(heaven's gates won't o p e n up for me), coti/warren

→ ON THESE HANDS AND KNEES I'M CRAWLING

Oh, I reach for you Well I'm terrified of these four walls These iron bars can't hold my soul in

Caspian rubbed at his eyes tiredly. It had been a long week. He was ready to just crash, but there was something he had to do first. He headed down the halls of St. Jude's, eying the decorations with distaste. It hardly compared to his school in Texas, but then again, not much did. He supposed he should be attempting to move on, but he really didn't see a reason to. He shouldn't have to, it was his father's fault that he had been plucked from his perfectly happy exciting world back with his mother and his old friends. It was Cass' father's fault; and the man wondered why he was so resistant to building a relationship with him? Maybe he shouldn't have sent Caspian's mother to jail. Cass was only glad that Milton-or rather, St. Jude's, whichever school he technically attended-was a boarding school. He was so fucking sick of his father's pathetic attempts to having family bonding between him, his reluctant son, and his harlot of a wife. Like Caspian actually thought that his father's walking plastic surgery was anything other than a tool for the man's pleasure. He knew for a fact that his father had at least three mistresses. Cass snorted. What would his father say when he realized his only son was gay?

Letting out a growl, Caspian quickened his pace. This was why he needed what he was searching for. In a way, he missed his old life, but he wasn't quite sure if he was willing to return, even if he was given the opportunity. Of course, he missed his mother and all of his friends, but was it worth it? Cass had always felt so weak before, so lost, so confused. Then again, that might have had a little to do with the fact that he was technically a hostage, and living a complete and utter lie. Now, however, he was much stronger, albeit a little lonely. However, if that was the price he had to pay for being less of a weakling. He no longer had to worry about keeping his sexuality under wraps, because not only did it seem like every other guy was fucking dudes in this school, but also because no one really cared to get to know him to figure out his sexual preference. Not that Caspian had a real easy time figuring it out himself, to be honest. Letting out a breath of frustration, Caspian pushed the bathroom door open. He needed to get his mind off this shit, and this was one of the best ways he knew how. His old self would have been horrified, but he wasn't the old Caspian anymore.

If someone had told him, five years ago, that Caspian Selwyn would be a bitter, gay, druggie, attending a school for mental patients in San Francisco, he would have laughed in their face. He was a happy kid, and he had no intentions of ever doing drugs. Besides, he was perfectly normal, if not a little hyper. But there was no way that he could ever be hyper enough to be sent to a place like St. Jude's, right? It was funny how a few events could change and shape his whole life. He was convinced that his mother had done what she did to save him. He knew his father's type, he had seen it all the time. Caspian had always secretly felt that he was lucky to grow up without a father; his best friend's dad was an abusive drunk, and Caspian had thankfully escaped that. But what he had was almost worse in his opinion. And the drugs he was now addicted to were one of the only forms of escape that Caspian was offered. Looking around, he nodded at the other boy occupying the bathroom. ”Fitzgerald.” He said coolly. He was hardly a novice at this; not that it mattered, the teachers seemed to be more interested in their own screwed up lives than their students'. ”Are you dealing?”

I APOLOGIZE, THIS IS SO BLAH

coded by RESCUE RANGER ! of ATF

the room was filled with happy faces as the group talked casually and sat in a circle within the abandoned bathrooms in the nearly demolished building. it had been their base of operation for nearly two years now and anyone that needed them for anything, knew exactly where to find them. what made this place ideal was the small fact that this building had been partly destroyed due a fire two years back. the school planned on fixing the east wing but had ultimately put the project on hold. yes there was fire damage on the inside making the building unusable at the moment and there was a hole in the south corner of the building, but they held more than enough space to get by and the area took lowest priority. when the lost boys realized this, they made moves on the building and used it for their business. what this meant was top notch security and the housing of all their products. there had been people stupid enough to try and steal their shit but they were always cause because this wasn’t some low profile organization. it was a drug ring that rivaled some of the world’s most dangerous. that’s if you could choose to believe that or not.

