View Full Version: no body better than me

HEADED FOR HELL > THREADS & NOTES > no body better than me


Title: no body better than me
Description: lily


SEVERUS T. SNAPE - March 19, 2012 01:07 AM (GMT)
user posted image
HOW COULD YOU BE SO DOCTOR EVIL?
YOU'RE BRINGING OUT A SIDE OF ME THAT I DON'T KNOW.
    Severus had, had just about enough sitting in his room; even for him, it was starting to get a little dreary. His lanky legs started to make his way through the common room. He passed groups of younger students who seemed to hold their breath at his presence. His long black hair against the black robes, thin figure and pale skin, one might think he was a reaper of sorts. It wasn't just his appearance that set these new kids on edge; it was the people he choose to hang out with. They practically reeked of dangerous. He smirked to himself, drinking up their fear. This kind of respect one couldn't even pay to have.

    He walked up towards the grounds to clear his head. Out of reach of his house mates he found his sorry self again, depressed and self-loathing. Severus's smirk became a sharp scowl, and he ignored all the glances he might have gotten on the way to his destination. He even skipped one of his classes for the off chance Lily might be taking the same route she usually did after her class. He had to see her, talk to her. After he referred to her as that horrible name, he wanted so bad to take it back. And, though the dark arts were a reason she said she couldn't be with him, he looked to the dark arts to maybe solve his problem. Perhaps if he found a time spell, he could go back and stop himself from saying it. But, all of that was a little too advanced for the limited studies he was allotted.

    A few gryffindors laughed in the distance, but still he continued towards the lake. All day, week, month, he couldn't get this beautiful red head out of his mind. And, her eyes; those startling green that haunted his dreams. To see those look at him with suck disappointment; to have this woman give up on him was unbearable. Was he really so bad? It was bittersweet, the love for the dark arts and how his house mates fed into his obsession was poisoning his soul. Though few people even got to see his true self, it was important to have it available. Otherwise, he could get swallowed up by the darkness and turn into the monster people thought he already was. But, he was no monster, he was just seventeen and very torn.

    The wind was heavy as it forced his hair to fly in every which direction. She had to come here; he had to keep trying. He felt if he lost her, he'd lose his very humanity. Lily Evans had kept him sane throughout the years. Who wouldn't fight for love? Especially a love like they shared for years. He vowed no one, not even James Potter would stop him. That wretched four-eyed fool! Severus's hands clenched into fists. This was all his fault in his mind. If the boy would have just let him be. What reasons did Severus give to instigate him a bully anyway? All he had was Lily, the only thing of value in his life, and so, he knew, Potter wanted it too.

    Hordes of students exited the castle either for their next classes outside, or they had a break. Either way he hoped he'd see Lily's red hair come into view. Severus leaned against a tree looking intimidating as always, just waiting. His eyes fell on the small tides forming on the water, and he smiled to himself. Memories of sitting their with her, talking and laughing. They were so simple but perfect. He'd trade a thousand heavens to go back to that, and a million more to keep her his forever. Marry her? Merlin, that sounded so absurd. He rubbed his forehead at the crazy notion. Did he really think he was the marrying type, and even if he were, why would a girl like that want a thing like him? She was an angel, and him a sort of devil. Almost romantic, but this wasn't a story. Reality was always ready to bite him hard in the ass.

    He cringed and returned his gaze back towards the castle. No one was walking; had he been daydreaming too long? He started to panic. Severus needed to talk to her, that maybe this time he'd be able to break through the green eyed beauty. He started to run forward, but she wasn't there. Damn, he thought. Disappointed he headed back to the main doors, but it was then he caught a glimpse of a red strand of hair in the wind. His heart took off a million beats per second as he ran like a mad man to catch up. "Lily, Lily please wait!" he screamed hoarsely between breathing. To anyone else, he'd look like a desperate, mad man. Suppose that's what he was though, but in love. There's always madness in love but a reason for madness. His family was the reason for his madness, and Lily was the cure. It always had to be her.

    Once he got behind the red head, her back turned, he panted. "I'm sorry. Honest, I am. Please, what can I do. Anything, Lily." All of his defenses were brought down as the great Snape groveled in a gryffindor's presence. She'd listen this time, he coaxed himself with. He'd simply keep trying if it didn't.
TAGS;; lily <3
OUTFIT;; black
MUSIC;; Heartless -- Kanye West
WORDCOUNT;; 907
CREDIT;; the lovely ALITTLEMADD !? @ CAUTION 2.0

LILY H. EVANS - March 19, 2012 03:13 AM (GMT)
[doHTML]<center><div style="width:400px;text-align:justify;">

