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 The Commentarii de Bello Mushqaedo, 2014 Commentary by Tywin Lannister
Sith Emperor
Posted: Mar 5 2014, 09:47 PM


Group: Admin
Posts: 117
Member No.: 1
Joined: 2-February 14

Before returning to this world in the form of Tywin Lannister, I had spent some time externally surveying the political conditions of Planet Bob. As I conducted my analysis, I found that the ideological hegemony of the Mushroom Kingdom was nearing exhaustion, and after studying the treaty web, decided that House Baratheon was well placed to meet my ends. From deep in space, my plans developed and In September, I rerolled and applied to House Baratheon.

I revealed my true identity to the Baratheons, and began working immediately to bring my plans into fruition. I contacted reliable individuals throughout CN who I had known and worked with years earlier, and for my services to House Baratheon, I was soon promoted to a deputy in government. At one point, on September 15, LAW, HB's protectorate, got into some trouble with GOONS and Babyjesus of Mushroom Kingdom. After hardballing them, I learned that GOONS was sincerely working to reverse their reputation of lulzism.

However, I couldn't shake the unease I felt that the Mushroom Kingdom was up to something. REDACTED(MK GOVT) and Babyjesus were very concerned for GOONS, and although I did not know why at the time, I went on a gut feeling and aggressively negotiated the GOONS point (note some portions and identities are REDACTED).

Note: at the time I was a deputy and not second in command of HB. Also, from this conversation I determined that GOONS was intending to improve its PR and reputation, and abandon lulzism.

