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Government of Panem
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DORIS NAIDA
<br>OCEANUS
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fourteen ∙ four ∙ career ∙ elle fanning
<br>spry ∙ sympathetic ∙ healer ∙ faithful ∙ admirer ∙ soft
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God knows what is hiding in that weak and drunken heart. I guess you kissed the girls and made them cry those Hardfaced Queens of misadventure. God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken eyes, a Fiery throng of muted angels Giving love and getting nothing back. People help the people And if your homesick, give me your hand and i'll hold it. People help the people And nothing will drag you down. Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain, i'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away. God knows what is hiding, in that world of little consequence. Behind the tears, inside the lies, A thousand slowly dying sunsets. God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts, I guess the loneliness came knocking. No on needs to be alone, oh save me. People help the people And if your homesick, give me your hand and i'll hold it. People help the people, Nothing will drag you down. Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain. I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away. People help the people And if your homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it. People help the people, Nothing will drag you down. Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away.
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<div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left; color: #ffcc66;">ten important objects.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> My <b>healing kit</b> has always been really important to me. I got it when I was around four years old from Lake, who is really the closest the thing I have to a dad at this point, and I’ve been able to keep it and take good care of it throughout all these years. I don’t know… I’m not quite as skilled or awesome at training as my siblings are, so I tend to do better with fixing people up after the damage has been done. It’s really one of the few things that can keep me calm and steady. Anyway, when I turned four it was just this small kit with a few band aids and some medical tape, but over the years it’s gotten pretty hefty and I’ve added a few liquid remedies that I’ve accumulated over the years as well as some more durable bandages and even some needles if I’m lucky. I like to keep my kit inside of a drawer in my nightstand next to my bed, that way it’s always close unless I need it for an emergency. I guess you could say it’s sort of my safety blanket. Unfortunately, I’ve had to use it way more then I probably should. I guess the older you get the more serious the injuries are. It’s not just a scrape on the knee anymore, now it’s a broken bone or maybe worse. Thankfully, I’m usually able to patch things up well enough for someone to go see the doctor before they could’ve gotten seriously hurt.
<p><b>002.</b> Another object that I would clarify as being really important would be my <b>journal</b>. I’m not the most talkative around District Four so it’s usually easier for me to get my point across via pen and paper. Not to mention, writing just seems to soothe me. You don’t have to worry about saying something embarrassing or pronouncing something wrong, it just seems so much easier to me. My journal isn’t really filled with a bunch of girly secrets or school crushes or anything, but it’s usually filled with a lot of new remedies that I’ve found and maybe a few trial runs that I’ve completed recently. Kind of nerdy, right? Anyway, I usually have to buy a new journal every year or so, sometimes sooner or later depending on how much time I get to write. They aren’t too expensive although I do usually have to save up my money for a few months to buy a new one, especially if I want one of the leather covered books which are really the only way to go but since they’re nearly double the price I usually stick with the older paperback ones. Speaking of which… I think my journal is almost full now… I guess I should go get a new one soon!
<p><B>003.</b> Hm! Another one? Well, I have this old <b>seashell</b> that I found on the beach back when I was little that I’ve always sort of treasured since I found it. It’s this really pretty color pink and it just struck me as really pretty when I was walking along the beach. So I stopped and knelt down to grab it and there was a little crab in it! It was one of those hermit crabs! I thought it was so cool that I brought it home and I took care of it for ages until the crab grew out of the purple shell and well it moved into a new shell that was this sort of weird greenish color. Anyway, I still have the hermit crab today and right now his shell is this really pretty color orange, almost like the color of the sunset. But, I’ve always kept his first shell as a sort of memento and keepsake of my childhood. I like to look back at it and remember walking in the sand with my family and finding that little hermit crab.
