*Batteries Not Included *Provoking*, Sarah's art den!

[Sarah]

heylo, i was looking through my poetry book, decided to i wanted to post soem of it. However, theres ALOT, and i write ALOT of poetry too, and draw alot. So here's some of my stuff.

B) Expect language, self-harm and suicide and self-hate triggers, maybe depression. The posts won't be individually marked as triggering cos i'll forget lol. But if i remember, i will mark them.
B) Not everything is true to life but most of it is.
B) Critisism is allowed, but i dont give a donkey's leg if you're gunna critisize my crap rhyming lol. Hardly any of the poetry rhymes, and when it does, it's usually crap, so dont tell me when things dont rhyme. If theres something in the poem you like, or dont like, let me know. I'm open to suggestions to improve!
B) PLEASE don't steal my work and pass it off as your own (not like anyone would wanna do that like! haha) If you wanna use my poetry for any reason, ASK me for permission.
B) Replies are actively encouraged!
B) Yeah. If i think of anything else i'll edit the post!

Sarah ^_^

[Sarah]

self-harm
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I gaze up to the sky
Watching the sun
Set in the distance
A rainbow
Of red
And orange
And auburn
I stare for a moment
Then look away
I catch my reflection
In a mirror
Drawing closer
Watching myself
Expecting my reflection
To attack me
I trace around my eyes
Then my lips
My purple lips
Inset to my pale
And lifeless skin
My eyes
Dark
And sullen
Pools
Of emptyness
Showing
No emotion
I pull up my sleeve
Gazing at the masterpiece
Etched into my skin
The scars
Silver
Beautiful
A reflection of
My life
I join my friend
My blade
I draw new patterns
Gasping as relief
Floods my body
My internal mouth
Grins
Pain
Is all I need
To make me happy
Once again
I scrape the blade
Across my skin
Oozing red liquid
Trickles down my arm
And
touches my fingers
Splashing to
The floor
I lift my head
And glare into the mirror
Into the eyes of the girl
Staring back
Piercing my heart
I touch the glass
And the girl
Reaches for me
Calling for me
To step into her
World
I snap my head around
Hang my arm
By my side
I turn around
And climb
Into bed
Closing my eyes
I exit
My nightmare

[Sarah]

Wrote this by impulse, is sh*te and a bit muddled.

Something outside that no one else can feel
A pain inside that doesn't seem real
A knife, plunges, twists, makes a new scar
Hid the fact of who you really are
Cant see
What you've done to me
You've teared my life apart
You've ripped out my soul
You stabbed me with your knife
You drank my blood like it was the sea
You'e left a cobweb of emotions
Deep inside of me
Felt you all over me
How could it be?
I can't see why i deserve it
Threw me into a bottomless pit
Sun doesn't shine
Skies aint blue
Look what you've done
Can't bare it being true
I can't forgive you
You have no idea
You were so strong
You've made it all wrong
Controlled my life
You've stole the words from my song
The fish from my sea
The beat from my heart
The sting from my bee
You neversaid sorry
But you said you cared...
You obviously didnt
Because the pain i cant bare
Tormented my mind
Tricked me into believing you
When it wasn't true
I thought it ould get bette, but it isn't
I thought it could change but it hasn't
I thought i could forget
But I cant

[Sarah]

I am just invisible
A fly on the wall
I can see
And i observe
But when i speak
I'm not heard
A diary with a lock
I am completely secret
There is no key
Silence of the lambs
I am scared
Terrified
Frightened of being here
I'm not important
In ad eq ua te
But they do say that silence in golden
I am hidden
Outside I smile
But inside
I
am
dying

[Sarah]

Velvety blue blanket
Embedded cotton wool
I am flying

[Sarah]

Angels aren't supposed to die
Big kids dont cry
But trying to hide the tears
Is crazy
I can't take it... I'm NOT okay
How can i be when you're so far away?
Fear and grief surge through my blood
Kisses don't fix everything
Hugs don't work magic
"it'll take time" they say over and over again
But they dont feel my f*cking pain
Please
Please come back
It's killing me without you
I can't think about you
Speak about you
Smile over you
IT makes it real
It makes me feel
Now i've become comfortably numb
Don't take that away from me
i want you near
I'm begging... I'm pleading, i need you here
I'm sorry... so sorry
You're ashamed of me aren't you?
I would be too...

[Sarah]

ALOT of swearing, self harm















Dabbing. Splashing. Slapping. Stabbing. Pounding. No brushes, no palette knives. Just the artist, the paint, the canvas, the idea. Anger. Happiness. Sadness. Love (hate that bastard). Little dabs of paint in unnoticed splotches cover her hands, arms, face. Excitement. Anticipation. Understanding. Release. The artist’s high. The accomplishment. The act of creation. Amazing. Inexplicable. (been sniffing the paint ag-) The paint slides gently between her fingers. So soft, so smooth, so (erotic) relaxing. Sticky blue streaks form, unhindered, in her wild chocolate mane. She paints late into the night. An image begins to take shape. The colors flow together. Stark contrasts between burgundy and blue depict the reality (pain) that is her existence. A masterpiece. Everything is glossing over. She falls, exhausted, into sleep (ecstasy). A rumpled pile of paint-stained clothing lies near the bed.

Tossing, turning, sleep is immediate, but fickle. She wakes with a start, moves, fades into blackness once again. Her dreams are fleeting and unpleasant. Colorless, nothing like her fantastical paintings. Grey thoughts. Emotions. Feelings. Everything is unreal and torturous.

