( FATE FELL SHORT THIS TIME ), CASSIE / KOLBI

[holden alexander]

This place was never the same again after you came and went. How can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone. On the street with a cigarette on the first night we met. Look to the past and remember and smile. And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene I think I'm fallin' asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

his head hurt, his stomach hurt, and he could barely make out the glass filled with amber liquid and ice that sat right in front of him. the music was too loud, the lights were too bright, and the people were just blurs in space and time moving sporadically around him. holden had been given a somewhat secluded booth in the top floor corner of the nightclub, but still he was surrounded by the lights and noise that made this place what it was: Fame. he didn't know why he had chosen to get so trashed that he could barely keep his head up, but it had just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. he couldn't sit around st. jude's and pretend that things were normal and that no one was talking about him. he could hear the whispers, see the snickering, and underneath it all there was that permeating look of disbelief on them all. who would have believed that holden alexander, golden boy of milton academy, was a homosexual. it was entirely true, and not even holden could deny it, but the fact that everyone now knew made things so much worse for some reason. he didn't need to hide it anymore, which was a positive, but the image of who he was had now changed completely, and all because of one guy: gideon cooper. kolbi hewitt was the person who the drunk boy had decided he needed to call. she had known about his hidden sexuality before pretty much anyone else at the school, and he was positive that he had made the right decision in trusting her as opposed to those who had betrayed him. and so he sat, sipping his scotch on the rocks, hoping that more alcohol would somehow clear his mind. it was an absurd theory that made absolutely no sense, but to his drunken mind there was some sense to it. at first he had considered calling warren, though that thought had been pushed from his mind as soon as a quarter of the bottle of tequila had been drowned down his throat. warren wouldn't want to see him, they weren't even dating, nor had they ever talked about dating. with all of this out in the open holden didn't know if he ever wanted to show his face at school again, which meant that he might not see warren again. of course, getting out of st. jude's would be difficult without the approval of his parents, who would likely not want to talk to him once they learned about his gayness. it was just a huge mess for the eighteen year-old boy, and he needed kolbi there to talk about it with - it was as simple as that.

♥ BRI !

[kolbi hewitt]

i was watching when you lost direction and i saw you when the headlights died. you were standing at the edge of a trainwreck, twisted up inside. i tried to find you in your pitch black bedroom. i tried to find you in the place you hide. but your body was an empty suitcase, hallow sunken eyes. if you let me catch a ride on your road to recovery, you can fall apart on me. because i'll be here as long as it takes, a remedy to steady your midnight shakes. i'll stay here as long as it takes, as long as it takes to get it right.

The night had started out relatively calm, kolbi had been relaxing in her dorm room, thinking about the events that had taken place during the week and finally feeling somewhat happy, knowing what she wanted. Hearing the sound of her phone ringing, a smile had instantly appeared on her face when she saw that it was holden. The two of them had formed a friendship in a rather interesting way but the male had managed to open up to her about one of his deepest secrets, something he was too scared to tell to anyone else and it even seemed clear to the girl that he was trying to hide it from even himself. However, he told her and she was thankful and felt honored that he would even consider telling her. As promised, she kept the secret to herself, not even telling her best friend kenzie, someone she told absolutely everything to. In return, kolbi had been rather open with the male about the things that were going on in her life, even things about gavin. She knew that if she could trust anyone, it would be him because she did have such a deep secret of his and also because she trusted him. However, the moment she answered the phone, she knew her calm night was completely out of the picture. Holden was drunk, incredibly drunk and was lost somewhere downtown san francisco. Being that he didn't have the slightest clue where he was and being that he was dealing with the aftermath of the entire school finding out that he was gay due to the asshole that was none other then gideon cooper.

immediately grabbing her belongings, she immediately made her way out of the door of her dorm room, determined to find her friend and make sure that he didn't do anything stupid. She could only imagine what he was going through, something that she somewhat had to experience in the eighth grade when things started to come out between her and gavin's relationship. Staying on the phone with him, he had finally managed to find a place near him, a place in which kolbi was familiar with and she agreed to meet him there. Hailing a cab, she informed the driver to take her to fame, a club that she had been to before on one occasions, thanks to her fake id. Upon arriving, she approached the bouncer, giving him her name and was immediately let in. holden had informed her that he paid the guy off, so it was nice not having to worry that her fake id would fail her this evening. Entering the club, she looked around the place, unable to see the boy and began walking around, finally seeing him in a secluded booth on the top floor, she quickly made her way over to him, sliding herself into the booth. Looking at him for a moment, she smiled slightly at him. “hey.. i'm glad I found you. I wasn't sure how successful this evening was going to be when all you could tell me was there were cars and tall buildings.” she says, not wanting to bring up the events that lead to the nights events.