Life was going well, all things considered. It still hurt to think about it too much, but that was when Prefect duties came in handy. It was easy to get buried in them. There was always something else that needed to be done. Not to mention, the head girl seemed to be a little bit overwhelmed these days. Lily knew that she hadn’t been feeling the best. It was nice to be able to step in and help there. It was a great distraction from it all. Who knew? Maybe it would even help her get a shoe in for next year’s head girl. That was what she needed to think about, anyway. She needed to think about getting ahead in classes for NEWTs next year, and how she was going to get head girl above the other prefects in her year. It would be a close call. They had a great group, and it was anyone’s guess who’d be chosen.
<p>
She was good at not thinking about it all, though. It helped that she and Sev didn’t have a lot of classes together. After the first few weeks, she’d even learned to take a different route to get from one class to the next. Sev knew her classes, and he knew her usual route. He tried to talk to her in the halls a time or two, and it always hurt. It was just easier to go out of her way to avoid him. She hated herself for it. Every time she saw him she just wanted to cave and forgive him. She missed Sev. He’d been a huge part of her life for as long as she could remember. He was the one that made her feel like she’d be OK at Hogwarts. He was the one that helped her in Potions for all those years. He was the reason she was so good at that subject! It felt wrong to be avoiding him. But it wasn’t terribly difficult to stay strong. All she had to do was remember that day.
<p>
The real key was to just stay busy. After classes had ended she could have gone up to the common room and hung out with her friends. But that would give her time to think about things. Instead she headed towards the greenhouses, to do a little bit of extra credit work. She didn’t need the credit, but the Professor could always uses some help. It was a great way to brush up on some old lessons, and practice with one of her worst subjects. Lily kept her head down as she made her way through the halls. She was walking in a swarm of students, that made it easy to overlook the tall redhead. The last thing she expected was for anyone to call out to her. She was just another head in the crowd. There were two other redheads within throwing distance! But there it was. Her name.
<p>
When she heard her name being called, Lily cringed. She ducked her head, watched her toes, and walked faster. Maybe he’d give up and go away. Maybe she could avoid having the same conversation for the hundredth time. No such luck. She heard his footsteps hurrying after her, and she ground her teeth together, clutching her books more tightly to her chest. Finally that question. She didn’t want to talk about this. She didn’t want to yell at him or explain this again. She just wanted it to end. She wanted him to understand what was so clear to her without needing her to spell it out. She’d been so sure that he’d figure it out, that she’d refused to discuss it so far.
<p>
“SEVERUS! STOP IT!” She snapped, as she whirled around to face him. His full name felt strange on her tongue. For as long as she could remember he’d just been “Sev”. Her Sev, her best friend, her oldest friend, something more akin to a brother than a friend, really. She’d trusted him completely. But everything was different now. “Just stop it, OK?” She repeated, her voice now sounding more tired than angry. She didn’t have the will to hate him. Not when he kept pushing it. She wanted to forgive him and go back to the way things used to be. She wanted to forget that it ever happened … but she couldn’t.
<p>
“There is nothing you can do! There is no way to fix this. The damage is done!” She informed him. “So just respect my wishes and leave it alone!” Her voice was strong, in spite of the tears that were burning the back of her eyes. None of them had spilled, and none of them would. She was set on that much. “It’s not what you called me. It’s that you said it! People call me that word every day, Severus. I’m quite used to it. What I’m not used to is the fact that you changed!” She was ranting now. Months worth of rage was spilling out. “You were always the one that told me blood didn’t matter. You told me so from the start. Or have you forgotten?! But it does matter to you now, no matter what you say! I know it does! You’re different, and you’ve made that vey clear.”
<p>
Lily sniffled once, and blinked, fighting back the emotion that was threatening to break loose. But she managed to keep it under control by some miracle. She held her head high and stared down the dark haired boy across from her, refusing to be the weak one, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much this hurt her. She would be strong in this. She had to.

<p><div align="center"><div style="width:300px;text-align:justify;">
WORDS: 1007 words <br>
TAG: Severus Snape <br>
WEARING: school robes <br>
NOTES: =(
</div></div></div></center>[/doHTML]

SEVERUS T. SNAPE - March 20, 2012 04:07 AM (GMT)


[dohtml]<div style="width:400px; text-align:justify">


The hesitant expression on her delicate face made Severus almost feel bad for bothering her, again. A desperate heart tends to lose count how many battles they've waged in the name of love. Honestly, he had considered martyrdom. Fighting for someone is always expressed as being romantically inclined, but he could argue. Fighting means thriving, and Severus was barely surviving. It was imperative the girl give him another chance, for he feared what it might do to his soul. A soul that he knew was blackening. <br><br>

