WELCOME TO MAX SEC

[Zachary Morris]

Friday 4th May, 2012. 17:13

He let out a snort of disgust as he took in a breath of the sludge they were today passing off as fish pie on his tray. It might have been fish pie once but that once had been a very long time ago. It like everything else around here himself included had become something else entirely, something wretched and poisonous. The muscles in his neck spasmed and he allowed his head to roll back eyes screwing tightly shut attempting to ignore the dull ache that continued to haunt him. He supposed it was a little like loosing a limb but still being able to feel it occasionally despite it being nothing but empty space. He'd not lost his head to that noose but that he had yet to find a day that had passed since when he hadn't wished that he had. He'd not been sleeping, the thoughts of finishing off what he had started had been growing exponentially and in between all of that he'd spent every other moment his thoughts dwelling on a certain Danny Austin.

It had been coming up on a month, a month that the other had spent sharing his time between the hole and the infirmary. He'd lost track of the amount of times he'd talked himself out of visiting Danny opting instead for occasional treats acquired from his commissary budget and hand delivered by nurse Holly. He was certain after their last meeting that Danny hadn't ever wanted to lay eyes on him again and that was before Delaney had pulled him away to the hole for whatever hell had awaited him. Still a part of him hoped that Danny had been able to see through the lines and the hand delivered goods. That behind all of that he was still there his heart as big as ever for the man who had given so much for him.

A chair screeched against the lino floor and his thoughts interrupted his gaze scanned the mess hall. Despite Inez's words he had felt every bit as vulnerable as he had done the first day he had wound up on this god forsaken island. Every bit as vulnerable as he had felt without his guitar hanging loosely around his neck fingers idly strumming at the strings. It was going to take a lot more than simply being owned to shake off those who had wanted to destroy him. Besides he was doing a good enough job of that by himself. Appeased at least for the time being he returned his attentions to his spork which was currently sinking fast in a quick sand made of fish pie. Plucking it from the jaws of death he sighed as he attempted to wipe his fingers now covered in slop on the edge of the table. Hardly table manners he'd been brought up with but he hadn't been concerned that anybody would be stupid enough to join him.

[Ciara Jefferson]

The food slapped onto her tray was best described as gruel. That hadn't changed since the last time Ciara has been here. It was as disgusting today as it had always been. She was a small girl by most standards but not eating certainly wasn't going to help. Carrying her tray further into the mess hall Ciara kept her eyes downcast, made damn sure not to eye any of the guard or the inmates already seated sporadically around the mess hall. Conrad Devito had kept his promise and gotten her out of Manfried. However she'd never truly had her freedom. The moment the man had vanished everything had gone belly up. Ciara, forced to service VV members treading in and out of Davenport's wasn't freedom, Ciara simply couldn't get a break. Now here she was again right back where she'd started all thanks to one Kate Lawrence. Clearly the woman had it out for her. Ciara hadn't known what she'd done to attract Kate's attention but she wished now she hadn't done it.

There were few places left to sit in the already crowded mess hall so Ciara was going to have slim pickings. Her choice was practically made for her when one of the last two remaining seats was taken. Though the rest remained empty they 'belonged' to the gangs and those friendly with the guards. Limited choices as was the way of prison life. Ciara seeing the one seat she knew she was able to occupy made her way over and she shuffled across the mess hall slowly while holding her tray in a white knuckled grip. Her eyes were focused on her shuffling feet but she was fully aware of where she was going and knew no one was in front of her to stop her progress. Ciara slid into the seat opposite the dark haired man and placed her tray carefully onto the top of the table.

As she'd neared she watched the man wiping the food off his fingers and onto the edge of the table. The chow was disgusting and Ciara wasn't entirely sure she was going to be able to get a bite of it down. She had zero funds in her commissary account, Kate Lawrence had withdrawn it and bought herself a new pair of shoes. Inwardly Ciara hoped that she'd trip in them and break her neck. She stopped at the table but did not sit down. She cleared her throat and briefly glanced across the table top to the man seated directly in front of her. "Can I sit here?" If the man said that he didn't want her there then she'd move along, maybe stand along the sides of the mess hall, it wasn't as though she was going to eat what had been given to her, she was simply going through the motions. All the rules of everyday life went right out the window once you'd lost your freedom. For Ciara it had happened twice now and she was resigned to living the rest of her days right here at Manfried. Now she waited to find out of she'd be permitted to sit here or if she'd be standing.