[holden alexander]

This place was never the same again after you came and went. How can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone. On the street with a cigarette on the first night we met. Look to the past and remember and smile. And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene I think I'm fallin' asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

the fact that the waitress had been kind enough to continue bringing alcoholic beverages to holden actually surprised the high school boy. he could even smell the tequila on him, which meant that any reasonably sober person would be able to smell it. of course, he was the sort of person who tipped by giving out fifties, even when the drink itself was only six dollars. it was sad that money could get you anywhere in the world, even into places where your mere presence was illegal - such as an eighteen year-old boy in a nightclub. unfortunately for holden, money wasn't enough to take back the information that gideon cooper had released to the world. forever the knowledge that he was a homosexual would remain in the world, with anyone who wanted to know it being able to find out. he was sure that it had spread to many other social media sites, if only by people simply gossiping idly about it. one way or another his father and mother would find out, even though they were somewhere on the opposite side of the world at that moment. that was what holden dreaded most - he would likely break down into tears if he looked at his phone and saw that he was being called by his father. maybe that wasn't the best idea, since who knew if they actually monitored their son closely, but he could only assume that they did, and that scared him greatly. holden hadn't been able to make out kolbi until she was right in front of his face and sitting opposite of him in the booth. this caused a small look of astonishment to cross his face as he pushed his drink towards kolbi, unsure if she would accept it since from what he had tasted he had ordered scotch for some reason. that was his father's drink, finely aged and perfectly blended scotch. it was disgusting, but apparently it was what an extremely drunk holden alexander enjoyed drinking. "KOLBI!" he yelled, a bit too loud even with the thumping bass of the music coming from the first floor. "i'm sorry, i'm a bit of a...mess - i just didn't know who else to call or where i was really." he looked a bit ashamed of himself, even though he knew that this wasn't entirely his fault. certain people had driven him to this, and they were the ones to blame. of course, it had been his choice to get so trashed and then to call his friend kolbi, but now maybe he would be able to air his grievances about life with someone who he knew would understand him. "life fucking sucks, did you know that?" he really wasn't sure where he was going with this or what exactly he had to say to kolbi, but for now just being depressed was good enough.

♥ BRI !

[kolbi hewitt]

i was watching when you lost direction and i saw you when the headlights died. you were standing at the edge of a trainwreck, twisted up inside. i tried to find you in your pitch black bedroom. i tried to find you in the place you hide. but your body was an empty suitcase, hallow sunken eyes. if you let me catch a ride on your road to recovery, you can fall apart on me. because i'll be here as long as it takes, a remedy to steady your midnight shakes. i'll stay here as long as it takes, as long as it takes to get it right.

the pain holden was going through was something that kolbi was quite familiar with. when she was in eighth grade and word got out about her relations with the teacher, people were talking behind her back, saying things about her that were rather harsh and her home life began to be highly complicated. the idea of being to st. jude's academy hadn't been appealing to the girl but as soon as she got there, she realized it was probably for the best. it was a way for her to sort of forget everything that had happened and just be free from it all. however, some people still knew why she was there and used it against her at times. she hated knowing that holden was going through a similar situation now. she had been one of the first people that he had come out to and keeping her promise, she didn't tell anyone. yet, now thanks to gideon cooper, the entire school and quite possibly more people in the world knew. she wanted nothing more than to be there for her friend, to console him and try to make it so things seemed like they would be okay. she knew eventually they would be but when you are in a state like holden was in, she knew that it wasn't likely he was going to believe it. sitting there, she started questioning what she could do to get gideon cooper back, determined to put him through the pain that holden was experiencing at that moment.

sitting across from him, a slight smirk on her face, she listened as he yelled her name, shaking her head, she takes the drink, placing it against her lips and feeling as the liquor burns her throat. "you have no reason to be sorry holden.. what happened to you was beyond shitty and you didn't deserve it." she says, as she takes another sip. normally, scotch wasn't a typical drink she would have but she knew if she didn't drink it, chances were holden would and he really didn't need anymore alcohol in his system. continuing to drink the scotch, she listened as he spoke again. nodding her head, she set the glass back down on the table, her eyes focusing in on the male sitting across from her. "trust me, i know just how bad it can suck and just how complicated it can be." she says. looking down for a moment, she pulls the glass back to her lips and takes a sip before looking back to holden. "do you have any idea why he did it? other than he is a complete ass whose far too unhappy with his own life?" she asks.