She awakes. Turns to the alarm and curses. Only four (fuck me) hours of sleep. There is a tiny drop of blood on the pillow. It must have (the cuts are closed) been a nosebleed. Sliding across the sheets toes touching the floor. Pulls back from the cold, hard wood. Stretches once (yawns) and shakes herself free from a tangle of paint spattered bedclothes. Three long steps to the bathroom. The door (keep in the steam) closes behind her, and the shower turns to high. Rinse. Shave. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Body wash. Rinse. Sit. Minutes pass. Stand (black spots swim in vision) slowly. Turning water off. Towel. Putting on black underwear that no one will see. Look at the clock. Boxers. Climb back into bed. No reason to get up, no reason to eat, no reason to do anything. So tired but sleep won't come. It hurts to be alive. Overwhelmed. Indescribable emotion. They say I have to. They say I have to. They say I have to. Why care what they think? Why move at all? Stay here (unmoving, unthinking, asleep) forever.

Slowly she rolls towards the clock. Three in the afternoon. Not bad, not bad at all. That makes for a grand total of (drum roll please) 23 hours of sleep this week, and its only Saturday. Mmmmmmm… have to get up. Can't stay in bed ALL day (Why not?). It's so much easier to just sleep. No motivation, just can't find a reason to get up. She drags herself slowly out of the bed. Sits, head in hands, staring at the floor. She shivers. Better put on a shirt, the neighbors will see (let them see). She pulls out a t-shirt. His. Pulling the soft, well-worn fabric over her head, she breathes in his scent. She drops to the floor in front of her dresser. Head hanging back, arms wrapped tightly around her knees, she begins to sob. (…him, miss him, miss him, miss him, miss…)

Opening the refrigerator door. Must eat something (you can't starve yourself to death, that’s much too good…) its already 5:30. Cold pizza. That’s fine. Can't believe there's any left after (shit) the box is empty. Throw it across the room, it slides into the wall, spilling crumbs everywhere. Great, just fucking great, exactly what I need, another fucking mess to clean up, way to go, always screwing things up. Just fucking great. (…but it was an accident, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry…) Stop apologizing, you screwed up, fix it, but don't fucking apologize. (…so sorry…) Stop it, I told you to stop it, do you like getting yelled at? (..sorry..) Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! Nobody wants to listen to you whine. (…I'm sorry…)

Feeling so tired… nothing is making sense. Everything feels turned up… It's just too much. Too Much. TOO MUCH. Wanting that calming sensation. The sharp coldness of the metal passing over my skin. Each tiny vein severed with a quick, soft, tug of futile resistance. I want to feel the blood, warm soft and salty against my skin. To open the cuts, fuck scars, scars are good. Scars tell a story, everybody loves scars. Yeah, ran into a barbed wire fence when I was six, got in a car accident, got shot, fell into a parked car because I was too shit-faced to stand up. Great stories, just great. Fucking hilarious. Oh? My turn? The cat did it… no good? Had unprotected sex with a porcupine? No? Ok, well then, in that case… I did it last week with a razor blade. Carved it into my own fucking skin just to watch it bleed. Not what you wanted to hear? Probably shouldn't have asked then.

Deep breath… everything will be ok. Need to eat. Ok, need to breathe need to (think) breathe. If you can make it to the bathroom… You won't need it if you can just (stop the fucking circle) relax. Into the bathroom. Feeling the tiles cold against my feet. Shed the clothing. Feel each bit of fabric sliding loose and falling to the floor. Turning on the water. It cascades down in hot rivulets, attacking my skin. Fall to the floor. Lying there, feeling the heat trying not to (cry) think. Grab a bottle of lotion and use it to write all those (feelings) words on my skin. Watch the water wash my pain away. Its over for now. Sit a little longer. Its time to sleep.

[slacker93]

thats realy good, quite sad but mine isnt any better,lol, how do you write so emotional? its great, wish i could write like that,

steph xx

[Sarah]

thanks for commenting. I dont really know how i make stuff so emotional, i just suppose thats how i write stuff! would love to see some of your writings :)

[slacker93]

erm heres some,its not very good,

i look into the sky,
i have to wonder why,
people dream but then die,
my lifes a dead end,
put a foot out my door,
molteasers on the floor,
from the party the night before,
my shadows forever unseen,
i feel messed up,
stuck with no way out,
its all my fault,
its my flower of a dark mystery,
my close circle of thoughts,
my privacy,my guitar,
my music, my room,
my safehome of pain,
its all my life.

its kind of rubbish but we had to write a poem in english describing ourselfs and thats what i handed in, i got a top mark because my teacher said it was really meaning full,lol

steph xx

[Sarah]

thats really good! :D :o

[slacker93]

i dont have many because i mostly write songs,lol, that would have been alot different if it wasnt for class and about culture, do you have any other poems?

steph xx

[Sarah]

hey

you should make a poetry thread and post your songs/poems there - it'll be good to read them :)

Eternity’s pain,
Drowning in the rain,
Choking in the sea,
The road to insanity.

I see the riddler,
Crouched in the corner,
Plotting its newest scheme,
The jack in the box
Laughing, laughing, laughing at me,
Trying to defy eternity.

The vampire,
Thirsty for poisoned blood,
With a child’s single tear,
A howl of horrific fear.

Mother of all pain,
The cradler of the insane,
Holding the flame,
To eternity’s pain.

[Sarah]

Diamond sparkles

River dancing gleams, splashing pearls of luminous glow
Dancing gaily over sloping rooftops
These little diamond drops skip merrily by
Capturing icy, frosted light within their fluent, sparkling souls
As they cartwheel lightly along
Toes twinkling
Yet never quite touching the sodden floor

[Sarah]

Like serene, distant melodies
Powerful, fresh waters washing over aged minerals
Cleansing their dusty crannies
Its pure flow trickling between smooth pebbles
And then, with an exhilarating roar, plunging below
Into tranquil, cool, clean pools...

Emeralds...