Prologue

Sometimes…It goes without saying that you love someone. The reasons, though… they might have to be explained. Was it his smile, or his laugh? Maybe it was the way he cared even when I didn’t deserve it. What had I ever done for him? For whatever reason it was though…somehow there was a part of me that loved him. Deeply, and I had no idea why. I didn’t want to either… It hurt to know that I was so aware… so very aware, of everything. It hurt to know that someday, it would all be over, and he would be gone. It hurt to know that this love was incurable by any standards. I might try and say I didn’t care when I was far away from him, but that isn’t true. Not at all. It’s not as if you can just say that you don’t feel anymore… That’s impossible. So it just went without saying anything much… I loved him. That was all there was to it. Incurable love.


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Chapter One
Home, School and All Those Other Stupid Things We Call ‘LIFE’


“Don’t even think about going into your room, young lady! Get your ass back here!” she said. It really bit bad when mom started swearing at me. I remember when she’d do it right in front of my little brother and I’d get this lump in my throat, and I’d keep trying to swallow it down so I could breathe. I hated feeling weak in front of Tyler. At least he wasn’t here this time… So I sighed and turned around on my heel and went back to where she was sitting in the living room recliner. Maroon-red…just as red as Mom’s temper, just as red as mine.

“Don’t you even think you can just walk away from this, Joanna. You need to bring up your grades; you are a very intelligent girl, you are capable to bring home straight A’s!” In the back of my mind, I started shouting, ‘But what if I’m not?! What if I don’t want to?!’ But my mouth wouldn’t open, my lips wouldn’t move. My throat hurt too badly from trying not to cry. This was the third time this week she was screaming at me. I brought home a C. Ok, a low C. It was better than the low D I had two weeks ago! I couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t be happy to see I was bringing it up! I guess she was just never happy with anything I did.

I just stood there, watching her while she started talking about how hard it was to go find a job without a college degree, (Why was she even talking about that?! I was in 8th grade! Not even a freshman yet!) And that I couldn’t succeed if I didn’t try hard enough. Hey, C was average. You could pass with all C’s. But obviously she just wanted more.

“Now while you’re here go do some dishes.” She growled. I wanted to growl back, maybe even start screaming, but I just stomped off to the kitchen only a few feet away from the living room. I reached out a hand to open the dishwasher, “Don’t use the dishwasher! It’s broken again.” Mom called to me. Damnit! I hated doing them by hand. When I was a little kid, I used to love it, just cause the water was warm and bubbly, plus it was just for fun, not for long hours getting sopping wet! I stuffed my headphones in my ears and cranked up some Evanescence. My mom hated them, ‘cause she said the lead singer just screamed a lot. I didn’t think so… she had a beautiful voice. Made me sad there were only three albums.

I turned on the water and plugged the drain, then dribbled some soap in. Then I swished it around to get it all bubbly and stuck some dirty dishes in and scrunched up my hoodie sleeves to above my elbow to keep them dry. I felt in the floor, something banged. When I looked up, it was Tyler, running up the stairs in his camouflage coat, his cheeks were pink and his glasses started to steam up. His face scrunched up as he sucked in air through his nose to sniff, 'cause he had a runny nose from being outside in the cold. Mom said he looked so cute when he did that. I could care less. So once I saw it was just him, I rolled my eyes and went back to my work.

While I was working, I spent my time deep in thought, not really conscious of what I was doing; Daydreaming…about…him. The forbidden name, ‘cause every time I thought about it, I knew I would just make it worse. I wanted to forget about it, because I knew it was unhealthy to feel like this. But a tiny voice inside my head shouted, ‘But are you to be damned for feeling love for someone?!’ then I started disagreeing and everything ‘cause I was too young to be in ‘love’. I guess what I felt for him was ‘great admiration from a distance’...

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A little long, but please enjoy!