we both agreed that we don’t want to marry each other right now, right? But what about in like… a few years? If we are both still single, that is.” That came out horribly and Julian instantly regretted what he said, his teeth coming out to bite his lower lip.<p>



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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">Despite how much she despised her lifestyle and the idiocy of it, Ana had never wanted people’s pity, and she’d been glad Julian hadn’t gone down that route. In fact she knew he understood, to an extent, how much it sucked, because he was expected to do all these things to live up to his namesake and she knew for a fact that he had no plans of giving up his lifestyle to do them. Sitting a throne room day in, day out had never seemed like her idea of fun either, but hell, she supposed everyone had their duties and the focus of both of their lives seemed to be on spurning theirs. For Ana, it was just a matter of how long she could go on fighting it, and what would happen if she didn’t. She refused to think that she would be worn down by her brother’s persistence over the years, though, because if she did she’d have lost the fight.
<p>
Would she really be too proud to marry, even if it was someone of her own choice? The sad thing was, she thought she might have been. That was why it had shocked her so to hear the words Julian had said in the midst of drunken chaos; love, marriage, children – all of that terrified her, not only because she was selfish and flighty but because the words came with such responsibility, an adultness that Ana, in truth, did not feel she wanted to bear yet. She wanted to see the world, she wanted to live life, and marriage sounded like chains and children the shackles that would bind her in one place, not to mention love – which, she was sure, did not exist, at least not in the way people spoke of it. But the life she lived now was no better and deep down she knew that, she’d accepted it; this life had made her miserable and it had been a life her brother had crafted for her to make sure she knew marriage was the only option of escaping it. It was a shame she would have taken misery and pride over marriage and escapism any day, because escaping into marriage would only be escaping into a prettier prison.
<p>
<b>“I guess we will.”</b> she replied, still ignoring that quiet but insistent impulse to get up and leave before she started to read into this, any of this. No, Ana stayed, holding Julian’s gaze as she laid close to him with the warm pressure of his hand still on her back, and once she’d have thought it felt like a trap and gods maybe she still should have done, but she enjoyed lying so close to him and who would she be to deny herself that? When she met his gaze again after kissing his jaw she knew he was trying to read her, but she hadn’t realised that in some way, somehow, she’d kept her expression blank so that he couldn’t see through her – she didn’t know what that questioning look in his eyes meant. She waited as he paused, closing her eyes for a few moments before she looked at him again when he started to speak, and they were so close in proximity there was no way she could have hidden the look in her eyes now, and it was sheer…confusion. <b>“I…”</b> she’d never more wanted to run than in that moment, but it felt like she’d been paralysed in place and she held his gaze, searching his eyes with uncertainty on her own. <i>That</i> had thrown her off. She swallowed. <b>“I don’t…understand. We both like our freedom…that would mean trapping each other, wouldn’t it?”</b> her heart and her mind were both screaming at her to leave; sooner or later she’d have to admit to herself that the thing keeping her there was him…</div></center>[/dohtml]

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Julian supposed his fear of commitment and marriage could be based off the fact that his parents own marriage s rather rocky, whether either of them want to admit it or not right now, Julian could see that it was. Hell his mother seemed to be more paranoid than usual lately and his father spent most of his waking hours tending to the will of the people and whether he noticed the way his wife was acting was beyond him. Julian didn’t really want to get involved with their marriage and there was no way in hell he would want a marriage of his own ending up like that. If he was to be married off right now, there was no doubt in his mind that the unfortunate soul that had to marry him would be in for one hell of a wakeup call and live a rather depressing life. <p>

He wouldn’t be abusive like some men were in the physical sense, nor would he really be directly emotional abusive either. Julian would continue to live his life as if he wasn’t married to begin with – bedding multiple women and stay out during all hours of the day hunting game or training by himself somewhere that wasn’t Shatterstone. He wouldn’t lie to a woman and say that he would be the perfect husband that she wanted, Julian just couldn’t offer that to anyone and did he think it was fair for any woman to be married to him? In all honesty, he didn’t think it was far for a woman to have to endure the shit she would being married to him, which was part of the reason why he was so against being married and any form of commitment to begin with. There were only two things in his life that he was committed to – his training and Nero, his horse.<p>