<p><b>004.</b> I got my first <b>knife</b> when I was nine and I’ve managed to keep it pretty sharp and in good condition since then. I know you’re probably sitting there thinking ‘Wow, that’s a little morbid’ but I mean, I did grow up as a career. Most people tend to forget that because I’m so into being a healer and I’ve never really been as good of a career as my brother or sister is. I’m pretty handy with a knife though and I can usually get a good throw in if I have the proper amount of time to aim correctly. Left foot forward, right arm back, right arm forward, shift weight, let go. As long as I’m able to remember those steps, I’m usually able to at least hit the target, if not get pretty close to the bulls-eye. Unfortunately, this is usually the only thing I’m actually decent at when it comes to the training and the career stuff, while I guess if healings not included. I don’t know, I guess I’m okay with it? I don’t really want to go into the games all that much, but I’m not really supposed to say that… because I’m training for them and all, but I just don’t think I’d get very far. I’m too small to do any real damage, but then I’m also pretty quick and speedy. But I don’t want to sound like I’m tooting my own horn. I’m really not nearly as intimidating as my brother or sister, they’re the tough ones.
<p><b>005.</b> My <b>reaping day dress</b> has always been really special to me. It used to be my sister’s and she passed it on to me when she was too big to wear it anymore. It’s this really beautiful shade of blue that looks wonderful with the color of the sea here in District Four. I remember the first day that Nymph gave it to me and I just, I felt like the happiest girl in the world. I guess I’ve always really admired my older sister and so when she gave me something so precious of hers, I just felt so unbelievably honored. My parents, to be honest, I don’t really know them all that well. My mom’s not usually home a whole lot and well, I don’t know who my real father is. My half sister, Nymph, was raised by my mom and Lake Groves who was a pretty well known bachelor in District Four. From what I can remember, he’s always been there for me and Poseidon as well, but we both know it’s not the same way that he’s there for Nymph. I can’t say that I blame him; we’re not really his kids. But he’s the closest thing I have to a father figure. Anyway, Nymph took care of me and my twin brother, Poseidon a lot when we were little; she still does in a lot of ways. Without her, I don’t know where we’d be. Basically, I really admire my older sister and so anything of hers that she passes onto me is something that I make sure to take care of real well.
<p><b>006.</b> Oh, this old thing! My brother, Poseidon, gave me this <b>necklace</b> last year for our birthday. Poseidon is pretty much my best friend, as you could probably imagine since we’re twins and all. We’ve always been there for each other no matter what and he’s pretty much the most dependable person I know. Last year on our birthday, our mom was out on some date with some guy from around town and I can remember being so upset that she didn’t even care that it was her own children’s birthday. Luckily, Poseidon had come to the rescue when he brought me a present that he must have been saving up for ages because it’s just so nice! It was this beautiful anchor necklace, I’m wearing it right now, see! I wear it every day; I guess it’s my own little token. It’s just a nice way to know that there’s always somebody out there who cares. He’ll always be my best friend and I’ll always be his. I couldn’t ask for a better twin brother!
<p><b>007.</b> <i>That</i> is a <b>fishing pole</b>. Yeah, yeah, I know I don’t look like your average fishing girl, but I do like to go out with a fishing pole every now and then and catch a few fish for supper. I’ve gotten used to making dinner and stuff around home since Nymph is usually off at work on her ship and Poseidon… well, let’s just say he’s not too handy in the kitchen, and you already know the story with my mom. So yeah, I’ve had to learn how to fend for myself in the art of food and hunting and I’ve done a pretty good job. I don’t actually go out in the woods and like… hunt-hunt, but like I said, I’m pretty handy with a fishing rod! I found this really nice and open fishing spot out by the back of our house that I love going to relax and catch a few fish, my brother can usually find me out here although I don’t think my mom has discovered my secret hiding place quite yet. I’d like to kind of keep it hidden for as long as I can if you know what I mean. It’s not that I don’t like my mom, I do, I mean... she’s my mom, but she just isn’t so understanding… or supportive… or anything really, she’s just not around enough to really be considered a mother. She’s more like a mutual acquaintance.
<p><b>008.</b> Oh no! You found my secret <b>candy stash</b>, didn’t you? Did Poseidon tell you where it was?! I’ll kill him… Oh I’m just kidding… but I do have a bit of a sweet tooth. It’s not really a surprise around District Four; everyone knows my weakness is anything sweet and delicious. Cotton candy is my favorite! But, yeah… I like a lot of sweets… I guess it’s a little ironic, because people tend to say that I’m pretty sweet? But I don’t think they really know me… I’m not all that sweet! I have a bad side too, I think. I mean, when I really start getting into my training mode and stuff, I think I’m not that sweet anymore. I don’t think my appearance helps me out much, I’m pretty average size wise compared to a lot of my friends at school. But I guess I just lack that, what’s it called… sex appeal, I guess? Oh, this is embarrassing. Nymph is so beautiful and all the guys think she’s beautiful, but I think every boy at school just thinks I’m a little kid… sometimes I wish I was a lot more like Nymph, I suppose you could call me an admirer of sorts.