[Zachary Morris]

Zac glanced up at the sound of the voice a light shade of red gracing his pale features as he continued to feel the uncomfortable stickiness that had surrounded his fingers. Crap, she'd seen he was certain of it as he thrust the offending hand back underneath the table hand now nervously resting on his knee. A rare smile flickered across his face before he could reign it in momentarily forgetting himself. "Sure, go for it", he mumbled his gaze returning self consciously to his tray as he noted her expectant look.

Wayward curls falling forward Zac watched the other intently through them as she took up residence in the seat opposite him. Her question had caught him unawares in so much as nobody around here asked for anything, and certainly not from him. Most simply took, seized what they wanted in both hands screw the rest but not her. It wasn't as if Zac reveled in the company of others it had been proven without a shadow of a doubt that Zac didn't mix well not if his last couple of times out of the blocks had been anything to go by. Right now being alone had suited him just fine wallowing in ones misery was a task for just one.

Feeling the burden of her gaze upon him he glanced upwards hand hurriedly reaching for his plastic cup of discolored lukewarm water. It sloshed over the sides as he brought it towards his lips a trail of water currently traveling down his arm soaking into the folds of his jumpsuit. Normal, that was all he needed to be doing right now. But as he tried so desperately to maintain some sense of it he felt the cracks inevitably forming. "Sorry", he stuttered pathetically. "I'm not normally this badly house trained", he added with a strained smile and a sharp outtake of breath that caused a stray curl to retreat back behind the lines with the rest. Wiping the back of his remaining good hand across his mouth he returned the cup to the tray.

"What the hell is this crap anyway?", he muttered having drifted into what could only be classified as mindless babbling.

[Ciara Jefferson]

Ciara didn't care if the inmate in front of her ate his slop, shoved it away from him or dumped it on the floor. This wasn't a restaurant in town it was prison. Ciara knew half the food served in the mess hall was thrown together and fed to them, they were treated no better than animals. Animals were treated better than Manfried's inmates. The male across from her permitted her leave to sit with him and thank God for that she didn't want to stand. Ciara inclined her head at him as she sat down, "Thanks. Not many places to sit." Ciara didn't want him to think she was encroaching on his space she wasn't.

She was in prison but that certainly didn't mean that she could let go of her teachings growing up and show her manners. That was one thing about Ciara that hadn't changed with her incarceration. She remained as polite as she'd ever been, maybe just a little more reserved, or a lot reserved. Her tray was placed in front of her but her food went untouched. It turned her stomach to look at it must less taste it which she wasn't going to do. Just the stench of it made her feel nauseous. At first neither she nor the inmate across the table from her had anything at all to say which wasn't a bad thing. He wasn't telling her to fuck off, that was something and he was well within his right to tell her so.

His hair had fallen into his face and Ciara watched him but she did so subtly by glancing up through the bangs of her hair. Like her he seemed to want to hid, become invisible. Not that she could blame him when they sat in the belly of the beast, literally. He was reaching for his cup, some of his water spilled and Ciara watched the trickle of water as it made it's way down over his arm, he was soon wiping his lips. It was such a normal occurrence that Ciara actually smile, not a full bodied smile but half of one, better than none. She didn't even want her water, there was no telling what was swimming around in it, she'd pass on it like she'd passed on her grub. "You're fine."

Ciara then picked up her cup after all, she 'accidentally' dribbled some on the front of her jumpsuit, took a few sips and returned it to her tray just as the man across from her had done. "These cups must be leaking or something." He commented on the phone and while she felt the urge to chuckle it simply wasn't in her to do so. "I'd hate to find out." From out of her pocket she pulled out a half eaten candy bar from the commissary that Nurse Holly had slipped to her prior to her coming to the mess hall. She held it over to the man underneath the table and tapped the edge of the candy bar against his hand that she'd seen disappear underneath. "You can have it if you want."

