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Government of Panem
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fourteen ∙ four ∙ career ∙ elle fanning
<br>spry ∙ sympathetic ∙ healer ∙ faithful ∙ admirer ∙ soft
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God knows what is hiding in that weak and drunken heart. I guess you kissed the girls and made them cry those Hardfaced Queens of misadventure. God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken eyes, a Fiery throng of muted angels Giving love and getting nothing back. People help the people And if your homesick, give me your hand and i'll hold it. People help the people And nothing will drag you down. Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain, i'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away. God knows what is hiding, in that world of little consequence. Behind the tears, inside the lies, A thousand slowly dying sunsets. God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts, I guess the loneliness came knocking. No on needs to be alone, oh save me. People help the people And if your homesick, give me your hand and i'll hold it. People help the people, Nothing will drag you down. Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain. I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away. People help the people And if your homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it. People help the people, Nothing will drag you down. Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away.
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<div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left; color: #ffcc66;">ten important objects.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> My <b>healing kit</b> has always been really important to me. I got it when I was around four years old from Lake, who is really the closest the thing I have to a dad at this point, and Iíve been able to keep it and take good care of it throughout all these years. I donít knowÖ Iím not quite as skilled or awesome at training as my siblings are, so I tend to do better with fixing people up after the damage has been done. Itís really one of the few things that can keep me calm and steady. Anyway, when I turned four it was just this small kit with a few band aids and some medical tape, but over the years itís gotten pretty hefty and Iíve added a few liquid remedies that Iíve accumulated over the years as well as some more durable bandages and even some needles if Iím lucky. I like to keep my kit inside of a drawer in my nightstand next to my bed, that way itís always close unless I need it for an emergency. I guess you could say itís sort of my safety blanket. Unfortunately, Iíve had to use it way more then I probably should. I guess the older you get the more serious the injuries are. Itís not just a scrape on the knee anymore, now itís a broken bone or maybe worse. Thankfully, Iím usually able to patch things up well enough for someone to go see the doctor before they couldíve gotten seriously hurt.
<p><b>002.</b> Another object that I would clarify as being really important would be my <b>journal</b>. Iím not the most talkative around District Four so itís usually easier for me to get my point across via pen and paper. Not to mention, writing just seems to soothe me. You donít have to worry about saying something embarrassing or pronouncing something wrong, it just seems so much easier to me. My journal isnít really filled with a bunch of girly secrets or school crushes or anything, but itís usually filled with a lot of new remedies that Iíve found and maybe a few trial runs that Iíve completed recently. Kind of nerdy, right? Anyway, I usually have to buy a new journal every year or so, sometimes sooner or later depending on how much time I get to write. They arenít too expensive although I do usually have to save up my money for a few months to buy a new one, especially if I want one of the leather covered books which are really the only way to go but since theyíre nearly double the price I usually stick with the older paperback ones. Speaking of whichÖ I think my journal is almost full nowÖ I guess I should go get a new one soon!
<p><B>003.</b> Hm! Another one? Well, I have this old <b>seashell</b> that I found on the beach back when I was little that Iíve always sort of treasured since I found it. Itís this really pretty color pink and it just struck me as really pretty when I was walking along the beach. So I stopped and knelt down to grab it and there was a little crab in it! It was one of those hermit crabs! I thought it was so cool that I brought it home and I took care of it for ages until the crab grew out of the purple shell and well it moved into a new shell that was this sort of weird greenish color. Anyway, I still have the hermit crab today and right now his shell is this really pretty color orange, almost like the color of the sunset. But, Iíve always kept his first shell as a sort of memento and keepsake of my childhood. I like to look back at it and remember walking in the sand with my family and finding that little hermit crab.
<p><b>004.</b> I got my first <b>knife</b> when I was nine and Iíve managed to keep it pretty sharp and in good condition since then. I know youíre probably sitting there thinking ĎWow, thatís a little morbidí but I mean, I did grow up as a career. Most people tend to forget that because Iím so into being a healer and Iíve never really been as good of a career as my brother or sister is. Iím pretty handy with a knife though and I can usually get a good throw in if I have the proper amount of time to aim correctly. Left foot forward, right arm back, right arm forward, shift weight, let go. As long as Iím able to remember those steps, Iím usually able to at least hit the target, if not get pretty close to the bulls-eye. Unfortunately, this is usually the only thing Iím actually decent at when it comes to the training and the career stuff, while I guess if healings not included. I donít know, I guess Iím okay with it? I donít really want to go into the games all that much, but Iím not really supposed to say thatÖ because Iím training for them and all, but I just donít think Iíd get very far. Iím too small to do any real damage, but then Iím also pretty quick and speedy. But I donít want to sound like Iím tooting my own horn. Iím really not nearly as intimidating as my brother or sister, theyíre the tough ones.