"SEVERUS! STOP IT!" He had seen a hot headed red head before, but she, Lily sounded exhausted. His black eyes softened even more as he realized how inconvenient he must be making things right now. She was, after all, a prefect and a very smart girl. He sighed deeply as she said the next part. It was he who told her that blood meant nothing. Look at himself, a mother disowned of her pureblood honor, that made him feel like even more of a joke. Not half blood, half wit. Why did he let that stupid word, meaningless word, slip out of his pale lips, because of his pride. What pride had he now, begging his childhood friend to take him back. <br><br>

Was her lip trembling? He knew Lily had an emotional side, and she couldn't just give up that easily. There seemed to be a different look in her eyes this time, determination? Had he screwed up so badly to have the only person who believed in him turn her back? For a moment his eyes flickered anger. "I've..." he started to breath heavily, "given. you. everything." He wasn't sure if he was choking back tears or shaking from anger, either way, he was starting to break. How many more times did he have to chase her before he got the hint? It was bound to occur to him sooner or later that he, the slimy slytherin boy, was not allowed beautiful things like Lily Evans. <br><br>

He heard her sniff, and his body was stiff. Was he making her cry, or rather was he making her hide the fact that she wanted to? Severus's heart sank lower than Davy Jones locker he'd imagine. How he'd love to take an anchor and drown himself at sea than see a single tear fall from those green eyes. His hand went up and softly touched her cheek, "Lily," his voice softened to almost a whisper, "I don't want to hurt you." He laughed a little to himself. "That's kind of counter productive in my fight." Severus dropped his hand; he knew it must have made her uncomfortable. Even as friends, touches between them seemed electric or at least perceived, even for magic, quickly. <br><br>

In the small moment spent alone with her, he realized something different. Maybe it was the exhaustion in her eyes, or the pain in her words, that made him realize loving someone is more than just your best interest, most importantly, it was theirs. Perhaps there was still some hope in that barren heart of the hooked nose fool yet. And, still a few lessons to learn for a know-it-all. Severus had to let go and not harness her if he wanted to stand a chance. Hell, it was the only chance he had after seeing her like this. "Look if you don't want me bothering you any longer, I should stop." He put his hand through his hair, surprisingly not as greasy as it looks, and smiled. "We have a lot of history, and I don't want to make it worse." <br><br>

The clouds that were looming in the background began to accumulate dangerously. He stood close to Lily. "I estimate it will rain in the next five minutes. Severus knew it would rain before getting to the castle, and though he knew a drying spell, he was ready to try and shield the rain away as much he could. "If you want to go back inside the castle, I'd understand. Or, we could go inside one of the greenhouses? I promise it won't be long." Maybe he was hopeful, and the rain came before he was ready to be done saying his peace. Maybe if he couldn't get her back, he could say a proper goodbye if that's what this was.
    words: 739
[/dohtml]

LILY H. EVANS - March 22, 2012 04:53 AM (GMT)
[doHTML]<center><div style="width:400px;text-align:justify;">

At this point, Lily barely had any fight left in her. From the beginning she’d hated fighting with Sev. It was never something she did well. Now, knowing that she had to push him away completely, was even more difficult. More than anything Lily wanted to forgive him, give him another chance, and give him another chance to be the guy that she knew was in there. But she couldn’t any more. There had to be an end to this vicious cycle. She couldn’t keep pushing him to “be a good guy”. It was what she wanted, what she encouraged him to do. Lily was the one that always told him he was better than his house mates, that he didn’t have to lower himself to their level to belong in Slytherin. But what if he wanted to be like them? What if the only reason he was trying not to be that person was to keep his oldest friend happy?
<p>
She couldn’t be his reason any more. Sev had to be who he wanted to be. If he wanted to be just like his other housemates then she felt that she needed to stand aside and let him. Yeah, she did want him to be a good guy. She wanted other people to see what she saw. But Sev being that guy just to appease her was worse than losing him completely. She’d always feel guilty – like she was changing him in a way that he didn’t want to be changed, not really. She didn’t understand his motives for acting the way he did, and she wasn’t going to try. But Lily did know that she was holding him back now. They’d changed, and grown apart. They were headed in different direction in life.
<p>
She didn’t hate him for the word. “Mudblood” was just a word. Cursing wasn’t offensive – they were just words. The offensive part was the intention. The part that really hurt was the truth behind the words. The fact that the words were used to offend and bother people was what made it wrong. Being a mudblood was a just a way of saying her parents were muggles, and Lily was proud of her parents. She was proud to be who she was. But in this case “mudblood” hadn’t just been a word. It had been him trying to insult her – him pinning her up right along side James Potter. Lily had always hated James just as much as Severus did. Suddenly Sev put them on different teams. Suddenly he was siding with his house mates, and pushing her away with both hands. In that moment, she was done.
<p>
“Don’t …” The lone word escaped her, barely above a whisper, as his hand reached out to touch her cheek. She held her hand up as if to bar his touch, and took a step back, not meeting his gaze. “Just don’t.” More tears were escaping her. Lily didn’t even bother trying to wipe them away. Maybe she couldn’t be strong in the way she wanted. She couldn’t keep on a good face and do this with dignity – but she would do this. After that she fell silent, staring at her toes as he continued. Once silence fell, she looked back up, finally meeting his eyes. Staring back at him was unmasked pain.
<p>
“Sev, I can’t do this any more. I can’t keep being … your … excuse or … reason … whatever I am. I’m just standing in your way, and I hate it!” She really wasn’t saying this right. She knew how horribly arrogant that sounded. As if she thought she were his only reason for doing anything. She wished she could take it back. Instead she plowed on. She was about to continue when the sky broke, and the rain began to pour. Normally, Lily just would have stayed outside. But she had library books in her arms that she really didn’t want to damage … OK so that was more of an excuse than anything. She just wanted a moment to get away and think. She wanted out of this moment. She turned and ran for the nearest green house. Inside it was humid, and completely empty. Lily set her bag and stray books down on a nearby table, and breathed in the smell of earth and plants.
<p>
“I feel like I’m the only one trying to keep you from being this completely other person.” She explained, her back still turned to him. Lily sucked in a deep breath and turned around. “I know you’re still a good guy. I always have. You’re my oldest friend, and I understand that people just don’t know you like I do. But I can’t keep doing this. I’m not enough to completely change who you are. I shouldn’t be, and I don’t want to.” There was nothing about this that sounded OK. It all sounded so arrogant on her ears. So unnatural. Couldn’t they just go back to their old rhythm? “If you want to be my Sev, then you have to be him with or without me around. It can’t be conditional. I can’t feel like you are just doing it for me. I don’t want someone that is just playing some game so we get along. I just … I just … I just can’t! Don’t you get it??” She demanded. Now she was getting frustrated. Lily, who could always find the right words, couldn’t find the words to express herself. She couldn’t find a way to explain this moment, or what she was thinking, and she hated it.

