Cyclical Nightmare, Sirius! James! Lily?

[Thestral]

The pale orb hung in the sky, shining brightly. Pockets dented the surface forming shapes and other delights. Stars twinkled along side the almost full moon happily, tauntingly, mockingly. Typically whisps of cloud hung in the air eerily. Remus Lupin did not enjoy the night sky when it was in such a state.

It was a cold night. The ground was damp from heavy rain. Earlier the water had poured from the heavens, cascading in heavy sheets. Remus had ventured out only for a few moments before he had become completely drenched in the liquid. He had been over zealous with the heating charm and now unfortunately, was too warm and feeling rather ill. This always happened before the full moon. Remus would be more easily irritated, snappy and swinging between tired, energetic, ill and feeling as healthy as a horse. At least afterwards he could have some stability and regularity.

Remus despised the moon. She hovered in the air, looking down upong him like an omen. So many people, he had heard, called the moon pretty, breathtaking, beautiful. All he could see was a tin orb hell bent on his torment and pain. It was on these nights Remus refused to sit by the window and look out into the world as he had the habit of doing. On these nights Remus couldn't concentrate on much at all. He was rather restless. Sooner or later he'd find himself pacing, wearing a hole in the already too thin floor. He tended to get very ansty.

Earlier he had foolishly attempted to read a book. It was old, made of paper, not parchment with a plain brown hard back. He couldn't get his hand to stop shaking, he split the tea over hismelf and the book and then knocked the glass over. In the end he threw the book at the wall in frustration. For a while he had looked at it solemnly where it lay, open, one of the pages creased in half. It would annoy him in the morning but Remus left it there anyway.

[Borrowed Breath]

The moon was particularly breathtaking tonight, though Sirius could not say that to anyone in particular. The person upon whose doorstep he had so cheerfully Apparated would not have appreciated this comparison, and the person whose larder he intended to later raid, with the former person, would have called him a sentimental sod - which would just ruin the mood, really, and given that good moods were difficult to come by these days, he rather thought he'd keep his. Even if Remus was going to be a grouchy tosser for the time being. Sirius had long since given up on being Sensitive And Understanding about Remus feeling low over the full moon and now opted for the Desensitisation By Obnoxiousness approach to things. This didn't ever improve anyone's moods, but at least it was likely to piss people off enough to make them want to throw something at him. This would then lead to venting of frustrations and in some grand, cosmic way, Sirius would have helped. Admittedly, the only reason he wanted to come by this fine evenings - with his dragonhide boots drenched in muck from the puddles - was in order to drag Remus out to James' and see if the baby wouldn't cheer him up a little. So one could argue that he was trying to help, sort of; his methodology, of course, remained dubious.

Sirius had no idea why he himself was in such a good mood tonight. His face would have suggested otherwise entirely. He was currently sporting an extremely black eye and a set of brilliantly coloured bruises which made him look as though he'd walked face-first into someone's fist. Which was more or less correct, though the fist may have been the more active participant in this encounter. He was in some pain as well, and had done very little about it, because... well, he couldn't be arsed and pointing a wand at his own face seemed like one hell of a stupid way to end his life. Yet, despite this, and the definite sort of twinge in his shins, which had suffered a fate worse than his face, and the fact that he was soaked unpleasantly and dripping on the doorstep of a friend who he was not always comfortable with, he was cheerful. People did not kick people who didn't matter. Of course, the kicking implied hatred and that part was depressing, but Sirius was not going to think about that. Tonight, he wanted to be with his friends and face life in the smirky manner that it deserved, being utterly messy, and feel cool about the impending doom hanging over all their heads.

As he raised his hand to knock, he heard a crash from within. Muttering an oath, Sirius stopped, and then whipped out his wand as the crash was followed by a bump. It wasn't a loud bump, and there was no screaming, but he wasn't taking chances. He gently prodded around for wards - and taking those down, he magicked the door open, stepping in carefully. There were no signs of a forcible entry - but wards could be overcome by anyone who knew what they were looking for, and there was no harm being careful. Sirius crept in, wand raised, not quite breathing, until he could spot Remus standing and glaring at something as though it had in some manner offended him. As Sirius leaned forward a little, this thing transpired to be a book, of some sort. There was no one else in the room. He lowered his wand, but didn't put it away. "Decided to reorgnanise the book collection, have you?" he asked, and belatedly realised that announcing his presence may have been a better idea. Just as it may have been a better idea to let Remus know he was coming. Oh well, the best laid plans... "You ready?" he asked, with a friendly sort of grin.

[Thestral]

He should have known better. He would never have been able to settle long enough to concentrate on the worlds: not in this mood. Last Full Moon cycle he hadn't wanted to move at all which was more than slightly alarming now that he reflected upon it, but at the time he hadn't really given a toss. His joints were aching last time too. It seemed as though, for Remus, the transformations were getting worse. Although James, Sirius and Peter had managed to curb the werewolf's enthusiams for biting and scratching himself, it seemed the stress of late was getting to him. Remus was expecting very soon to have to transform on his own. He wasn't look forward to it in the slghtest. James had responsbilities now - that that he'd ever begrudge them - and Sirius...well things just hadn't been the same since Severus was almost mauled and eaten. Remus knew it was ridiculous but he still had nightmares about it sometimes. That usually only happened if he had Sirius had been arguing again.

The arguments...they were never when anyone else was around. Remus for one simply wouldn't enter any topic of discussion that would cause friction if James, Lily, Frank, Alice or anyone else for that matter were around. Remus was and always ahd been a very good actor. His skills were subtle and did not lie in dramatic performances, but rather skillfully avoiding the truth. Remus wasn't happy. Not really. Not everything started to crumble around him and he could do nothing to stop it. At least in these dark, dismal days, there was some happiness. James and Lily had had Harry

After throwing the book against the wall Remus had glared at the offending material object with an irritated expression. Being so close to the Full Moon nothing could really escape him. He knew the wards were down and the door opened. Luckily for Sirius his sense of smell was just as sharp too, so he didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Remus said without turning around. His clothes were shabby as usual, nor was his own particularly nice. It ws the best he could afford. Miraculously he had managed to get a small labour related job that kept the money flowing a little. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was fired. It was always the same.