This post has been edited by kolbi hewitt on Feb 9 2012, 12:55 PM

[holden alexander]

This place was never the same again after you came and went. How can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone. On the street with a cigarette on the first night we met. Look to the past and remember and smile. And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene I think I'm fallin' asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

the strange thing about the world was that people only cared about things for so long, with the duration dependant on the magnitude of the thing in question. for example, someone murdering a homeless person would remain as well talked about news for a month, maybe two, whereas the deaths of hundreds could be talked about for years. thinking about the effects of events such as those made what was happening in holden's life seem incomprehensibly small and insignificant. however, to the eighteen year-old boy it was anything but insignificant - it was life changing. his world had been turned about and he had to now either completely accept himself for who he was or run away, those were his only two options. there was no chance that he could pretend that nothing had happened, already too many people knew about his former secret. it would require a complete destruction of the barriers the boy had constructed over the years and an allowance of everyone into his personal world. still, he was sure that his position within the hierarchy of students had been permanently disrupted, which had been gideon's plans from the beginning. all the boy wanted was the status of being at the top of the food chain, and goddamnit he could have it if he wanted it. holden didn't care as much as he used to, that, to him, was now the insignificant part of his life. holden smiled as he watched kylie sip the drink he had pushed towards her, he was feeling content with the amount he had already drank that night and felt that even a sip more would be enough to push him over the edge. "maybe i did deserve it - i shouldn't have been keeping such a big secret, things like that always get out eventually." his voice was a bit hollower than it usually was, full of nothing but anger, pain and regret. it was true though, the biggest secrets were the hardest ones to be kept as such, and only possible when you told absolutely no one. obviously it was the last part that holden had failed at - he had let the wrong person know about his sexuality and that had come back to bite him in the ass in the end. when kolbi asked if holden had any idea why gideon had told everyone he only shrugged, dropping his head a bit more. "i honestly have no idea, no one even knows why he is at st. jude's," he shook his head slightly, still a bit in shock from it all. "maybe he's just fucked up in the head and enjoys things like this, or maybe he just wanted to take me down a notch so that he could be superior. i don't fucking know." he let out an exasperated sigh at the end, no shadow of a smile remained on his face.

♥ BRI !

[kolbi hewitt]

i was watching when you lost direction and i saw you when the headlights died. you were standing at the edge of a trainwreck, twisted up inside. i tried to find you in your pitch black bedroom. i tried to find you in the place you hide. but your body was an empty suitcase, hallow sunken eyes. if you let me catch a ride on your road to recovery, you can fall apart on me. because i'll be here as long as it takes, a remedy to steady your midnight shakes. i'll stay here as long as it takes, as long as it takes to get it right.

she wished there was something she could do to make all of holden's problems go away but from experience, she knew it was never that easy. people will continue to talk until something bigger happens, it was how it always seemed to work and right now the big topic of the school was how holden alexander was gay. she was sure the moment she made a dumb mistake or was seen with someone, that people would quickly change their topic, talking about how big of a whore she was. it was how teenagers were, especially the ones at that school. it was like they didn't get enough of their own problems and dramas in their own lives, they fed off the things that the other students did, only in hopes that for once there was someone out their worse then them. when she was younger and the rumors first started about her, she had a difficult time dealing with it all. the things that had happened between gavin and her were special and the knowledge that people were taken something that meant so much to her and going around and using it to insult her, using it as some sort of entertainment had really put her down in the dumps. she had found herself growing depressed, upset and when she first arrived to st. jude's academy, she started acting out and vouched that she would never allow people, unless she truly trusted them, to know her secrets anymore. however, now that she is older, she has quickly learned how to not let what other people's words affect, or at least do a good job at pretending it didn't.