<p><div align="center"><div style="width:300px;text-align:justify;">
WORDS: 985 words <br>
TAG: Severus Snape <br>
WEARING: school robes <br>
NOTES: =(
</div></div></div></center>[/doHTML]

SEVERUS T. SNAPE - March 25, 2012 05:48 AM (GMT)


[dohtml]<div style="width:400px; text-align:justify">

The rain poured down like the young man said it would. His long, black hair stated to stick to his pale face. It didn't matter anymore, the rain. Maybe nothing mattered anymore. Severus never paid much attention to the decisions he made, or rather their consequences, so it goes without saying that his personality was much the same. But, now here he was learning the meaning of both of those - choices and consequences. How many times had Lily given his act first deal later attitude? Well, he never realized. This was just him, him and possibly unresolved, blind anger issues. <br><br>

Even he had to admit his personality was different around his housemates, drastically. Upon getting in with one of the most popular students, Lucius Malfoy, he was being mentored into being that more dark Snape he's infamous for. He never realized the change, but he'd imagine she had well before the mudblood fiasco. How sad he'd think it would be to feel someone you love turn themselves into a sort of monster. Was that what he was turning into, a monster? No, he was much to cowardice to be a thing to fear in the dark. Not now. Things to fear had no love, and Severus couldn't not love the woman in front of him. Demons don't have hearts, but beasts can still hurt. So, he did it would seem. <br><br>

He was silent, but a quiet that demanded she stay there. The kind just before a huge storm hits. Severus was not only sad by all this, but he was desperate. Desperation has a reputation of limiting inhibitions, which would make him a ticking time bomb of uncertainty. He didn't even have a clue as to what he even wanted to do. Too many times led up to this same end result. Frankly, maybe even Severus was tired of it, or being tired of rejection. Hell, he was even starting to get a little mad. His fists clenched as his jaw bone began to stiffen. "Your Sev! When have I been any other man?" Thunder rolled in background, and he stood unaware. "Lily. Your house, is nothing like slytherin. We all have to act. It's survival! <br><br>

It wasn't far from a lie. If Hogwarts really knew how planned the actions of every snake had to be - calculated. Any softness in their personality was taught, under humiliation, to be hard. It was like a poison in those dungeons that zapped kindness out of you throughout the years, and after graduation it was either gone for good, repressed or glad to be free from judgment. But in this time of war, he had doubted many would end up as innocent as they came. They were tainted. Severus knew he wasn't exactly a victim either, at least not of recent. He walked into that group knowing he'd feed into revenge or a sense of belonging. Yes, Lily was important, but he needed a family. Was Lily ever willing to give him that much? It was silly, always silly. <br><br>