Remus turned around and blinked at Sirius. [color=91006F]"Sporting a new look?" He was concerned of course but their relationship had taken quite a bashing. Remus could still see the bruises. Whilst before he would have asked openly concerned about his day and what the hell happened to him, Remus again opted for the subtle choice. As it was earlier stated, Remus was very good at subtle. It was only a matter of time before he disappeared from their lives completely.

[Borrowed Breath]

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Yep, there it was. Remus's moods had often inspired Sirius to call him a woman - they came and went every 28 days, after all (and the comparison had left him with newfound respect for both Remus and for women -- he wouldn't have known which was worse, although admittedly, potentially eating people had its notable low points). He was cranky and irritable, and sometimes ill, before the full moon struck. On the whole, the boy could be quite charming around these times. Which was all the more reason for Sirius to not avoid him, even though that was the predominant instinct when it came to Remus these days.

"Well, you did always read too much," Sirius offered, in a wry sort of tone. The truth was, and Sirius had learned this the hard way, that once you broke someone's trust, you ruptured something so fundementally that an entirely new ground would need to be sought to rebuild it. The foundation of their friendship was just too damaged perhaps. It was not a happy thought, and not easy to face, and often, Sirius simply... didn't face it. There was enough unhappiness in the world as he knew it at the moment for him to want to focus on the worst possible things. Losing a friend, and losing a norkthing-who-was-more were two such things.

So, although Remus and him fought nearly as often as Jez and him, and although they had come to a point where Remus had become so secretive that sometimes it was difficult for Sirius to remember how to trust him entirely, he was here because he highly suspected they were more in what could roughly be called A Funk Of Sorts, than in a more serious mess. James was generally better at working around these than he was, and he fully intended to drag Remus down to the Potters' and have a Good Evening With Friends, just because... well, it had been a while, and they were incidentally all free on the same day. Well, all but Peter. Quite a pity he was off on Order work.

"Sporting a new look?"

Sirius grinned, and the bruises twinged. "Let's just say my charming ways with the womanly kind are in fine form," he said, making light of a subject that was, mostly like Remus' mood, not the sort of thing one made light of. Sirius was bothered, really. There was a lot in his demeanour that suggested he was not bothered - and certainly Bain seemed to be under this impression - but he was, and it made him all the more obnoxious. A typical, and very bad, reaction. "I'll tell you all about it at James-and-Lily's," he said. The transition from James as an entity to James-and-Lily as an entity had occured sometime over the last year, and was now officially sealed, because of his godson. His best friend's son. God, the idea was always a little strange. "Or Harry's - place is full of baby stuff. So come on, yeah? We'll all hold hands and skip after."

[Thestral]

Remus hated the fact that his moods were unpredicatable. He himself didn't often know when he was going to feel the urge to yell at someone, or simply throw, say, a book at them just to make himself feel better. He didn't like not knowing whether he'd take a joke the way it was intended or find it unreasonably irritating just because his brain chemistry was out of whack for a while. Remus supposed it was a little like being bi-polar in the sense he could be laughing one minute and depressed the next but only for about a week or so. Remus also didn't like tha fact it was getting worse.

With the others there his irrtation had eased off to mild annoyance. He'd only ever feel slightly ruffled about anything no matter what it was but now...now was different. It was so hard not knowing whether Sirius actually still cared the way he used to or just felt obligated, firstly because he promised, and secondly due to James and his family. Remus hid his insecurity well but in all honesty, despite being tired of all the tension, was just too terrified to ask his friend right out.

Where did they go from here?

It was such a small and short question. One would think it was simple. Remus knew otherwise. He and Sirius had been off track for a couple of years and quite honestly it was killing him. Those thin tenuous strands of trust had reformed ever so slowly. It was all a matter of strengthening them. The war didn't help matters. How could he tell Sirius that everythign was OK (mostly) and he was working his way to forgetting the whole thing ever happened? Probably awakened him to what he really is: a monster.

"Let's just say my charming ways with the womanly kind are in fine form,"

Remus couldn't help but grin at that. Perhaps for a while he could forget everything and just be with Sirius again. It had to show that the trust had grown since he hadn't yelled at him for breaking the wards. "It's always good to keep those skills sharp Pads" There. The nickname too. He wasn't trying too hard was he? "It wouldn't do to let them rust," Remus couldn't help but chuckle.

And he was back. Guess that was what he needed. Who knew Sirius still had the ability to cheer him up no matter what? "What mischief have you gotten yourself into now?" Remus asked with his trademark exhasperation lace with patience and amusement.

"Or Harry's - place is full of baby stuff. So come on, yeah? We'll all hold hands and skip after."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Have you been watching children shows again?" He suspected so. Who else would do that? But Harry... now? Merlin knows he loves the kid so much already but now? He knew in his heart he would never hurt him but his head was such a powerful force.

"Are you sure now's a good time. What if they're busy?" Remus asked. Oh good. Cover your anxiety with a lame question. Since when did they care about Sirius dropping over unnannounced...oh yeah...that time. Just a little bitter there eh Moon? he asked himself.

[Borrowed Breath]

"It's always good to keep those skills sharp Pads. It wouldn't do to let them rust."

Remus cracked a grin and Sirius grinned back, and for a moment, it seemed perfectly normal again. A good sign, Sirius hoped, really, that this evening would have some sort of semblance with normality as they had once known it. If whatever they had known could in any manner be called 'normal', that was, which was a debatable prospect at best. If there was edge around Remus's words, then Sirius ignored them, glad, extremely grateful for the use of his old nickname. It gave him a sense of familiarity, and assured him that not everything was going for a toss.