But for him to go as far as to propose the idea of marriage in a few years to Ana? Well, Julian honestly didn’t understand where the hell that even came from. Ana didn’t like marriage as much as he did so why did he think that anything would change? He could see the shock in her eyes and for a moment he froze, time seemly stopped and he felt that overwhelming urge just to run, just to get out of here because he had practically just ruined everything they had right now – which was only sex, right? But he was honestly surprised when she didn’t move and instead she spoke, his icy blue hues responding to her and moving to her own dark eyes. “Well… yeah, I guess you’re right.” Julian murmured, leaning forward a bit more so he could press his forehead against hers. “I guess what I meant was like in ten years or something, just because I… honestly, I don’t even know why the hell I asked so you can pretty much just ignore that question.” Julian lowered his eyes to her lips for a moment, only to avoid her gaze as he let out a soft sigh. “Want me to go now?”<p>



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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">Maybe it was sad that she genuinely could not remember a life before this, she could only recall flashes of her mother’s face and running in the gardens of Crowskeep, and the vicious fights she’d had with her father. There were a few other things, names and faces she remembered, but the majority of her memories were taken up by the landscape of the kingdom and the faces of lords old and young she’d had to find ways to fend off. Ana would be a bad wife and a worse mother, and it was all because she wanted her life to be lived on her own terms – maybe that was selfish, but it was true. Her parents’ marriage had been an arranged one and she’d never been under any illusions of them being in love; her mother had instilled that righteousness in her somewhat, that will to belong to nobody but herself, but she’d grown up with it, too. That need for freedom always a little outside her grasp. Marriage would have taken it away entirely.
<p>
So surely, she realised, she should have been out of that door the moment he’d even brought marriage up. She was still here, lying in her bed with him, and even though she was confused and uncertain as she’d ever been she couldn’t bring it in herself to move. She didn’t want to move. She couldn’t keep running away, could she? Julian had said it himself, that it was that one thing she’d always been good at. Running. Her whole life was spent on the run, and Ana didn’t want to run away from him, not this time. Her stomach tightened nonetheless, and for a beat she just held his gaze, searching it quietly as though looking into the depths of those icy-blue eyes would give her all the answers that neither of them knew – gods, Ana wasn’t even sure of the questions any more. She breathed out slowly, becoming aware of the tight feeling in her chest as she did so, and nudged her forehead lightly against Julian’s own when he pressed them together.
<p>
She was still silent for a moment when he spoke again, watching as eventually Julian’s gaze flickered aside to look away from her, and that tight feeling in her chest intensified even more when he offered to leave. She couldn’t identify that feeling for the life of her, couldn’t identify what that meant. <b>“No, don’t…you should stay.”</b> Ana turned her head a little and pressed her lips to his; why didn’t she want him to leave? Surely she should? Surely she should want to get away after he’d said that…but there were words on the tip of her tongue and she didn’t stop them from rolling off, and maybe she couldn’t have if she’d tried. <b>“Maybe I <i>would</i> marry you in ten years’ time. Gods, maybe I’ll have stopped being too self-righteous to marry anyone by then. I’ll be old.”</b> she smiled a little and moved her hand from his shoulder to cup his face, tracing his cheekbone with her thumb.</div></center>[/dohtml]

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As long as Julian had known Ana, he never once asked her about her father or mother. He just assumed that they died, which was why she had come under the care of her brother and gods he could tell that Ana hated the man so much. There was a point in time that he actually debated on an ‘accident’ happening, maybe challenge the man to a spar and something went wrong just so Ana could be free from his oppressive ways. But if he was to do something like that, it would mean that there was more feelings for the woman that he was quite ready to accept. Was there something else? Could that clenching in his stomach and tightening of his heart mean something more than just a fling? Julian didn’t want to think it could be, he was afraid to accept that reality – no, he would much rather stay in his own little world than accepting whatever… whatever they were.<p>

But yet he realized that what he said to her didn’t frighten her, almost as much as he hoped that it would have so that the boundaries of their relationship would still exist. And now? There were no boundaries, what was said was said and there was no taking those words back. A faint smile curled at the edges of his lips when she nudged her forehead against his and for a moment Julian was tempted to capture her lips in another passionate exchange, but instead he opted to just staring into those dark hues of hers – a sea of chocolate colour that he could lose himself in. On any other woman brown eyes would have been boring, but with Ana that was completely different. There was a fire burning beneath them, passion, and for that reason along her eyes were indefinitely more alluring than any other woman’s that he had ever been with. Actually, Ana was the only woman that he had noticed the small things about – like the way her eyes wrinkle when she laughs or smiles or the way her skin felt so soft and warm against his own.<p>