"You know, you're right though." He started pacing a few steps off in the distance, and violently turned to face her. "Maybe I can't keep doing this either. I'm tired too." he was mad, but still mindful of his intentions. He let out a big sigh as a light flashed across the sky. Completely soaked walked towards her again. "Whether or not I'm able to be the real me, the me with you, my feelings are true. I'm sorry who I am doesn't seem good enough for you." His words were harsh, but less harsh than he'd have made them to anyone. Severus was hurting, but it was defense to turn cold. His father had taught him well. <br><br>

How many times had his father came home to his lanky body. Tobias had many bad nights, and picking on his own freak child was a venting experience. The times his magical spurt would come to his aid, would only make his father more angry. His mother was would sometimes stop it, but most times she was too lost in her own mind to notice anything going on. They were sick to his father; they were at his mercy. And, all this little boy had was a way to turn himself numb - numb and angry. This is what it turned him into, a stupid boy pushing away the only person who ever cared. Perhaps even the only person who knew his childhood pain. It was unbearable, but he was a man now. He can't be that sad puppy she wanted all the time. <br><br>

He shook his head. "I can see who I am is starting to become bothersome to you. I'll leave you alone." This time he got dangerously close to her, closer than he dared before until he was mere millimeters away from those pink lips he'd often thought of kissing. "But don't you ever think I have stopped caring about you." He backed off wondering where the courage arose to get so close to her. "Years could pass without words, but what you are to me shall not." He would not know just how true that would eventually become - epic really. If it meant anything to his character, Severus was always true to his word. If he wasn't, he had already lied from the start. It was always the trick of figuring him out. He was going down a spiral, and, this time, he knew Lily wouldn't be there to save him. Maybe standing down would save her from him. How could he make her happy? Look at her standing here in the rain. All he did was hurt the people around him.

    words: 972<br>
    ooc: they need hugs - from each other :(
[/dohtml]

LILY H. EVANS - March 25, 2012 05:39 PM (GMT)
[doHTML]<center><div style="width:400px;text-align:justify;">

Something in her shifted in that moment when Severus got angry. No longer was she just hurt and desperate to get away from this moment. Now she was insulted, and she was angry. She felt that irritation begin to burn and swell in her chest, taking her over. She could feel her boundless need to be the bigger person shift as Severus spoke. Suddenly she didn’t feel out of control – as if she’d burst out into tears at any moment. Her anger made her feel stronger. It lowered her inhibitions and gave her the strength she needed to say what she had to say. She didn’t want to say it. He was one of her best friends, her oldest friend. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him … but things were different now. Now she was angry enough that she didn’t entirely care about things like feelings.
<p>
“Don’t you dare turn me into the bad guy, Severus Tobias Snape!” Lily hissed at him, in a low, deadly whisper. She advanced on him, still too muggle at heart to consider pulling a wand on Severus. In her mind the wand was still the last line of defense. It wasn’t something she needed right now. As angry as she was with Severus, she didn’t feel threatened by him. She couldn’t believe that he’d ever hurt her. “Play the victim all you want, but this has nothing to do with me or my house!” She continued hotly. Lily approached him, glaring up at him as she stopped a short distance away. Her finger raised up at the end of her demand, and jabbed him, hard, in the center of the chest.
<p>
“I’ve never let my house get between us. Not EVER!” She snarled, her voice raising. “No matter how many times my other friends told me you were bad news, I didn’t let it change anything. I was still your friend. I still defended you to them! I always told them that they didn’t know you like I did, and that they should give you a chance.” For the first time since she was a child, she almost regretted the years she spent defending him to everyone in her life. It seemed that he was content to turn it all around on her and make it sound like logistics were to blame. Was he really incapable of owning up to this? The more he spoke the smaller he seemed to her. A real man would be able to own up to his mistakes. He wouldn’t make excuses and blame his housemates or his friends for what happened.
<p>
“Because that is what friends do! Friends defend each other, even if they don’t like everyone the other hangs out with. They stand by each other and don’t change that for a bit of pride! They don’t call each other ‘Mudblood’ just so they can look tough in front of a bully!!” Part of her couldn’t help but blame James for all of this. If he’d just kept to himself none of it would ever have happened. She and Sev would still be friends. Everything would be OK … but it wouldn’t. Things hadn’t been OK in a long time. Not since his friends really started getting dangerous. Ever since Severus continued to associate with people like Mulciber – even after what happened with Mary. No, before that, even. Sev had made a huge life decision. He was choosing to associate with very dangerous people. Lily had ignored it for a very long time, but she was done.
<p>
“I’ve spent an awfully long time making excuses for you, Snape, but I’m done now. So go ahead. Blame Gryffindor. Blame my friends. Blame James Fucking Potter for all I care! But I’m done. I’m not going to be in this, letting you pretend that I was the one that messed up. Blame who you want, but you know that it was your fault, and so do I. Nobody made you say that or treat me the way you did in that moment. That was all you.” That really was the only part that bothered her. She hated that he brought Gryffindor into it. She hated that he was trying to make it sound like she was just as to blame as she was. When had she been anything less than a friend to her? Did he have any comprehension of how many people she’s threatened losing over him? When had he ever defended their friendship? When had he ever put forth the effort to make their impossible friendship work? All he’d ever done was keep his mouth shut and call her names when she publicly tried to defend him. Apparently it was OK to be friends when nobody was looking, but not in public. Heaven forbid anyone know he associated with a Mudblood.
<p>
“Who you are has always been good enough for me. But this isn’t about me. It’s not about my feelings or even that word. It’s about you. It’s about what you meant when you said that word! It’s the fact that you were pushing me away for trying to be your friend! It’s the fact that I’ve tried to be there for you time after time, but you just won’t let me. This is about the fact that after all these years of you insisting that blood doesn’t matter – blood matters! This is about the fact that you are going places that I can’t follow you! This is about the fact that I’m done. I’m standing aside. Blood matters to you, does it? Fine! Go reign supreme with all of your high class friends! I’ll be sure to stop by some time to spit-shine your feet with the other scum. But OH dear! You might get some mudblood cooties on you. I hear you suddenly forget how to use magic if you catch those.” When she stopped speaking this time she realized that there were tears on her cheeks. When had she started crying again?