leaning against the wall with a female to his right and his boyfriend on his left, they passed around joints and laughed as general conversation sounded throughout the room. they talked about everything in this life that they admired, they hated, and some prejudices of their friends surfaced causing them to grow humorous but with apprehension. they continued on for nearly three hours, skipping out on their classes, not caring what their new dean would have to say about this. breathing in deeply, warren finally stood up and made note for everyone to leave. there was a game starting that afternoon and that meant sport players with money to blow on celebration weed and contraband.

watching as the crowd thinned and everyone moved from their idle spots within the room to gather their things, warren closed their little meeting greet, kissed his boyfriend goodbye, followed with the subtle squeeze of his ass, which only brought on the cheering from his mates before waved them off. clearing his throat – warren moved over to a box, where he’d begin to put things away into their safe but was caught off guard when someone came into the room, calling him by his last name. half expecting a fight, warren turned cautiously but relaxed when he saw caspian. nodding in his direction, he listened to the boys question. ”caspian.” he acknowledged him, wondering if the man was actually look for trouble. ”you actually caught me in time.” he said while eyeing a clock up on the wall before catching the others line of sight again. ”what’s your poison?”

notes: better late then never.

→ ON THESE HANDS AND KNEES I'M CRAWLING

Oh, I reach for you Well I'm terrified of these four walls These iron bars can't hold my soul in

Drugs, booze, sex. That was what Caspian's life had become, it had spiraled out of his own control, turned into something he wasn't sure he liked. He knew that his old self hated it. His new self wasn't so happy with the sex part, because it was usually with girls, and honestly, he couldn't even get into it any more. There was no denying the fact that he was gay, but Caspian planned to do it until it was absolutely impossible. Sure, he slept with a few guys before, but it was publicly broadcasted, and that didn't have to mean he was gay. But it just didn't matter. Now his life revolved around doing drugs, and getting high. It was an awful way to live, and Caspian was fully aware of that. However he also knew that every time he got drunk, or got high, his past seemed to disappear, all of his troubles were gone. Life was more normal, easier, everything was just fine and dandy when he was inebriated. Caspian was quite careless with his drugs at home, leaving them out in plain sight, waiting for his father to get his head out of his ass long enough to find them. His father-the man claimed the title anyways, but the teenager didn't consider him that-was an extremely straight laced man. Caspian was just waiting for the freak out when he discovered that his son was doing drugs, let alone gay. Then Caspian would have the advantage of one upping his father. But for now, he was just focused on getting the drugs from Warren. He would certainly need them if he planned on making it through the next week with three tests. As the people poured out of the bathroom, Caspian walked in. He had always been intrigued by Warren's gang, though never quite enough to contemplate joining it. However he was perfectly willing to purchase drugs for them. Nodding when Warren said he had arrived at the right time, Caspian spoke. “Good. I'll take the usual, pot and crack.” Reaching in his pocket for his wallet, he spoke again, “How much?” Deciding he might as well strike up a conversation while he was waiting, he asked, “How's life lately?” He supposed amiable was the best way to describe his relationship with Warren, though he still didn't fully trust the other young man. Then again, Caspian really didn't trust most people.