But he asked if he should go because deep down Julian wanted to get the hell out of her room and back into his own so he could just try and gather his thoughts more clearly, but when she spoke and urged him to stay… Julian did just that. The hand that was on her lower back slowly moved to her waist and he responded to her kiss in kind, reciprocating the gentleness and affection that she showed. Julian laughed light heartedly at her words, pressing another swift kiss to her lips before he paused to contemplate his own reaction. “I suppose we are going to get married in ten years then, of course that is if we both aren’t married. I hope to the gods I won’t have any kids by then either.” Julian said with an exaggerated sigh, gently pulling her closer to him. “In fact, I hope I don’t have any kids running around right now… the world would be a fucked up place if there were.” <p>



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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">This refusal to question herself was working in her favour thus far, even though she knew that the moment they separated or she had time to herself to think about what was going on here she’d be panicking. Quietly lying there with Julian as she was, Ana found it easier to let impulse guide her rather than over-thinking everything, and in truth she was surprised what was happening because of it – she’d never have imagined herself agreeing to a marriage at all, much less one to someone she was sleeping with and had definitely never intended to have feelings for. In fact, if she’d ever agreed to marry anyone at all she’d have thought it would be as an act of defiance to her brother, a flagrant flaunting of her freedom of choice. But in the moment she’d agreed to Julian’s suggestion, it hadn’t been about that at all. It had been simple, uncalculated acceptance of the idea of marrying him. That should have terrified her, too. And it did.
<p>
In fact, she was surprised when Julian stayed when she asked him to, and she gave him a smile when the warmth of his hand moved from her lower back to her waist. Her own hand brushed gently up and down his arm when he kissed her back, though she was surprised again by the affection and the gentleness of it, and Ana could feel the tightness of her chest in response, like her lungs had suddenly become shallow or expanded too wide at the same time as her chest had become too small to hold them. She still wasn’t sure if the feeling was good or bad, but gods, she’d spent her life dealing with the unfamiliar and so she supposed it shouldn’t have bothered her either way; Ana just flashed Julian a grin when he laughed at her words, and hummed under her breath when he kissed her again. <b>“I dunno, I think it’d be a miracle if you don’t.”</b> she teased, shifting closer when he pulled her and stealing another kiss. <b>“How many girls have you slept with again?”</b> he’d probably told her once…clearly she hadn’t been listening very well if he had.
<p>
As sure as the sun rose in the east and set in the west, she’d been half-expecting them to be interrupted, and Ana glanced up at the sound of a knock on the door and sighed, extracting herself away from both Julian and the warmth of the bed slowly. Standing, she pulled on a gown and moved to the door, opening it only slightly so that whoever was on the other side wouldn’t see she wasn’t alone in the bed. As it turned out it was one of her maids with her moon tea, and she murmured thanks and took the potion from her before she dismissed the girl and closed the door, returning to the bed, though this time she settled with her back resting against the headboard and sipped the potion. It tasted unpleasant as always, but gods knew she was glad it worked. Glancing at Julian, Ana let a grin play across her face, teasing. <b>“I suppose if you have kids running around already you could always raise yourself an army of minions.”</b></div></center>[/dohtml]

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Julian was honestly surprised that he had no children as it was right now, hell even his best friend seemed to think that Julian had children running around somewhere and honest to gods he hoped he didn’t. The last thing he needed was any of his bastard children running around to add to more of the issues he would have to face once he was Keeper. He already had a reputation, granted one that was not very good – it was surprising how many people knew of his promiscuous lifestyle, but he supposed such a thing couldn’t be kept a secret when he’s slept with countless women. Although it was interesting to say that Julian had actually started to slow down, granted it all didn’t start until he met Ana. She had already kicked one maid out of his bed and honestly that was the only person he had slept with at this point; whether it was because Ana kept him satisfied or that there was… more that he still wasn’t willing to admit or accept.<p>