still, she could see her friend was hurting and it killed her inside. taking another sip from the drink, her eyes focused in on his as he spoke and she quickly shook her head at his words. "don't you ever think you deserved it. no one has a right to let other people know your secrets.. no one has the right to discuss those kinds of things with anyone. i've experienced my fair share of things like this and it sucks and it's stupid but i was never to blame and neither are you." she says, with a stern voice. she hated that he would think such a thing, that he would even fantom that he could at all be at blame for this because he choose to keep his personal life just that, personal. continuing to listen to her friend speak, she couldn't help but want to figure out a way to make gideon to pay, to experience the pain and anger that holden had to go through because he decided to be an asshole. "it really makes me wonder why he is here.. what his fucking problem is and why he is so hell bent on ruining people's lives. i used to think he was halfway decent but now i just fucking hate him." she says, finishing up her drink, feeling the alcohol burn her throat. biting down on her lower lip, she looks down at the empty glass for a moment before looking back to holden. "although the circumstances suck, i am kind of glad you got me out tonight.. things have been so hectic and confusing in my life, it's good to get away from it all." she says.

[holden alexander]

This place was never the same again after you came and went. How can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone. On the street with a cigarette on the first night we met. Look to the past and remember and smile. And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene I think I'm fallin' asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

most people probably thought that a rich, pretentious, somewhat-asshole person like holden would enjoy constantly being in the spotlight. however, that was about as far from the truth as one could get, at least based on the changes that holden had experienced since milton merged with st. jude’s. he found himself enjoying not having his life picked apart by his peers at all times. milton had been quite a bit different than st. jude’s – everyone there was well off and they all seemed to have some sort of stick up their ass. for that reason, people were more often distinguished from one another based on their achievements, or at least their perceived achievements. for holden than meant his involvement in sports and his academic integrity. things at st. jude’s were different, based mainly on the fact that the students were a lot more worried about how others fucked up than about how they succeeded. no one cared if you won a gold medal in a race, but if you were found to be gay or a whore or some other such thing then you would be talked about, laughed at, and scrutinized. it was a vicious circle that had no end, because now all holden wanted to do was expose the deepest and darkest secrets that were contained within gideon cooper. maybe if he did that then the other boy would learn some sort of lesson from all this: you can’t just fuck with people’s lives. there had to be consequences, that was how the universe kept itself in a sort of karmic balance. of course, only time would tell if holden was able to find such a secret that could bring down the other boy, or maybe someone else would beat him to the punch. it was clear that holden had slipped from the fun, hyperactive state of being drunk into the depressed state, which definitely wasn’t good for the atmosphere. even though they were in a lively, vibrant club holden still felt a gloom surrounding him, and it was likely that kolbi would be able to sense it as well. ”the worst part is that he took enjoyment from it all, as if it was a big fucking prize to have outed me. i just can’t wait to be done with all this drama.” he sighed again, slumping his back a bit more and supporting his chin with his knuckles, his elbows resting on the surface of the table. holden smirked a bit when kolbi expressed her disgust towards gideon, it just made him oddly happy to hear people take his side rather than buy into the bullshit that gideon was selling. when holden noticed that kolbi had finished her drink he raised a finger in the air towards a waitress, who quickly walked to a bar, waited for a drink, and then came over and placed it in front of kolbi. holden had no idea what it was, but it looked fruity and was in a stemmed-glass. he just smiled at the waitress and gave her a twenty-dollar bill, not asking for any change. ”what’s making your life hectic?” he asked, perking up a bit. if there was one thing that could get his mind off his own problems it was hearing the problems of someone else.

♥ BRI !

[kolbi hewitt]

i was watching when you lost direction and i saw you when the headlights died. you were standing at the edge of a trainwreck, twisted up inside. i tried to find you in your pitch black bedroom. i tried to find you in the place you hide. but your body was an empty suitcase, hallow sunken eyes. if you let me catch a ride on your road to recovery, you can fall apart on me. because i'll be here as long as it takes, a remedy to steady your midnight shakes. i'll stay here as long as it takes, as long as it takes to get it right.

