ok ,, best jokes ,, or stories ,, or worst stories ,, like if you had a groth,, well ,, ok ,, maby not ,, but best stories anyway !!
Keep the jokes clean, this is a family shard and we do have young players.

ok here's a little johnny joke for you

little johnny's teacher was teaching a class on elements. she asked little susie what her favorite element was. little susie replied silver, because i can buy all the diamonds in the world. then she asked little timmy, his reply was gold, because he could buy all the nascar racers and cars in the world. then she asked little johnny, his reply was silicon. the teachers looks at johnny and asks why. little johnny replied "because my mom has 2 bags of it and has all the gold, diamonds and nascar racers she wants

lol ,,, nice ,,, any one else??? :P

this is just a trick question so pay attention

If pi(e) is pi(e) then what is pi(e)???

one 8th of something i like to eat?

K :blink:

wrong

;) Too large to eat

ROFL!!!!! :lol:

:D joke for yall.... What does kodiac film and trojan condoms have in common?

There both designed to catch that special moment! :P

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
~ unknown ~

pi

Hi, I'm Cheeseball Applebuns.

Keep reading and find out how I got this name

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day, so here is your dose. Follow the below instructions to find your new name:

The following in an excerpt from the children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. In the book the evil professor forces everyone to assume new names.

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.

Have fun all :)

I refuse to be Dorkey Bubblechunks!

Yuck I come up with pinky girdle juice, not kidding either.

hahahahahaha Im Tootie Bubble Tush!!! :D :P

Hello my name is Loopy Bubblemouth :P

blows a spit bubble

hello my name is Boobie Girdlefanny, is very nice to meet you all :)

Just so that nobody can say I'm not a team player...my new name would be... you should probably sit down for this........ ZIPPY LIVERBUNS!! CYA

Nice to see you Zane.. er ummm Zippy. I kinda prefer Tootie Bubble Tush, if I had to pick.... Actually, Boobie Girdlefanny isn't half bad either. ;)

ok now i aqm loopy applefanny and i think it kind of fits :ph43r:

Buttercup Applefanny....... From the princess bride perhaps.... nah doesn't really fit

So close.

pizza face??? hmmmm :angry:

gack.. 2 pi r squared

that's my absolute last offer.. take it or leave it :lol:

if pi(e) is pi(e), then pi(e), ummm, would be pi(e)

*nods in shame* people pull out a calculator and puch the pi button and then press enter then tell me what the first 3 numbers are. and you got the answer it was a simple trick question that i thought of. for those to poor (like me) to own a calculator the answer is 3.14

Well, it sure got us, so I guess it was a good Trick Question :lol:

Bizarre Driving Laws
The Greek sage Aristotle once penned, "Even when the laws have been written down, they ought not always remain unchanged." Not only is this wise advice, but also prophetic. Especially when you focus on some of the driving laws that loiter on the pages of state statutes.

Tennessee, for example, has a law that bans shooting game, other than whales, from moving vehicles. Apparently, this law was authored during an unusually high tide or after too many dizzying spins on a Tilt-a-Whirl at Dollyworld. Chances of any whale finding its way into Tennessee via the Cumberland River are about as likely as Tony Danza winning a lifetime achievement award at the Cannes Film Festival. Yet, it exists.

So as to assure that your next cross-country vacation does not get pricked by the thorns of legality, we at DMV.ORG have organized a list of arcane state laws that you should be aware of. For nothing can be more embarrassing than having to phone your attorney from Kentucky for help in escaping a fine for trying to transport an ice cream cone in your back pocket.

Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street as long as a lantern is attached to the front of your car.
Driving barefoot is illegal.

Alaska
It is illegal to tie a dog to the roof of your car.
Arkansas
It is illegal for a person to blare the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9 p.m.

California
Any woman dressed in a housecoat is prohibited from driving a car.
It is illegal in San Francisco to buff or dry your car with used underwear.
No unoccupied vehicle may exceed 60 miles per hour.

Florida
If an elephant is tied to a parking meter, the owner or attendant must deposit money in the meter.

Georgia
State Assembly members are immune from being ticketed for speeding while the State Assembly is in session.
In Marietta, Georgia it is illegal to spit from a moving car or bus, but is okay from a moving truck.

Illinois
In Evanston, Illinois it is unlawful to change clothes while inside a car with the curtains drawn, except during a fire.

Kansas
In Derby, Kansas, it is considered a misdemeanor to screech your tires while driving.

Kentucky
If you stop for ice cream while driving, be aware that it is considered unlawful to transport an ice cream cone in your back pocket.

Massachusetts
You will be ticketed if you drive with a gorilla in the backseat of your car.