<p><b>005.</b> My <b>reaping day dress</b> has always been really special to me. It used to be my sisterís and she passed it on to me when she was too big to wear it anymore. Itís this really beautiful shade of blue that looks wonderful with the color of the sea here in District Four. I remember the first day that Nymph gave it to me and I just, I felt like the happiest girl in the world. I guess Iíve always really admired my older sister and so when she gave me something so precious of hers, I just felt so unbelievably honored. My parents, to be honest, I donít really know them all that well. My momís not usually home a whole lot and well, I donít know who my real father is. My half sister, Nymph, was raised by my mom and Lake Groves who was a pretty well known bachelor in District Four. From what I can remember, heís always been there for me and Poseidon as well, but we both know itís not the same way that heís there for Nymph. I canít say that I blame him; weíre not really his kids. But heís the closest thing I have to a father figure. Anyway, Nymph took care of me and my twin brother, Poseidon a lot when we were little; she still does in a lot of ways. Without her, I donít know where weíd be. Basically, I really admire my older sister and so anything of hers that she passes onto me is something that I make sure to take care of real well.
<p><b>006.</b> Oh, this old thing! My brother, Poseidon, gave me this <b>necklace</b> last year for our birthday. Poseidon is pretty much my best friend, as you could probably imagine since weíre twins and all. Weíve always been there for each other no matter what and heís pretty much the most dependable person I know. Last year on our birthday, our mom was out on some date with some guy from around town and I can remember being so upset that she didnít even care that it was her own childrenís birthday. Luckily, Poseidon had come to the rescue when he brought me a present that he must have been saving up for ages because itís just so nice! It was this beautiful anchor necklace, Iím wearing it right now, see! I wear it every day; I guess itís my own little token. Itís just a nice way to know that thereís always somebody out there who cares. Heíll always be my best friend and Iíll always be his. I couldnít ask for a better twin brother!
<p><b>007.</b> <i>That</i> is a <b>fishing pole</b>. Yeah, yeah, I know I donít look like your average fishing girl, but I do like to go out with a fishing pole every now and then and catch a few fish for supper. Iíve gotten used to making dinner and stuff around home since Nymph is usually off at work on her ship and PoseidonÖ well, letís just say heís not too handy in the kitchen, and you already know the story with my mom. So yeah, Iíve had to learn how to fend for myself in the art of food and hunting and Iíve done a pretty good job. I donít actually go out in the woods and likeÖ hunt-hunt, but like I said, Iím pretty handy with a fishing rod! I found this really nice and open fishing spot out by the back of our house that I love going to relax and catch a few fish, my brother can usually find me out here although I donít think my mom has discovered my secret hiding place quite yet. Iíd like to kind of keep it hidden for as long as I can if you know what I mean. Itís not that I donít like my mom, I do, I mean... sheís my mom, but she just isnít so understandingÖ or supportiveÖ or anything really, sheís just not around enough to really be considered a mother. Sheís more like a mutual acquaintance.
<p><b>008.</b> Oh no! You found my secret <b>candy stash</b>, didnít you? Did Poseidon tell you where it was?! Iíll kill himÖ Oh Iím just kiddingÖ but I do have a bit of a sweet tooth. Itís not really a surprise around District Four; everyone knows my weakness is anything sweet and delicious. Cotton candy is my favorite! But, yeahÖ I like a lot of sweetsÖ I guess itís a little ironic, because people tend to say that Iím pretty sweet? But I donít think they really know meÖ Iím not all that sweet! I have a bad side too, I think. I mean, when I really start getting into my training mode and stuff, I think Iím not that sweet anymore. I donít think my appearance helps me out much, Iím pretty average size wise compared to a lot of my friends at school. But I guess I just lack that, whatís it calledÖ sex appeal, I guess? Oh, this is embarrassing. Nymph is so beautiful and all the guys think sheís beautiful, but I think every boy at school just thinks Iím a little kidÖ sometimes I wish I was a lot more like Nymph, I suppose you could call me an admirer of sorts.
