[SIRIUS O. BLACK]

It had taken a day or two for Sirius to get it through his mind, to actually wake up and think, “I’ll never see Mrs. Potter again…” Being that Sirius wasn’t a Potter and hadn’t grown up around the Potter’s he definitely wasn’t as affected by the news of his death as deeply as James was, but it was definitely a shocker. Mrs. Potter was young, she should have still had a whole life ahead of her, with watching James grow up and watching him get married, having grandchildren and all that fun stuff. This was not how it was supposed to happen, and Sirius felt for his best friend, he really, really did. But for the first few days Sirius was completely speechless. He didn’t know what to say, or how to get through to his best friend, how to really be there for James. If there was one big difference between himself and James (other then the fact that James was head over heels with a redhead whom wouldn’t give him the time of day), it was the fact that losing the Potters was devastating, while losing the Blacks would make Sirius jump up and down for joy. Part of him wasn’t sure how to handle feeling anything from a loss of a parental figure, even though Mrs. Potter had been more of a mother to him more in the last year or two then his own mother. He just wasn’t sure how to do it. He had probably failed his best mate test by letting James have his space for a few days, but he knew that he probably needed it.

After a few days however…well, Sirius just couldn’t let it go on. He knew that James needed his time to grieve, and he would give him that time. However, he also knew that at some point in time James would need someone. And who else was supposed to be there if it wasn’t him? He’d allowed the first couple of days with no bother, but now it was time to really just be there. Whether they sat down and said nothing, or whether Sirius had to jabber on like an idiot to make him stay with him a few days, he would be there for James. It took him a while to figure out a way to go about this. He could get him while he was on rounds later, or maybe after dinner and before rounds. He could always consult the Marauder’s Map and find him whenever he damn well pleased, but he figured that maybe he should be just a little more subtle then that. He should get him in a place that no one would bother them, and that’s when it hit him, the perfect place and time to get James.

It was later that evening after a rather grueling Quidditch practice from James and Alice that Sirius knew it would be a good time. The practice had been rather brutal, and that had to be a sign that something was up. Obviously something was up, but he knew that now would be a good time to act. He cleaned up with the rest of the team, grinning and joking around with the other people as they got ready before they all started to go. When James proclaimed that he was staying behind, he glanced back at him and nodded. “All right, mate, see you in a bit.” He gave a slight wave and made his way out of the locker room. “Oy, see you guys later.” It wasn’t unusual for him to leave after practice to go meet up with one of the girls he knew, so he figured that he didn’t have to explain himself. A few people waved or said something and he watched them go before he ducked back into the locker rooms and glanced around.

“All right. I know you’re in here somewhere, Prongs. And don’t think you can sneak out, I locked the door and stole your wand before I left.” He’d covered all the bases; James was not getting out of here before they sat down to talk. And by talk…well, he used that term very loosely. He didn’t care what they did, all he knew was that they were going to sit, and Sirius was going to let James get out whatever he needed to get out. Whether it be him shouting, yelling, crying, mumbling…he honestly didn’t care what he had to do. But he knew that somewhere deep down inside of James that he needed to talk to someone. And Sirius would sit here until he did something.

[JAMES A. POTTER]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Run fast for your mother run fast for your father Run for your children for your sisters and brothers Leave all your love and your longing behind you Can't carry it with you if you want to survive The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses 'Cause here they come
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It had been days now. The funeral had come and gone. James and the others had returned to school. Remus had already had his say with James, making him get it out. Peter had poked his head into James' room at the Potter's immense home. About the only person who let James have his distance thus far had been Sirius. He appreciated it because he really didn't like to appear weak. He was trying hard for his father and for those around him to appear normal. He was putting up an act and hoping no one really knew the truth. He didn't want pity. So many students might pity him if they thought about just what was wrong with James. He didn't want that. He didn't want hollow apologies from people who didn't even know his mother. He just wanted his mother back, now that he finally realized she really and truly was gone.

James had been isolating himself more than usual since he got back. He hadn't pulled a prank since he got the news of his mother's death. He hadn't even asked Lily Evan's out since. While he smiled, joked and laughed as usual...the smile never quite reached his eyes. It was hollow and those closest to him could likely tell. James had also taken to smoking more. Usually James only smoked socially or when he was extremely stressed out. He had actually purchased cigarettes recently and he'd been smoking much more than usual to relieve the stress and depression with a nicotine rush. Most people wouldn't pick up on these hints at depression and true despair but he knew that he wasn't likely fooling those closest to him. He was surprised Remus hadn't hidden his cigarettes and lectured him on isolating himself yet. He was surprised he hadn't found Moony in his bed waiting to force him to open up. It had been bad enough when Moony had found him after he got the news, locked in the prefect's bathroom. He didn't necessarily want to worry his friend more, especially when James felt there wasn't much he could do. Unless Moony could resurrect the dead, then he couldn't solve James' problem.

Actually, James didn't want to burden his friends. They had all been through worse and who was he to sit here moping around because of something he couldn't change? Moony was brave. He dealt with a monthly change that he could do nothing about. James couldn't imagine handling that half as well as his friend did. He was just glad that he, Sirius and Peter were able to be there and somewhat help their friend now. Sirius, well, they might not talk seriously much but he knew that Sirius had needed a home and a family. That was something James knew his parents had supplied. They were truly like brothers now, living in the same house. His parents had given Sirius anything they gave James from then on. He didn't know what Sirius felt, but James couldn't help but selfishly think he still had lost more because these WERE his parents. She WAS his mother. Yet, he knew Sirius had been through so much being the traitor in his family. He knew they couldn't have treated him well. That alone made James less apt to burden him as well.

James had run a grueling practice. He had been throwing himself into his duties as a quidditch captain more than anything else so far. He was intent to keep up the act as long as he could. He felt that if he could act normal, maybe just maybe, things would return to normal without him needing to burden anyone. He didn't want to be upset. He didn't like feeling so weak and unlike himself. He just wanted everything to feel okay again. So, he threw himself into tasks, including practices. He worked the team and himself hard. Then when it was all over he told them he was going to hang back and he'd see them inside at the next meal. He waved to Alice and the others, watching them leave. Once they left, he pulled out a cigarette. It wasn't until he couldn't find his wand to light it that he realized it was gone. Then, he immediately heard Sirius' voice drifting his way and he stood up. He had taken his wand. James groaned. "If you're going to steal my wand, mate...can I at least have a light?" James responded, stalking over toward his friend and holding out his cigarette. On a normal day, when James was more himself he would likely respond more aggressively and playfully. He might say he'd hex Sirius if he didn't give it back, but right now that seemed too much effort. James was tired of acting. He was tired of putting on a front. He was depressed and he was desperate. He needed nicotine to relax and he had a feeling he'd need it if Sirius really wanted to talk now. "Anyway....why exactly are you keeping me here?" James asked, raising his eyebrows at his friend. He knew why Sirius was keeping him here deep down. He knew that as everyone else had already pushed him and kept him from having his space, it was Sirius' turn. He had been trying to push away again and clearly Sirius was now going to stop him. He was grateful for his friends, but right now he just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear.