Quotes-From-Anywhere

You might have seen this on JJH. Basically post any quotes. I've got a bigass list, because I'm sad like that =D

Rachel: Chandler, Monica just broke my seashell lamp...
Chandler: Neat! I’m going to die alone!
Rachel: …okay you win.

Zim: Obey the fist!

Wayne: Chyeah. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Chandler: (regarding being ignored by Monica and Mike) So should I use my powers of invisibility for good or for evil?

Garth: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?

Zim: Something’s broken and it’s not your fault?
Gir: I know. I’m scared too.

Miss Bitters: The results were horrible, children. Your parents will all receive calls telling them to love you less now.
Class: Aw…

Brian’s Mum: He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!

Brian: You’re all individuals!
Crowd: Yes, we’re all individuals!
Single woman: *raises hand* I’m not.

Knights who say Nee: We are the knights who say NEE!

King Arthur: You’ve got no limbs left!
Black Knight: No I don’t!

Teacher: [teaching his class about sex, about to demonstrate with his wife] Now pay attention children, I have no intention of going through this all again.

Ross: I’m the HOLIDAY ARMADILLO!

Dib: That’s just dumb.
Zim: Dumb like a moose, Dib. Dumb…like a moose!

Gir: Why is his head so biig? Why is his head so biiig?

The Grinch: Ooh, check the messages.
Phone: You have no messages.
The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing *presses button on phone*
Phone: (Grinch’s voice) IF YOU UTTER SO MUCH AS ONE SYLABBLE, I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! …If you want to fax me, press the star key.

Stan: Sit. Good boy Sparky. Now don’t be gay Sparky! Don’t be gay!

Kyle: Oh my god! I killed Kenny! I'm a bastard!

Mr. Garrison: Who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early '60's?
Cartman: A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods.
Mr. Garrison: Right. But who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?

John Edwards: But, I'm a psychic.
Stan: No, dude. You're a douche.
John Edwards: I'm not a douche. What if I really believed dead people talk to me?
Stan: Then, you're a stupid douche.

Chandler: Ding dong, the psycho’s gone.

Chandler: I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Various: (hot MSN emoticon) OMG!! IT’S TC!!!

Me: Oh, don’t get your ovaries in a knot.

Chandler : All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for

Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y'know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man, " they'll shout!

Joey: You know, with that goatee, you kinda look like Satan.

Dib: I know what you are Zim!
Zim: Human? Yes I’m human, human, human! Just look at my neck!

Zim: Is it meant to be stupid?
Purple: It’s not stupid, it’s advaaanced.

Me: (screaming and holding Emma’s pads in the air in a supermarket) PERIOD NAPPIES! PERIOD NAPPIES!
Emma: *holding head in hands* Dumbass….

Laura: You suck eggs.
Me: Yeah, well you suck omelettes!
Laura: xD Moron

Joe: And then the magicky squirrel came down and ATE YOUR BIG FAT HEAD!

Becca: Whoo! Threesome! Aw, yeah!

Dib: Horrible nightmare visions!
Ms. Bitters: It's called life, Dib. Sit down.

Teacher: Charlotte…what are you doing?
Me: Drawing a fifty foot chicken in Tokyo.
Teacher: What has that gotta do with ANYTHING?
Me: It’s my news report.
Teacher: It was SUPPOSED to be about delinquent teenagers.
Me: Uhm. Can I have fifty foot chicken as a side order?

Teacher: When I was young, I watched porn. Thing was, that guy had such a huge penis it made me feel small…
Class (me included): o_O;;

Pizza Dude: Here’s your pizza:
Gir: *sniffling* T-thank you. I love you.

Mr. Herriman: *hopping into the forest* A hunting I will go, a hunting I will go! Oh dear…my bearings…they seem to be lost. Hello? Help? Anyone? MADAME FOSTER!?
(camera pans out to show Mr. Herriman 5 feet from camp)
Mr. Herriman: Uh, I mean, that’s what you would do if YOU went into the forest.

Generic villain-dude: Bring it!
Beastboy: Dude, it is so brung! Brang…bringed…
Raven: Oooh, bad grammar. That’ll scare him.

Numbuh 5: You really have no idea where babies come from do you?
Numbuh 1: Sure I do! They come from baby eggs…

Emma: Hi cat ^^ *pats*
Me: *whaps Emma’s hand away* Goddamnit, I am not a cat!
Emma: You MEOW.
Me: And that makes me a cat!? That just makes me a frigging freak of nature!

Me: Tch. Dudes. You say one thing about cutting off their penis and whoosh, they’re away.