<p><b>009.</b> Those are my <b>boots</b>! Donít touch those! Iím sorry, that was rude of me, but Iím just really protective over those. Theyíre actually my brothers and when they got too small for him, I stole them and I like to wear them every now and then. Sometimes they make me feel like Iím a lot tougher than I look and sometimes when Poseidon is feeling nice heíll agree with me, but mostly he just snickers at me and tells me I look silly. I like them though! I find them to be really comforting and they remind me of home and family andÖ I donít know. I love wearing them when Iím training and theyíre kind of a signature look of mine whenever Iím in my training gear. Iíve cut myself a little slit in the sides of them so I can slide in a knife in either side, that way Iíll always be prepared and loaded in case something dangerous comes about. I can usually tell whether or not thereís a knife in them or not just by the weight but I canít say Iím perfect at it, what can I say, I guess Iím still knew to the whole career scene.
<p><b>010.</b> Oh thatÖ thatís just a <b>letter</b>Ö itís all I have of my real dads. I found one day in my momís room and it doesnít say much but I have to believe that itís his. My mom claims she doesnít know who our father is, but I have this inkling that itís him. His name isnít on the letter, for some reason the signature is ripped off. But just by the way he uses his words on the paper and the way my mom pretends like it doesnít exist, I have to believe that it means something. I took it a few years ago and I havenít shown anyone the letter since. Not even Poseidon who I tell everything too. Iím just worried theyíll tell mom, and I know sheíll be furious. I canít help but be curious about my biological fatherís life. I want to know him. I want to see him. I want him to know who I am. Iím Doris Oceanus, your daughter.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left; color:#FFA35C;">eight important places.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> The ocean is what I call home. Iíve gotten the privilege to live here my whole life and like many of the other people that live here, the sound of the waves is pretty much the only my guarantee for peace. I love swimming in the beautiful blue water any chance I can get. One day I think Iíd like to join a crew on a fishing ship like my sister, Nymph. I just think that that would be a really cool way to spend your time and you get paid for doing it too! She always seems like she has fun out there with Minx but I know that she misses home too. I think Iíd like to be out on the sea all day, surrounded by the ocean and the salty sea. The sea breeze is my favorite and I love the wonderful temperature it brings to District Four. I think we have the best climate by far, itís always so beautiful around here.
<p><b>002.</b> I grew up in the training center so naturally itís one of the most important places of my life now! My siblings are both really awesome careers and I try to follow in their footsteps the best I can but I know Iím not as strong or as tough as they are, I think they know it tooÖ which is why theyíre always trying to keep me out of the Games rather than in them. I canít say Iím horribly offended by their plan; I donít really want to go into the arena. Not because Iím scared, but just because I donít want to embarrass my family. I know I wouldnít make it far at all and I donít want everyone to think that the Oceanusí are a bunch of wimps from District Four. I donít want to be the laughing stock, I want to bring my family pride and honor, something that I intend to do one way or another in my future.
<p><B>003.</b> The medic center is where I spend a majority of my spare time after school. I love helping out whenever I can and however I can. Since Iím so young I donít get to do anything huge but they usually let me help out when theyíre just bandaging up an injured career or someone that was hurt in a fishing incident. Thatís how most people recognize me around District Four, Iím the girl in the medic center that loves fixing people up. Truthfully, Iíd really like to work in the medic center one day and I think Iíd be really good at it so itís really what I plan on doing with my future unless my plans are changed by an arrival of a certain someone. Although I think the likelihood of my father showing up anytime soon is incredibly slim, I still hold out hope that one day heíll find me and Poseidon and come to see us. We deserve it, we deserve to know. Until then, Iíll spend my time at the medic center, as one of the people helping the people.
<p><b>004.</b> The docks are somewhere I wish I would fit in more. Nymph works on a ship that docks there and sheís always working around the boat whether sheís out at sea on her boat or sheís back home just working around the boat at the docks. Sometimes Iíll go out and sit on the edge of the docks and wait for her to come home, those are usually the days that the medic center doesnít need my help and Poseidon is off doing something with his friends. I know that Nymph might rather hang out with Minx or someone else but I still love trying to spend time with her when I can. The people that work on Nymphís boat look really cool and I think that she likes them all pretty well. Sometimes sheíll come home and complain about someone being annoying but I think that she really thinks of them all as friends and she has a good relationship with all of them. I guess itís because of Nymph that the Docks have always been a favorite place of mine.