[Zachary Morris]

'You're fine. She'd dismissed his words, he'd only wished that he could find it so easy. "I wish", he replied with a bittersweet laugh. He'd wanted to be a normal functioning human being, the kind that took pleasure out of a normal existence. The kind that wasn't so fundamentally broken that he couldn't even drink a glass of water without looking like he was anything but normal. He had wanted more than anything to go back to normal, even if normal for him was locked away living in a cell with Danny. Danny however had left him with no doubt that that was no longer an option and he found himself circling the drain once more unable to pull himself out of the rut.

Momentarily startled Zac drew his hand back instinctively not expecting the candy bars gentle tap on his hand. Upon her words his eyes widened hand stretching back out towards the candy bar still outstretched just in front of him. Besides the redvines he'd enjoyed at the group therapy session he'd not been able to consume anything that constituted real food for some time now. "I can?", he questioned half expecting her to pluck it away from him just as his fingers closed around it. But it remained there resting lightly on his hand. His stomach churned expectantly. "Thanks", he added his face softening hand slowly taking the bar and returning it to his lap. Glancing down at the bounty unable to resist any longer a grin broke out on his face as he recognized the familiar packaging of a half eaten 3 musketeers bar.

"Zac Morris", he announced out of nowhere opting for a lopsided smile instead of the customary hand shake given the circumstances. Despite only having met minutes ago they were friends and he hadn't even known her name. Besides Danny she was the first person to give him something for no reason other than because they'd wanted to. Kindness, something that had been completely foreign in a place like this. The least he could do was pay her back with the good manners he'd been brought up with. "Good to meet some one with great taste in candy bars", he added with an honest smile. Despite having spent the large majority of time wallowing in self pity Zac found himself easily distracted by the girl. For the first time he found himself genuinely interested in something other than himself and his own pathetic pity party.

[Ciara Jefferson]

It was on the tip of Ciara’s tongue to echo the inmate’s sentiments as she too wished that she were ‘just fine’. The sad thing was that when it came down to it, at the end of the day, neither of them were fine. They were inmates locked away and forgotten about in a maximum security prison and treated like they were less than animals. You couldn’t get less ‘fine’ than that. Ciara shrugged her shoulder and she tried to smile, while she didn’t succeed she didn’t completely fail because her lips had quirked a bit. "Nothing here is fine, not us, or them," she added as an aside, glancing at the guards then back to the inmate across from her.

His jerking his hand away from the candy bar had come unexpectedly and it made Ciara jump in her seat nearly dropping the candybar altogether. "Yes, you can have it." She tightened her grip on it until she felt the man pulling it out of her grasp. Her fingers uncurled from around the candybar and her eyes were riveted on the man as he looked down at what he’d been given under the table. He seemed genuinely thankful for her giving what was left of it to him. "Welcome," she shot right back at him while pulling her hand back and lifting it from under the table to rest on the top of it. He was quick to give his name and even if he wasn’t a friend Ciara considered him one, he’d accepted her gift. He wasn’t wasn’t eyeing her off like she was his last supper like so many of the other inmates, and she still didn’t trust him, she trusted no man, but she was glad he’d given her his name.

"Ciara Jefferson," she replied in turn, giving Zac her name. Her fingers curled along the edge of her tray but she did not touch her food, just looking at it caused her stomach to churn violently. She was given a smile and she even if she didn’t smile back Ciara did nod her head at him, as close to a smile as he or any man was likely to get. Their mutual like of three musketeer bars wasn’t a lot to go on but it was something and inside Manfried she’d take what she could get by way of connecting with someone. She had to constantly remind herself while seated across from him that he wasn’t her boyfriend and therefore not a threat. "They’re my favorite. CO Richards she bought it for me. Do you know her? She’s really nice." Being nice went a long way as far as Ciara was concerned and she hoped that Zac would turn out to be someone nice and not someone like her ex-boyfriend.

