Billy Madison, What the fuck am I watching?

[Harkovast]

I hate Adam Sandler.
Mrs Vast also hates him.
I was never very keen on him in the first place.
All his movies are basically the same.
Adam Sandler plays a man child who speaks in a silly voice.
And that's it.
But now...now this fucker has crossed the line.
This dirty son of a bitch whore from hell has finally crossed the line.

He made Billy Madison.
And then I watched it.

Actually I didn't watch all of it.
Yes, thats right, a movie was so irritating I changed channel.
Yeah, this is me! This is Hark!
The guy who fucking thrives on bad movies.
But Adam Sandler has managed to make a movie even I cant get through.

The plot is that Adam Sandler is a slacker who talks in a silly voice.
In order to inherit a hotel chain he has to go back to school to complete his education, working his way through all the grades until he graduates.

This is a shit plot that could only result in a lame and annoying comedy that will be quickly forgotten.

When it came on TV I didn't mind leaving it on, it was clearly just some harmless pap. Maybe it would raise the odd chuckle....

This movie is evil.
And I don't mean evil like its just bad.
It IS bad, dont get me wrong about that! Half the time I was struggling to tell if Adam Sandler was pretending to be special needs or not. I was honestly not sure. Eventually I came to the conclusion he wasn't, but it is no exaggeration to say that his performance is so ridiculous you could interpret the film that way.
Oh yes, this is unfunny pap of the lowest order, but that doesn't make it evil.

This movie is void of all morals.
Let me give you an example of the kind of shit Sandler is shoveling here.

In one scene Sandlers character is in the class when a child is reading. Sandler laughs loudly that the kid is stupid because he cant read.
The teacher (a hot young blond chick) takes him outside and scoulds him for his behaviour. He acts unconcerned, responding to her in a wierd baby talk voice (he does this a lot in the film...hence my confusion as to whether he is meant to have learning problems.) As she goes back inside he starts saying wierd stuff to himself about so hot, want to touch the hiney."
At some point I assume this was supposed to have been funny...
BUT I'M NOT DONE!
Shortly after the class go on a field trip, on which a boy dares the main character to touch the teachers boob.
Bill acts as if this is an offensive idea, saying it would be assault.
He then grins and says he will do it if he is double dared.
So then he goes up the bus, pretend to stumble, and grabs at the woman's boobs.
Erm....you were right first time Billy. That isn't funny hijinx....thats sexual assault.
The teacher reveals that she over heard him being double dared...but seems unconcerned and just sends him back to his seat.
At the field trip one of hte children pees his pants so in order to stop the other kids laughing at him, Billy pisses himself and tells the kids all cool grown ups do that.
This is treated as a good thing...it is also treated as funny. It manages nether.
Billy talks to the teacher. He apologises for that whole groping her without consent thing and she says its no big deal and "hes not the first person to try and grab her boobs"
What....the....?
Is she saying she gets molested a lot? Who is molesting her? Why is she okay with this? what is happening? ARGH!
Now at this point, you should have figured out, this dumb teacher chick is the love interest.
After the field trip she seems to fall for Billy's charms and wants to sleep with him.
The transition is as sudden as it sounds.
He continues to talk to her in the annoying baby voice while discussing wanting to do stuff with ice cubes to her.
Am I meant to think she is a pedophile? Or into fucking people with down syndrome?
A guy who laughs at children trying to read, gropes women, talks like a fucking moron and cant think of a better way to reassure kids than fucking pissing himself....and she wants to sleep with him.
Adam Sandler is an asshole.
I think he should go play in traffic and do the world a favour.
Think that was a bit harsh?
Well don't blame me, I was using one of the witty zingers this movie taught me. Billy's passes a note around class. The head teacher gets the note and reads it out and it talks about how Billy thinks the principle sound play n traffic because he is fat.
We are meant to sympathise with Billy in this scene. He is meant to seem lovable as he thumbs his nose as authority...but he just seems like the guy who plays him, an asshole who likes to bully others.
He yells at and bullies the kids all the time, and with the exception of the one chastisement from the teacher (who proceeds to want to fuck him a few days later) it is treated as funny and lovable.
So I say again to Mr Sandler-
You should go play in traffic.
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.

This movie is DREADFUL in every sense.
Its stupid, lazy, sexist, ugly, unpleasent and intensely unfunny.
There is no wit, no class and no point.

Seriously, I didn't think this idiot could do worse than Little Nicky. Hell I didn't think the human race could do worse than that film!
Mind you, I thought the same thing with Mr Deeds....
Why is this guy still making movies again?

[metabad]

Billy Madison is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, I admit. I may not be interested at all in some of Adam Sandler's current BS. (Jack and Jill looks like total shit) but I found Billy Madison to be pretty entertaining.

Granted its not for everyone and I can easily see why people wouldn't like it. Some parts come off as mean spirited while some other parts come off as light hearted. I don't think the movie entirely knows what audience its made for. Since alongside arguments like Mortal Kombat vs. Donkey Kong and reading in Kindergarten, there's that groping scene you mentioned as well as making fun of kids who can't read. Also alongside jokes like Billy chasing a penguin, there's a stripping scene.

Its a really uneven movie, but it does get a good laugh out of me if there's nothing else to watch or if I'm just in the mood to watch it.

...and I admit I actually liked Little Nicky. I actually saw it multiple times and found the plot to actually be pretty original.

Mr. Deeds was...well, just average really, I don't remember LOVING it, but I don't think I outright hated it either. It was just kind of...there.

*prepares for flames*

[Renard]

Adam Sandler is just plain terrible.

[Harkovast]

(Posted Image)

[metabad]

Wise words young dinosaur.

[Niccea]

Billy Madison is rather old....it isn't a terrible movie if you are in the right mood for it and rather sloshed.

[Harkovast]

A good movie if you are drunk=
A shit movie, since you only like it when you are drunk enough that you find anything amusing.

[Renard]

I don't know... I'm usually in a good mood when I'm drunk, but at the same time I can get pretty irritable when people are annoying, and I find Adam Sandler incredibly annoying at the best of times.

Besides that, having to be drunk to watch a movie is like having to be drunk to sleep with someone, a very good indication that you're making a mistake.

Lord knows the electrons don't fire straight when you're drunk, that's how half of my worst stories start.

[Canuovea]

This whole thing is a good argument for never getting drunk.

[LMarlowe]

oh i guess this is kind of funny (not like ha ha funny but you know) in adam sandlers new movie, the premise is deadbeat dad adam sandler has a succesful and rich son. and for some reason the son was convinced when adam sandlers character was like a little boy and his teacher crush slept statutory raped with him and got pregnant.

maybe adam sandler has a thing for teachers or something

[Wordweaver_three]

Adam Sandler has never been, nor ever will be, funny.

He is the least funny man to ever walk the face of the earth.

An average Sandler movie is less funny than an autopsy of a five-year-old that drowned in a backyard pool.

Talking weird about unfunny things isn't a joke. Yelling in a weird voice isn't a joke. Farting isn't a joke. Being Jewish isn't a joke. Being gay isn't a joke. Punching old people isn't a joke. A nut-shot isn't a joke. Sexual harassment isn't a joke.

He's like a lunatic that smears his own feces on a canvas and calls it "art".

Yet some moron keeps giving this half-wit money to make movies.

[Renard]

Thanks Wordweaver, I've never been able to properly channel my hate for Adam Sandler into something coherent.

[Harkovast]

Renard articulates what the whole human race is thinking.