"Of course not. Must give the ladies something to giggle about." It was a mark, however, of where they were that Sirius could not straight up tell Remus the complete and utter mess of the norkthing-situation, and how it had taken a particularly bad turn a couple of nights ago. Sometimes - perhaps more so now than ever - Sirius got the sense that nothing was permanent, nothing except the fact that everything was a bit of a mess. The worst people in the world would always remain the same: his mother, for instance, would never change. But the good people, he felt, the friends and the people he had around him threatened to slip away and become ... different.

And then there were some, like James, who changed for the better and could by sheer force of will and affection drag everyone down the same cycle of change. James and Lily, both, were somehow the biggest-hearted people Sirius had ever met. Which was why now, more than ever, Moony needed to see them. Sirius himself wanted his best friend, and he wanted to look at his godson and play the utter fool with him, and be reminded that despite things changing drastically, and horribly, sometimes you could find something decent in the world. To this end, he pushed at Remus to get ready and get moving.

"Have you been watching children shows again?"

Sirius threw him a Look, which suggested that he knew Remus was dawdling. Somehow, out of all of them, Remus was always the most hesitant, the most tentative. As though after so many years of knowing one another, he still felt awkward, and out of place. There was of course a very good reason for that, but they had done everything in their powers to make it better, hadn't they? "Speaking of which, I'm thinking of buying a light-sabre," he said, wiggling his eyebrows a little.

"Are you sure now's a good time. What if they're busy?"

"Then too bad," Sirius pointed out, quite reasonably. "The baby's fairly new, so they can't be busy in that way that we don't to think about them being busy, you know." And the wiggling eyebrows could not have made his meaning any more clear. There was probably a bug in the carpet who knew what he meant. "It is time to stop impersonating a stuffed potato, my friend, and go do what one always does to good friends with wives who can cook - and invade the larder. I suspect it's not as well stocked on account of the baby, but it's still got to be better than anything you've got lying around. Come on! Chop-chop, now."

[Thestral]

(ooc: OMG I LOVE this post!)(I mean your post )

Sirius was smiling. Oh how he had missed that. The simplest of thigns, like seeing him smile or laugh felt like a distant memory. Here, now, in his horrible little bottom floored appartment with the other tennent above Remus felt a glimmer of hope flicker in his heart. It was as though the stars that were twinkling so mockingly before were winking now in a silent promise. Everything would be alright. Remus, the sentimental fool that he was, allowed himself to hope just a little. If things went well tonight perhaps they could get back on track again. Perhaps spending time together, like the used to, forgetting all the cares in the world, was just what Remus needed to put the lingering doubt and distrust in Sirius behind him. He had wanted to for some time, to move on and forget everything but his stupid stupid head stopped him. Remus, being a very sensitive creature, had bruised and bloody feelings. They weren't pouring blood anymore but that bruising was still there, purple and sore. Remus smiled quietly to himself. Maybe, just maybe, he could let them fade to yellow now.


"Of course not. Must give the ladies something to giggle about."

Remus frowned. "Giggle about your rusty skills? Or the bruises? Sirius what happened? He didn't know why but that sentence worried him. Typical defensive, avoidance. Hmm. Seemed he still knew Sirius a bit better than he thought. Remus looked at him with worried eyes before deciding not to pressure him. Remus, ever cautious and respectful of privacy, eased off and picked up the tossed book. He tutted to himself, smoothed out the page and sat it down on a rickety table. He would eat and just about heat the place.

"I'm serious,"Remus stated. "You've got the right temprament to enjoy them," Remus said with a straight face, teasing Sirius. This was nice. No tension right? If they were going to do this, they might as well do it properly. Either awkward tension or none at all. Remus, especially not now, would endure such tensions. They would only make him more anxious and ansty.


"Speaking of which, I'm thinking of buying a light-sabre,"


Remus tried his best to withold the bubbling sensation in his gut. He kept his face as passive as possible for what seemed the longest stretch of time. Alas, for Remus it was a task beyond him. The effort of supressing the onset of giggles caused him to snort hard before his shoulder started shaking with the force of laughter. He could just see Sirius look so please with himself swinging a blue one happily, proudly and declaring that he'd be teaching Harry how to fight Jedi style...and then losing to a toddler. Painfully. A sliver of melancholy slipped into Remus's heart. Things were not OK. At this rate he'd never see that day since he'd be outcast from his friends. The loneliness...he couldn't do it again...Stop it! don't ruin a good thing he chastised himself. He wasn't about to have an axiety, or panic attack or whatever. Nor was he going to let something daft like that get in the way of a good time. It was so rare to be on good par with Sirius. He didn't want it to end.

Doesn't have to A voice inside said.

They'll leave. As always. Something will happen to ruin everything. You know it Said the bad one. Remus never did like that voice.

Shut the hell up!

You'll see

Remus was wiping his eyes of tears by the time he had managed to get himself together. "Sorry[," He managed before setting off into tiny chuckes again before hiccuping.


"It is time to stop impersonating a stuffed potato, my friend, and go do what one always does to good friends with wives who can cook - and invade the larder. I suspect it's not as well stocked on account of the baby, but it's still got to be better than anything you've got lying around. Come on! Chop-chop, now."

Even now Sirius was trying. He had to be genuine, yes? Yes this could work. Perhaps what they really needed as a stilted fresh start. That act of total forgivness, wiping the slate clean could be exactly the right course of action to take. It would demonstrate trust on his part and let Sirius prove that he meant something to him. "Potato? That implies I weigh anything," Remus remarked. "Oh all right. Where would you be without a partner in crime eh?"

Yes. Everything could work out just perfectly.

[Borrowed Breath]

(Awww, thank you! I love writing with you ^^ it brings Sirius out! Which is quite rare, believe me. Oh, and I sort of pushed the thread along to James' house so that other people can join in too -- I hope that's okay, though if not, I can edit!)