<p><b>005.</b> Hm! What do I think of school? Well, I think itís alright. Iím usually pretty quiet but I think I have a decent amount of friends around school. Iím not the smartest kid in my class, sometimes my blonde hair comes into play more then it probably should, but I think Iím one of the smarter kids in my class. Mainly I think itís just because a lot of kids donít pay attention to whatís going on in school. They just sit there and expect to pass with flying colors, but I try to pay attention. I fail miserably at it whenever it comes to Math; numbers just confuse me to no end. Iíve always had a knack for words though and I like to sometimes give myself a word for the day to try to use at least once. I know, itís kind of weird and dorky, but itís a lot of fun! Science is also pretty interesting but I think my favorite subjects would have to be English and History. I love learning about the literature around District Four and even better I love hearing about life in District Four in the Dark Days and sometimes we even get snippets of what life is like in other districts, although not all of them are too pretty.
<p><b>006.</b> My house in District Four is pretty nice, if I do say so myself! I really feel like I can be open and be myself there so thatís always really nice. I love that it really feels like a family sort of home, at least it does with the kids. I love hanging out around the house with Poseidon and Nymph, itís always a ton of fun! Iím not going to lie, sometimes itís a little awkward when my mom is around, but we usually manage to have a good time anyway! I spend a lot of time at home I guess, probably because Iím pretty quiet but I think I just like being a homebody of sorts. Sometimes I wish that I could grow up and just be like a stay at home mom, but I know that there are things I have to do in life before I can do that, like working as a healer. Working as a healer is something I feel like I owe to my district and something I really want to do. Although, I do still love the feeling of a home and I canít wait until I have my own more functional one when I get older. One with a mother and a father and two beautiful kids who will know their parents and know that they love them no matter what.
<p><b>007.</b> My room is just your average thirteen year old girlís room! I painted the walls this off white cream color with one accent wall thatís blue. I just got a new bed a few years ago, itís really nice! Since we live in such a beach like environment my sheets are pretty lightweight and their white to try and keep me as cool as possible when I sleep. I have a lot of books in my room, some of them are my own journals and a lot them are books that I either trade for with some of my spare money or something else I find that I can bargain with. Sometimes Poseidon will come home and surprise me with a new book that he found lying around and they always tend to brighten my day. I love reading a lot and so I have this wonderful spot in my room that I love curling up in to read a good book. Thereís this little nook in my windowsill that stretches out, just like a seat, and I love sitting on here and reading a book while looking out the window and admiring the view! Iím kind of a neat freak in the sense that I like things to have a place and I simply like for them to stay in their place whenever they are being put away. I really love going to my room whenever Iím looking for some spare time to myself which is actually a lot since Iím kind of a homebody on occasions.
<p><b>008.</b> So, everyone always remembers their first kiss right? Well, I had mine just a few months ago and I swear Iíll never forget it! It happened under the staircase at school and it was sort of awkward but I guess it was pretty fun? I always thought about what my first kiss would be like but I didnít really picture it to be soÖ awkward. I guess I always thought it would be like a fairytale and my prince charming would come and sweep me off my feet and kiss me like no tomorrow. But instead, it was Jeffrey Miles and he was nearly 4 inches shorter than me and his breath smelt like onions. I canít say it was romantic and it definitely wasnít something that Iíd die to go telling my friends, but I definitely wonít ever forget it. I remember once we finished he looked up at me and smiled and do you know what he said before he left? He said, ďThanksĒ. I wasnít really sure what I was supposed to do with thatÖ thanks? I just sort of stood there awkwardly and then walked back home. Nobody at school really found out about it luckily and it was sort of just a secret, I kind of still hope one day Iíll get that prince charming kiss but until then Iím fine with remembering the onion breath filled kiss under the stairs.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color: #FF7A52;">six important fears.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> Iíve always been terrified of spiders. The fact that they have eight legs and they always tend to look super hairy, it all just creeps me out! I hate the feeling of having one crawl on you while youíre just relaxing at home; itís just the worst feeling! I almost always get goose bumps all over whenever one of them crawls on me.