when she was younger, life had been so much easier. she had seeked and craved attention, admired all the girls with their fathers but it was never as bad as it became when she was middle school. she quickly realized what she had been missing and began seeking it out from any guy possible. when gavin had told her her loved her, when he began paying attention to her all those years ago, she thought it was how it was supposed to be. she fell in love hard and fast and when she was forced to be apart from him, she was unsure how she would make it through. instead of allowing people to see her pain, she went back to her old ways. she started sleeping around, giving herself quite the reputation at the school and although the words of the other students hurt her, she continued to act as if she was alright with it. she pretended like she didn't care what people thought or allow their words to bring her down. it was all a facade though. deep down, she felt so much pain. she constantly wondered why people were so quick to pass judgements on her and make accusations as to the type of person that she was. quite frankly, she was just a lost little girl trying to find herself. holden had came into her life, and as per usual, she had tried to sleep with the boy. he paid attention to her, made her feel like she was worth something and then when he eventually turned her down, informing her that he was gay, instead of passing judgements or being mad, she was there for him. the two of them became friends after that point and kolbi found a sort of comfort in the male. she felt like no matter what was going on in her life she could tell him, because he had been so open and trusting with her

kolbi had been well aware of the type of person that gideon was the moment he stepped foot in the school and she had expected holden to be able to tell as well. obviously, that failed and the male had informed him of his secret. she felt bad for holden, knowing what it must be like to go through such a big ordeal and to have your name on the back of everyone's mind and she wanted to be there for him, to do whatever it took to make him get back to the person that he once was. she wanted to show gideon that what he did was wrong, to do something that was on the same level that he did to holden but she didn't have the slightest clue as to what it was that she could do. "as much as it sucks, that is just the type of person that gideon is. it's as if he is making it his life mission to ruin as many lives as possible without allowing others in on any of his secrets. you'd think he'd be more careful, with him keeping his own secrets. it's only a matter of time before someone finds out and does to him what he did to you." she says, watching as holden indicates for the waitress to bring her another drink. as the waitress brought it over, she smiled at her before turning her smile to holden. taking a rather large sip from her glass, she looked to him as he asked her about what was making her life so hectic. biting down on her lower lip, she looked down to the table before her and then returning her gaze to the boy. "well.. gavin and i.. we went on a break. we got into a huge before i went to new york and then.." she says, pausing for a moment. "well.. i couldn't stop thinking about flynn and i ended up telling him how i felt and he confessed he had feelings for me too and now i am just confused. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to tell gavin." she says, taking another large sip.

[holden alexander]

This place was never the same again after you came and went. How can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone. On the street with a cigarette on the first night we met. Look to the past and remember and smile. And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene I think I'm fallin' asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

love was a concept that holden had never really understood, which had a lot to do with his family living situation. people learned love from those closest to them, usually their parents or whoever raised them. it was through observation and interaction with true love that people could then learn to understand love, but none of that had really happened for holden. his parents had always been absent, and as such he had been left in the care of others. sure, nothing abusive or horrible had happened, which was good in the longrun, but he still felt as thought some crucial learning had yet to take place. commitment just wasn't part of his vocabulary, or at least it hadn't been previously. things were definitely changing for the boy these days, and he found himself becoming more and more ready and willing to open his heart to someone special. to him that was what love was, or at least what he thought love was supposed to be. whether this was how others would define it was beyond him, and really he didn't care. it was time for him to allow his heart to be in the hands of someone else, and that someone just so happened to be a male student of st. jude's. holden suspected that nearly every student at the school must be going through similar realizations in their teenage years, which surely included kolbi as well. the two of them had become quite close friends over the short period that they had known each other, and holden actually felt protective of her, which meant that he really didn't approve of the whole student-teacher relationship thing, but maybe that would be on the mend soon. gideon had been trouble since day one, but holden's hormones had been far more powerful than any sort of logical thought. for that reason he had hooked up with the other male, which in turn had been the only real way that holden had expressed his sexuality to gideon. it wasn't as though he had come right out and said that he was gay, he didn't really do that with most people. it was because of that that holden blamed himself for everything bad that had happened, and even now he didn't honestly want to take out any sort of revenge on gideon - that just wasn't in holden's nature. however, he wouldn't be against another student or person putting the boy in his place and setting things right again. "i hope you're right, because if someone doesn't give him a taste of his own medicine then things will only get worse for all the students here. a person like gideon can't just be allowed to run rampant," he laughed a bit at the end, shaking his head. he really didn't want to talk much more about gideon cooper, and was pretty happy when kolbi started to tell him about her current romantic situation. his eyebrows shot up when she mentioned that her and gavin had broken up - or rather gone on a break - and that she and flynn had expressed mutual feelings for each other. "flynn? wow, i mean, i just didn't know that you had feelings for him, or him for you." he paused, thinking a bit about what he should say before his drunk tongue started to speak words he'd regret. "i think you should choose the most healthy relationship, and honestly i don't think that is one with someone like gavin." holden shrugged his shoulders at the end, a small grin on his face.