Michigan
If you car breaks down in Detroit and you are waiting for assistance, be aware that sitting in the middle of the street to read a newspaper is illegal.

Minnesota
It is illegal to cross state lines, regardless if you are walking or driving, with a duck on your head. And, if you're crossing into Wisconsin, the law also applies to chickens.
In Minnetonka, Minnesota, if you drive a truck that leaves mud, dirt or sticky substances on any road, you will be considered a public nuisance who is harming the peace, safety, and general welfare of the town.
You cannot ride a motorcycle without a shirt.

Montana
In Whitehall, Montana, vehicles are prohibited from driving with ice picks attached to the wheels.

Nevada
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

New Jersey
Drivers are required to beep their car horns before passing another vehicle.
If convicted of driving while intoxicated, you permanently lose the option of registering for a vanity license plate.

North Carolina
In Dunn, North Carolina, it is illegal to drive on a sidewalk.

Ohio
In Oxford, Ohio, authorities will ticket you if you consecutively drive around the town square more than 100 times.
Keep in mind that if your car breaks down and you phone for a cab, you will be ticketed if you opt to ride on the cab's roof.

Oklahoma
It is considered illegal to read a comic book while driving.

Oregon
You will be ticketed if you leave your car door open longer than is deemed necessary.
You will be slapped with a Class A traffic violation if you use your car on an Oregon highway to prove your physical endurance.
It is illegal to pump your own gas.

Pennsylvania
If you spy a team of approaching horses, you are required by law to pull to the side of the road and cover your car with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted or sewn to blend into the scenery. But, if the horses react skittish to your efforts, you are then required to disassemble your car and hide the parts in the nearby underbrush.

South Carolina
In Hilton Head, South Carolina, you cannot leave trash in your vehicle out of fear of attracting rats.

Tennessee
It is illegal to fire a gun at any wild game other than whales from a moving car.

West Virginia
It is perfectly legal, for road maintenance purposes, to scavenge road kill.

http://www.dmv.org/fun-stuff/bizarre-driving-laws.php

Ok heres some dumb and crazy laws of the state I live in. Oklahoma.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.

Whaling is illegal in Oklahoma.

It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.

People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.

Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.

Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.

Tattoos are banned.

No one may spit on a sidewalk.

It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.

Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.

It is illegal to have sex before you are married.

Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punisable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.

I had a joke for one of these but, I don't think I should post it :P

Heres a website that shows a bit of the history of Ultima Online. Including the famous incident where Lord British was assassinated in Ultima Online.
http://www.aschulze.net/ultima/stories9/235.htm

Ummm....How do I put this in a nice way...... Ummm... K.. let's try this... Hey Vectorman...I'm here to play...not for History Class!! It's all fun and games until someone tries to make you learn something!! Anyways, just kidding. Had to put some kind of response in though. Me and my BIG MOUTH!! Oh well!! CYA!! NOAH/ZANE

I'm sure atleast some of you have read the ImaNewbie UO web comics but incase you havn't heres a link to the site.

http://www.imanewbie.com/loband/lo-idx-frameset.shtml

I won't say I have read it and I won't say I haven't, but I will say that guy gives Wile E Coyote a run for his money, luckwise. *not that I would bookmark it or anything*

I will not be Tootie GizzardChunks.

But it was funny thanks

k here is an other one :


An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida,
his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email,
unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address,
he did his best to type it from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint, at the sound,
her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.....


DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...

P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

I live in Arkansas, so it's OK for me to send this one. ;)


Warning:

You have just received the "Arkansas Computer Virus"

As we ain't got no programming experience,
this virus works on the honor system:
Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus
to everyone on your mailing lists.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

University of Arkansas Computer Engineering Department.

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the
small home on her husband's ranch
near Snowflake. She put a shoe box
on a shelf in her closet and asked her
husband never to touch it. For fifty years
Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt
Edna was old and dying. One day when
he was putting their affairs in order, he
found the box again and thought it might
hold something important. Opening it,
he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash.
He took the box to her and asked about
the contents. "My mother gave me that
box the day we married," she explained.
"She told me to make a doily to help ease
my frustrations every time I got mad at you.
" Uncle Jack was very touched that in
50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."

ahh ummm *clears throat* Nicetameetcha..I'm Loopy Giggletush
(oh mannnnnnnnnnnn)

I hope you managed a smile when you said that.... :unsure:

here is an other one:

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
==================
STRONGEST MAN COMPETITION


The local pub was so sure that its landlord was the strongest man around that it offered a standing ?1,000 bet that no could beat him. The challenge was that the landlord would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.
Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over the prize and asked "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?"
"No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."