Life was going well, all things considered. It still hurt to think about it too much, but that was when Prefect duties came in handy. It was easy to get buried in them. There was always something else that needed to be done. Not to mention, the head girl seemed to be a little bit overwhelmed these days. Lily knew that she hadn’t been feeling the best. It was nice to be able to step in and help there. It was a great distraction from it all. Who knew? Maybe it would even help her get a shoe in for next year’s head girl. That was what she needed to think about, anyway. She needed to think about getting ahead in classes for NEWTs next year, and how she was going to get head girl above the other prefects in her year. It would be a close call. They had a great group, and it was anyone’s guess who’d be chosen.
She was good at not thinking about it all, though. It helped that she and Sev didn’t have a lot of classes together. After the first few weeks, she’d even learned to take a different route to get from one class to the next. Sev knew her classes, and he knew her usual route. He tried to talk to her in the halls a time or two, and it always hurt. It was just easier to go out of her way to avoid him. She hated herself for it. Every time she saw him she just wanted to cave and forgive him. She missed
Sev. He’d been a huge part of her life for as long as she could remember. He was the one that made her feel like she’d be OK at Hogwarts. He was the one that helped her in Potions for all those years. He was the reason she was so good at that subject! It felt wrong to be avoiding him. But it wasn’t terribly difficult to stay strong. All she had to do was remember that day.
The real key was to just stay busy. After classes had ended she could have gone up to the common room and hung out with her friends. But that would give her time to think about things. Instead she headed towards the greenhouses, to do a little bit of extra credit work. She didn’t need the credit, but the Professor could always uses some help. It was a great way to brush up on some old lessons, and practice with one of her worst subjects. Lily kept her head down as she made her way through the halls. She was walking in a swarm of students, that made it easy to overlook the tall redhead. The last thing she expected was for anyone to call out to her. She was just another head in the crowd. There were two other redheads within throwing distance! But there it was. Her name.
When she heard her name being called, Lily cringed. She ducked her head, watched her toes, and walked faster. Maybe he’d give up and go away. Maybe she could avoid having the same conversation for the hundredth time. No such luck. She heard his footsteps hurrying after her, and she ground her teeth together, clutching her books more tightly to her chest. Finally that question. She didn’t want to talk about this. She didn’t want to yell at him or explain this again. She just wanted it to end. She wanted him to understand what was so clear to her without needing her to spell it out. She’d been so sure that he’d figure it out, that she’d refused to discuss it so far.
<p>“SEVERUS! STOP IT!”
She snapped, as she whirled around to face him. His full name felt strange on her tongue. For as long as she could remember he’d just been “Sev”. Her Sev, her best friend, her oldest friend, something more akin to a brother than a friend, really. She’d trusted him completely. But everything was different now. “Just stop it, OK?”
She repeated, her voice now sounding more tired than angry. She didn’t have the will to hate him. Not when he kept pushing it. She wanted to forgive him and go back to the way things used to be. She wanted to forget that it ever happened … but she couldn’t.
<p>“There is nothing you can do! There is no way to fix this. The damage is done!”
She informed him. “So just respect my wishes and leave it alone!”
Her voice was strong, in spite of the tears that were burning the back of her eyes. None of them had spilled, and none of them would. She was set on that much. “It’s not what you called me. It’s that you said it! People call me that word every day, Severus. I’m quite used to it. What I’m not used to is the fact that you changed!”
She was ranting now. Months worth of rage was spilling out. “You were always the one that told me blood didn’t matter. You told me so from the start. Or have you forgotten?! But it does matter to you now, no matter what you say! I know it does! You’re different, and you’ve made that vey clear.”
Lily sniffled once, and blinked, fighting back the emotion that was threatening to break loose. But she managed to keep it under control by some miracle. She held her head high and stared down the dark haired boy across from her, refusing to be the weak one, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much this hurt her. She would be strong in this. She had to.
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WORDS: 1007 words <br>
TAG: Severus Snape <br>
WEARING: school robes