15:57 Tywin_Lannister I do not hold decision making authority, I merely play a diplomatic and advisory role
15:57 REDACTED(MK GOVT) maybe u will get promoted if u get the inside scoop on this situation man
15:58 REDACTED(MK GOVT) so, what do you want to know
15:58 REDACTED(MK GOVT) you seem smarter than the 2nd in command of HB already
15:58 Tywin_Lannister I have alot of experience in this game
15:58 babyjesus he refused $2.5b for free can you believe that
15:58 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well that's probably why you seemed smarter
15:58 REDACTED(MK GOVT) hell Tywin_Lannister
15:58 REDACTED(MK GOVT) why you are in an alliance like HB
15:59 REDACTED(MK GOVT) why not join a powerhouse
15:59 REDACTED(MK GOVT) you got friends there man
15:59 Tywin_Lannister I have friends all over CN if thats what you mean
15:59 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well thats always good
15:59 REDACTED(MK GOVT) keeps u in the loop
16:00 Tywin_Lannister So why the attack on the LAW nation in the first place? Using the old Neutral Shoving moniker?
16:00 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well
16:00 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we offered LAW 2.5Bn in reparations
16:00 REDACTED(MK GOVT) to improve the PR of GOONS and show the goodwill of GOONS
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) because GOONS has very bad PR
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and LAW rejected it
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) babyjesus couldn't take being slighted
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) he had to do it
16:01 Tywin_Lannister I feel you
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) yeah
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) it was an amazing offer
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and it would have improved GOONS PR so much
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) it would have been more than worth the money
16:01 REDACTED(MK GOVT) its not like CN doesn't have plentyy of money now
16:02 REDACTED(MK GOVT) hell 1 nation has more money than that now
16:02 Tywin_Lannister Why so much money?
16:02 REDACTED(MK GOVT) to improve GOONS PR
16:02 Tywin_Lannister Well, I think I have an idea whats going on
16:02 REDACTED(MK GOVT) see once word got out people would have been so impressed
16:02 REDACTED(MK GOVT) oh yeah?
16:03 Tywin_Lannister Why not just discard GOONS? It's not like they are much of an asset
16:03 REDACTED(MK GOVT) history man
16:03 babyjesus indeed there is great pressure from many circles to do so
16:03 REDACTED(MK GOVT) in the UjW
16:03 REDACTED(MK GOVT) babyjesus was there for it
16:03 babyjesus and it is a question mk asks of itself often
16:03 Tywin_Lannister friends before infra, I get it
16:04 Tywin_Lannister Well as I said, I hold no decision making authority, nor do I seek it
16:04 Tywin_Lannister I only offer advice
16:04 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well
16:04 REDACTED(MK GOVT) the best thing to do now
16:05 REDACTED(MK GOVT) would be to bring law's leader in here
16:05 babyjesus so your advice is to cancel on goons\
16:05 REDACTED(MK GOVT) for further negotiations
16:05 REDACTED(MK GOVT) among all parties
16:05 Tywin_Lannister I didnt offer advice to MK
16:05 Tywin_Lannister I merely asked a question
16:05 REDACTED(MK GOVT) do you know nomdeplume[LAW]
16:05 Tywin_Lannister Not really
16:05 Tywin_Lannister That treaty was in the works long before I joined
16:05 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well
16:06 REDACTED(MK GOVT) if you can help resolve this situation favorably
16:06 REDACTED(MK GOVT) it would probably bode well for you
16:06 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and if you can bring him in here
16:06 REDACTED(MK GOVT) I think we can get that done
16:06 Tywin_Lannister Lol, well I guess HB isnt the only one who has to deal with a protectorate, isnt it
16:07 Tywin_Lannister Ill see if I can find him
16:07 REDACTED(MK GOVT) thanks
16:10 REDACTED(MK GOVT) its best if this can be done before update
16:10 REDACTED(MK GOVT) or else the situation may escalate more.. that would be bad
16:10 Tywin_Lannister Im working on it, but you realize it would be as messy for you as it would be for us
16:11 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well
16:11 REDACTED(MK GOVT) not really
16:11 REDACTED(MK GOVT) I'll explain why
16:11 REDACTED(MK GOVT) once law joins
16:11 Tywin_Lannister Im talking to him now
16:11 Tywin_Lannister please describe while I get his side of the story
16:12 REDACTED(MK GOVT) he needs to hear this too
16:15 Tywin_Lannister ok, REDACTED will join as well
16:15 *** REDACTED joined #negotiations
16:16 REDACTED(MK GOVT) what alliance are you from
16:16 REDACTED howdy
16:16 REDACTED(MK GOVT) thats fine
16:16 *** nomdeplume[LAW] joined #negotiations
16:16 Tywin_Lannister Ok
16:16 REDACTED(MK GOVT) hello nomdeplume[LAW]
16:16 nomdeplume[LAW] howdy
16:16 Tywin_Lannister now we have a real party
16:16 +++ REDACTED(MK GOVT) has given voice to REDACTED
16:17 Tywin_Lannister now lets discuss these reps
16:17 +++ REDACTED(MK GOVT) has given voice to Tywin_Lannister
16:17 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well
16:17 Tywin_Lannister some of our people were under the impression it was a joke
16:17 REDACTED(MK GOVT) here's the situation
16:17 REDACTED(MK GOVT) the REAL situation
16:17 nomdeplume[LAW] my guy keeps offering peace. I said no
16:17 nomdeplume[LAW] let's hear it
16:17 babyjesus why not
16:17 REDACTED(MK GOVT) ok so
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) here's the deal
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) earlier in the day
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) someone decided to query a member of MK gov
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) potato
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and ask him about a raid by a member of GOONS gov
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) as if potato was a member of GOONS
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) how that could happen I have no idea
16:18 REDACTED(MK GOVT) but it did
16:19 REDACTED(MK GOVT) so a lot of MK members decided to have fun with it. we're bored as $%&@. teh game is dull as !@#$.
16:19 REDACTED(MK GOVT) it wound up with us offering LAW a huge number of reps which LAW rejected
16:19 REDACTED(MK GOVT) babyjesus then departed the MK AA and attacked nomdeplume[LAW]
16:19 REDACTED(MK GOVT) now here is the situation
16:20 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we are a bunch of old nations with huge warchests and a lot of casualties
16:20 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we've seen it all. we've done it all.
16:20 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and a lot of us have itchy trigger fingers
16:20 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we're bored.
16:20 Tywin_Lannister Yes Ive known MK for years
16:20 REDACTED(MK GOVT) so this is the situation
16:20 REDACTED(MK GOVT) babyjesus is at war with nomdeplume[LAW] right now
16:20 REDACTED(MK GOVT) that needs to end. that war needs to be peaced out.
16:21 REDACTED(MK GOVT) if it is peaced out then everything ends and it was all a dumb joke that was caused by HB's 2nd in command not knowing the difference between MK and GOONS
16:21 REDACTED(MK GOVT) if it doesn't end well
16:21 Tywin_Lannister and as for the reps you discussed? Can we have assurances?
16:21 babyjesus this is acceptable to me
16:21 REDACTED(MK GOVT) the GOONS AA will probably grow a lot bigger
16:22 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and LAW will probably wind up getting nuked all to hell and ZIed
16:22 REDACTED(MK GOVT) now if LAW doesn't care that's cool
16:22 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we respect that
16:22 REDACTED(MK GOVT) but a lot of us in MK have itchy trigger fingers and we know we can do what we want and reapply to MK after we're done.
16:23 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and babyjesus is our friend
16:23 REDACTED(MK GOVT) as far as reps go
16:23 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we have plenty of CASH
16:23 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and if reps will make you feel better
16:23 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we can send some token amount to law
16:23 Tywin_Lannister define token please
16:23 REDACTED(MK GOVT) the 2.5bil thing was a joke tbh
16:23 REDACTED(MK GOVT) well that's a matter of negotiation
16:23 babyjesus I agree to send the 6m we were originally talking about
16:24 Tywin_Lannister Well, perhaps something more akin to a mass tech deal
16:24 REDACTED(MK GOVT) the key issue here is the war between babyjesus and nomdeplume[LAW]
16:24 REDACTED(MK GOVT) it needs to end
16:24 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and tech deals are great
16:24 babyjesus i will buy tech
16:24 REDACTED(MK GOVT) so yeah HB's 2nd in command was dumb, we had fun at his expense
16:25 REDACTED(MK GOVT) and babyjesus went all silly and hit nomdeplume[LAW]
16:25 REDACTED(MK GOVT) we need to fix that
16:25 REDACTED(MK GOVT) what do you guys say.

