--Tattered Wings--

[BreakMyself]

(Posted Image)
Well, theres like.. three people on this board.. so im pretty sure no ones gonna reply. However.. ill give it a shot.

Theres a song by stacie orrico, called strong enough. and one part of it goes 'will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a life time?' and thats exactly how i feel. I started meth as a way to escape. for that little point in time at a party.. i wasnt strong enough to say no. And now.. because of that one decision in a split second of time.. i was hooked. since then... that decision.. that drug.. has lead me down a path that almost landed me six feet under. it lead me to other drugs... crack, heroin, ect. and even after rehab.. i relapsed and relapsed.

I think about it every day.. i want those memories back more then anything. i want to be sitting at peoples houses i dont even know.. meeting new people every night.. not caring about anything in the world. i wanna be sitting there smoking so much meth that no one can even see, the room is so clouded. being able to do a bigger hit then most of the biggest drug dealers in manitoba...

But i cant. I cant go back... I cant lose everything again. I wont...

However.. it seems like this battle is never going to end. That im going to be shaken in fear for the rest of my life- what do you do.. when you throw away the only escape you know..?

"Im lost without you. Im dying. And im begging you to come back as i stand here on Fire"

[Morganite]

You turn to those who love you.

We are always going to be here.

Always.

[exhausted tears]

I completely understand what you mean, Kaylee--wanting all of that back--feeling like you need all of that back...

But you said you can't lose everything again...When you find yourself tempted to turn back to it, you have to remind yourself of what it is that it caused you to lose and think about what you truly need more.

Morgan is right, Kaylee. You have to turn to those who love you.

I am right here if you need me. I love you.

[manda]

Oh dear Kaylee, I know you know what the right choice here is. I applaud you for being so strong and turning away, of course you will fall and still have desires, but that is not a part of you anymore and it's definitely not who you are meant to be, so always know that we are here supporting you through every decision you ever make. You are an amazing girl and please know that you have the strength to do anything. I love you tons sweetie.

~ I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.
-Philipians 4:13

[FallenShadow]

I know that feeling been there done that myself 7 years clean now. I can tell you that it easier everyday. I can tell you that I miss it a great deal the feelings you were talking about and I just miss the sense of being totally numb. The only way I find to cope with my urges is to remember all the hell that doing that sh*& put me through my family through. I sit back and remind myself of all the people I've had to bury. Also I've worked as an EMT (Emergency Medical Tech) for a great deal of years and seen horror stories worse than my own to remind of why I don't do drugs. I guess what I'm saying is remember that you are very very strong and you stopped doing that BS for a reason. Remember that reason when you are weak and it shall make you strong.

[exhausted tears]

I just wanted to congratulate you on being 7 years clean. :)

[FallenShadow]

Thank you it has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I just hope that BreakMyself, will see that there is hope and that she can fight this demon.

[exhausted tears]

I do believe she is doing better and getting help, now. Hopefully she'll come back and give us an update.

[FallenShadow]

I truly look forward to said update and just know that my thoughts and prayers are w/ you. YOU can do this.

[paula]

I know the feeling as well.....

I am new here but always willing to lend a ear...