I am impressed with the frank and humble way you write. I know that it can be hard finding other believers you feel you can be truly honest with.
I admin a site for Christian fellowship. It's in its second phase. It's almost 4 years old, but we recently moved to stay one step ahead of the spammers. We have a good core group and maybe you could benefit from some online fellowship.
I'm not going to post the web address unless you give me permission to do so. I don't want to advertise just to advertise. But if you want, I'll post it. You could even join under a different name to remain anonymous.