xfrozen_lilyx Comment Thread

If you'd like to post reviews or comments for stories by xfrozen_lilyx, please post them here!

My thoughts on "A Ghost in the Garden"

Most times when I read a one shot I'm left wanting because the writer failed to truly complete the story, but yoiu did not do this. I really enjoyed reading the story it was very sweet and well put, I can imagine that being made into a short or maybe even a full lenght film. I, ofcourse, am completely happy with just the literature it would be nice to see an illistrated print though. I do look forward to more of you stories please post soon.

That's a nice story. Like in the way where it sort of touches you. I mean, everything like the style of writing, the description, dialogue and so on was perfect, but that isn't what I should be talking about here. Besides the fact that it was also a sweet story which after reading the first few lines I just wanted to carry on and finish, it was also brilliant in the way that you managed to raise and discuss certain issues within the wider world. The stuff that was discussed there can be interpreted and placed on so many stereotypes in the word and you showed it well how the innocence of two girls doesn't automatically make them afraid of something different, but allows them to actually get to know someone before they begin judging.

Another point of praise that I would like to raise is how that through a few thoughts of the characters and a few chosen sentences, you successfully managed to create living 3D characters in such a short story. There were comments about their 'papa' for example, which opens up a whole new avenue of their lives, but was never discussed, which is brilliant because it shows that these characters are living their lives beyond the pages of the story. The simple things, that might seem trivial to many and which many do neglect, such as the maids or cooks, that description of a seemingly better lifestyle than many people, it just all adds up to create a world in which these characters live and bring it to life. Whilst this remains fairly hard for people who write longer stories, the fact that you managed to achive this in such a short story is extremely impressive.

Keep it up.

This post has been edited by ArchAngel on Jun 2 2006, 10:48 AM

Aww come on darlin how could you leave us hanging like that

Partial review of the 'missing son'.

It's partial because there's only the first chapter up and I really can't say too much about it. But what I have got to say is praise so far. The dialogue is good and suited for that particular timeframe, and the accuracies of the society at the time are well thought out. There may be one or two issues in the dialogue that I wasn't too keen on, but nothing worth making a fuss over.

Also, the opening was well done, and already you have developed a certain emotional characteristic of dear old sherlock, which hopefully will be developed throughout the story. You have all the elements in place already of a good mystery story. Keep it up.

Aww come on darlin how could you leave us hanging like that

I must warn you, I DO love cliffies. It's a weakness.

Second chapter will be up momentarily! And, just so you know, I'm trying to make my writing sound like an actual Sherlock Holmes story -- if any of you have read one, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Nice update, its a bit hard on my eyes since I'm so used to double spacing but still enjoyable.

No more clifies lol just kidding nice update love.

Lol, I probably should have double spaced it in the first place. I double spaced the new chapter -- plus, it makes the chapter look longer. This one was quite short. *sheepish grin*

I saw, thanks for that . I hope you don't mind I went back and edited your story so it was double spaced because I often have to go back and read other chapters. If I missed some spacing feel free to correct it.

I saw, thanks for that . I hope you don't mind I went back and edited your story so it was double spaced because I often have to go back and read other chapters. If I missed some spacing feel free to correct it.

I don't mind at all. I'll keep that in mind next time I post a story. Cross my heart.

Thank yous