<p><b>002.</b> I hate fire! I know that sounds so weird, right? But I just hate it! Whenever we have to light the burner or something in science class at school, I can never be the one to do it because I always just get too scared. I think itís just because Iím too scared to get burnedÖ maybe thatís why I find water so relaxing and beautiful, because Iím so scared of fire.
<p><B>003.</b> Disappointment has always been something Iíve feared. I have when people are disappointed in me and it always makes me think that I could have done something better. I usually try to do my best all the time, but if Iím being totally honestÖ Iíve given up every now and then and stopped tryingÖ and it usually leads to someone getting disappointed in me which always makes me really sad.
<p><b>004.</b> So, this might sound really weirdÖ but even at thirteen years oldÖ I still get scared in the dark. Itís not so bad that I canít sleep without a nightlight or anything, but I just donít really like it. I liked to usually have something in my room that lights up that I can look at to calm me down. I think I might lose it if I were stuck in a cave or something because I would think you canít see anything in there!
<p><b>005.</b> Iím really scared of being in really crowded places. I guess itís sort of like claustrophobia? But not reallyÖ I donít have a problem with being in tiny spaces, I just hate being in big crowds. It makes me feel like Iím trapped and definitely not in a good way. I like to have my open space so having people take that from me is definitely a big fear of mine.
<p><b>006.</b> Iím terrified of losing someone important to me, whether thatís Nymph or Poseidon or my mom it doesnít matter. I wish I was stronger like Nymph or Poseidon so that I could protect them better by I try the best I can now with my weaker protection abilities. I know that they look out for me, so I feel like I owe it to them to look out for them as well. Family is family and I love them to death.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color: #FF5247;">four important people.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> My momÖ well, Iím not really sure how I feel about her. Sheís my mom and I guess I sort of have to love her for that, itís natural and Iím always going to think of her as the woman that gave birth to me and gave me food and shelter. As for the actual mothering responsibilities, that usually fell onto Nymph or Poseidon or even me as we all tried to raise each other. My mom isnít around a whole lot. I donít think she really likes District Four all that much, she just always seems like sheíd rather be somewhere else. I think District Four is the best district in Panem and Iím not afraid to tell anyone that, I just think sheíd be making a mistake if we all moved. She like to date a lot and thatís why me and Poseidon donít have the same dad as Nymph and why Swanís dad is different from ours as well.
<p><b>002.</b> Swan is my little sister and sheís only five but I love her anyway. Sheís our little ball of sunshine and we all try to chip in when we can to help take care of her. I spend a lot of time with Swan at home while Nymph is at work and Poseidon is off with his friends. I think she likes to paint, but sheís so young that maybe she just enjoys making a mess. Either way I think sheís really talented at it and Iíd love to see her pursue something like that in her future if that is what she wanted to do with her life. My mom tends to ignore Swan a lot too and I think it hurts her more than us just because she isnít quite used to it yet. I donít know how my mom can look Swan in the eye and ignore her or hurt her, sheís so little and innocentÖ itíd be like kicking a puppy, which is just not cool! I just love my little sister so much and I canít wait to see her grow up and be even better than me and Nymph could ever hope for. I love you baby sister.
<p><B>003.</b> Nymph Oceanus is my older sister and sheís really justÖ my inspiration. I hope that one day I can grow up and be like her. Even though Iím still the closest with Poseidon, I think Iím still pretty close to Nymph. Sheís everything I wish I was and from what Iíve gathered from her, Iím not too bad either? I canít wait to get older and hopefully be as pretty and smart as my older sister is. I just know that if I looked like she or I acted like her that I would have more friends but since Iím so quiet people tend to overlook me. My big sister is also a lot better of a career than I am and if you want my opinion, I think she's a lot stronger than Poseidon too. But I try not to tell Poseidon that because I know how much he wants to believe that he can take care of us all. Nymph is really strong physically and emotionally and I feel like she's always shouldered a lot of the weight for me and my siblings. Now that I'm older, I'd like to help her out more and I try to whenever i get the chance but I still feel like it's not as good as when Nymph does it. I canít help but want to be more like Nymph!
