YOU WHEN MY HEART IS BEATING. I ONLY MISS YOU WHEN IM BREATHING
bret didn't remember much of what happened after the first punch was thrown. he just remembered tackling, throwing his entire body at the man speaking, and punching him as hard as he could. it obviously didn't last for long, and bret was soon on the losing side. but he couldn't remember that. he recalled getting punched a few times, a swift kick to the side, but it was all fuzzy. he wasn't even sure how he got home. he continued to slip in and out of consciousness. he realized that someone was helping him limp home, but it all really could have been a dream. from the time he was throwing punches, to the time his eyes were fluttering open in he and kellan's bedroom, he wasn't really sure what had happened or what his mind had made up.
he really shouldn't have started the fight anyways. he was with a few friends, smoking and discussing things outside at a park when he heard someone talking about kellan. normally, he would have brushed things right off, but the person continued to talk about him and begin saying horrible things about his boyfriend. bret couldn't tolerate it anymore, and instead of walking away like any normal human, bret decided to take matters into his own hands, assuming he could do any damage.
and it was painfully obvious that he couldn't.
his eyes slowly opened and bret tried to process where he was. he was not on top of someone, punching at their face. he was on a bed. he sat up slowly, wincing slight as he felt a sharp pain in his side. "what the fuck." he groaned, placing a hand on the side as if it would help ease the pain. his throat felt dry, and all he wanted was something to drink, anything. he looked around the room, this time able to process more information. how had he even got there? he had been with trevor earlier that day, maybe he had brought him back? he couldn't remember. he just remembered punching someone because they were talking shit about his boyfriend. he groaned loudly, feeling his temples bubble and churn with pain. he felt as if he had been hit by a truck. "kellan?" he called out, pathetically. he knew kellan probably wasn't going to be too happy hearing that bret had gotten in a fight, but bret wasn't going to let someone just stand around and talk shit about his boyfriend.
the day was definitely not going the way that they were supposed to be. kellan had been planning this night for a long time and all of those plans were apparently going to have to go to waste. well, there was really nothing he could do about that now. he and bret were going to go out for dinner, and he had some other plans as well. the younger boy was going to hang out with some friends earlier in the day and he was going to run a few errands, mostly things with planning their next tour. the next thing he knew, he was getting a call saying that bret had been in a fight and they were bringing him home. needless to say he had dropped everything that he was doing to hurry back to their apartment. once he had gotten back, he had found bret being tucked into bed by some of their friends. from what they told him, the younger boy heard someone talking about kellan and had decided to do something about it. somehow he was not really surprised that bret thought he could win a fight like that. the kid had a big heart, but a big heart did not really mean big muscles. with no intention of waking his boyfriend up, kellan had busied himself around the apartment as best he could while trying to stay as quiet as possible. he was trying not to worry too much. he was not really sure how badly bret was hurt, and he would not really know until the younger boy woke up. hopefully that would be soon because he was not sure how much more of this he could take.
as he was dusting around the apartment, even though bret had cleaned the day before just because it gave him something to do, he heard a faint calling from the bedroom. immediately kellan dropped what he was doing, grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and a few aspirin, and went into the bedroom. he bit his lip, noticing that bret was awake with a rather obvious look of pain on his face. walking over to the bed, he gently sat down on the bed with a sigh, trying not to shake the mattress too much. "you're a fucking idiot, you know that?" he said gently, offering the drink and the medicine to the hurt boy. for now it might help, but kellan would not hesitate to take bret to the hospital if he thought he needed it.
YOU WHEN MY HEART IS BEATING. I ONLY MISS YOU WHEN IM BREATHING
the boy was still trying to process all that had happened, how he had ended up in this situation. he knew it was stupid for him to think that he could actually do damage, he had never really been good at fighting. and now, he felt stupid that he was here, broken, because he made a stupid decision. kellan would not be happy, that was for sure. he just hoped kellan wouldn't be too mad. bret could never take too much of kellan's anger, because kell usually closed up and gave him the silent treatment. that was something that bret definitely couldn't handle. but bret had fought for the right reasons, right? it wasn't like he was out just searching for a fight. he was trying to defend his boyfriend's honour, protect the love of his life. kellan didn't really need it, of course. kellan hardly ever cared what anyone said about him, but bret couldn't sit there and listen to it and not do something about it. but now, he felt foolish and pathetic.