<p><div align="center"><div style="width:300px;text-align:justify;">
WORDS: 1096 words <br>
TAG: Severus Snape <br>
WEARING: school robes <br>
NOTES: =(
</div></div></div></center>[/doHTML]

SEVERUS T. SNAPE - March 25, 2012 07:35 PM (GMT)


[dohtml]<div style="width:400px; text-align:justify">

Her anger startled Severus a little, but he refuse to show it. He supposed there really is a true art to sorting, even if Lily didn't want to hear about houses. It was true, and obvious in the both of them now. He stood there like a hero while he shuffled the blame to everything else, and here the brave red head stood her ground, fighting for what she believed in even against her best friend. He also knew how this would end, how it would have to. Really it wasn't about slytherins not being able to be friends with gyrffindors. It was about preconceived notions of each other and following through - not that those notions weren't somewhat true. This was about who Severus was becoming and what Lily was. They aren't compatible. He had to laugh on the inside a little, perhaps he was still averting the blame - playing the victim. <br><br>

Why shouldn't he play the victim. How many things had he had to endure without her? She never knew the whole story, this was never about her. It was about his father, that filthy muggle, or his mother, that tainted witches instability would scramble any child's emotions. It was about him hating himself; a cycle of self loathing that swallowed all of the good he had or tried to be. But, here he was again, blaming another source.It didn't make it any less true. Severus knew, though, circumstances are hardly a reason for a result - that's why he became so good at magic - potions, the dark arts. No, he had a lot of potential and places to go, someone to become. What was the point of throwing all of that way to be her friend? It was obvious to the oblivious boy that she was through with him. Even though, honestly, he knew somewhere deep in his mind that he could have changed it all. <br><br>

If he'd have just said, one more chance, and actually followed through. All he'd have to do is tell Lucius Malfoy where to stick it, and throw away all his dark arts books he kept hidden under his bed. Severus would isolate himself and make his last two years at Hogwarts, unbearable whilst in the midst of slytherins. He'd have to do things just as Lily had done for him, he now knew. For a moment the idea had some luster; at least things could go back to the way they were - or better. Who knows though, maybe she'd just not believe him if he had done this. Even if she had what exactly would come of this, friends. Well friends wasn't going to give him power, meaning and justice. Hell, she wasn't going to make him her family. As sorry as he would be, he would never know what would have happened had he just stopped spiraling down the path of darkness. <br><br>

His features tenses; suddenly, he was stern and distant. "You're right, I'm not the victim." He crossed his arms and smirked. "I've become far too powerful to be such a coward as a victim. This was never about us, but, I suppose, I've made it that way. After all, you'd probably say something like, it was always about us." He paced back and forth, as, he noticed, the rain had stopped. Had they been out that long? "Furthermore, I would assume defending me to gryffindors wasn't a treat. I'm sorry you felt you needed to do that. I'd have understood." Or so he thought he would. If Lily were to have joined up with the snotty remarks and glares her fellow housemates have given him, he'd have been heart broken. He'd have lied about it, but it'd been there.
"But, don't you dare lose your head with me, Lily Evans. Not me! I've given you far more than you can conceive. You're not as smart as I once thought you were if you think blood matters to me. I insulted you, I understand, but I'd have done it with any other word if it were more insulting. The worst, bad word, I'd have said it. You know why? Cause I'm a bad person Lily. I don't know why you're so shocked!" <br><br>