<p><b>004.</b> Poseidon is my twin brother and heís basically my best friend. I love Poseidon so much and heís been there for me through absolutely everything and anything. I love getting to spend time with him before school or after school; if weíre lucky enough to get a class together sometimes we can have our hangout times at school. He always seems to get me while the other kids and my other family members just donít. When in doubt, if there is nobody else for me to turn too and I need some advice or a favor, Iíll usually always go to Poseidon first. We also happen to be twins, which mean that we share the same birthday. Heís older than me by just a few seconds but heís sure to always let me know whenever weíre around each other. Poseidon is also a lot more outgoing then I is. Iím not going to lie, he has a lot more friends around District Four and Iím actually okay with it because I know that he wonít forget about me, not ever. Weíre twins for a reason!
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color:#FF293D;">two important dreams.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> I dream of being really happy and living on the beach in District Four. I know that sounds pretty similar to what Iím doing now but when you think about the place we live in now with the Hunger Games and the Reapings and all of the sadness, even something as simple as living on the beach can be a lifelong goal and dream for a thirteen year old girl. I hope that I can make it past the Reapings and I can maybe become a healer one day. I just think that I would be really good at it and I love doing it. I think Iíd also like to have a family of my own. Granted, I would be scaredÖ to have kids I meanÖ and then lose them to the arena of the Hunger Games, but if I train them like my family trained me, well then thatís better then nothing, right? I just feel like Iím always going to want kidsÖ no matter what. Iíve always gotten along well with them and I just think itíd be pretty great to one day have a family of my own. I would promise my children that I would always be there for them unlike my mother and they could always count on me.
<p><b>002.</b> Like I said earlier, I think itíd be really cool to be a healer one day! I love doing it and itís really the only thing that Iím honestly talented at. Poseidon will joke around sometimes and say that Iím a little Mother Teresa, but Iím really okay with it all. I donít think I have to be a rough and tough career like the other kids to get ahead in life. I hope to sneak by the Reapings, but even if I do get picked, I think I might be okay. Iím talented with knifes and Iím good with plants and fires. I think Iíd easily be able to take care of myself and my agility could be handy. Iíd have a tough time with hand-to-hand combat since Iím so small but maybe with a bit more training and some more time I can get stronger and bigger. Healing and being in the medic center has just always been able to offer me a sense of calm that training never could. Itís similar to the beach in that aspect; I find them both so relaxing. I really do hope I can help people one day, help them get better and take care of them to the best of my ability. The healers in District Four are great and if I have to learn from anyone, Iíd be honored to learn from them.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color:#FF0033;">one important doris.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> A little bit about me? Well, Iím Doris Oceanus. Iím the middle child of the Oceanus family although me and Poseidon are the only two that are strictly related. Nymph and Swan are just our half sisters. My mom isnít around much, but I still love her and Iíd forgive her if she came back. Iím not much of a career but I am pretty handy with knifes and throwing them if I get a decent aim. My dad is a person Iíve never met before but Iíd like to given the opportunity. I think he must be someone important to my mom if she feels the need to hide him from usÖ either that or she really doesnít know who he isÖ but part of me has to hold onto the first part so that I donít end up holding grudges against my own mother. Iím thirteen years old so I still go to school in District Four. I have a bit of a sweet tooth and I love eating and hiding snacks. I actually like learning and writing has always been a huge passion of mine. I have a bunch of friends from school and I love hanging out with them all there but Iím also a bit of a homebody and I love staying home and taking care of Swan and the house. I dream of one day having a nice home on the beach of District Four and being able to be a healer.
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everybody needs a little help every now and then.
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<center> 17 ∙ est ∙ the moon.
so... i thought i was content with my characters.... and then alyssa tempted me too much... and elle fanning was running around my head... and i could not resist... and sarah is here with yet another sweetie pie xD
<p>credit of the picture goes to josie from caution 2.0!
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Even after Colton had already long ago pulled away from Hazel, he still felt as if it were too soon. He already missed the smell of her hair that was so potent while his lips were on hers. He missed the sensation of having her so close and the heat that almost radiated off of her onto his own skin as it brushed against hers with every touch. His body seemed to physically ache to be close to her again, but Colton didnít want to scare her offÖ he didnít want to move too fast in fear that not only would Hazel get upset but that he himself might get confused as to what this relationship was exactly. As soon as he thought of the topic he immediately wished he hadnít. That question always seemed to be haunting Colton SawyerÖ always lurking in the shadows without an answer as he sat by miserably waiting for the answer to plop into his lap one day, unfortunately that day had never come. Or looking at the circumstances now, maybe it was incredibly fortunate. Colton never seemed to know where that fine line between friendship and romantic relationships was. In fact, he didnít know where it was, how to get there, and how to get across it. Even now as he flustered to piece together what had just happened with his old friend he was still searching for where the two of them now fell in regards to this line.