"Giggle about your rusty skills? Or the bruises? Sirius what happened?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nothing big. I walked face first into a Jez's fist, it's not the first time that's happened. You can be assured it was somehow my fault and I had it coming. It's what I like to call a gift, of sorts," he concluded, shrugging. "Really, it's the kind of story you save for drunken nights of debauchery, you know?" And Remus would know. Sirius was not exactly forthcoming with anyone but James about his relationship-type-issues, simply because he only trusted James to be able to shake him by the throat when needed and tell him to stop being the world's biggest arse. He didn't always like it, but James would always do it; because like it or not, he did always need that. But Remus would know tidbits from other nights of general debauchery, successfully undertaken, which nearly always concluded with someone or another falling asleep in a toilet.

The subject was successfully changed though to Sirius's impending purchase of a light-sabre. There was something deeply and incredibly cool about light-sabres, and he didn't care what anyone said about the Star Wars movies. Jedis were awesome and the movie was brilliant. Muggles could sometimes cook up such incredible stuff -- no wizard would ever imagine flying in outerspace, since they could do it on earth. The prospect did not have as much of an appeal for wizards, perhaps. But a wizard in outerspace... now that was something to think about. Think of all the damage one could do with a light-sabre and a wand! At least this seemed to cheer Remus up somewhat. The boy had a morose disposition worth several enormous tubs of ice-cream, though he couldn't be blamed for it at the moment.

"Sorry."

"Not at all. I'm just going to ignore the skeptical undertones of your amusement. We'll see who laughs last once I get a light-sabre." And it was only out of sheer practice that Sirius could keep a straight face while saying that.

"Potato? That implies I weigh anything."

"Lily makes excellent potatoes," Sirius put in, by way of temptation.

"Oh all right. Where would you be without a partner in crime, eh?"

"That's the spirit," Sirius grinned, thumping Remus on the back - not as hard as he would have at other times of the month. He was hopeful now, and possessing a Good Feeling about things tonight. They might not always be perfect, but they were friends and they had enough in common to pull through, didn't they? Sirius certainly hoped so. Waiting until Remus grabbed his coat, Sirius proceeded outside.

Once the house was locked and warded and his friend was ready, they Apparated, appearing in the corner of James and Lily's street in Godric's Hollow. "Ooh!" Sirius commented, with vehemence, wrinkling his nose. "Batty Bagshot's cooking something foul. Come on," he grabbed a fistful of Remus's jacket and dragged him along. "We must evade this terrible smell, what is that, fish?" He cast a sidelong glance to Remus as he said this, knowing his friend's sense of smell was heightened at the moment. He would have a brain full of fish smell. Determinedly, he marched Remus along to the gate of the Potters' house and stepped in. The dulcet tones of a baby wailing reached his ears as soon as they'd reached the threshold. "Just in time for the symphony, apparently." He grinned vastly, and a little over-determinedly, at Remus, knocking.

[Thestral]

"Nothing big. I walked face first into a Jez's fist, it's not the first time that's happened. You can be assured it was somehow my fault and I had it coming. It's what I like to call a gift, of sorts," he concluded, shrugging. "Really, it's the kind of story you save for drunken nights of debauchery, you know?"

It hurt just a little that he wasn't told these thigns but what did he expect? They could hardly call each other buddy buddies anymore and that sort of information tends to slip when you're having friendship issues. How could he have forgotten that the sensor in most people between their brain and mouth was irrepreparbly dysfunctional with Sirius? Remus on the otherhand generally thought what he was going to say through. It was rare for him to be carried away and say exactly what was on his mind without any censor on it at all. For one he considered it rude and impolite but another was he couldn't afford to lose control nor did he want to deal with the consequences. He knew that just because it may make him feel slightly better at that moment in time, it wasn't necessarily a good thing. Later, Remus knew he'd heartily regret it.

Remus frowned. He didn't frown because Sirius had most likely mouthed off again and said something hurtful, but because Jez had physically hurt him. There were no scars that ran as deep as emotional or mental ones but Remus always had an avoidance to violence. It simply wasn't necessary plus meant bringing yourself down. They can go to whatever depths you like. You just shouldn't follow."I don't care what she said. Shouldn't have hit you,"

People often said it was different when a female hit a male. In a way it was. For one they were less likely to cause a lot of damage and less likely to over power you but that did not make it alright in any sense. It was still abuse no matter how you looked at it.

"I said it once and I'll say it again. Try to think about what comes out your mouth. OK?" It wasn't reall a question. Remus didn't want an answer nor did he really expect Sirius to listen. What he did expect was a courtesy nod of the head and 'I'll do that next time' only for his advice to be completely forgotten in five minutes time. It was the way it always was.

"Not at all. I'm just going to ignore the skeptical undertones of your amusement. We'll see who laughs last once I get a light-sabre."

Uh oh.

Remus started to laugh again. It was just too funny. It wasn't like the light-sabre was going to be any more use that a plastic tube that created floresent light which broke if you gave it a tap worthy of any force. Ahh he could see him now, running around the garden, doing combat stances and swinging it about ever so proudly with a childish, manic, grin upon his handsome face. Poor James and Lily: they weren't going to have to handle just one child tonight. "Oh and I most certainly sure that I will be me laughing Siri. Most definately. Don't worry about it though. I'm sure they'll sell pink ones," Remus said.

Before Remus could do or say much about anything Sirius had whisked them off to the Potters' household. Oh it felt strange thinking that. Potters. Remus felt only a little sad and a little jealous. He would never have a family of his own and that was the one thing he wanted more than anything.

There was a rather foul smell but Remus wasn't going to complain. Whatever it was, it was entirely unappealing and making him feel nauseus but he didn't want to be a nuisiance. As it turned out, he needed have been so polite.

"We must evade this terrible smell, what is that, fish?"

"Kippers I think. With a twist of lemon, basil with a dash of tobasco,"Remus said perfectly serious. Since he had experienced the entire main meal or whatever it was supposed to be through smell Remus found himself strangely full for the moment. Or it could be the side effect of a churning stomach.

Remus let himself be hauled along at a breakneck speed feeling lightly touched that Sirius was bothering to be that kind. It seemed there was hope for them yet. Remus smiled to himself not caring if Sirius saw. For the first time in a good long while, his heart felt lighter.

"Just in time for the symphony, apparently."