After the negotiations, I was somewhat perplexed. MK was well connected and considered the "kings" of CN. But as I looked over the full logs and other evidence, it began to dawn on me that Mushroom kingdom was either rapidly losing political influence even sooner than I had expected, or preparing to attack someone and didn't want any complications. As I conducted open source research that night, I discovered Mushqaeda, an AA that had been formed some weeks previously. Worried, I recommended to the King that HB prepare for war just in case we were attacked.

In the end, of course, it turned out that both were true: the more destabilizing, lulzist influences inside Mushroom Kingdom were preparing for a war against neutrality, and GOONS would have been unprotected if it were embroiled in a peripheral conflict. The Lulzism was finally dying, just as planned. On September 16, only one day later, Mushqaeda declared war on The Democratic Order. It was time for the nations of the world to strike down lulzism once and for all.

On September 18, The Terran Empire was the first to counter Mushqaeda. I also learned of a character who went by the name ReyTheGreat when he illegitimately declared war on TTE from his alliance Los Pollos Hermanos. However, he was soon removed from power by his own alliance and cast out, forced to live amongst the Mushqaeda rogues. I learned that apparently he had angered members of HB in the past. It was then that I saw my opening, and began making preparations.

I contacted various individuals, including the Great Chief Ubuntu, and many soon saw the need to defend global stability. It was amazing to see the overwhelming response of the international community against Mushqaeda. I joined Zulu at the vanguard of the Crusaders, as hundreds of nations rode in to deliver The Democratic Order from their siege.

As I hacked down the Mushqaeda terrorists fleeing before us, I witnessed ReytheGreat trying to sneak away in the chaos. At full gallop, I charged through Mushqaeda's dissolving ranks, and closed the gap. But I had underestimated my foe, and Rey slashed at my horse, throwing me to the ground. As I rose to my feet, he was upon me, and we fought oblivious to the carnage around us.

ReytheGreat was a tough fight, but as the Mushqaeda force routed, reinforcements soon arrived to assist me. Finally, we pinned Rey to the ground and placed him under arrest for Terrorism against Neutrality. At this point we were entering early October.

Feeling sorry for him, and a certain respect for his fighting ability, I talked to Yuurei and desired to seek his release in return for a single aid slot in reps from Rey to TTE. This is where things got interesting. Rey refused this generous offer and even began to claim that "if they keep hitting me NSO is gonna come through and wreck !@#$."

I found this odd, as he was a member of Los Pollos Hermanos before going rogue with Mushqaeda. Why would NSO help Rey? I was determined to discover the truth.

By October 8th I had learned just how destabilizing a force NSO was after visiting their forum. I revealed who I was to Hereno and Rayvon, and sought friendship in compromise. However, Rayvon apparently took my presence to be a threat to his legitimacy and the threats towards myself and my King began, merely three weeks before the Disorder War begun.

To be continued in The Commentarii de Bello Inordinatio.
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