He started breathing more heavily as the conversation continued. How strayed his intentions had become in this one in a hundred conversations they have shared on the subject. This one was different, maybe Severus was changing drastically without her. "And, another thing, don't you look down your nose at me.You can't go down this path with me? Of course you can't, because, surprise, it's wrong. And you, you are so right! You know what's going to happen when you graduate? You're going to go home to proud parents, get a good job because you're intelligent, and finally get married and settle down with some fine bloke who isn't worthy. I wish that for you, whatever makes you happy. But, for me, I've got this. I'm a little invested in it." He ran his hand through his hair. "Don't be sarcastic either, it's unbecoming of you. Your cooties couldn't make me forget magic." He said not really getting the whole sarcastic vibe and taking it a little seriously and found it absurd. <br><br>

The wind howled making it rather cold for his low body weight, and as it moved some of the girls hair, he had noticed she was crying. His insides churned hard. Severus was more angry at the whole thing; they shouldn't be fighting like this. It was almost as if fate had put them together only to tear them a part. Like, here Severus this is one beautiful girl, and she's going to like you a lot, then you're going to make an ass out of yourself and lose it. Even knowing, deep down, it was his fault for losing her, he was still pushing it on to something else - fate, potter, his parents, houses, and even Lily herself for not understanding. She was, after all, suppose to be his best friend. His window of hope was now closing, and the darkness would swallow him up. But he'd never really know the effect she'd have on him even years down the road. He makes stupid mistakes, he hurts a lot of people and he still blames everyone else, but something about her being in his life, is going to make him think - is going to change his whole world. Now, it was his time to ruin everything. It all starts with crushing the green eyed beauty he called his best friend. "I guess we've made our decisions then." He started his way up to saying goodbye, but choked. This kind of parting, in this kind of relationship, wasn't something you just hugged out. It was final, and fate came to take it's prize - the pain of two mismatched teens. <br><br>

He backed up a little ways hoping she'd stop him, but he knew she wouldn't. Not unless, there was something more to hurl at him. He deserve it, he knew he did, but he was already doing it to himself. And, instead of drink, like his father used, he'd become intoxicated with the dark arts until it swallowed his emotions entirely. But, he was still having a hard time with just walking away, knowing it was one of the last times. He paused.
    words: 1260<br>
    ooc: super : (
[/dohtml]

LILY H. EVANS - March 25, 2012 08:27 PM (GMT)
[doHTML]<center><div style="width:400px;text-align:justify;">

There were parts of it that Severus never spoke about. But she knew. She’d always known. Lily just didn’t talk about it. There were parts that the nosy neighbors of Spinners End picked up on … and Petunia was one of those nosy neighbors. That was where Lily learned most of it. She knew about his father. She knew how hard his home life was. She knew that he wasn’t a pureblood and even his house mates were bound to be hard on him for it. She knew that there were a hundred things weighing on him – things that nobody knew or understood. Everyone picked on him for it, and made his life a living hell. She knew. If he’d wanted her to know all the little details, he’d have told her. But he never did. So she kept it to herself. She watched him, wishing he’d open up and trust her the way she trusted him. She stood by him and accepted him when so many others refused to try.
<p>
Perhaps that was the worst part of it all. There were so many things pushing him towards this fate. But he was better than this. He was stronger and more intelligent. In so many ways he was above this future. The thought that she was one more factor pushing him towards it killed her. He was always a true Slytherin in her mind. He was the one that proved to her that not all Slytherins were horrible. Even Slytherin house had desirable traits. The obnoxious ones weren’t flawed because of their house. They were flawed because of their character and their upbringing. But not Sev. He was a real Slytherin. He was the reason that Lily was one of very few Gryffindors willing to defend a Slytherin, and side with them in a fight against a Hufflepuff, or even another Gryffindor. She couldn’t help but think that this moment was just pushing him down the same road as the rest of them. It was wrong in so many ways. Sev better than them. Better than this. If he thought this was his only option he was seriously selling himself short.
<p>
That thought lay heavy on her mind as he ranted and raved. He was becoming one of them … when he should have been destined for greatness. He was becoming some mindless follower of an angry mob when he could have been better than all of them. Sev could have been anything, but he was just buying into this notion … why? To feel like he belonged somewhere? She knew that was something he didn’t come by often in his life. She knew how bad his home life had always been. Being surrounded by that day in and day out would give anyone a bottomless need to belong somewhere. And then he was leaving. Her heart sunk. She didn’t even have anything else to say. Anything to make this right. She’d tried for so long, and now she was out of ideas. What could she do?
<p>
“You’re better than this, you know. Better than them.” Lily called after him, as he backed away. She didn’t know if he heard her voice through the crack of thunder. She hadn’t been speaking very loudly. Her voice was raised, but she wasn’t yelling by any means. “It doesn’t have to be like this. It’s never too late to change.” She feared her words were lost in the wind, however. Lily hugged her arms around herself, and sniffled. All she could think about any more was that hollow feeling in her chest. It felt as if a part of her had just been ripped out – a feeling she thought she’d finally gotten rid of last summer. But it was back. That horrible emptiness. The guilt at having turned on him. He was lost to her, now. He’d go back to his common room, and continue to spend time with Lucius Malfoy and that lot. He’d get sucked further into that world and forget where he came from – forget who he might have been.
<p>
Lily stood there alone, until he’d nearly reached the school before following after. She was soaked from head to toe, and was shivering rather violently. She should go to the Hospital Wing. She’d need a cold cure by the end of the day. But she didn’t want a cure for her cold or anything else. She wanted to be alone to mope. She wanted to kick herself or having given up on him. She was the last thing linking him to this world. She was the last thing keeping him away from them and she’d given up. She felt so weak in that moment. She should have been stronger for him. She should have tried harder to show him sympathy. She should have given him another chance. But it was too late. Saving him couldn’t be her doing. It had to be his. She knew that now, even if she didn’t like it.
<p>
Once she sneezed, Lily took off, running for the school. Maybe everyone would be busy. Maybe people would think her tears were just rain. Maybe she could get to the Gryffindor common room without being seen or questioned. Maybe none of her dorm mates would be around to pry and ask for questions. Hell, maybe she could even clean this up before anyone had to learn what happened.


