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|Current Digiworld Time:|
|Rika Katsu The Dark Soul Angel||
Posted: Jan 16 2009, 01:07 AM
Member No.: 7
Joined: 7-January 09
It has been a week since Rika and Lunamon had arrived in the digital world, yet Rika felt confident about what was going on, More confident then she usually felt at home.
“Rika… how much longer do we have to walk…?”
“long enough to get us somewhere…wherever that may be…”
“…But, I‘m hungry and tired, and there was a weird looking Digimon back there…”
Rika sighed, as she tried her hardest not to look at Lunamon who usually gave her the puppy dog pout, she was not in the mood for that at the moment . Although It has been a while since they ate last, all night to be exact, but that was not the issue…the issue was that they have been lost for quiet a while now and It was chilly out. Rika looked down at Lunamon, and she was pouting, just as Rika had thought.
“Aww~ come on… ” Rika said picking Lunamon up off the ground and on to her shoulders,
“Cheer up! We‘ll get somewhere soon!”
“How do you know… you don‘t even know how to get around your own world!” Lunamon said laughing.
“I‘ll put you down if you don‘t stop that…” Rika said looking up at her.
“….Look! A house!”
Sure enough Lunamon was right, just over the hill stood a small house with a straw thatched roof.
Arrowed it was a small garden with some corn, beans, and other random veggies in it, It looked well taken care of, so someone must be living there.
“W-we can‘t just barge in on whoever lives there, you know that right Lunamon?…..Lunamon?!”
It was no use. Lunamon had already started to make her way to the house.
“Hey! Lunamon, Wait up!!”
Rika sighed as she ran to catch up with Lunamon. By the time she caught up lunamon had got to the house.
Lunamon knocked on the door three times.
“No one’s answering! oh well lets go! ” Rika said quickly turning around.
“IT‘S ABOUT TIME YOU CAME BACK…!” some one screamed as the door slammed open.
An older looking Digimon came at them swinging a broom at there faces as they dodged it.
Rika and Lunamon fell to the floor in an attempt to save there lives.
“Please stop! I‘m sorry…!” Rika yelled covering her head like she did during earthquake drills at the collage.
The older Digimon lifted her bangs and saw who the company really was.
“Good heavens! I’m so sorry!” she said walking up to the two, placing her hands on there heads.
“I-it‘s okay…!” Rika said standing up and dusting off. “Right lunamon…?!”
“…I could have got killed!!!” Lunamon said rubbing her head.
“That‘s rude!” Rika said as she smacked her in the head.
“I‘m sorry… but may I ask why you two are up here….” Babamon said interrupting the little fight.
“Oh….We got a little lost…” Rika scratched her head at that thought.
“…I‘m sorry…I would tell you the way….but I‘m not quite sure myself… my husband should know…”
“Where is your husband!?” Lunamon said as she jumped up in to Babamon’s face.
“He ran off… We got in a fight again…”
“Do you fight often?” Rika said attempting to hold back lunamon.
“Jijimon and I fight all the time!” Babamon seemed to laugh at this. Rika was confused at the thought of laughing about fighting.
“Where did he run off to…?”
“Not quite sure…….. But I‘ll tell you what… If you go find him I‘ll give you 150 cR, and we can tell you the way!”
“Deal!” Lunamon said instantly holding her hand out for Babamon to shake.
“Wait…! What!?!?” Rika yelled, but it did no good.
“Great! Thank you!” Babamon grabbed Lunamon’s hand and shook it. It as if no one even heard Rika.
“Come on Rika. Lets go.” lunamon said grabbing Rika’s hand and pulling her.
“Wait! Stop…!” Rika stopped and looked down at her Digimon. “Why are you so up to doing this… I thought you were tired…”
“Yeah, but I want to get into town!” Lunamon said attempting to pull Rika again, and failing.
“How are we going to find him! This place is huge!” Rika yelled
Lunamon let out a evil laugh, “I have my ways… so follow me!”
Rika sighed and gave in. She was hungry, and tired, but on top of that, it was still cold out! Only about five yards later lunamon stopped and looked up at Rika.
“turn around… you‘ll see the house…”
“this is near where I first saw the house, right?”