I APOLOGIZE, THIS IS SO BLAH

coded by RESCUE RANGER ! of ATF

anger used to be a constant part of his life. there was no understanding it and every single time that he thought about it – he was more heated then before. it was the reason that he was sent here at such a young age and the reason as to why he’d spoken with hundreds of therapists that would never truly understand his issues. it wasn’t until his most recent therapist that people understood what the cause for the anger was. from his father being locked away at a young age, his family having their assets frozen, to being without a father and living in near poverty for awhile. everything was terrible and the anger suddenly made sense. with the right prescriptions and the proper techniques the teenager learned to control his hatred for everything. sure he still had his outbreaks and he tore shit up, but it was much less frequent. it was strange but recently he felt like a completely different human being. he was feeling things that he never understood or thought possible. from his love for holden and a feeling of happiness that he’d never experienced before, it was all there. that was the reason he looked at this man with such content. some small part of him understood what the other was feeling because they were one in the same. the things that the other was feeling, were things that he experienced before in this life and with that he used his cold eyes to examine the other fending for the very things that he was coming here to get. ”this is a week’s supply, don’t blow through it.” he said moving from his spot in the room over to the counter where their stashes were held. shifting through it – the teenager brought forth wat the other was craving and with that he turned to hand it to the man. ”two hundred bucks even.” muttered the gang leader while taking the money from the other casually. thanking the man, he deposited the money into his pocket before leaning up against the counter as the other asked him how he was. deciding whether or not the other needed to know the answer to that question, he didn’t honestly know. he was curious though what the others motivation was. looking deep into caspian’s eyes, he sensed something familiar within him before and with that he decided to take a chance to open up with him. ”pretty good, holden and i just got back from australia….what about yourself? how are doing?”

notes: this was horrible but my next reply will be a million times better.

→ ON THESE HANDS AND KNEES I'M CRAWLING

Oh, I reach for you Well I'm terrified of these four walls These iron bars can't hold my soul in

One would think that the teachers would be alerted to the underground dealings of their students, Caspian mused to himself. After all, this was a school for delinquents and troubled teenagers, not to mention there were new 'normal' ones walking around and about. However most of the teachers seemed to be more involved in their own bundle of mayhem to truly pay attention to anything the students were doing. Frankly some of the teachers were involved in bigger scandals than the students, in Cass' opinion. He couldn't help but wonder why a fucked up school had hired fucked up teachers to try and help fucked up students. Wasn't the point of St. Jude's to try and make everyone better? But Caspian knew that there were some things that just could not be fixed, whether a person was in their right mind or not. However the setting in question being St. Jude's, the most likely case would be that a person was not in their right mind.

Cass couldn't help but wonder what it really was about bathrooms that screamed 'this would be a great place for dealing drugs'. It was a cliché, and not one that he really understood to be completely honest. Besides the fact that it was easily accessible, and offered some amount of privacy, it seemed like it should be the very first place anyone would go if they were looking for drugs. And while that was good for students like him, it was a double edged sword; any of the faculty could take a haphazard guess and stumble across something that was best kept under wraps. Caspian doubted that Warren's gang would really allow themselves to get caught, they were too organized, however in general, it seemed like everyone just naturally was drawn to the bathroom to carry on their illegal activities. He supposed it was just a matter of preference.

Pulling out the cash, he handed it over and accepted the drugs, with a nod of assurance that he would not blow through them. He smirked inwardly; if there was one advantage to having a father who had ruined his life, it was that he was willing to do just about anything to strengthen their non existent bond, and was more than happy to shell out large amounts of cash for Caspian's lame excuses. “Holden Alexander?” Seriously. Was everyone in this fucking school gay? “How was Australia then?” Caspian had been tempted to go on the trip, but his mother had always promised to take him for his senior year; to go on his father's dime would have felt like the ultimate betrayal. “I hear it's nice this time of year.”

ugh this is awful and late, i'm sorry

coded by RESCUE RANGER ! of ATF

the lost boys should have had a complicated time existing here at st. jude’s but that wasn’t the case. everything about their little underground operation was entirely too careful and highly organized. everyone who was directly linked into their gang, knew the code of conduct and knew exactly how to handle themselves if they were ever caught. if one of them went down, there was no throwing yourself in front of the bullet for another. you took the fall on your name without speaking an ounce of truth about the gang. if things should slip and someone got too friendly with the truth, well there were ways that warren could ensure that his business was protected and no one wanted to be on the negative end of the bullet. if he was to be even more truthful, the teachers here were of the best but they knew which battles could be fought and which ones could be one. thankfully, they saw things on their level and most would prefer that their students bought from a high school ring, then to go out on the streets and search for drugs, where things could get escalated too easily and be brought back upon the school.