<p><div align="center"><div style="width:300px;text-align:justify;">
WORDS: 930 words <br>
TAG: Severus Snape <br>
WEARING: school robes <br>
NOTES: =(
</div></div></div></center>[/doHTML]

SEVERUS T. SNAPE - April 11, 2012 04:59 AM (GMT)


[dohtml]<div style="width:400px; text-align:justify">


Old, muggle literature books could not capture the pain Severus felt. The pain that seemed to grow with every step away from his childhood friend, his one sided love, and it would always be just that - unreturned. He was thankful for the rain not that anyone was out to see it, it offered an excuse for his tears. It was a rare event when the abused boy actually shed a tear, and losing Lily was top of his list. She was an escape from the darkness threatening his very soul, and he had thrown her away like common garbage. It broke his heart, but the pain on her face was hard to ignore during their discussion. Their paths were taking different directions, and now is as good a time as ever to sever their ties with Severus choking on the blood it would cause him in the future. The blood of Lily, his soul and all the people he knew he'd end up killing one day. <br><br>

Her small voice reached him through the storm, so soft that he assumed he had made it up. A desperate man's heart trying to convince him there was something else there, something that he was giving up on. That's what he was doing, giving up. In his head, there was no other choice. He refuted the idea of taking her as his bride one day, but was it possible? Severus would never have known the life he could have had, had he just turned himself around, fell to his knees and put his life in her hands. But, this was not a part of his story, she was just the beautiful thing put in his life to remind him of what he'd never have, a normal life. <br><br>

The storm began to grow as if staying in tune with their relationship, and it was now at it's chaotic ending and destruction. Despite his pride, he turned back for a moment. Could she have been waiting for him to change his future, choose her? No, it must have been the illusion his wet eyes made up, and he turned his head quickly to sneak into the dungeons. Why would she be waiting for him? Hadn't she just said everything along the lines of giving up on him? His head was throbbing with a newly registered headache. How could this be goodbye, and why was it not as he'd pictured it. <br><br>

But, what had he believed would really happen? A long awaited, passionate kiss with the red haired girl pining at his feet? No, a man such as he would not get a romantic end. It was just as it was supposed to be, final and in the depths of a storm. With the last image of their friendship being the fiery outline of her hair in the wind, like a flame enveloping them and their future together. Driving her to her own future, and him to his. His inevitable, sad story. <br><br>

Upon reaching the dormitory he slammed the door to his section, which to his relief was empty, and sunk into the firm mattress. Severus picked up a book, an advanced potions, and tried to focus on the letters. They seemed to jump around the page and condemn him. He slammed it shut and threw it across the room. He was not one to be bested by the printed word! All his head would do, and do for the rest of his life, was relive that moment when he let the one person in the world that ever cared for him go, knowing he could have saved it. <br><br>

Very uncharacteristic like, he curled into himself, turned off the lights and let the last remaining tears fall as exhaustion would soon take over. His eyelids drooped so far down he felt it had engulfed his whole body, and a part of him hoped he would not wake the next day. The future that beholds him tomorrow would surely end who he was today. And, in his final moments dedicated to Lily Evans, he swore his undying loyalty even if she'd never know. He hadn't given up on her; he hadn't given up on them. His breathing became regulated as he fell into a tortured sleep.

    words: 709<br>
    ooc: sorry it took forever and is short, but here is my closure. :(
[/dohtml]




* Hosted for free by InvisionFree