♥ BRI !

[kolbi hewitt]

i was watching when you lost direction and i saw you when the headlights died. you were standing at the edge of a trainwreck, twisted up inside. i tried to find you in your pitch black bedroom. i tried to find you in the place you hide. but your body was an empty suitcase, hallow sunken eyes. if you let me catch a ride on your road to recovery, you can fall apart on me. because i'll be here as long as it takes, a remedy to steady your midnight shakes. i'll stay here as long as it takes, as long as it takes to get it right.

her life had always been surrounded by just her mother, there had never been a father figure in her life to give her advice about guys or to be there to protect her. Although the friendship with holden was rather new and quite unexpected, she got the sense that he would always be there for her and that he was protective of her. While most girls might not like that trait in a friend, kolbi thoroughly enjoyed it because for once she felt worth something. He was one of the few people in the school she trusted with just about anything and there were so many things bottled up inside of her that she wished she could tell him but alas she couldn't tell anyone. Mostly due to the fact that if anyone was to know what had gone down during her freshman year, she would be sent to jail. As she sat across from holden, she continued to take drinks from her glass and continued to look over to him. She really did hope that eventually gideon got what he deserved because she couldn't imagine more people going through the pain that he had caused holden. She found herself growing more protective of the boy. She had never thought she would have to be but after everything that he had been going through, she felt a strong desire to make sure that everything was okay for him.

the topic of her current relationship dilemma was brought up, something she hadn't really talked to anyone about but she was glad that she had holden. She found herself being rather confused as to what she should do, who she should choose. She loved both of them, neither did she particularly have more feelings for but she knew that flynn was the more appropriate choice. “yeah.. i've liked him since my freshman year, I just never told him. And I never suspected him to feel the same for me but I guess the feelings had been mutual all along.” she says, taking a drink and then setting her empty glass on the table. The two drinks she had consumed had gone down her system, she was feeling more than a slight buzz and she knew if she continued to drink it would only be a matter of time that she ended up as drunk as her friend. “i know it's the more healthy relationship but I can't fight the feelings I have for him. I guess you always have some kind of feelings and admiration for your first.” she says, brushing her hands against her arms.

[holden alexander]

This place was never the same again after you came and went. How can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone. On the street with a cigarette on the first night we met. Look to the past and remember and smile. And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene I think I'm fallin' asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

people liked to spout cliches whenever they started to give advice to people, especially to young adults. it was as if saying these cliches was a way of giving legitimate advice, but really it was only annoying. every cliche had multiple ways of being deciphered, for example, 'it's always darkest before the dawn'. well, for the most part that meant that things would get worse before they got better, but maybe that also meant that you could fall off a cliff before dawn ever came. there could be no sunrise for you, maybe you wouldn't even last the night if fate was against you. holden tried to keep his mind as far from thoughts of fate and fortune as possible, because once you believed that your life was predetermined by an invisible force you lost all control over yourself. to go against fate was like trying to move a mountain by pushing against it with your hands - it was more likely that the mountain would grow feet and squish you before you managed to budge it even a nanometer. if fate held true then that meant that holden had been fated to be brought down from his pedestal by gideon cooper, and he had had no choice but for that to happen. he would always have made the decision to hook up with gideon, and in every reality that would be a constant factor - but maybe it was the aftermath of the event that held the true potential for growth. in a way, gideon had freed holden from the chains that he had bound himself with. no longer would he have to pretend to be someone he wasn't, and that was a gift in and of itself. it was time for a new holden to be born, one that didn't hide things or keep secrets from the world, but even that thought was frightening to the boy. if there was one person's opinion that truly mattered to holden, it was kolbi's. somehow she had managed to become one of his most trusted confidants and friends, a spot that was normally held by his best friend owen. of course, owen was still there for holden, but kolbi offered avenues of assistance and conversation that owen couldn't, things that would likely be uncomfortable for owen to handle. kolbi and holden had a way of talking in which they were completely non-judgemental of each other, except when they knew the other needed to hear some sort of judgement and it was called for. aside from that they were simply supportive and there to help, which was the way that friendships were meant to be. holden's face brightened with a caring smile as his friend spoke of her long-held, and apparently mutual, feelings for flynn hughes. holden didn't know much about the boy, but if kolbi liked him so much then he must have some very good qualities. "sometimes it is the most unexpected and surprising people that turn out to be the best for you," as holden said that his mind wandered momentarily to warren, which caused his smile to brighten even more. meeting that boy in a bathroom stall was supposed to be a one time thing, yet now he found himself wanting to spend every minute with him, which would need to be discussed with warren eventually. "well there is a reason they are your first - it's a bond that can never be experienced with anyone else, no matter how hard you try. then again, you can't like them and stay with them just because they were your first." he folded his hands on the table and leaned back in his chair a bit before continuing. "that's why you have a second, and third, and fourth...you get the picture - life isn't meant to be spent only with your first." holden had no idea if he was making sense, but he hoped some sort of point was getting across to kolbi.