Stan: [regarding everybody helping to stop global warming and be good to the environment to happy music] Y’know guys. I was wrong. This is gay. This is gayer than all the guys in the pile having sex with each other.
Stan’s dad: Alright. Back in the pile, everybody. *everybody leaves to go back in the pile*

Jolt: …Er…Snoweh, I should have told ye. I ate the oven.
Me: o_o
Jolt: I know, I do rawk don’t I? *slapped*
Me: Ok you win. *sighs and glances over at tail flame* I’m going to have to be used as a tail flame, aren’t I?
Jolt: Whee! *gets stick and stabs marshmallow* You stay there for a while… *roasts over tail flame*
Me: *gets out frying pan, drops bacon in and holds over tail flame* I like bacon ^^
Jolt: Yah. At least you can’t use me for… *points at toilet* It was my turn last week.
Me: xD
Jolt: That was NOT funny. *pulls loo roll off foot*
Me: Bad time of the month for the toilet to break as well ^_~
Jolt: I know…that Mexican chilli cook off happened to open as well T_T
Me: I didn’t win, but being a judge is fun! =D

Me: It’s puntastic!
Jolt: It’s all pun.
Me: We’ve been going with these for like ten minutes, should we stop?
Jolt: Good idea.
Me: Yay, I’m wise!
Jolt: All hail Snow!
Me: *falls over*

Various: My ovaries hurt D=

Me: I blame the chicken.

Becca: Powerhouse! In the middle of our street!

Laura: [responding to a stupid comment Chelsea made] If you don’t shut up, I’ll shove that umbrella up your ass!
Me: Oh, I don’t think that’s a very good punishment for Chelsea. She likes her anal.
Laura: *laughing fit*
Chelsea: I do not like anal! Nor do I like porn!

Me: CHELSEA LIKES PORN!
Chelsea: I do not!

Me: *singing* Porn addict! Giving herself a treat! Chelsea! The poorn addict! Giving herself a treat!
Chelsea: You’re going straight to hell ;_;

Teacher: Now here are your friends in the order they died.

Garth: Fine then go.
Wayne: I’m going.
Garth: Then go then.
Wayne: I’m gone.
Garth: Then go then.
Wayne: I’m going *leaves*

Benjamin: Thing is Wayne, in your contract you gave the Noah a few things. One is a weekly spot on the show.
Wayne: Well that’s just where I see things a little differently, contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor *opens Pizza Hut box and poses with slice*

Jason and Jack: (on table, playing a game and looking very wrong in the process)
Joe: *whips out mobile* Gotta get this on camera.
Me: Dude! …let me see when you’re done xD;

Chelsea: I DO NOT, NOT WATCH PORN! NOR DO I LIKE ANAL!
Catherine: AND I DON’T EAT BABIES! AND I DON’T HAVE RABIES!
Me: Don’t bother. Everybody sees through your lies!
Chelsea and Catherine: GODDAMNIT CHARLOTTE!

[in year 5]
Teacher: And look Craig, these on the octopus. *points at tentacles* What are they?
Kid: They’re his testicles!
Me and Catherine: *sniggersnort*
Teacher: No, that’s what YOU have.

[apparently. I dunno, I was sleeping.]
Catherine: Guys…I think Charlotte’s dead! *pokes sleeping me* Aw shit! She isn’t breathing! Now what do we do?

Emma: *pretending to slit her wrists with invisible knife* Wriiists! Wriiists! *falls off chair*

Brittni: He calls me a clay rectangular prism

God: Enough about me. Let’s talk about my dress.

Cartman: Oh man, if I was a little bit older I'd totally start jacking off right now.
*underpants gnomes take Tweek's underwear*

Tweek: Why do they torture me like this? WHY CAN'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?
Kyle: D**nit, Tweek, what the hell is wrong with you?
Tweek: They took my underpants again! Soon they'll want my blood... BLOOD! AAHHHHHH!

Cartman: I've been keeping this place free of hippies since I was five and a half.

Cop: I'm never going to frame another innocent man again! Unless I know he's black

Cartman: Handle it? For two billion dollars I could handle my Grandpa's balls dude.

Uncle Jimbo: These shoes don't say I pound butt.
Mr. Garrison: No, those shoes say you take it in the butt.

Cartman: Oh please, we are ten times more gay than you guys!

Bebe: You guys still want to go ice skating after school?
Wendy: Oh no, that's okay, Bebe. You might trip and then we'd be sucked into your huge, gaping vagina like ants into a vacuum cleaner.

Bebe: Mom, what's six times eight?
Bebe's Mom: Oh, Sweetie. Those are two completely different numbers.