It was with these words, and the first round of knocking that Remus felt the onset of panic. How do you deal with a baby? There was so many laws and regulations...wasn't he not supposed to be in the same house was one? Or was it he wasn't allowed to hold one until they were about 3? Remus then weighed who he feared more: the Ministry or Lily. No doubt she'd be offended if he didn't want to. Still, it was a daunting prospect. The wailing was already grating on his ears. He felt as though he was right next to the lad.

"you're going to teach him how to be a Jedi aren't you?" Remus asked as the revelation came to him.

[BJB47]

As a rule, Harry as a quiet baby, but no child of three months likes the feel of cooling nappy, and he was letting his parents know about it. James did not think himself a particularly fastidious chap, in fact he had lived with Peter and Sirius for seven years; you couldn’t do that and worry about strong odors or odd stains. Still, he had found he had to force himself to volunteer to change his son. It did not come naturally to him. Maybe it was snot having any younger children about. He had never experienced babies except when they were properly under control: wrapped up, buttoned down dry and usually asleep. All babies ere delightful then. You had to love a child to deal with his poop.

And James loved Harry. He loved him with an odd fascination he could hardly understand and certainly couldn’t express. Harry was a little person, as of yet unequipped to manage on his own, but still complete: a boy in miniature; a man in potential. And with his wonderful completeness he had brought something else to his father: a connection yet more complete, more enduring, more powerful that the love he had felt for Lily before. They were bound to each other in a way that being in love could mirror, but never match. Every time he looked at his son, he saw his wife and loved her more. And every time he looked at Lily he saw his son, and loved her more again.

Even with all the poop.

So when Lily got up with Harry squalling in her arms, James looked up and dropped the Daily Prophet onto the table beside his chair. “I’ll do it,” He said, getting to his feet. “I think it must be my turn, anyway.” He walked to his wife and they stood together in the lamplight, too young, surely, to be parents and yet here they were: a family. James scooped the baby from his Lily’s arms and kissed her softly. “I love you, by the way,” he said, “Just in case you forgot.” He turned and headed toward the stairs and the upper floor, where Harry’s changing mat, clean nappies and other paraphernalia were when the lights flickered slightly and a gentle high-pitched jingle told James that the wards on the gate had been broken.

James stepped back into the sitting room, holding Harry out to his wife. Snatching his wand up from the table he whispered, “Take Harry upstairs. It’s probably just Sirius, of course, but…”

A world of fear lived in that “but.” Too many friends had died already, too many lives had been shattered for James to feel safe, even in their out-of-the-way cottage. The spells James had set on his mother’s old house would give the semblance of habitation, and anyone who did not know James and Lily well would thing they lived there, but no tricks would keep a determined enemy at bay, and James and Lily knew it. As Lily hurried up to Harry’s room, James cast a strong shield spell on the front door, and listened carefully for the sound of voices.

Two voices, male, and unless he had become completely deaf, one was Sirius. The other was not Peter; that much was clear. Peter always sounded as if he was complaining about something when Sirius was around. He usually was complaining, of course, and with Sirius around, with reason, but it didn’t sound like Peter. Sirius would assume he was welcome, and he would be right. He always just walked through the wards, because it gave Lily and James sufficient warning to ‘stop doing things I don’t want to know about.’

As if he didn’t know all about that kind of thing already.

Still, it didn’t hurt to be careful, and James would know if it was Sirius if he knocked on the door, and didn’t use the knocker. Unless he forgot that the knocker was cursed and would blow him out of the garden, of course.

[Borrowed Breath]

"I don't care what she said. Shouldn't have hit you. I said it once and I'll say it again. Try to think about what comes out your mouth. OK?"

"You mean think before I speak? But that would be... Illogical!" Sirius flashed him a grin, but at the same time was aware that nothing on the earth as Sirius knew it would have induced him to share the nitty-gritties of his relationship with Bain with anyone aside from James - and even James usually had to pry it out of him with whiskey, macaroni and a well-aimed kick in the ankle.

Which wasn't to say that Remus wasn't a friend. Remus certainly was - and the strains on their relationship currently did not change that for Sirius. Although the Marauders were a group in an inseparable sort of way, to his mind, there were specific kinds of things he shared with different people in said group. Well, possibly everyone except Peter - in whose case Sirius was still waiting to discover what it was they had in common. And while he waited, he would poke fun at him and call him Princess, and THAT could be their bit. With Remus it was substantially different, though Sirius would never attempt articulate it (if he did, he may as well have taken Peter's tiara and dubbed himself prettier in pink than him). The most he would ever say was something about brothers and never having one and something about being weird and furry sometimes. It was indeed the only way he could put it.

But his relationship with Bain was private, and very different. Suffice it to say, she wasn't a passing fancy with boobs (though she had those). There was something very significant there that was alternatively amazing and humiliating - though the latter was not, as Remus may have thought, because of the very deliberate one-sided (since he was pig-headed about things more often than not -- the fact that she'd challenged his determination to not hit her of course made him all the more determined) violence, so much as it was because... because of other, slightly more disturbing things he had never really thought about. Not until the night before had they occured to him - and the disturbing manner in which things had ended was something he was still trying to wrap his head around.

Either way, it was extremely, intensely private. It dug into parts of himself he didn't even know, let alone trust. So as Remus stated stuff categorically, Sirius found a part of him shutting down, warding any further questions off with a shrug. Because it was Remus and because it was that time of the month, Sirius did not react more bluntly, though being who he was, it was probably evident enough.

"Oh and I most certainly sure that I will be me laughing Siri. Most definately. Don't worry about it though. I'm sure they'll sell pink ones."

"I always did think pink was my colour," Sirius said, quite solemnly, glad to have the conversation turn to more serious thing. And he did take light-sabres and the inevitable Jedi training, which Sirius believed was his prerogative as the godfather of the unfortunate Potter spawn, as very seriou business.