<p><b>009.</b> Those are my <b>boots</b>! Don’t touch those! I’m sorry, that was rude of me, but I’m just really protective over those. They’re actually my brothers and when they got too small for him, I stole them and I like to wear them every now and then. Sometimes they make me feel like I’m a lot tougher than I look and sometimes when Poseidon is feeling nice he’ll agree with me, but mostly he just snickers at me and tells me I look silly. I like them though! I find them to be really comforting and they remind me of home and family and… I don’t know. I love wearing them when I’m training and they’re kind of a signature look of mine whenever I’m in my training gear. I’ve cut myself a little slit in the sides of them so I can slide in a knife in either side, that way I’ll always be prepared and loaded in case something dangerous comes about. I can usually tell whether or not there’s a knife in them or not just by the weight but I can’t say I’m perfect at it, what can I say, I guess I’m still knew to the whole career scene.
<p><b>010.</b> Oh that… that’s just a <b>letter</b>… it’s all I have of my real dads. I found one day in my mom’s room and it doesn’t say much but I have to believe that it’s his. My mom claims she doesn’t know who our father is, but I have this inkling that it’s him. His name isn’t on the letter, for some reason the signature is ripped off. But just by the way he uses his words on the paper and the way my mom pretends like it doesn’t exist, I have to believe that it means something. I took it a few years ago and I haven’t shown anyone the letter since. Not even Poseidon who I tell everything too. I’m just worried they’ll tell mom, and I know she’ll be furious. I can’t help but be curious about my biological father’s life. I want to know him. I want to see him. I want him to know who I am. I’m Doris Oceanus, your daughter.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left; color:#FFA35C;">eight important places.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> The ocean is what I call home. I’ve gotten the privilege to live here my whole life and like many of the other people that live here, the sound of the waves is pretty much the only my guarantee for peace. I love swimming in the beautiful blue water any chance I can get. One day I think I’d like to join a crew on a fishing ship like my sister, Nymph. I just think that that would be a really cool way to spend your time and you get paid for doing it too! She always seems like she has fun out there with Minx but I know that she misses home too. I think I’d like to be out on the sea all day, surrounded by the ocean and the salty sea. The sea breeze is my favorite and I love the wonderful temperature it brings to District Four. I think we have the best climate by far, it’s always so beautiful around here.
<p><b>002.</b> I grew up in the training center so naturally it’s one of the most important places of my life now! My siblings are both really awesome careers and I try to follow in their footsteps the best I can but I know I’m not as strong or as tough as they are, I think they know it too… which is why they’re always trying to keep me out of the Games rather than in them. I can’t say I’m horribly offended by their plan; I don’t really want to go into the arena. Not because I’m scared, but just because I don’t want to embarrass my family. I know I wouldn’t make it far at all and I don’t want everyone to think that the Oceanus’ are a bunch of wimps from District Four. I don’t want to be the laughing stock, I want to bring my family pride and honor, something that I intend to do one way or another in my future.
<p><B>003.</b> The medic center is where I spend a majority of my spare time after school. I love helping out whenever I can and however I can. Since I’m so young I don’t get to do anything huge but they usually let me help out when they’re just bandaging up an injured career or someone that was hurt in a fishing incident. That’s how most people recognize me around District Four, I’m the girl in the medic center that loves fixing people up. Truthfully, I’d really like to work in the medic center one day and I think I’d be really good at it so it’s really what I plan on doing with my future unless my plans are changed by an arrival of a certain someone. Although I think the likelihood of my father showing up anytime soon is incredibly slim, I still hold out hope that one day he’ll find me and Poseidon and come to see us. We deserve it, we deserve to know. Until then, I’ll spend my time at the medic center, as one of the people helping the people.