Doctor: Making breasts larger is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Making them smaller is…insane.

Dr. Hallis: Look, us plastic surgeons have one philosophy: if we can help someone's self esteem a little, then why not do it if they have three thousand dollars?

Bebe's Mom: Part of being a woman is having a friend one day and calling her a slut the next.

Mr. Hat: I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, who hits you? Is it your father or your mother?
Stan: Well, neither one. It's my sister.
Mr. Garrison: Your sister? For God's sake, quit being such a little wuss! Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy, little fu-fu problems. And give me back my cocoa!

Chef: You know what they say: You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.

Cartman: Speilberg - Jew ... Lucas - Jew ... Kyle - Jew

Cartman (singing): I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face.

TV Reporter: When asked if MOOP's strike will stop them from illegaly downloading music, 1% said "yes". 2% said "no". And, 97% said "Who the hell is MOOP?

Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross/I can't help but think that he looks kinda' hot.

Stan: You mean there's actually people who dedicate their life to sticking their hands up somebody's ass?
Chef: That's right.
Kyle: What a dick.

Mr. Garrison: Let's clear the air. We all know that pigeon was a whore. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon.

Mrs. Garrison: (regarding Token singing) Just between us girls, nothing gets me wetter in the snooch than a black man singing.
Teacher: (pinches bridge of nose) Oh, Mr. Garrison!

Scientist: "Global Warming is going to strike... two days before the day after tomorrow."

Stan: "Global warming isn't happening right now. It's, it's not what caused the Beaverton flood."
Kyle: "How do you know that?
Stan: "Because, I know what did cause the flood."
Kyle: "George Bush?"
Stan: "No."
Kyle: "Terrorists?"
Stan: "No."
Kyle: "Communists?"
Stan: "No."
Kyle: "Chinese radicals?"
Stan: "No."
Kyle: "...Cartman?"
Stan: "...sort of."

Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose.

Cartman: Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!

Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!

Cartman: Okay, Token, give me a sweet bass line.
Token: I don't know how to play the bass.
Cartman: Token, how many times do we have to go over this? You're black. You can play the bass.
Token: I'm really tired of your racist views on this.
Cartman: Well then, get tired of them after you give me a bass line!
Token: (Plays the bass expertly) Oh, Goddammit.

Kyle: Cartman, you have such a fat ass, that when people walk down the street they go, 'God damn, that's a big, fat ass.'
Cartman: No, they don't, you jealous weakling.
Passing Man: God damn, that's a big fat ass.

I love you for all the Friends quotes. :]


Rave: Your mum
Me: your great aunt twice removed

Dan: I will hunt down your house, sniff your pillows, kick your dog in the leg and laugh at your ceiling. THREE TIMES!

Adam: I DO NOT FANCY REBECCA! I love Chris... and I always will. *hugs Chris*

Simone: I once had a dream where Chris and Matt got off with eachother...
Me: yet another reason why I hate Lemon... lucky bastard.

Mr Colbert: MATTHEW STOP SMILING!

Mr Colbert: *points at the lights as they switch on*

McGlone: ANYONE WANT POPCORN CHICKEN?
Me: No I'll have the person offering them plz.

Corey: MEOW!
Me: o.o;;;;;

IRL Quote:

Friend: Oh dearie me.
Me: You're a very unlucky muffin, aren't you?

MSN Quotes:

Me: RUN FOR THE HILLS, CHARLIE!

Me: Mistah Fred feels unloved. ;~;
Me: Mistah Fred's gonna become a stereotypical emo kid.
Me: WITH A MOUSTACHE

And some random stuff for this quizthing I'm making:

PURPLE! No, wait... GREEN! Or perhaps... umm... PIRATES! *hides*
They're only saying that because they like me! *dance*
I don't think she'll appreciate that. (in response to "MY MOM!")
DON'T LEEEAAAVVVEEE MEEEEEEE! *darth vader nooooooo*

Jolty: "they both take Charmy home... Espio answers the door... XD Ice is like @w@"

Ohohohoho anyone remember when I was the Espio-Fangirl-But-Not-Quite? Haha.

Jolty: what? OMG RICKY YOU KNOW I'M A ROBOPHILE DONT' T YOU?!

Ricky: *pets Sean v9* So cyoote! n.n;;

Tailsy: I'm so funny it hurts. -shot- See?

o.o Well I didnt remember those quotes

Well, there's some goodness to help with your memory.

OH! ITS THAT DREAM I HAD!!!!!!!!!! I REMEMBER NOW! XD

oh yes Mighty x Espio x Vector FTFW.

...expect a lot of pics soon.