He whisked Remus off then, determined to cheer him up tonight. There was no reason for him to miserable alone when there was an option of being miserable in the company of loud and obnoxious friends (well, mostly - no one in their right minds could have called Lily loud or obnoxious, and even James was becoming more stolid; at least Harry had sense). And he had a feeling the baby would cheer Remus up. Although Sirius generally regarded children as terrifying, this particular one wasn't so bad - possibly on account of genetics or the fact that Sirius had jumped to the conclusion of Babies Are Evil without having ever met a baby, other than his brother, and since he had been two when his brother had been born, this probably did not count. He rather liked Harry, really, even when he pooped. That was impressive - it was one way Sirius himself had never been able to annoy James, and it was very interesting to watch the latter dealing with babymatters.

"Kippers I think. With a twist of lemon, basil with a dash of tobasco."

"Smells like the sewage system in this town is revolting," announced Sirius, irreverently. He was very glad to get away from the smell and into the Potters' yard, though you could still feel the spices in the back of your throat. Remus, he knew, had it worse.

Fortunately, they were interrupted by the sounds of Harry Potter howling. Well, that's what you get for reproducing, Sirius thought, severely, before knocking

"You're going to teach him how to be a Jedi aren't you?"

"Of course - the older and more stolid paternal Potter wouldn't be the most ideal Jedi master, don't you think? He probably wouldn't do a crappy job with is early Quiddtich training, but the speccy-git-appearance is just wrong for the true Jedi, whose hair doesn't do-" Sirius now waved his hands around wildly, to indicate what exactly it was James' hair often did, a phenomenon for which there were few words in the English language, though perhaps the old Latin had something on it, "-you know."

There was a profound sort of silence in the house, however, and the baby's wails faded into obscurity. Sirius could understand this. He dropped in on the Potters often enough to know that the transition into being a family hadn't been made without a strong awareness of that they now had more to lose. His own flat was warded, of course, but he wouldn't have to think about protecting someone else before he opened the door. He wouldn't go the extra mile to keep the house terribly safe, thus, even though over the last few months, he had become more thorough, just as most of them had.

"Apparently, I was wrong," he said, giving Remus a smirk that mostly masked his understanding, "babies aren't the world's greatest hormone killers. Oi!" He banged on the door with his fist, now. In the face of grave and serious tension, you could hardly do anything but crack stupid jokes. It had always been his strategy for defying people he didn't like - like his family. There was no reason to abandon a well-honed skill, now, was there? "It's us! Please don't answer the door in the nude! You'll give Remus here a heart-attack. God knows how long it's been since he's seen somebody naked." His grin now was more satisfied.

[Thestral]

"You mean think before I speak? But that would be... Illogical!"

Remus wasn't daft. The strains on their relationship hadn't damaged his senses towards Sirius all that much. Remus could still tell when Sirius just didn't want to speak of something, which happened to be frequent. Who would want to admit they had made a mistake, or a fool of themselves (well Sirius tended to be proud of that actually, depending on the situation) or spill the details of a relationship. Relationships were ultimately private affairs and it was strictly your own business how much you were willing to share. Remus may have rolled his eyes in an exhasperated manner with an amused smile upon his lips. His answer was so very...Sirius.

"I apologize. It's not my business,"


He wasn't sure if it was obvious to them, but James, Sirius, Peter and Lily had been the only friens he had ever had - and the closest ones. There was no way to describe the happiness and gratefulness he felt within his heart. They all had looked past a dark and major issue that was a part of him to his very core. They had all decided not to care (although the jury was still out on Peter. Did he flinch every time he was near?). Remus couldn't have asked for more understanding people. It was one of the reasons he never expected anything from them. They had already given him so much. Lily was undoubtedly his best friend and confidant. James was his best friend, with more reason in him that Sirius. Sirius, the terror, always managed to make him laugh. And Peter, well they shared a kind of timidness that dwelled within. However Remus was far from the terrified frightened boy Peter was.

Remus never really had any real relationships with anyone. He had found many girls attractive but had been too timid to even speak to them. He had no idea who to act around females - except Lily, of course, and perhaps Jez who he had briely met and a couple of others. However Remus hadn't a clue when it came to dating. All he knew was that he was old fashioned and chivilrous. He did not mean this to be demeaning as some strong willed and independant women felt it to be. He only meant to be polite and respectful. How did one go about dating anyway? There was also the small issue of being a werewolf. He could not afford to have those...emotions around the full moon - he would be far too eager and forceful.

Remus, even down the yard, could still smell the pungent odour as clearly as before. It was one of the pitfalls of being a werewolf. It was great to have a fantastic sense of smell, but a curse when there was something in the air that could only be described as 'nasty.' Remus waited on an answer to his Jedi question only to recieve an interesting, half verbal reply:

"Of course - the older and more stolid paternal Potter wouldn't be the most ideal Jedi master, don't you think? He probably wouldn't do a crappy job with is early Quiddtich training, but the speccy-git-appearance is just wrong for the true Jedi, whose hair doesn't do-" Sirius now waved his hands around wildly, to indicate what exactly it was James' hair often did, a phenomenon for which there were few words in the English language, though perhaps the old Latin had something on it, "-you know."

"How eloquent," Remus commented sarcastically but he knew exactly what Sirius meant. He found himself nodding in agreement. Not even he could find the correct words to describe James's ever unruly hair with a mind of its own. "His hair is definately up to something...perhaps his parents cursed him with 'Wild Hair' Syndrome? What better revenge on a mischevious child?" Remus mused.

Remus although hadn't said anything, wasn't unaware of the trials facing them all, particularly the Potters. He knew they had to be extremely careful. They would have recieved a strong earful and a very long lecture otherwise. Remus just wanted them safe and sound. Hopefully they could all make it through this War safe and intact. The thought of anything happening to any of them was unbearable and terrifying. His only hope was James didn't decide to throw curses - he wasn't in the mood for any sort of fight. He may be happy but the exhaustion, the tenseness was still there.