<p><b>004.</b> The docks are somewhere I wish I would fit in more. Nymph works on a ship that docks there and she’s always working around the boat whether she’s out at sea on her boat or she’s back home just working around the boat at the docks. Sometimes I’ll go out and sit on the edge of the docks and wait for her to come home, those are usually the days that the medic center doesn’t need my help and Poseidon is off doing something with his friends. I know that Nymph might rather hang out with Minx or someone else but I still love trying to spend time with her when I can. The people that work on Nymph’s boat look really cool and I think that she likes them all pretty well. Sometimes she’ll come home and complain about someone being annoying but I think that she really thinks of them all as friends and she has a good relationship with all of them. I guess it’s because of Nymph that the Docks have always been a favorite place of mine.
<p><b>005.</b> Hm! What do I think of school? Well, I think it’s alright. I’m usually pretty quiet but I think I have a decent amount of friends around school. I’m not the smartest kid in my class, sometimes my blonde hair comes into play more then it probably should, but I think I’m one of the smarter kids in my class. Mainly I think it’s just because a lot of kids don’t pay attention to what’s going on in school. They just sit there and expect to pass with flying colors, but I try to pay attention. I fail miserably at it whenever it comes to Math; numbers just confuse me to no end. I’ve always had a knack for words though and I like to sometimes give myself a word for the day to try to use at least once. I know, it’s kind of weird and dorky, but it’s a lot of fun! Science is also pretty interesting but I think my favorite subjects would have to be English and History. I love learning about the literature around District Four and even better I love hearing about life in District Four in the Dark Days and sometimes we even get snippets of what life is like in other districts, although not all of them are too pretty.
<p><b>006.</b> My house in District Four is pretty nice, if I do say so myself! I really feel like I can be open and be myself there so that’s always really nice. I love that it really feels like a family sort of home, at least it does with the kids. I love hanging out around the house with Poseidon and Nymph, it’s always a ton of fun! I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s a little awkward when my mom is around, but we usually manage to have a good time anyway! I spend a lot of time at home I guess, probably because I’m pretty quiet but I think I just like being a homebody of sorts. Sometimes I wish that I could grow up and just be like a stay at home mom, but I know that there are things I have to do in life before I can do that, like working as a healer. Working as a healer is something I feel like I owe to my district and something I really want to do. Although, I do still love the feeling of a home and I can’t wait until I have my own more functional one when I get older. One with a mother and a father and two beautiful kids who will know their parents and know that they love them no matter what.
<p><b>007.</b> My room is just your average thirteen year old girl’s room! I painted the walls this off white cream color with one accent wall that’s blue. I just got a new bed a few years ago, it’s really nice! Since we live in such a beach like environment my sheets are pretty lightweight and their white to try and keep me as cool as possible when I sleep. I have a lot of books in my room, some of them are my own journals and a lot them are books that I either trade for with some of my spare money or something else I find that I can bargain with. Sometimes Poseidon will come home and surprise me with a new book that he found lying around and they always tend to brighten my day. I love reading a lot and so I have this wonderful spot in my room that I love curling up in to read a good book. There’s this little nook in my windowsill that stretches out, just like a seat, and I love sitting on here and reading a book while looking out the window and admiring the view! I’m kind of a neat freak in the sense that I like things to have a place and I simply like for them to stay in their place whenever they are being put away. I really love going to my room whenever I’m looking for some spare time to myself which is actually a lot since I’m kind of a homebody on occasions.
<p><b>008.</b> So, everyone always remembers their first kiss right? Well, I had mine just a few months ago and I swear I’ll never forget it! It happened under the staircase at school and it was sort of awkward but I guess it was pretty fun? I always thought about what my first kiss would be like but I didn’t really picture it to be so… awkward. I guess I always thought it would be like a fairytale and my prince charming would come and sweep me off my feet and kiss me like no tomorrow. But instead, it was Jeffrey Miles and he was nearly 4 inches shorter than me and his breath smelt like onions. I can’t say it was romantic and it definitely wasn’t something that I’d die to go telling my friends, but I definitely won’t ever forget it. I remember once we finished he looked up at me and smiled and do you know what he said before he left? He said, “Thanks”. I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do with that… thanks? I just sort of stood there awkwardly and then walked back home. Nobody at school really found out about it luckily and it was sort of just a secret, I kind of still hope one day I’ll get that prince charming kiss but until then I’m fine with remembering the onion breath filled kiss under the stairs.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color: #FF7A52;">six important fears.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> I’ve always been terrified of spiders. The fact that they have eight legs and they always tend to look super hairy, it all just creeps me out! I hate the feeling of having one crawl on you while you’re just relaxing at home; it’s just the worst feeling! I almost always get goose bumps all over whenever one of them crawls on me.