<p>Colton anxiously sat waiting to listen to whatever it was that Hazel had to say. He wanted to know what she was thinking, how she was feeling, maybe she was thinking the same things that he was. Where they were right nowÖ and where they wanted to go. As soon as she told him that she liked him, an instant grin worked its way onto Coltonís face as he reached out for her hand almost instinctively. He too liked HazelÖ a lot. And right now, he thought that was a great start for them. With the clearing of her throat, Colton realized there was more to follow and he sat waiting to hear all of what Hazel had to say. <b>ďÖFive? Five years old? Like way back when we were both little kids?Ē </b>he questioned Hazel lightly as he sat looking at her in bewilderment. How could she have waited this long to tell him something like that?! They were nearly best friends werenít they? But it wasnít until he started thinking about what she had really said that he realized he could be accused of doing the same thingÖ he had liked girls for a long enough time and never manage to tell them a word about it. He was guilty of it with Arielle, despite the numerous times Wyatt attempted to get him to fuss up. It was hard to admit your feelings for someoneÖ especially not knowing how they feel about you in return. The simple fear of rejection had always been enough to keep Coltonís mouth shut for enough years to have Nate swoop in and steal the girl that he thought he loved. It wasnít until more recently that Colton was more aware of his true feelings for ArielleÖ that she was his friend; one of his best friends, and nothing was going to change that.
<p>But what would he do with Hazel? What was he supposed to say? Did he like her in that way too? Or did he just want to be friends? Colton silently scratched out the last option in ridiculousness. Clearly they did not just want to be friends judging by the kiss that had been taken between them moments earlier. But then what was he supposed to say? As he attempting to piece together what he was feeling all he truly felt was confusion. His feelings from the past and the feelings he was experiencing now all seemed to meddle together in a muddy pile of goo as he attempted to wriggle through it and find the answer. Colton prepared himself to tell her the truthÖ that wasnít sure how he feltÖ that he thought he might have some stronger feelings for Hazel, but that he honestly wasnít sure. But the thought terrified himÖ what if he told her these things and she left him? Maybe she didnít want to wait around for him to make up his mindÖ maybe she wanted a solid answer right now, was that such a hard thing to ask for? Maybe Hazel would find someone better in District SevenÖ someone that made her happier and someone that would treat her better than Colton ever couldÖ but thinking of this alternate future only seemed to evoke a strong sense of jealousy within the young man. He didnít want Hazel to leaveÖ he didnít want her to be with anyone else. And then Colton realized that maybe that was the only answer he needed, that he didnít want for her to be with anyone elseójust him and only him.
<p>He anxiously looked back over at Hazel to find that she was staring back at him, anxious to hear his response. <b>ďI guess Iím just stunned, FizzyÖ I did- I didnít expect thisÖĒ</b> he said honestly to the young woman. <b>ďI donít want to lie to you, believe me I donít ever want to lie to you. I guess I just donít know how I feel yetÖ Iím still just really confused and overwhelmed really, I didnít expect this... But that doesnít mean I didnít like it! I do! I really do!Ē </b>he explained. <b>ďAndÖ I know it may be selfish and unfair of meÖ but I- I donít want you to be with some other guy. And I knowÖ I know that isnít fair. Because you donít deserve to sit here and wait for me to make up my mind, but it doesnít change the fact that itís how I feel.Ē</b> Colton ultimately expected Hazel to leave, because as he already said, he didnít think it was fair for her to sit around and wait for him. What was he anyway? He was just some guyÖ she could find someone better than him in a heartbeat. <b>ďAll I do know is that that kissÖ it meant something to meÖ and I hope it meant that much to you tooÖ and if it did, maybe we should try this thing out, even though its new and kind of scary.Ē</b> He told her honestly as he reached out for her hand and squeezed it tight, terrified that it might be the last chance he would get to do so.
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