"It's us! Please don't answer the door in the nude! You'll give Remus here a heart-attack. God knows how long it's been since he's seen somebody naked." His grin now was more satisfied

Remus stared at him. He could feel the blush creeping onto his cheeks and the grin explode onto his face. Before he knew it, his face was hot and he was laughing again. He had to have laughed more now than he had done in ages. "Sirius you mut!" Remus said outraged resorting to the dog term in his embarrassment. "Better hope I don't challenge you my friend. My Jedi Mind tricks are far superior," He half gloated, half stammered out. His face wasn't going to die down for ages yet.

(ooc. sorry this isn't much good =()

[Borrowed Breath]

(Are you kidding? It's awesome!
And I'm bumping this post along because... well, because I can xD Hope it's okay with everyone. BJ, do have James rescue them, and I guess in the meanwhile we can have some fun )

"I apologize. It's not my business."

"Maybe," Sirius agreed, scratching his neck absently and then adjusting the collar of his now well-worn leather jacket, "but if you didn't nose around, you wouldn't be a friend, ne? We're all bloody nosey."

It was his way of obnoxiously saying 'chin up, soldier'. If anyone needed a perpetual Cheering Charm, it was Remus. Sirius knew from experience that trying to sneak a Cheering Charm on the man was basically not possible, simply because he was rather good at picking up on Cunning Plans before they were put in motion. Not to mention, some people were somehow just allergic to things like that. At James' stag, Sirius had tried in vain to get Remus a date with the stripper (who would never be mentioned again, for reasons that are best left ambiguous), believing firmly, in a stupor induced by the Firewhiskey that had on that night been abused, that all he needed was a woman. This had been dropped as soon as sobriety had returned, though it didn't stop Sirius from being nosey in his own right.

Amongst all the things he'd picked up from James, this was probably the most recent. One could possibly call it a more conscientious living, because then one would have to have one's head examined, but it was the smallest step towards being away of other people beyond the most obvious. And indeed, this process was about as confusing as it sounded, especially because Sirius's head didn't grasp things of this nature without convoluting them and twisting them so they became recognisable to him. Of course, it made them unrecognisable to everyone but him. Remus probably would join Bain in expressing a profound lack of understanding as to what the heck Sirius was on about. When it was simple, really: you were only every bothered about the people who seemed worth it, and Sirius was, in a manner that baffled him, veryveryvery bothered.

That was what the war did, and he was only now beginning to draw this conclusion. If it hadn't been for the war, things would have progressed along the agreable trajectory they had acquired in school. War brought out the worst in people - though often they said it was the other way around. Maybe it brought out the truth in people. And the truth, as he had learned just the night before, presented itself in varying shades of comprehensibility and familiarity. Often it seemed to be the kind of thing you didn't want to see. Sirius was perhaps also aiming to unsee what had dawned on him last night, but since he was exceptionally accomplished at denial, it didn't occur to him that this was the intention.

Instead, he adopted the strategy that had, unlike people and their mysterious ways, never failed him. Obnoxiousness and the topic of nudity generally drew a laugh from someone. It seemed to work this time.

"Sirius you mutt! Better hope I don't challenge you my friend. My Jedi Mind tricks are far superior."

Sirius grinned, greatly cheered. The red-faced expression of Remus Lupin struggling not to find him very amusing was always entertaining to watch. He raises his fist to bang on the door, right before something whizzed past his hair. "What the-"

A pot in the garden exploded and Sirius, whose abilities to defend himself were at an all-time low (have him chase someone down and hex them instead, now, that was something he could do much better), grabbed Remus and shoved him hard into a bush, forgetting all about wands and defensive magic. "BloodyeffingMerlinandhissaggingbigba- hey!" he declared, before another flower pot sailed merrily past his head, smashing into the garden wall. "Miss Bagshot-"

"JUST YOU GET AWAY FROM THAT DOOR, YOU -"

"-it's OKAY!" he yelled, drowing out the profanity, but to no great avail.

"-ATH EATERS!"

Sirius found himself compelled to join Remus in the bush, for the brave and completely mental old lady had apparently decided that they were Death Eaters knocking politely on the door before murdering the residents of the Potter-house in cold blood. Which was altogether rather brave and commendable of her, given that she was about half his size and four hundred odd years old. This didn't stop Sirius from letting out a string of curses not quite under his breath - including something about "kippers" and "sodding James and his sodding stupid house" and "old batty bat" and "Merlin", whose soggy boxers featured prominently in this diatribe. All the while, he kept shaking Remus by the arm as though this was somehow going to make the latter suddenly capable of wooing an old, old woman. Who knew, actually, they may have had something in common. But the frank truth was they were trapped until idiot James decided to rescue them, because Sirius was sure as hell not going to hex an old woman.

Finally registering the continual possession of his wand, he drew that out, and looked at Remus, as the sorrowful remains of a hyndrangea pot exploded all over them. "Do something!"

[Thestral]

"but if you didn't nose around, you wouldn't be a friend, ne? We're all bloody nosey."

"Well we all know you are," Remus replied cheekily with a sly look. It wasn't that he thought hismelf better than Sirius, just more tactful, subtler, slightly more cunning with the obvious. Remus had learned to phrase thing gentler than Sirius had. On the otherhand Sirius hadn't had a happy upbringing and hated his entire family so what he probably learned was to be loud to be heard. It would have been the only way, when rebelling against ones parents you aren't usually quiet about it. However Sirius could be as endearing as he was infuriating and that was the Magic of Sirius Black. There were many facets to Sirius Black AKA Padfoot, and to discover them all would no doubt take years, perhaps a life time but that was the beauty of it. Sirius had indeed proven he was bigger on the inside than the outside, although the idiot section was still very much true.

The happiest years of Remus's life had been at Hogwarts with Sirius, James and Peter and Lily. Outside the Marauder circle she was probably the only one he properly trusted with any secret at all. There wasn't something extremely genuine and gentle about Lily Evans, now Potter, that couldn't be properly descibed without a long explanation, and a wide vocabulary. She was one of the most important poeple in his life and made him feel welcome, even when nobody else did. James and Sirius on the otherhand could be a little coarse. That wans't to say they were rough and tough as old boots but the sensitivity that Remus seemed to have managed to cultivate was much smaller in them, as with most males. in their own way they could be just as caring as Lily but some things did require a woman's touch and Remus's appaulingly low self esteem was one of them.