<p><b>002.</b> I hate fire! I know that sounds so weird, right? But I just hate it! Whenever we have to light the burner or something in science class at school, I can never be the one to do it because I always just get too scared. I think it’s just because I’m too scared to get burned… maybe that’s why I find water so relaxing and beautiful, because I’m so scared of fire.
<p><B>003.</b> Disappointment has always been something I’ve feared. I have when people are disappointed in me and it always makes me think that I could have done something better. I usually try to do my best all the time, but if I’m being totally honest… I’ve given up every now and then and stopped trying… and it usually leads to someone getting disappointed in me which always makes me really sad.
<p><b>004.</b> So, this might sound really weird… but even at thirteen years old… I still get scared in the dark. It’s not so bad that I can’t sleep without a nightlight or anything, but I just don’t really like it. I liked to usually have something in my room that lights up that I can look at to calm me down. I think I might lose it if I were stuck in a cave or something because I would think you can’t see anything in there!
<p><b>005.</b> I’m really scared of being in really crowded places. I guess it’s sort of like claustrophobia? But not really… I don’t have a problem with being in tiny spaces, I just hate being in big crowds. It makes me feel like I’m trapped and definitely not in a good way. I like to have my open space so having people take that from me is definitely a big fear of mine.
<p><b>006.</b> I’m terrified of losing someone important to me, whether that’s Nymph or Poseidon or my mom it doesn’t matter. I wish I was stronger like Nymph or Poseidon so that I could protect them better by I try the best I can now with my weaker protection abilities. I know that they look out for me, so I feel like I owe it to them to look out for them as well. Family is family and I love them to death.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color: #FF5247;">four important people.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> My mom… well, I’m not really sure how I feel about her. She’s my mom and I guess I sort of have to love her for that, it’s natural and I’m always going to think of her as the woman that gave birth to me and gave me food and shelter. As for the actual mothering responsibilities, that usually fell onto Nymph or Poseidon or even me as we all tried to raise each other. My mom isn’t around a whole lot. I don’t think she really likes District Four all that much, she just always seems like she’d rather be somewhere else. I think District Four is the best district in Panem and I’m not afraid to tell anyone that, I just think she’d be making a mistake if we all moved. She like to date a lot and that’s why me and Poseidon don’t have the same dad as Nymph and why Swan’s dad is different from ours as well.
<p><b>002.</b> Swan is my little sister and she’s only five but I love her anyway. She’s our little ball of sunshine and we all try to chip in when we can to help take care of her. I spend a lot of time with Swan at home while Nymph is at work and Poseidon is off with his friends. I think she likes to paint, but she’s so young that maybe she just enjoys making a mess. Either way I think she’s really talented at it and I’d love to see her pursue something like that in her future if that is what she wanted to do with her life. My mom tends to ignore Swan a lot too and I think it hurts her more than us just because she isn’t quite used to it yet. I don’t know how my mom can look Swan in the eye and ignore her or hurt her, she’s so little and innocent… it’d be like kicking a puppy, which is just not cool! I just love my little sister so much and I can’t wait to see her grow up and be even better than me and Nymph could ever hope for. I love you baby sister.
<p><B>003.</b> Nymph Oceanus is my older sister and she’s really just… my inspiration. I hope that one day I can grow up and be like her. Even though I’m still the closest with Poseidon, I think I’m still pretty close to Nymph. She’s everything I wish I was and from what I’ve gathered from her, I’m not too bad either? I can’t wait to get older and hopefully be as pretty and smart as my older sister is. I just know that if I looked like she or I acted like her that I would have more friends but since I’m so quiet people tend to overlook me. My big sister is also a lot better of a career than I am and if you want my opinion, I think she's a lot stronger than Poseidon too. But I try not to tell Poseidon that because I know how much he wants to believe that he can take care of us all. Nymph is really strong physically and emotionally and I feel like she's always shouldered a lot of the weight for me and my siblings. Now that I'm older, I'd like to help her out more and I try to whenever i get the chance but I still feel like it's not as good as when Nymph does it. I can’t help but want to be more like Nymph!