♥ BRI !

[kolbi hewitt]

i was watching when you lost direction and i saw you when the headlights died. you were standing at the edge of a trainwreck, twisted up inside. i tried to find you in your pitch black bedroom. i tried to find you in the place you hide. but your body was an empty suitcase, hallow sunken eyes. if you let me catch a ride on your road to recovery, you can fall apart on me. because i'll be here as long as it takes, a remedy to steady your midnight shakes. i'll stay here as long as it takes, as long as it takes to get it right.

She really wished it was as easy as holden made it seem to be. But when it came to her feelings for both gavin and flynn, she found herself growing anxious with thoughts of having to eventually choose between the two of them. Yes, gavin had been gone a while and she still had yet to see him but there hadn't been a day that had gone by in which he hadn't crossed her mind. She felt bad, about the entire situation that was going on in her life because as she sat there and thought of gavin, she had been telling flynn that she had harbored feelings for him since the moment the two of them met. Motioning for the waitress to bring her another drink, she shook the thoughts that had been consuming her mind over the last few weeks to pay more attention to her friend. Sitting there, she thought about everything that happened and although the news breaking about holden being gay may benefit him in the future, she still felt like the way it was done was completely uncalled for and the more she thought of it, the more fired up she grew about the whole situation. As the waitress finally brought her another drink, without even the slightest bit of hesitation she down the entire contents of it and felt the harsh burn against her throat. With each drink of alcohol, she found herself growing more upset but she was doing her best to compose herself, not wanting to get holden more worked up on the situation. However, she fully intended to put gideon in his place and had ever intention of confronting him on the way that he had behaved. If there was one thing about kolbi that she actually liked about herself, it was the mere fact that she was and always would be super protective of the ones that she loved. She wouldn't tell holden her plan, in fear that he might actually stop her but she was determined to make the other male pay and would stop at nothing to do it.

her mind was rather conflicted that evening, going back and forth between what had happened to holden and her very own dilemmas. She really didn't want to have to think about either at the moment, just enjoy the company of her friend and try to assure that he was in a better mood. Their friendship had almost come as a surprise to the girl, being that prior to them being friends holden had rather strong views on st. judes students and being that the two almost slept with one another at the pool of her school prior to him telling her that he was gay, one could only assume that things would have ended up weird between the two. However, it hadn't been the case and the two had grown rather close in the short time since they had met one another. Holden was actually one of the people she found herself trusting the most and could seriously say that she valued his thoughts and opinions on most things that occurred in her life, especially the ones concerning the guys that she had there. “i know but there is also the thing where my heart tells me that I still love gavin, even if he does things I don't necessarily agree with. I still feel torn, extremely conflicted and I feel like if I make the wrong decision, it will be the end of it for me. They are the only two guys.. well, aside from owen, who has ever had feelings for me and I just.. I don't want to end up alone.” she said, revealing one of her biggest fears in life. Rejection and the fear of ended up in this world all alone were things that constantly crossed the girl's mind and she truly wasn't sure what she would do if it happened, if she suddenly felt completely and utterly alone. The entire thing with owen only made matters worse and she felt bad, having to tell the male that she didn't feel the same way for him as he felt for her but she was trying to get past that stage in her life. She no longer wanted to do things just to please the people in her lives, didn't want to pretend to feel a certain way just because it meant that owen would be happy or that she wouldn't have to feel as alone as she did at times. Biting down on her lower lip, she took a deep breath before meeting holden's eyes with her own. A smile formed on her face, appreciating the fact that she had someone like him in her life, someone she knew would always stick around.