he winced in pain and looked around, glad to be back in bed. he touched his forehead and bit his lip carefully from the pain, pulling his fingers back to reveal blood. damn. he wondered where kellan was, and worried that maybe he had left. moments after the thought entered his head, the door opened to reveal his boyfriend carrying water and what looked like medicine. he felt his heart rate pick up and his throat tighten. he just wanted to pull kellan onto the bed and hold him, be back in his safe arms and feel right again. kellan handed him the medicine and water and bret took it, thanking him profusely, before swallowing the pills and almost all of the water. "i know.." he sighed, capping the bottle and looking at it, afraid to make eye contact with his boyfriend. what he had done was extremely stupid. and he felt ridiculously pathetic for even attempting to do it. "i'm a fucking dumb ass." he whispered, angry at himself for even letting this happen. he looked up at kellan after a few moments, finally building up courage to look him in the eyes. "but..he was talking shit. i couldn't just stand there.."
to be honest kellan was not really used to people sticking up for him. he was usually the one standing on his own and looking out for his own well being. if there was shit being talked about him on blogs and the like, then there would be some fans that would stand by him. that was different though. while he obviously appreciated the gesture, it was not like he knew them personally. he could only give a general thanks in a tweet or something like that. it was definitely nothing very special. the fact that bret had gotten hurt over the fact that kellan had given someone reason to talk shit about him definitely did not sit well in his stomach. his boyfriend should definitely not have to do something like that. while he obviously appreciated the gesture, it still made him feel a bit uncomfortable. he was the reason that bret was lying in bed hurt right now, to some extent. he should have been there to stick up for the younger boy. to pull him away and take his place in the fight. bret should not have had to face that alone. kellan did not even know what to say or feel about this whole thing. should he thank bret for sticking up for him? or should he scold him for picking a fight like that? thanking him just did not feel right, and scolding him for trying to do the right thing was not very good either. to be honest he just wanted to make sure that his boyfriend was not hurt too badly. right now that was going to be his main concern. the rest he could worry about later.
kellan was quick to notice that bret could not even make eye contact with him. that made his stomach clench uncomfortably; he definitely did not like the fact that his own boyfriend could not look at him, no matter the situation. at least the younger boy had bothered to take the offer of medicine and water. as bret finally looked at him, kellan sighed and shook his head. "you could have, and you should have," he said, looking his boyfriend sternly in the eye. "people talk shit about me all the time. that's just the way it is. you don't have to do anything like that for me. besides, if you're not in one piece, how am i supposed to marry you?" a small smile tugged on his lips. kellan had not really meant for those words to slip out, but from the look on the younger boy's face, maybe that would help cheer him up and make him feel a bit better.
YOU WHEN MY HEART IS BEATING. I ONLY MISS YOU WHEN IM BREATHING
all bret wanted and needed was kellan to wrap his arms around him, tell him he loved him, and keep him in his arms for as long as possible. he hurt, he felt bad, he felt stupid, and he just wanted kellan to tell him it was going to be alright. kellan could make him happy, even by the simplest of actions. curling himself into kellan's arms always made him happier, and that was all he wanted to do. he felt so stupid for doing something he knew was going to end up badly. but he couldn't handle hearing such terrible thing about his boyfriend being said, in public. it was almost too much. bret shouldn't have gone out. he should have stayed with kellan and none of this would have even happened. he should have not done something so stupid.
bret listened to kellan's scoldings, nodding like a hurt puppy as he did so. he knew what he did was wrong and stupid, and it was hopefully a mistake he'd never have to make again. he knew that people everywhere talked shit about kellan, and kellan was a grown man and didn't need people fighting others because of it. it was just hard for sensitive little bret to hear things like that about his beloved. just as he was about to reply, kellan continued to speak, mentioning marriage. he looked up, noticing kellan's smile. "w...what?" he could feel his eyes begin to water. the idea of being married to kellan made bret's heart rate increase by a mile. "....marry ........me?" he questioned, swallowing hard to rid himself of tears even though it was pointless. "you... want to marry me?"
there were times when kellan still found himself baffled by the effect that he had on the younger boy. he did not even always have to try to calm bret down and simply pulling the guitarist into a tight hug would do the trick. it was something that was both amazing and terrifying. the last thing that he ever wanted to do was let his boyfriend down. even though he felt like he had done that plenty of times already. he was definitely also confused at how bret kept on coming back or forgiving him for those things. he had definitely lucked out with his boyfriend and he was trying his best to never take that for granted. kellan did not like the look on bret's face as he spoke, the way that he just seemed to take it all without a word. he just hated seeing one of the people he cared about most in this kind of position. the fact that he had not even been there to do anything did not make him feel any better either. as he continued to speak, he was not really sure how to take bret's reaction to his words. was that a good reaction or bad? it seemed to be good, but he was still new at reading these kinds of things. "of course i do," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "i love you and i've never wanted anyone else like i want you." he paused for a moment and swallowed. "i was going to ask you. tonight, at dinner. but those plans got a little messed up, obviously." kellan shrugged his shoulders. just because his plan to propose had been disrupted did not mean that his feelings for bret were any different. he still had the ring and he still wanted to marry his boyfriend. it was really as simple as that. well, actually, marriage was anything but simple, but the motivation was pretty clear.