“Right… I guess so...”
“Do you remember what I said…?”
Rika thought back,
“Yeah… you said that you were hungry and tired, and that there was a weird looking Digimon back……”
All of a sudden it all became clear…..
“So that was the weird Digimon you saw!? It was Jijimon?!”
“Yep… that one right there…” Lunamon said pointing to what looked like a hairy rock.
“…oh…” Rika walked up to him.
“ummm… Jijimon…?” she said taping him on the shoulder
Jijimon made a sudden turn to see Rika. His eyes were filled with tears.
“Who are you….?”
“I‘m Rika… And that‘s Lunamon… Where here to help!”
“Help you home. Your wife needs you…”
“HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT!?! SHE HATES ME!!! SHE DOES NOT WANT ME!!!”
Tears ran down his face as he screamed and cried, just inches from Rika’s face. Rika tried topush him off but it was no use…
“ummm… How do you-” Lunamon was cut off by more screaming.
“SHE HATES ME!!! SHE WANTS TO SMACK ME WITH HER BROOM!!!!!!!”
He took Rika by the shoulders as he shook her violently.
“…Could you stop… Please that doesn’t help…” Rika was starting to get irritated. “You should just go home…” she sighed, having to deal with this guy was horable.
“SHE HATES ME!! HOW CAN I GO HOME TO THAT!? SHE HATES ME!!SHE HATES ME!!SHE HATES ME!!SHE HATES-” Jijimon’s sentence was stoped dead in it’s tracks, for Rika had smacked him in the back of the head.
“You are NOT getting any sympathy from us! Babamon doesn’t even deserve sympathy either! Just fricken’ apologize and go home!! You are not kids so grow up and stop fighting!!”Rika sat down on a near by rock to vent as the two Digimon stared at her wide eyed. Rika was normally calm, but sometimes she snaps. Lunamon walked up to Rika and taped her.
“He‘s going home… we should follow…”
“Oh...Okay then!” Rika said jumping up and smiling as if none of that had just happened as they pranced over to the house of the two Digimon.
“I-I-I‘m sorry….” Jijimon said as he held his eyes tightly closed.
“It‘s okay….. I‘ll forgive you, on one condition!” Babamon said holding up a single finger to Jijimon, who had started to calm down.
“What…?” Jijimon said simply.
“Tell these good citizens how to get to town, and give them 150cL! They have helped a lot!”
“Yes ma‘am!” Jijimon said as he bowed to Babamon, and then walking over to the two, Reaching into a bag on his waist.
“Here is your money….”
“Thank you!” Rika said with a deep bow.
“No worries… And the town is right over there!” Jijimon said pointing to the side of them with his thumb.
As the two looked in the direction he pointed and there in plain sight was the town…. Not even a single mile from where they stood.
“What!? Seriously!?” Rika and Lunamon shouted at the same time.
“Yep! Not too far away is it!” he said laughing.
Rika sighed and smiled, “We‘ll be on our way then… Thank you! See ya later” Rika walked towards the town along side of Lunamon.
“No problem, Have a good day!!!! Oh and thank you!” Babamon said, as they both waived them off on there journey, where ever that may bring them.
Posted: Jan 16 2009, 08:57 AM
Admin of the Southern Gate
Member No.: 3
Joined: 3-December 08
This was very dialog heavy and had a few grammatical errors. Such included that you missed a few capitalizations at the beginning of a quote and forgot to space a couple of words from each other. Your paragraphs were so short that it gave an odd flow to the story.
The critical point was that this didn't top out of the five page mark but was more like four pages and a paragraph.
Something that didn't effect the grading was that you messed with your time line a bit and said that you had been in the digital world for a week when the clock has only been ticking for a few days now. But, like I said, that had nothing to do with your grade and was more of an asthetic complaint on my behalf.
Regardless, this is your first quest with us and we're trying to... rehabilitate ourselvs from the harsher grading systems that we're used to so I'm going to give you the "Job Completed Sticker" and only penalize your normal grade.
I personally think that you've got good potential and will do better as you become more familiar with the system. In short, I've got my eye on on you.
Rewards: 1 Level, 1 Hyper Speed, 150cR