[Zachary Morris]

"Richards", he repeated softly scouring his brain for any mention of her. Upon drawing a blank he shook his head the disappointment evident. "I don't think so", he replied noncommittally. Still not entirely sure of himself let alone his own memories. A silence fell over them before he felt the need to explain. "They've got me hauled up in the SNY I don't tend to get all that many visitors", he added with a small shrug of the shoulders. Despite not being able to admit as much he had been better off than most his visitors had consisted largely of Holly Shepherd, a woman who appeared to have much in common with the girl seated across the table from him. The same couldn't be said for other SNY residents namely Jon Sheridan who's cries continued to haunt the halls of what generally was a quiet place thanks to his 'visitors'.

"I'm not a snitch or anything", he confirmed in response to an unasked question. He'd understood enough from his time out of SNY what kind of people ended up there. Snitches and kids like him, the flakes, the kind that couldn't hack it out in gen pop without finding themselves hanging from a laundry pulley. The truth was Holly was close to breaking him out of there a fact he had still yet to decide his feelings on. He'd wanted to go back to the way things were but seeing Danny that day had made him question whether that would ever truly be possible. "Some stuff happened that's all. Lovers tiff. He-, We-.. you know?", his voice faded away gaze drawn towards the door as if partly expecting Danny to stride through and take him in his arms one more time.

"Doesn't matter anymore...", he added dejectedly. The sooner he recognised that point the better for the both of them. Returning his gaze to her now he pulled off a piece of the candy bar and tossed it into the back of his mouth like a sea lion with a fish. "She sounds nice", he continued as if their conversation hadn't just gone off on a completely different tangent one where he had revealed rather more about himself than normal upon a first meeting. "How long have you been here?", he questioned his words somewhat obscured by the way he was chomping down on the three musketeers bar now. Subtlety had gone right out of the window the moment he had put the first piece in his mouth.

[Ciara Jefferson]

Ciara couldn’t help but smile when Zac softly echoed the name of the guard who’d single handedly gone out of her way to make sure that Ciara had something edible to eat, even if it was only a candy bar. It sure beat the nasty gruel they pawned off on the inmates from the mess hall. She inclined her head towards Zac when he went on to say that he didn’t know CO Richards. "She watches out for me," she replied softly. Ciara’s smile faded somewhat when she learned that Zac spent time in the SNY but she didn’t judge him for it. "Do you feel safe staying there away from the others?" Ciara asked curiously. If only she could feel safe in her cell, since her return to Manfried she’d not felt safe then again Ciara was used to living in fear, it was her day to day existence, sadly.

"Course you aren’t,” was her reply, the look in her eye genuine. She didn’t feel that Zac was a snitch as he didn’t appear to be that way. Her smile came back but it was a half attempt at best but a smile all the same. Lovers, Zac had said and ‘he’. That explained a lot in a few words. He was into men not women and didn’t that bring out a genuine ear to ear smile on Ciara’s lips. If he was into men he wasn’t into women and the chances of his hurting her diminished drastically. Her smile was half lived as she remembered why he was in the SNY, a tiff. "Sorry. Can’t work things out?" Ciara would like to think that they could but then again she didn’t know the circumstances around their tiff. She’d have asked but felt it none of her concern unless Zac decided to share the details with her she hoped he would.

"It should matter, if he does." What Ciara meant but didn’t come right out and say was that if this man mattered to Zac then it mattered when it came to making things work. All relationships had to be worked out no matter what sex you found yourself attracted to. Ciara nodded again, CO Richards was nice and someone Ciara considered a friend. "If you need help ask for Richards. She’ll help, she’s not like the others." Just a bit of advice she thought might benefit Zac. "I was here for a while then left, I got brought back. So....over a year I guess? What about you?" Ciara wasn’t asking his crimes, it was a no-no, she just returned his question.