YOU WHEN MY HEART IS BEATING. I ONLY MISS YOU WHEN IM BREATHING
the idea that kellan even wanted to marry bret was something that he couldn't hardly fathom. the two had had their fair share of trials and rough patches in the relationship, like him cheating and all the fights and the fact that kellan had been so weary to open up. but, kellan wanted to marry him. kellan wanted to spend the rest of his life with bret. bret was going to be able to wake up next to him every morning and be able to call himself his husband and be able to do everything and anything with him. bret was going to be able to be a housewife, and take care of his own husband for the rest of his life. they could go on a honeymoon and come back and start their lives as a married couple. something about that made bret's heart feel like it was going to explode.
bret could hardly contain his tears as his boyfriend continued to talk. he was going to propose.. that night. but bret had gone and ruined it. he could feel his throat swell, become tight as he thought about actually getting married to the boy he had loved for more than ten years of his life. he made his way out of the bed and crawled into his boyfriend's lap, his tears falling down his face. "i love you, kellan." he whimpered, pressing his face into the neck he knew so well. he pressed soft kisses to his neck. "i'm sorry i ruined your plans. i'm sorry i suck." he cried, wrapping his arms tighter around the boy he loved. "i want to marry you. i want to be your husband." bret was crying like a baby, but he had never felt happier in his life.
the thought of marriage was definitely a scary one. there was no doubt about that. kellan had never really pictured himself as the relationship type, much less the marrying type. bret had ended up changing that first part and in time he had started to wonder about the second. maybe marriage would not be so bad. sure, it would be difficult, but nothing in life was perfect. the thought of losing the younger boy to anyone else was simply unacceptable. he wanted to make sure that bret was his and his forever. that was really what it all came down to. kellan had spent quite a bit of time mulling over the idea, turning it over in his head, wondering if now was the right time or if it would ever be the right time. before long he realized that if he did not do it now, then his courage might end up failing him in the end. he wanted to make bret his forever and that was exactly what he was going to do. kellan wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's smaller frame, running his hand up and down his back to try and help calm him down a bit. "you don't suck, babe," he assured the younger boy. "just because things didn't go the way i planned doesn't mean my feelings or intentions are any different." as far as he was concerned, it was not about the proposal. it was about the answer to the proposal. pulling back a bit, kellan cupped bret's face in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears. "i love you, okay?" he said before leaning forward to press their lips together. he could taste the salty flavor of his boyfriend's tears but that did not make the kiss any less sweet.
YOU WHEN MY HEART IS BEATING. I ONLY MISS YOU WHEN IM BREATHING
bret was sure that he was never going to get married. he was sure that he was going to have to sit and watch kellan live his life, while he sat on the sidelines and loved him from afar. he was sure that he and kellan would never be together. marriage was definitely something kellan had never been interested in, and it had been a wild eyed fantasy of bret's to get married to him. it was almost like a dream, something that seemed to happen in bret's fantasies. bret felt like the luckiest boy in the world. not only did he have the best boyfriend ever, but now he was going to have him forever. bret couldn't see how this moment could get any better. but, he was sure that it would. the two could make up for the shitty day and make it an excellent evening. that was something bret was sure about. "i love you too, kellan." he choked softly, smiling as they pressed their lips together. he kissed him hard, kissed him deep and lovingly. he wanted kellan to know he was the only one he would ever love, the one that bret would cherish and take care of for the rest of his life. he pulled away gently and smiled, kissing at his boyfriend's nose. "let's make up for this shitty night?" bret questioned, his hands toying with the collar of kellan's shirt. "i can go make us some dinner and we can watch a movie and then we could.." bret trailed off, biting his lip carefully. it was as if kellan did something every day that made bret fall in love with him even more. and he had never been so sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him until this moment. "i'll make your favorite. and we can watch star wars or something funny or die hard." he was rambling. he always rambled when he was excited. "or we could go out and see a movie and we can get popcorn and we can see that new movie we've been meaning to go see." his eyes were focused on his hands on kellan's neck, toying with the fabric in his fingers. "i'll do anything you want."