The young lord hummed against her lips when she stole another kiss, his hand gently tracing along the warm skin of her waist. Julian tilted is head slightly at the question she posed, biting his lower lip in thought. “Uh… like close to twenty?” Julian shrugged his shoulders and rested his forehead against hers, a soft sigh escaping his lips. “The number will probably keep rising too, at least until I decide to settle down… which won’t be for a while.” And that was the truth – he honestly didn’t want to settle down right now and he was tempted not to settle down at all. His life of freedom would be over the moment he decided the marry someone and he wanted that decision to be on his terms, which was why he refused the idea of any sort of betrothal or marriage proposal. <p>

Julian’s heart stopped when he heard a knock on the door and for a moment he was worried that whoever was on the other side would have just walked right in, but he sighed in relief when such a situation didn’t occur and he frowned when Ana got out of the of the bed – instantly missing the warmth of her body against his. Julian ran one of his hands through his long hair, moving up the bed moor as the sheets revealed more of his body as he sat up against the headboard and watched Ana as she spoke with someone and came back with what looked like a drink of some sort. “I suppose I could, and then we could take over the world.” Julian teased, his hand gently tracing down her thigh as he set his head back more, eyes closed as he let out another sigh. “I’m going to assume that’s our saving grace?” He asked thoughtfully, peaking open one of his eyes to watch her as she drank it and silently he was thankful he didn’t have to go through drinking that – gods only knew it tasted like shit. <p>



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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">She supposed one of the few advantages of being a woman in this world was that you always knew for certain whether you had children or didn’t – although it was a double edged sword if you were Ana, because even were she to get pregnant she wasn’t entirely sure she’d ever want a child, and wouldn’t be able to deny its blood bond to her the same way Julian could have done if anyone came to Shatterstone claiming to have borne his bastard. Still, at least she knew, and wasn’t left wondering about it all; as long as she managed not to get pregnant and the moon tea kept working she should have been fine. And honestly, she didn’t want to think about the consequences if the tea didn’t work. By rights she should have had a child of her own already, and that thought scared her – it was with relief that she drank her moon tea every time she received it, glad to have the freedom it provided her with, glad to be able to sleep with Julian as often as they felt like without worrying about the consequences.
<p>
The only consequences she had to worry about these days were feelings, and still she denied she had those at all.
<p>
Ana smiled as Julian hummed against her lips, settling close to him and sighing at the warmth of his hand moving along her waist. She watched him as he paused for thought at her words, and nodded at the response she received, stroking his cheek lightly when he rested his forehead against hers once more. She closed her eyes, listening to his words, and let her hand move back to his shoulder to rub it gently, spidering her fingers up and down the length of his arm as she did so. After a pause, she opened her eyes to meet his gaze once more, thoughtful. <b>“I’m kind of surprised you’re considering settling down at all, honestly…”</b> she told him, equally honestly. Ana genuinely hadn’t thought Julian would ever be the type to settle down with just one woman, but what had she really thought? That he was as foolish as her and thought he could get away with being unmarried forever, too? No, he was probably more practical than her…it was Ana’s head that was full of dreams of freedom.
<p>
Huffing a sigh, she leaned back against the headboard when she got back into the bed, cradling the goblet in one hand and glancing at him sideways to grin at his words. <b>“World domination? Ambitious, I like it.”</b> she laughed, humming as his hand traced her thigh; her skin prickled under his touch. Ana turned her attention back to the drink, taking sips of it slowly in case the taste of it made her gag, as often it did; it had honey in it – how could it be so bitter?! She balanced the drink in one hand, drifting the fingers of the other up and down the ridge-and-valley dip of his ribs gently. <b>“Yeah.”</b> she nodded, taking another sip and pretending like she hadn’t just wrinkled her nose or pulled a face. <b>“It’s…delicious, you have no idea what you’re missing.”</b> she teased, swilling the goblet and drinking again, this time only just stopping her expression from shifting into one of distaste. It was worth it, to remain childless.</div></center>[/dohtml]

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Julian was glad that Ana was on this potion or whatever the concoction was because it had thus far proven useful in preventing a very unwanted pregnancy. Had he ever thought about having a child with Ana? No, it hadn’t really crossed his sober mind but his drunk mind clearly had other thoughts according to what she said he said last night. He regretted ever saying such a thing, but he honestly couldn’t remember saying it at all so could it have counted anyways? He was obvious beyond drunk so really he wasn’t thinking straight anyways because just the thought of a child now scared the living shit out of him. Hell, he couldn’t stand being around a baby for more than five minutes before the cries got to him and he wanted nothing more than to bash his skull in against the wall than endure more of the crying. There were some people that were built for being a father and Julian, as of right now, was not qualified nor did he want to be one.<p>