Remus had long since given up trying to fathom any of their minds. Sirius, as previously mentioned was a maze and James was a mine or this and that or the next thing. Lily was easier to read but having a fiery temper and being fiesty did create a lot of unpredictability. Actually, Peter was the only one you'd be sure to know what he was up to, except recently when he'd been suddenly and mysteriously mysterioius. Although there was the idea he'd gotten a Lady friend Remus did have his doubts. Although it was mean to think this way about anyone, especially a friend, the Lycan just couldn't help but think Peter? Really?.

Sirius grinned, greatly cheered.

Remus smiled back. This was nice, all relaxed and normal...except from the part when they were being attacked! Next thing Remus knew was he was tangled up in a bush and not altogether comfortable. Sirius had done wonders for his pre-transformation irritances but now all Remus felt was a great deal of irritation towards a certain shaggy haired man and a certain degree of anger towards the idiot firing pots at them. For one, Death Eaters do NOT knock and two, what a mess of garden pots that would have to be repaired, not to mention the fact the plants wouldn't just snap back together. Remus had always liked plants. They were pretty and didn't judge and smell (usually) rather nice.

"JUST YOU GET AWAY FROM THAT DOOR, YOU -"

Well it's that just peachy? On the one hand, at home he would have been just as irritated but moping and on the other it really was difficult to reign in the urge to hex the hell out of her. First the smell and now the exploding pots, which was actually pretty loud thank you and the yelling too. Not only that there was Sirius muttering (which was also somewhat amusing) in his ear about batty old ladies and James's house and Kippers. At a particularly loud smash Remus cringed and glared heatedly at where Bagshot should be. Remus, just about to mutter himself heard:

"Do something!"

"Like what?" Remus asked incredulously. "You're the one that shoved us in a bush and didn't cast a barrier" Remus snapped before closing his eyes and taking a breath. It hadn't helped that Sirius had been shaking him constantly. "It's appreciated," He said quietly. Sirius had done the first thing that had popped into his head, which was technically the correct thing since it saved him from hexing her and getting his own head smashed in. At the very least Remus silenced her yelling because it was grating on his ears. "You know that now she's made up her mind, holding our hands up in peace isn't going to work. She's too busy trying to smash our heads in for that. Not to mention the fact she's probably attracted a lot of unwanted attention." What a pointless lot of twaddle.

"What about your Patronus? Won't someone recognize that? You know I'd do one but there's little point," Werewolf...didn't have a corporeal one which had always disappointed Remus a little. He had always wanted to know what his animal would have been. Is.

[BJB47]

The rap of knuckle on wood came and James relaxed a shade. He called softly up the stairs, “It’s alright, love. Only Sirius, and I think he might have Remus with him.” A bit tricky that, given the time of the month, but James knew that Lily and Remus had always been close. Closer at one time than James and she had been. (Though that didn’t take much. For most of their Hogwarts career, James and his wife had been more sparing partners than partners in life.)

He reached for the doorknob, only to be surprised to hear a sudden kerfuffle followed by yet another voice.

"JUST YOU GET AWAY FROM THAT DOOR, YOU -"

“Thank you, Batty,” Said James under his breath. “Just what I need: random protection from the neighbors.” James opened the door as Sirius shouted out.

"-it's OKAY!"

James cringed back as a flower pot flew past a foot or so in front of his nose.

"-ATH EATERS!"

James flicked up a shield spell, as much for his own protection as to defend his best friend who had lunged behind a somewhat sketchy looking azalea with the sprawled form of Remus Lupin beside him.

“Thank you Bagshot,” Called James, stepping out and giving a wave toward his neighbor’s house. “I think I’ve got them under control. And actually, these are friends of ours.”

Batty, who was nothing if not thorough, chucked a bedraggled looking geranium over the hedge which James reached out and caught. “Glad Quidditch taught me something,” He said quietly and called out again, “Miss Bagshot! It’s James Potter.” He stepped out of the little gate and into the pool of light cast by open front door. “Thanks so much, but it’s Harry’s bath time and You know how excited he can get, so..” Batty waved across the hedge and threw another flowerpot at the Azalea.

“Oh, and those are friends of mine,” James added. "So I can take care of them."

“Tell them they shouldn’t be creeping around innocent people’s houses!” Batty shouted.

“I’ll make a point of it, Miss Bagshot.”

“Make sure they are who they say they are, too!”

“Oh, it’s them alright,” Said James. “Trust me. They wouldn’t be hiding behind the bushes, if they weren’t.”

“Does Lily want any help with the boy’s bath?”

“I think she’s got it covered, Miss Bagshot,” James shouted back, and added in a quieter tone, “You two get inside!”

“Have you had your supper yet, James? I’ve got some lovely kippers here!”

“I’m sure you have, Miss Bagshot, but Lily’s made something special for me tonight.” As First Sirius and then Remus scrambled for the safety of the front porch, James continued quietly, “Food you can actually eat being the something special. Hello, Remus, It’s lovely to see you, old fellow.”

“You’re sure now? They are lovely kippers.”
“Very tempting… but no thank you, Miss Bagshot! Padfoot get your backside in here before we loose all the heat.”

“Alright, James. Love to Harry!”

“Thank you Miss Bagshot. Good night!”

James paused on the doorstep for a moment and reparo’ed the flowerpots as best he could. He would take them around to Batty’s tomorrow morning and put them back where they belonged. Sometimes she threw them randomly out into the darkness, “Just to be on the safe side.” James wondered on the safe side of what?

He reset the wards on the gate and the path and on porch, and then closed the door behind him. Looking at the two figures in the hall, James broke into a broad grin. “Now all we need it Peter and a half a ton of horse manure and we’ll have the complete set,” He said. “Did you know you were wearing my mulch, Sirius?”