[Zachary Morris]

"Safe?", he questioned with a small snort before he realised that it had been a genuine question. His face straightened once more. "I dunno I guess? But that's not why they've got me shacked up there", he added. It was hard explain, hard to say what he meant without coming out and saying that he was the headcase who tried to kill himself. That he was the headcase that still pondered the same thing more times than he cared to admit. "They can't keep me safe from myself", he explained softly nothing sinister in it whatsoever. Merely stating it as fact.

He shrugged at her question, he'd been every which way one minute killing himself with the notion that it couldn't and then believing that it could. "I made a mistake. A stupid mistake. I'm not sure he.-Danny", he corrected himself. "I'm not sure Danny can forgive that. Hell I'm not even sure that I can forgive myself", he added. He'd known now it had been about more than just simply not being willing to see reason or even listen to what Danny had had to say. It had been the fact that he'd reacted by throwing himself off an upturned laundry cart. It was that and everything that it meant that Danny wouldn't be able to forgive him for. He'd selfishly thought that he was fixing the problem, plugging the hole but all he'd managed to do was create several new holes elsewhere. Danny had blamed himself just as much as he had blamed himself for this whole business.

"He still loves me, told me as much. But in the next breath he says that it won't work. That we're different people", he began to explain his brow furrowing in confusion even as he recounted the story. "But it doesn't matter none of that matters. I mean its what you want, where your headed rather than where you've been surely?", he questioned hazel eyes searching hers for the answer to a question on a relationship that she'd known nothing about until less than a minute ago.

He sighed heavily realising for the first time that he had just unloaded his burden onto somebody who up to a few moments ago was a complete stranger. "Sorry, you didn't want to hear all of that. It's just that SNY is kinda solitary by nature", he added with a brief smile. Truth was he spent more than enough time talking to himself about his own issues, that had been the problem, he was the problem.

He wasn't sure that he understood, how could a person be here for a while leave and then come back? Had she been released, transferred? He had always been an inquisitive kind of person by nature. His lips moved as if to question this point before apparently thinking better of it. She hadn't wanted to be reminded of her current situation any more than he had been. A silent count in his mind revealed that the he had been here only ten months a fact he found himself not quite believing. It had seemed longer than that, the old life he had lived a dark and distant memory. "Here around ten months, juvvie for a few months before that", he replied."Feels longer", he concluded.

[Ciara Jefferson]

Ciara, for lack of anything else to do while seated at the table, picked up her spork and twirled it around in her grub to make it look like she was eating. She’d hate to have the guards notice she was sitting around doing nothing, they might get other ideas in their heads to keep her ‘entertained’. She focused her gaze on Zac and played with her food. "Oh. That was you? It got that bad for you?" Zac must have felt he had no other alternative and her heart went out to him. Many times she’d thought of ending it all.

Zac seemed to want to open up a little or maybe it was because he needed to. Either way Ciara was ready to listen and comment as needed. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you and what’s troubling you to make life a little bit easier in prison. Ciara was a damned good listener and a better friend to those who she called friend. She wasn’t too surprised to hear the name Danny mentioned. She’d spoken to Danny since her return to Manfried and he’d shared a little with her about Zac. Now she had a face to go with the name. Ciara looked intently at the man who’d won Danny’s heart. And she approved of him right off. "Danny Austin right? He’s told me about you. I didn’t realize you were his Zac," she told him, smiling kindly at him. "Danny is a good man." Ciara wanted to see both of these men happy.

What Zac said made a lot of sense and Ciara felt that the same were true. "Give him time, don’t give up. We all make mistakes." Ciara hated the thought of these two men finding something in one another only to lose it and have it fade to nothing. In a place like this love and support was priceless something to fight for. "Fight for him, he’s worth it." That was Ciara’s best advice, fight and don’t let Danny go so easily.

If Zac needed to talk then Ciara was set on listening. That’s what Danny had first done for her and they’d become close friends afterwards because of that. She liked Zac immediately but even more so now that she knew he was the Zac that Danny had spoken to her about. She shook her head and smiled sweetly at the man across the table from her. "Anytime you need to talk I’ll be here."