“Yeah, I am too.” Julian agreed quietly, trying his best to brush those thoughts out of his mind. Besides, who knows where he could be ten years from now when he deiced that would be the best time to ‘settle down’ – hell, he could be dead for all he knew! But chances were he would end up like his father and sitting in the throne room wasting away while the commoners complained about their issues like he gave a shit. Julian honestly couldn’t see what his father saw in them, but whatever… so long as he was able to live this lifestyle for as long as he could Julian had no qualms with them. “So is that a yes for ten years from now?” Julian asked, only because part of him wanted to know the answer while the rest of him was completely confused as to why he asked in the first place – sometimes he could be a completely idiot.<p>

Julian sighed as her hand traced down his chest, his icy blue eyes moving up to meet her dark hues as she took another drink of the vile looking liquid. “Another reason I am happy to be a boy and not a girl.” Julian pointed out with a soft laugh, sitting up a bit more so he could push some of her hair behind her shoulder and he leaned down to press a kiss against the soft skin of her neck. “But I’m glad to see you are still taking it – shows you have conviction.” Julian murmured against her neck, gently nipping her before he kissed up along her jawline and eventually he gently took the goblet from her and pressed a passionate kiss against her lips, his free hand gently moving to cup her cheek – gods all he wanted right now was for her to get back under the damn covers because he suddenly felt a little underdressed… which was never a bad thing in his opinion. <p>


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[dohtml]<center><div style="width: 400px; line-height: 11px; text-align: justify">The more she thought about it, the more she understood why she was innately resisting that urge to run, why she didn’t want to move. Being around Julian, life was simple – it wasn’t complicated, and even though sometimes she got caught up by that tightening feeling in her chest, a tension that wouldn’t go away, it was easy to ignore. They were honest with one another, and even though he’d shown more than a hint of possessiveness she still knew that what they expected from…whatever it was they had, was nothing more than sex; it didn’t have to be anything more than that. It calmed her to know it, even if she didn’t know why she sometimes felt so anxious and tense and nervous when that feeling coiled in her stomach and it was usually when she was with him – she could have read more into that, if she wanted to, but she didn’t want to, and that was the thing. Even after what had been said last night, Ana believed it when Julian said he hadn’t meant it…partly because believing it was easier than considering any alternatives.
<p>
She nodded when he agreed with her surprise, watching him quietly; he seemed to become lost in thought for a while, and her own mind wandered to where she supposed she’d be in ten years; knowing her luck she’d likely be married and have raised five kids in that time, but that wasn’t a pleasant thought to consider, and she refused to allow the idea that maybe one day she’d give in to her brother’s scheming. Her self-preservation instinct was unrivalled: if she were forced into a betrothal again she’d probably end up hurting everyone else on her path to escaping it, much in the same way she’d destroyed her last betrothal. She chewed on her lip for a moment at his words, wondering why she wasn’t baulking quite so badly at the question, for surely she should have run off and left him in the dust long before now. <b>“Yeah.”</b> she murmured, <b>“I think it is.”</b> she didn’t let herself wonder why she’d agreed to it; she didn’t know the answer to that question.
<p>
Ana smiled at his words, laughing as she lowered the goblet for a moment. <b>“I’m sure that’s a pretty long list of reasons already.”</b> she teased, sighing as she felt her skin prickle gently under the warmth of his lips against her neck; her free hand moved to his shoulder, tracing patterns on it slowly, and she closed her eyes. <b>“I guess it does.”</b> her voice had dropped into a murmur then, and she shivered again as fire sparked in the area of her neck where Julian nipped her. She hummed, still drawing patterns on his shoulder where her hand rested while he kissed along her jawline, and let him take the goblet from her, her hand, now free, moving to the back of his neck as she kissed him back. The warmth of his touch was familiar, and she smiled into the kiss, knowing his intentions all too well; reaching out, Ana broke the kiss just long enough to take the goblet from him lightly so she could place it on the bedside table, cupping his face with both hands and kissing him again when she returned her attention to him as she shifted down the headboard to move them down and back under the covers.</div></center>[/dohtml]