Bill and Ted: Bill/Ted! *hug each other and then both step away* Fag.

Napolean: *on the floor and having a tantrum* Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Bill: I can't believe you ditched Napolean! D'you realise how important that guy is?
Brother: He was a dick!

Policeman: Why do you keep saying that you are Froyd?
Froyd: Why do you keep saying I'm not?
Policeman: Why do you keep asking me these questions!?
Froyd: ...*leans on desk* Tell me about your mother.

I just watched that movie. It seems I haven't got the slightest bit more mature or clever since I was like 5, I still laugh hysterically at it xD;

OMG BILL AND TED.

<3

Kuroi: What have you been smoking? :P
Me: ...your mom.
Kuroi: Oh snap!

Joe(when he was a n00b): but i dint spam!

Tage: no u k thx.

('kay, most of the next ones are from IMs.)

Mason: I'M A JJH MOD! (something along the lines of that)
Me: SPORKING HELL
Me: *sporks hell*

Me: IN THE GREAT WORDS OF BIG THE CAT: Meow! ^-^

Me: I know guys... who know guys...
Cam: ...Who know girls? =D
Me: ...who know guys...
Mason: Who know gay guys!
Me: XD word.

Cam: Hold on a bit.
Mason: Hold onto what? D=
Cam: To... Ike.
Me: XD nothanks.

Mason: *Randomly draws a doorknob*
Me: Remember, licking doorknobs on other planets is illegal.

Me: Bob and the fiend are IN THE ROOM.
Mason: ONOES
Me: SOMEONE GET THE PIGEONS! THEY HAVE THE SHOTGUNS! THE SHOTGUNS I SAY!
Me: ...the fiend said hi.
Me: IT BURNS
Me: JESUS IT BURNS

Me: I drew a Rayquaza. ON A PLANE.

Me: From now on you shall be known as Mr. Fish.
Mason: D=

Me: THE MARTIANS STOLE THE CAN OPENER!

Mason: Invite CM?
Me: Hmm... what would Jesus do?
Mason: Invite him? Since Jesus welcomes all?
Me: Fine.
-CM has been added to the conversation-
Me: What would Jesus do NOW, Mason? >D
Me: A barrel roll?

*after seeing what Mr. Spamzor did to JJH's Journey to whatever replies*
Me: Hitler must be turning in his grave.
Tage: XD

Mason: I don't get it.
Me: You don't need to get it.
Me: It has RABIES.
Me: On a 60-foot pole.

Me: And he killed Kenny too.
Me: The b@$tard.

Mason: I think Batman is emo. ;;;>> He lives in the dark after all.
Me: And says DAMMIT all the DAMMIT time.
Me: DAMMIT.
Mason: loladamwestiscrazy.

Mason: brb.
*some times later*
Mason: Back.
Me: Welcome back to the Land of No Return.

Mason: YOUR MOTHER.
Me: That's what she said last night, don't wear it out.

"To describe the sensation one gets by hearing Jesse McCartney, shove Rod Stewart in your ear canal."

-Me

"In other news, your face is an accepted form of payment in 12.37 countries, including Antartica."

-Me

Billy: At least I don't sit at the computer getting horny!
Timmy: HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
Billy: I've been there. :]

<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song

I <3 Bash.Org xd

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucking impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

OH YES

BEST QUOTE EVER.

Mr Blik: I have an idea...
Waffle: I have an idea too!
Mr Blik: ...what's your idea?
Waffle: To listen to your idea!

Teacher: Write a story that is complete fiction, and all of it is a lie. No inappropriate content.

Me: If someone were to write a story about cat ninjas, or something, is "sheath" considered inappropriate. Some people might not know which sheath it is. =3

Teacher: I don't get what you're talking about.

(=3 Language teachers apparently don't know much animal anatomy.)

I think "sheath" is furslang. o-o

Nyarr...

Battle Frontier girl, about one of my Zangoose: This one says it likes to defend itself! But if it gets enough ouchies, it'll hit back!

TV: "Recluse's ZANGOOSE won it all by defeating YAZMIN's Azurill! To knock YAZMIN aside... that's power!"
(I think it was something like that. All I know is that it was a REALLY WEAK Pokemon.)

Bresha: Oooh my brother is a snitch... he told my mom I have a MySpace and I wasn't allowed to have one...

oo Nope. It's an actual word. I've seen it used in stuff other than AGNPH fanfics and stuff.

A sheath is a pocket or covering of skin covering the [lol pee ee enn word] of a canine or other mammal.

Thus, it isn't slang. =3 http://www.answers.com/sheath&r=67

(I have no quotes for this posts...~)