Ciara inclined her head in agreement. Somehow time itself managed to drag by in a place such as Manfried. Ciara grew quiet for several moments then she broached the subject of Danny. "Danny is my best friend. He watches out for me and takes good care of me. Be patient with him, he'll come around." That was her little spiel about Danny. "Enjoying your candy? It’s good huh?" Ciara smiled a bit and shrugged her shoulder. "I thought of checking out, a few times too," she confessed, something she hadn't even shared with Danny.

[Zachary Morris]

A breath hitched in his throat at her question. 'That was you'. A reminder as if he had needed one that his life was no longer private not any more. Following on from the blazing row with Danny with half the of the block listening in it was only natural they would want to hear how the story ended. Like any good soap opera he served them the ending they had been hoping for one loaded with angst and pain with a sprinkling of misery. His face fell unable to meet her gaze. "A bonified celebrity right here", he commented quietly an attempt at humor which would ultimately fall short given the way his voice was currently shaking. He wasn't sure that anybody really understood what had made him do what he did. Whether it had simply been the argument with Danny or a combination of things that had led up to that moment eating away at him beneath the surface. "Its kind of difficult to explain", he added in other words he hadn't wanted to talk about it, hadn't wanted to dredge up memories of every time he'd been hurt, of every time he'd felt more and more convinced that life had no longer been worth living.

'His Zac', he'd liked the sound of that of all the people he could belong to he would have given himself to Danny in a heartbeat. A smile met his lips. It was all he had wanted out of life, a love where he'd meant something, where he'd completed someone. Danny had taught him how to live again and for that he owed him a debt of gratitude.

He nodded slowly his determination growing with each of her words. He'd known deep down that fighting had been his only course of action but hearing somebody else telling him the same made him certain that he had been doing it for the right reasons. "He taught me how to be me", he added softly. "I'm not sure that I can be that without him. If that's not reason enough that I don't know what is", he concluded the desire to leap up from his chair and seek Danny out rising in his mind like the early morning sun.

Danny had never spoke much of his past, nor had he pressed him on the subject. It had been clear to even to somebody like him that it had been too painful. Perhaps Ciara's leaving and returning had been another contributing factor. "Thanks", he offered. "I'm glad Danny has someone like you around. He won't admit as much but he needs someone looking out for him, especially now I can't be", he added with a small smile. Given the difference in age and confidence Zac had naturally conformed to position of the person in the relationship in need of somebody to look out for him but after what he had seen of Danny in recent weeks he felt the desire to repay in kind. He might not have big and burly with muscles the size of tree trunks but he'd fight for Danny until the bitter end.

Absently tossing another piece of candy in his mouth at her question he grinned before responding to her statement. "You did?", he questioned between mouthfuls. "I'd thought about it before. I mean I guess we all do at one point in time. But I never sure myself actually doing it before that day in the laundry room", he began. "All I could think about was how this was going to make everything better. Delete me and erase all the pain I'd caused", he continued speaking honestly for the first time since forever. "I never saw things going down like this...", he added. Of course the same could be said for the rest of his life to date. He'd never seen himself being tried and convicted of rape nor had he seen himself falling in love behind the very bars that held him.

"What stopped you?", he ventured wondering what it was that Ciara had to hold onto besides Danny Austin.

[Ciara Jefferson]

The moment those three words left her lips Ciara wished she’d kept her damn mouth shut. She wasn’t the best conversationalist, made less so over the last several months. She visibly cringed at the fallen expression that crossed Zach’s face. So much for making herself a new friend, Ciara thought to herself. Nothing had changed! On the outside she didn’t have the ability to make and keep friends, it was the same on the inside. Some things never changed and she felt her heart grow heavy. Ciara’s shoulders sagged forward and she spoke softly. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out that way." She’d have banged her head on the table if it wouldn’t have hurt like hell and brought unwanted attention to their table. "You don’t have to explain, it’s okay." The last thing Ciara wanted to do was to put Zach off. For appearances sake he was a nice guy, made less a threat to her upon his being into men not women and she’d opened her mouth and inserted her foot. Ciara’s head lowered a few inches but she continued to look at Zach through her eyelashes.

