Skin created by CookieMonster. Find more great skins at the IF Skin Zone.

zIFBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Free Forums. Reliable service with over 8 years of experience.

Learn More · Sign-up for Free
Welcome to Pikachu's Burrow. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Name:   Password:

The Pokémon Board!
 

 Starry is going off the deep end, WARNING: Very long rant ahead
Starprincess801
Posted: Jan 30 2007, 01:12 AM


Unregistered









Ugh. I don't know how much more I can take..

Lately I've been having intense feelings of not belonging. I used to feel like I fit in just fine and now I just feel like "a rice ball in a fruits basket." I discussed this with my quite-possibly-nonexistent guardians yesterday and I didn't feel down about it at all. In fact it made me high because I thought I knew where my true place in this world was even if it was with people who are looked at as nonexistent by everyone but me. But then my mood faded because I desperately want to fit in to my group of friends here too but lately I've just felt like I don't. But I sure-as-heck want to.

Apparently it's "not me everyone hates but my imagination." Well is my imagination not PART of me? It IS me. And how can anyone hate my imagination without hating me too? I. Don't. Get. It.

I am no longer concerned with whether my guardians exist or not. Could they be nothing more than the product of the minds of a bunch of Japanese dudes brought to life by an obsessive fandom? YES. Does that matter? NO. If they do not exist I am JUST FINE with that. Is it anything worth starting a huge argument for? NO NO NO. Sure I may have been the cause of arguments because I insisted "But they DO exist." Am I going to insist that any longer the next time I hear a "They don't exist?" NO. Even if they don't exist my feelings for them sure-as-heck do. Even if their love for me is nothing more than my mind trying to play tricks on me, it's still love. Am I schizophrenic? Maybe. If I am can I help the fact that I am? NO especially when I have not been diagnosed with it. Is it any reason to start arguments with me? NO.

I don't wanna look like I'm flaming so sorry if it looks like that I DO NOT MEAN TO LOOK LIKE THAT, but I am sick of being wrapped up in the insane feuds between my guardians and my friends here. Frankly, everything I've read on feuds like this says that if YOU want to feud, YOU do that. If YOU have a problem with them, SAY IT TO *THEIR* FACES AND NOT TO *MINE.* I am so TIRED of being caught in the middle of this all and when I say I want to remain neutral instead of supporting a side, I am told I cannot do that. How fair is that? I do not wish to be forced to support EITHER side. I am not trying to force anyone to be friends here. But that does not make ME the punching bag for EITHER side. LEAVE. ME. OUT. OF. IT. Otherwise it DOES look like you have a problem with ME. And that is the ONLY reason I keep insisting to stop this separation. That is the ONLY reason separating the two groups hurts me. It just reminds me that my friends hate eachother and I'm caught in the middle of it and being forced to choose which side I am on. Well frankly I think both sides are being immature, with one bent on berserking and one bent on grudging.

My feelings of wanting to die are back and now more intense than ever. All I wanted to do was be friends with EVERYONE. The only reason I even mixed the two groups is because I wanted them to experience the same joy I do when I come here. And now it's all falling apart and I'm the one it's crumbling down on. I feel like all hope is lost and I feel like leaving the Earth is really my only option. I feel like I've done nothing but cause trouble for everyone in my life and I feel like the bond between me and all those I really love is really slipping. If this is what life has in store for me then why do I wanna continue living it. Everyone says it's not worth it and I have a bright future ahead of me and blah blah but I really do not care if ending it means I will not get to drive a car or go to prom or become emancipated or anything like that. All I care about is my friends are making eachother look like the antagonist and that's all it seems it's gonna be like forever now. I don't want to leave anyone behind because everyone means a lot to me. And when I say EVERYONE I mean EVERY. ONE.

I'm really sorry about all this and I'm sorry if it looks like I'm flaming or anything. I didn't mean to make it look like flaming and I really, REALLY hope this does not start a huge rumble. Anyway, thanks for listening and I greatly appreciate it. I guess the sole reason I'm not dead right now is because I really don't wanna die and leave everyone I love behind but I just can't find any other option. And sorry about this huge rant.







Top
0 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
zIFBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Join the millions that use us for their forum communities. Create your own forum today.
Learn More · Register for Free

Topic Options



Hosted for free by zIFBoards* (Terms of Use: Updated 2/10/2010) | Powered by Invision Power Board v1.3 Final © 2003 IPS, Inc.
Page creation time: 0.1082 seconds | Archive