One concept I am having a truely hard time with:
Is sacrificing my free time for the sake of people. I am not and am a people person. I love people but I need extensive time to myself or I self destruct and become lonely in a crowd. I'll explain what this means.
When I am around people to long - I long for myself to be alone. I am not unsociable. I simply spent (no exageration) 80% of all my free time in my life alone in a room with a video game in front of me. It's a hard adjustment for me to sacrifice even half of my free time to people. I grow tired and I long for my own free time to indulge myself into my own thoughts and ideals.
When I view biblical figures like Peter and John who gave their life (not death, but their time alive) to others and the ministry I seem discouraged because of it.
Jesus himself had no place to call home. And spent every single moment of his life rather with people, ministering to them, offering advice, sharpening his disciple's skills or he was alone praying.
Jesus threw himself out for others to completely devour Him. There was no such thing as free time to Jesus. He simply didn't have it.
So I wonder how I can adapt. Can I change the feeling or am I called to handle only a few people at a time?
There are some people that can handle a whole ministry single handed, but what about people like myself who aren't used to dealing with people all the time?
Let me give an example:
The other day I was with people nonstop for three days. I was helping with babysitting, had bible study, went to a friends house to visit, had some people over to watch a movie. This drains me. I'm not sure why, but I can only guess- that before college I went to school, got home and played video games or went outside and "played" for hours all to myself. I simply lived to far away to visit friends and was never close enough to people outside of school to have them visit me. That and I got my liscence late in the Junior year of highschool.
Is it okay that I can only handle a few people? Some people I know close such as Joe Shenk that literally offers every bit of time he has available for people. This is a married man with a one year old little girl that works 14 hours a day. He makes time in his schedule to have people come and eat with him, hang out, talk, do Bible study. While maintaining time to have his own Bible study, and quiet times as well as spend time with his daughter and wife.
That seems overwhelming to me.
I will need to think on this for some time.