although he was sure that he wanted to marry bret - well, pretty sure - there were still a lot of doubts pulling at kellan's brain. there were just so many uncertainties that were making him feel nervous about the whole thing. he still wanted it, yes, but he knew that it was not going to be easy. with his history, that only make the nervousness worse. he had cheated on bret once already. what if he was stupid and mad e the same mistake again? he knew that the younger boy would not be able to handle that betrayal a second time and he was not even sure their relationship could handle it either. the thought of hurting his boyfriend like that again made him sick to his stomach. there was no way that he could let that happen. maybe having a ring on his finger would help make this whole thing seem a lot more real. things would feel a lot more permanent and make him less inclined to mess things up again. or maybe he just needed to give himself more credit. either way, he wanted this marriage to work. as bret continued to stop, kellan found himself shaking his head. while he obviously loved when the younger boy made him dinner, he did not want his boyfriend doing that right now. "you're not making dinner. and we're not going out," he said, his voice gentle but firm. he was not about to let bret change his mind on this. "not in the condition that you're in. i'll throw some pizzas in the oven and we can watch a movie or something. right now i'm more concerned about you getting better." reaching a hand up kellan ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. he hated seeing the person that he loved in this state.
YOU WHEN MY HEART IS BEATING. I ONLY MISS YOU WHEN IM BREATHING
bret was honestly sure he could take anything that kellan did. even if kellan cheated on him again, even if something equally as terrible happened, bret was sure he would always love kellan and always be willing to forgive him. he loved him too much to lose him, and losing him was completely out of the question. someone would literally have to pry kellan from his cold, dead hands. maybe it was obsessive, maybe it was unhealthy, but bret didn't think he could survive without the older boy. maybe he could, but it would be extremely unpleasant. a life without kellan would be a life that bret didn't really want to experience. bret had honestly almost forgotten that he was hurt. he had forgotten almost everything after kellan had said he was planning on marrying him. his mind had almost immediately switched from thinking about how stupid he was to how much he loved his boyfriend, soon to be fiance and then husband. he was too focused on how much he loved him, how excited he was to be married to him. he smiled, cheeks blushing as kellan spoke and ran his fingers through his hair. kellan was almost too perfect for words sometimes. "okay." he managed out, before leaning in and wrapping his arms around him to hug him tightly. he pulled away just enough to press their lips together, to send his tongue in search of kellan's, to remind kellan that bret still loved him more than anything on the planet. he carefully pried himself out of kellan's arms and stood slowly, wincing slightly at the pain. "jesus, it feels like i got hit by a truck." he sighed, holding his side slightly, aware of the throbbing pain. "..i'm sorry." he muttered, remembering the shame he felt earlier for doing something so stupid. and now, kellan was going to worry and bret just wanted to have a nice evening and fuck later and be back to normal and not have his boyfriend feel the need to worry. "i'll bring the blankets in and we can just spend all night on the couch." he spoke, gathering the blankets from the bed without waiting for any of kellan's approval. he knew he wouldn't mind much anyways. he grabbed his water bottle and smiled at his boyfriend. "i'll go make myself comfortable on the couch. won't move a muscle." he grinned cheekily. all he wanted was for kellan to not worry and to spend the rest of the night wrapped up in his arms.
the sight of coming home to see bret laying in bed, bruised and hurt, was still fresh in kellan's mind. it was the one that had been haunting him all day and every time he went to check on his boyfriend. he felt like he had let bret down in the worst way. well, maybe not the worst - the cheating bit was probably the worst - but this still felt pretty bad. he felt like he had let down his boyfriend by not being there to help protect him. in the back of his mind he knew that he could not be everywhere bret was and, try as he might, could not protect him from everything. of course he decided to ignore that and mainly focus on how he had failed like this. yeah, it sucked. a lot. even now he could not really do much about it. sure, he could bring bret some water and some meds, make him some pizza, cuddle him on the couch. that would still not make the wounds go away and make his boyfriend's body heal. instead he would be stuck sitting around for time to do its thing. he was never really one to be patient either. the blush on bret's face was just too cute; the younger boy could be pretty fucking adorable. kellan met the kiss softly but just as eagerly, massaging the guitarist's tongue with his own before pulling away. a slight frown crossed his face; he was not oblivious to the way that bret had winced upon standing. "you just gotta be more careful, okay?" he said, glancing down. hopefully bret would know better than to pick a fight last time, no matter what the other person was talking about. shaking his head kellan stood up. "yes yes, now go on. i'll be right there." after making sure that bret was doing what he was told, he went into the kitchen to preheat the oven and put a pizza inside. once that was done he went into the living room and picked out a movie. one of bret's favorites. loading it in he clicked play before going over to the couch and snuggling in with his boyfriend. kellan gently pulled the younger boy closer, trying to not hurt him, and pressed soft kisses against the back of his neck.
MISTER RECKLESS ,