If anyone understood the need for silence and privacy it was Ciara. It was because of that that she was not going to pressure him into talking about anything he didn’t want nor felt comfortable talking about. She wouldn’t want to talk about the rapes she’d have to suffer through and she’d not put that peer pressure on Zach. She wanted him to be a friend.

Ciara wasn’t the type to take from what Zach and Danny had found together but she knew exactly how it felt to be defined by Danny. She’d felt much the same way Zach had but she didn’t mention that it was Danny who’d made her feel that way. "I’ve felt the same. It’s had to separate who you are alone with who you are when you’re with someone you care about." Ciara wanted, and felt Zach needed her to be encouraging so she gave it her best effort. "You’re you. That’s all you can be. Be true to yourself, that’s all we can do right?"

Somehow, someway their discussion had turned to suicide attempts. Ciara lifted her gaze to settle it up on Zach as he spoke. Clearly he needed to talk about it, and talking about it was better than keeping it bottled up, and she’d encourage him to continue doing so by answer his question and sharing some of her experience and what she’d been through personally. With a sad sort of smile she turned her right hand over to show a thin scar along her wrist where her attempt a few months ago had failed. "I did yeah. A couple months ago." Ciara cleared her throat before continuing, "Everything got to be too much. I just wanted it all to stop." She knew what Zach had gone through, she’d been there herself not so long ago. "I didn’t see it either, for me I mean. It all came to a head one day and I saw only one way out."

Tears filled Ciara’s eyes but she didn’t let them fall, she sniffed them back to the best of her ability before answering Zach’s question. "I was brought back to Manfried. That’s what stopped me. And you? What stopped you? And now? Have you thought about tryin again?"

[Zachary Morris]

He nodded in understanding. It was the therapist's go to comment, that they understood, that they knew what it must feel like but he'd never bought for a moment. Ciara was different, she'd been there, felt it for herself, been to the brink of darkness and found herself plucked back from the jaws of death. That was why he'd found it so easy to talk to her, to share things he'd not been able to with Danny due to circumstances. It was as if she was an old friend or a brother in arms.

"Eamon I guess. I mean he kinda found me just hanging there. I can't imagine what what he must of thought", he replied the concern evident in his voice. He had never meant to hurt any one least of all Eamon his first cellie, the man who had taken him under his wing no questions asked. Who believed him innocent despite everything that said otherwise. "He cut me down and the rest is history", he added revealing very little on his emotions regarding the fact he had been saved. There was a part of him, a tiny piece that looked death in the face and wanted to live. A piece that had started to grow in recent months, a piece that despite all of the set backs held him together.

"I dunno I guess", he added with a shrug. A blatant lie after he had been so honest. He'd thought about it all the time. Alone is his cell, out in the yard that day, even moments earlier before she had joined him at the table. His cheeks flushed feeling her eyes on him somehow able to see right through him. "I've thought about it but then I see Danny, or I think of him, smell him, remember the way he was and I can't, I can't do that to him again", he added guiltily. If his first suicide attempt had taught him anything it was that it was nowhere near as simple as he had naively believed. People didn't just forget in the blink of a eye, in time of course but the shock waves had caused cracks to form where there had been none. Had caused a once confident Danny Austin, the man he'd loved to fall apart at the seams.

There was a silence unsure if he'd misinterpreted what she'd said it had sounded to him almost as if she had been glad to come back here which him left him wondering what hell she had endured on the outside world if being here had seemed better somehow."Are you glad to be back-", he began the question as the buzzer sounded followed swiftly by the engulfing sounds of trays being pulled from table tops and chairs pushed back across the floor. Caught up in the noise Zac seemingly forgot his question or thought better of it as he pocketed the remained of his candy bar.

"Thanks again", he concluded with a heart felt smile still not confident enough to assume that there would be another meeting. A chance to pick up where they'd left off or for him to repay the kindness she had afforded him. "If you see Danny say Hi from me...", he added his words trailing off as he regarded the queue of inmates forming at the exit. With nothing more said he followed suit rising from the table and fell in behind the others to return to his solitary existence, for now at least.

Fin'