Is this the end of us?, Conversation with the Forum

[Luther v3.7]

Despite what you may imagine, this message is not to the remnants of the troubled infestation of this plot of cyber space known as the Old Forest (in other words... members). No, if you're a living person then consider yourself eaves dropping. But feel free, after all, being a public forum means I can't say what needs to be said to it without witness.

It feels like a long time old friend. Often times at one's death bed you find it appropriate to say what needs to be said before it's too late. While I cannot call you dead already, logical thinking can only conclude that the end is most likely near for you. Before you go I need to speak with you on a personal level for the first time, without the mask that I've used to keep your members at a distance. I don't come to you as Luther the Great, Luther v3.whatever, or any other name I've gone by here before.

The disguise lifted for the moment, I W. J. Smith have some farewell remarks to give. It's been more than three years hasn't it? Three years since we first met. Doesn't seem like so long on paper does it? Still I think it was enough to change both of us completely. I have often commented that I have shaped you into my own image, but I cannot help wonder how much of the reverse has taken place.

In the three years of our acquaintance we've both changed a great deal. At the time I first joined this place we were both in a time of radical change. You were experiencing growing pains and I was experiencing a great transition. You were an outhet for something that I could never do in my own world. You were a fertile ground for me to... unleash those urges that I had kept under tight control.

Our relationship has been somewhat bipolar you and I. We've helped one another and then sought to destroy one another. You would have surely died two and a half years ago if it had not been for me. I can't even imagine how much more I would have lived it if had not been for you. I tried to protect myself from you several times. I forced that buffoon to ban me while I was still a member. I couldn't stay away on my own but I was more than capable of make Caleb force me to stay away. He didn't understand why, nobody did.. except for one... it felt so nice to be free. But it didn't last...

Maybe it was too late for me to leave. I think I had already begun the work that would lead me down the icy road that would ultimately freeze my heart solid. The allure of a little world that I could control was too strong and Caleb was too weak to control it himself. So I guess it's not so surprising that I came back as a member once again. Weaving all of those silly plots for my entertainment. It was great fun to see people doing what they thought was their own will but was my own instead. It didn't really matter how petty the scenario, the concept was still grand to me.

It consumed my life for a time. You consumed it. I thought I was pulling the puppet strings, I thought I controlled you but it may have been the other way around. It's funny how you managed to do that. You may think people are going to find this somewhat sad but I can assure you that everyone that hearkens here has fallen prey to that. You trapped many of them yourself. As I was stealing you from Caleb, you were stealing me from the world. As I made you dark, a shadow was creeping over my heart. When you stop treating people like people you can't really feel your way in the world anymore.

I tried to stop you. I tried to kill you several times. First came the war, I thought you were dead for sure... but you recovered. I had to retreat, but I couldn't leave. Then when you were in my possession I almost killed you again. Your forums were in disarray, everything was falling apart. I thought you were gone for sure and so I put you under the care of Simon and Ellie and walked away... only to find you alive and well when I returned. You sucked me in again... I came back and exerted my control again and nearly suffocated under your grip. I tried to kill you again and then Simon stopped me.

You took over his life too... I think he almost helped me end you once.... but then we never went through with it... You had left him with nearly nothing, and me with nothing but quiet nights that I despised. No matter where I went you were always there when I got back. No matter how busy life got, you were the only one who fit the schedule... and I grew to hate you, the world that I had shaped.

You couldn't keep me forever though... one can only be so miserable... I reached out into the real world to create an existence for me that would take away the need for you. And in case that failed I gave you to Simon completely, knowing he was at the breaking point as well... you didn't have a prayer. You would die for sure this time.

But again you proved yourself to be hardier than I could have imagined. You had led me to set up a new generation of administrators that would manage and care for you. So it didn't matter who's hands you ended up in. You ended up with an owner that you did not own. You languished and she didn't care. Even the administrators I had set up to care for you were gradually being consumed by their own lives. You couldn't last much longer. And as a final blow to you I made drastic life altering decisions that would ensure I'd never need you again.

I broke free and didn't look back. Until several months ago... I have no earthly idea how you did it but somehow you managed to survive into this year and what's more you were THRIVING when I saw you again. How the hell you survived was beyond me but I couldn't let you stay around. I became active again and this time I think I've nailed the final nails into you coffin. Oh I could never destroy you outright. You've got too much of a hold on me for that, if only because so much of myself is tied up in you. But there is more than one way to skin a cat.

I became active and the new members did just what I wanted them to do. They're gone, and you are a ship without a crew. Did you think you could survive with the original members? No, life makes people move on, even the ones you held the tightest.

Even so I am not naive enough to say you will die this time for certain, but your survival isn't something I would bet money on. Oddly I will find myself missing you from time to time. I guess this has been a serious love/hate relationship hasn't it? Farewell Old Forest.

[Sellennae]

Did you really think someone would read all of that dribble?

I did not even make it past

"In the three years of our acquaintance we've both changed a great deal. At the time I first joined this place we were both in a time of radical change." in the fourth paragraph!!!

[Angel of Chaos]

I read the bit where it said I was eavesdropping and thought it would be rude (and a waste of time) to continue. So I didn't.

[Aervane the Great]

I read the whole thing and it just changed my life. Powerful stuff, Luther. Whoo boy.

[dz2005]

Long time no see Luther, I've got problems to deal with right now so it's nice to see some people are still around. Your message made me think about the problems all of us here in OF have had and still have.

[whitetrash]

wow

[Smurf]

Fitting.

Should we close the last chapter? Put down the book. It's finished, it's the end and there isn't much left of it.

Sure, we can understand the inexorable pull of a community that understands itself and its members. But there is the problem of distance; that underlying sense of shivering solitude. Listen to that, it's certainly your body screaming out for other bodies, interactions and feelings.

If only I had known you all in body, maybe I would have cared more in the end. Oh sure, at the beginning I cared, and indeed I loved. But there's only so much you can say, communicate and feel to a flat shimmering monitor.

I had fun helping to build this place. But yes, I think it made me. And I hope it made us.

[Grimlock]

First of all, let me just say how surprised, nay, shocked I am to remember my password.

Second, hi all!

Third, let's make a new forum!

( Oh, and I read the whole sheebang )

[Jame Rowe]

If I have to go through the whole rigamarole of making a new forum I may just wander off.