here their gang took care of their business on a unheard level of expertise and no conflicts ever arose. cleaner business transactions meant they saved not only others lives, but were a grass root operation with commercial value. they didn’t call warren a mastermind for nothing. even the people in the gang were handpicked, hand delivered, and ready to the work that could send them to prison for life. seeing the worry in caspian’s eyes, when it came to his dealings in the bathroom – the more active one at that meant the other wasn’t smart to their operation. warren didn’t carry much business in these stalls but the ones across campus. where the old wing was that was off limits to students when it was burnt down. the empty stalls there was the base of operation and today they all simply needed a smoke, so they carried it out here. friendly get together, nothing more.

thankfully for caspian though – they had the man’s drug of choice on hand and the trip to secure it wasn’t necessary. crossing his arms over his chest and taking in a deep breath, he listened to the other question him about his boyfriend and nodded in return. ”yeah that holden.” he smirked, knowing that he’d done good with himself to land that tight piece of ass. thankfully though, there was more to the other boy then a good lay and the thought of the boy leaving him, was quite an unpleasant one. ”australia was amazing from what we seen. we didn’t get out of the room much.” he winked at the other, letting a loose laugh slip past his lips as he raised his fingers to gently scratch at his brow. ”you should have went with the school. a weeklong trip full of sneaking out in another country and boozing up.” he stated basically summing up his visit.

notes: this was horrible but my next reply will be a million times better.

→ ON THESE HANDS AND KNEES I'M CRAWLING

Oh, I reach for you Well I'm terrified of these four walls These iron bars can't hold my soul in

Caspian knew that taking drugs was a slippery slope into many other illegal activities, but he just didn't give a fuck. He was a legal adult, but he was still a teenager. He was at the best part of his life, considered to be mature enough to handle certain responsibilities, but still young enough to have excuses made for him. Not that Caspian really needed any, he had plenty all on his own. His excuses for his father were flimsy, but for the teachers and other faculty, he had much better reasons. Of course, Cass was more careful around other members of authority. He didn't have much respect for them, but he definitely acknowledged that they were in a position higher than he was, and insubordination was rarely tolerated from them. Unless of course it was one of the teachers who simply did not give a damn, in which case Caspian returned the same amount of interest, or rather, lack thereof. And then there were some teachers who would just prefer to look the other way when their students participated in illegal activities, purely to avoid the paperwork involved with giving them a referral.

However Caspian felt that the gang that Warren lead would probably be something too big to overlook, if ever discovered. Caspian really wouldn't care, but Warren and the Lost Boys were the most reliable, reputable way to get his hands on some drugs. Contrary to some belief, Cass actually did have some things to live for, and he did still have plans. He was not planning on dying due to some bad drugs, so Warren and his gang were the only ones that Cass really trusted to deal him drugs. Caspian didn't like the predictability of it all, it made it easier for him to get caught. But then again, Warren Fitzgerald was far too intelligent and had far too many allies in the right places to allow himself to be caught.

There was one definite downside to buying from Warren though, and that was the man himself. Caspian knew that Warren acted as a student therapist of some sort, but Caspian hated therapists. He hated people who tried to tell him what his problems were, and how to solve them; he could deal with them on his own. That was why Caspian had turned to drugs. Yet there was something about Warren, particularly the look in his eyes, as if he could read Cass' mind, as if he always knew what the other man was thinking. It made Caspian uncomfortable to say the least. He didn't want anyone in his head, discovering his secrets. And if anyone could, he had no doubt that it would be Warren Fitzgerald who uncovered them. Caspian nodded as Fitzgerald confirmed the Holden that he was talking about. He knew of him vaguely but he hadn't been at Milton for long. “I see.” Caspian ended up shaking his head. A part of him regretted not going, but in the end it was worth it. “Well someone had to make sure that St. Jude's didn't burn down too. Apparently all teachers turn into hormone driven rabbits though when they think teachers aren't hanging around.”

ugh this is awful and late, i'm sorry

coded by RESCUE RANGER ! of ATF

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