<p><b>004.</b> Poseidon is my twin brother and he’s basically my best friend. I love Poseidon so much and he’s been there for me through absolutely everything and anything. I love getting to spend time with him before school or after school; if we’re lucky enough to get a class together sometimes we can have our hangout times at school. He always seems to get me while the other kids and my other family members just don’t. When in doubt, if there is nobody else for me to turn too and I need some advice or a favor, I’ll usually always go to Poseidon first. We also happen to be twins, which mean that we share the same birthday. He’s older than me by just a few seconds but he’s sure to always let me know whenever we’re around each other. Poseidon is also a lot more outgoing then I is. I’m not going to lie, he has a lot more friends around District Four and I’m actually okay with it because I know that he won’t forget about me, not ever. We’re twins for a reason!
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color:#FF293D;">two important dreams.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> I dream of being really happy and living on the beach in District Four. I know that sounds pretty similar to what I’m doing now but when you think about the place we live in now with the Hunger Games and the Reapings and all of the sadness, even something as simple as living on the beach can be a lifelong goal and dream for a thirteen year old girl. I hope that I can make it past the Reapings and I can maybe become a healer one day. I just think that I would be really good at it and I love doing it. I think I’d also like to have a family of my own. Granted, I would be scared… to have kids I mean… and then lose them to the arena of the Hunger Games, but if I train them like my family trained me, well then that’s better then nothing, right? I just feel like I’m always going to want kids… no matter what. I’ve always gotten along well with them and I just think it’d be pretty great to one day have a family of my own. I would promise my children that I would always be there for them unlike my mother and they could always count on me.
<p><b>002.</b> Like I said earlier, I think it’d be really cool to be a healer one day! I love doing it and it’s really the only thing that I’m honestly talented at. Poseidon will joke around sometimes and say that I’m a little Mother Teresa, but I’m really okay with it all. I don’t think I have to be a rough and tough career like the other kids to get ahead in life. I hope to sneak by the Reapings, but even if I do get picked, I think I might be okay. I’m talented with knifes and I’m good with plants and fires. I think I’d easily be able to take care of myself and my agility could be handy. I’d have a tough time with hand-to-hand combat since I’m so small but maybe with a bit more training and some more time I can get stronger and bigger. Healing and being in the medic center has just always been able to offer me a sense of calm that training never could. It’s similar to the beach in that aspect; I find them both so relaxing. I really do hope I can help people one day, help them get better and take care of them to the best of my ability. The healers in District Four are great and if I have to learn from anyone, I’d be honored to learn from them.
<p><div style="font-family: Lucida Calligraphy; font-size:30px; line-height:30px; text-align:left;color:#FF0033;">one important doris.</div>
<p><b>001.</b> A little bit about me? Well, I’m Doris Oceanus. I’m the middle child of the Oceanus family although me and Poseidon are the only two that are strictly related. Nymph and Swan are just our half sisters. My mom isn’t around much, but I still love her and I’d forgive her if she came back. I’m not much of a career but I am pretty handy with knifes and throwing them if I get a decent aim. My dad is a person I’ve never met before but I’d like to given the opportunity. I think he must be someone important to my mom if she feels the need to hide him from us… either that or she really doesn’t know who he is… but part of me has to hold onto the first part so that I don’t end up holding grudges against my own mother. I’m thirteen years old so I still go to school in District Four. I have a bit of a sweet tooth and I love eating and hiding snacks. I actually like learning and writing has always been a huge passion of mine. I have a bunch of friends from school and I love hanging out with them all there but I’m also a bit of a homebody and I love staying home and taking care of Swan and the house. I dream of one day having a nice home on the beach of District Four and being able to be a healer.
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everybody needs a little help every now and then.
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sarah
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<center> 17 ∙ est ∙ the moon.
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<center><br><b>Referral:</b> muah!</center>
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so... i thought i was content with my characters.... and then alyssa tempted me too much... and elle fanning was running around my head... and i could not resist... and sarah is here with yet another sweetie pie xD
<p>credit of the picture goes to josie from caution 2.0!
