That pesky book does have evolution in it. Right there in Genesis, in fact. Where is it? Well, I'm not sure of the exact passage, but we all know the story. I'm referring to, naturally, Adam and Eve. Yep. I found evolution in the damn bible.

Here's how I see it:

We have Adam and Eve, and they're chilling there in the Garden of Eden. Then, one day while Eve's hanging out by this tree with some funkay forbidden fruit of knowledge, this serpent (not a snake, but any long bodied reptile-type critter) comes up and tempts Eve. I don't know how, because I've never seen a serpent that's capable of speech, but he tempts her, nonetheless, into eating the fruit from this plucky little tree. So, Eve is now responsible for "original sin." She likes it, so naturally, she hands it to Adam and tells him to eat it. They eat their fill, and soon after, realize that they're naked. They make themselves a loin cloth out of whatever's available, and are cast out of their garden paradise, where they have to now fend for themselves. Bummer.

Okay. That's what we all know. But, here's the other side. Adam and Eve are chilling up their in their garden paradise. Just a couple of monkeys sitting in a tree. Eve's doing her own thing when this psychedelic something starts to crawl across the branch. She's never seen a serpent before, but its bright colours sure look tasty, so she picks it up, and much like Ozzy, bites the head right off of that sucker. And you know something? It's better than the fruit she's been plucking out of the tree. So she takes this now dead critter (the serpent) to her mate, Adam, and they share this new delight. Carnivorous animals tend to be more intelligent than their herbivore counterparts. Omnivores (people) are right there on top. Adam and Eve don't give up their fruit, but they just add these new little crawling critters to their diet. With this now protein-rich, varied diet comes intelligence. They learn to fend for themselves, and no longer need their garden paradise. They climb down out of their trees, don loin cloths, and continue on their merry way to world domination.