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Even after Colton had already long ago pulled away from Hazel, he still felt as if it were too soon. He already missed the smell of her hair that was so potent while his lips were on hers. He missed the sensation of having her so close and the heat that almost radiated off of her onto his own skin as it brushed against hers with every touch. His body seemed to physically ache to be close to her again, but Colton didn’t want to scare her off… he didn’t want to move too fast in fear that not only would Hazel get upset but that he himself might get confused as to what this relationship was exactly. As soon as he thought of the topic he immediately wished he hadn’t. That question always seemed to be haunting Colton Sawyer… always lurking in the shadows without an answer as he sat by miserably waiting for the answer to plop into his lap one day, unfortunately that day had never come. Or looking at the circumstances now, maybe it was incredibly fortunate. Colton never seemed to know where that fine line between friendship and romantic relationships was. In fact, he didn’t know where it was, how to get there, and how to get across it. Even now as he flustered to piece together what had just happened with his old friend he was still searching for where the two of them now fell in regards to this line.
<p>Colton anxiously sat waiting to listen to whatever it was that Hazel had to say. He wanted to know what she was thinking, how she was feeling, maybe she was thinking the same things that he was. Where they were right now… and where they wanted to go. As soon as she told him that she liked him, an instant grin worked its way onto Colton’s face as he reached out for her hand almost instinctively. He too liked Hazel… a lot. And right now, he thought that was a great start for them. With the clearing of her throat, Colton realized there was more to follow and he sat waiting to hear all of what Hazel had to say. <b>“…Five? Five years old? Like way back when we were both little kids?” </b>he questioned Hazel lightly as he sat looking at her in bewilderment. How could she have waited this long to tell him something like that?! They were nearly best friends weren’t they? But it wasn’t until he started thinking about what she had really said that he realized he could be accused of doing the same thing… he had liked girls for a long enough time and never manage to tell them a word about it. He was guilty of it with Arielle, despite the numerous times Wyatt attempted to get him to fuss up. It was hard to admit your feelings for someone… especially not knowing how they feel about you in return. The simple fear of rejection had always been enough to keep Colton’s mouth shut for enough years to have Nate swoop in and steal the girl that he thought he loved. It wasn’t until more recently that Colton was more aware of his true feelings for Arielle… that she was his friend; one of his best friends, and nothing was going to change that.
<p>But what would he do with Hazel? What was he supposed to say? Did he like her in that way too? Or did he just want to be friends? Colton silently scratched out the last option in ridiculousness. Clearly they did not just want to be friends judging by the kiss that had been taken between them moments earlier. But then what was he supposed to say? As he attempting to piece together what he was feeling all he truly felt was confusion. His feelings from the past and the feelings he was experiencing now all seemed to meddle together in a muddy pile of goo as he attempted to wriggle through it and find the answer. Colton prepared himself to tell her the truth… that wasn’t sure how he felt… that he thought he might have some stronger feelings for Hazel, but that he honestly wasn’t sure. But the thought terrified him… what if he told her these things and she left him? Maybe she didn’t want to wait around for him to make up his mind… maybe she wanted a solid answer right now, was that such a hard thing to ask for? Maybe Hazel would find someone better in District Seven… someone that made her happier and someone that would treat her better than Colton ever could… but thinking of this alternate future only seemed to evoke a strong sense of jealousy within the young man. He didn’t want Hazel to leave… he didn’t want her to be with anyone else. And then Colton realized that maybe that was the only answer he needed, that he didn’t want for her to be with anyone else—just him and only him.
<p>He anxiously looked back over at Hazel to find that she was staring back at him, anxious to hear his response. <b>“I guess I’m just stunned, Fizzy… I did- I didn’t expect this…”</b> he said honestly to the young woman. <b>“I don’t want to lie to you, believe me I don’t ever want to lie to you. I guess I just don’t know how I feel yet… I’m still just really confused and overwhelmed really, I didn’t expect this... But that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it! I do! I really do!” </b>he explained. <b>“And… I know it may be selfish and unfair of me… but I- I don’t want you to be with some other guy. And I know… I know that isn’t fair. Because you don’t deserve to sit here and wait for me to make up my mind, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s how I feel.”</b> Colton ultimately expected Hazel to leave, because as he already said, he didn’t think it was fair for her to sit around and wait for him. What was he anyway? He was just some guy… she could find someone better than him in a heartbeat. <b>“All I do know is that that kiss… it meant something to me… and I hope it meant that much to you too… and if it did, maybe we should try this thing out, even though its new and kind of scary.”</b> He told her honestly as he reached out for her hand and squeezed it tight, terrified that it might be the last chance he would get to do so.
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