dust is all that's left of us, gemitri :')

everything we had

everything we did, Is buried in dust

Breaking into your own house wasn’t a felony. On paper it wasn’t his house anymore but did dimitri care? no, actually he didn’t give a single fuck about it. he had bought that house and only lost it because gemma had a better lawyer than he did. he didn’t like changes, that was the root of it all. he had lived there until she had kicked him out, he hadn’t left out of his own free will which would have made a big difference. And he wasn’t technically breaking in either, he was using a key—sure, the definition would be the same, except he didn’t use a crowbar to open the door, instead he use the key he’d stolen to open the door. Things still looked oddly familiar. Of course it was familiar, he’d been there more times than he could count lately, but that wasn’t it. after taking a good look around he’d noticed she hadn’t barely changed a thing since he moved out… well, except for the things he’d actually managed to take with him after she’d gone crazy and demanded the right of the majority of his stuff… which again was an exaggeration since dimitri hadn’t even owned that much when he’d first met gemma all those years ago. most of the things he could call his own he’d gotten after he’d met her, and even more so, after she’d kicked him out of his own home. the thought of that still left a bitter taste in his mouth and he kicked his shoes off and let them be where they’d ended up; in the middle of the floor. on his way to the kitchen he threw his jacked over an armchair and continued his limping towards the kitchen. His toe was still aching because he didn’t do what the doctors told him. he should take it easy, but if they wanted him to take it easy they should’ve just kept him in the hospital until he was fully recovered. But, of course, that would have been a waste of resources and he was fully capable of almost killing himself outside the hospital—he was glad to be out of there because those last days had been the worst. He had wanted nothing but to get the heck out of there, and now that he was he did nothing but legitimately try to kill himself. his right hand ribs were still sore and he would still get short of breath whenever he tried to push himself.

He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and opened the fridge. At least it was better stocked than his own back in the stupid apartment. he was sure gemma would throw a fit when she found him lurking around the kitchen and raiding her fridge. Besides, he had bought that house! and if she couldn’t deal with having her own… okay, the definitions would vary and dimitri hated the words “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”, it sort of made him feel like he was back in college again. he was past calling her his “girlfriend” because technically she was his wife… except she wasn’t anymore. dimitri was past the point of being bitter, instead he went about testing her instead of confronting her. how far could he push things, what things could he say and not say etc etc. he was hungry (not surprising since he was hungry ninety percent of the time) and decided not to wait for gemma. instead he turned his attention to cooking, at least it would keep him occupied until his absent wife decided to return. Dimitri knew his way around that kitchen well enough, but muttered curse words whenever he couldn’t find something. they organized their kitchen differently and to be honest, he couldn’t remember where a single thing was in that kitchen. However he did manage to find a bottle of wine and by the time he heard the front door opening he had already drunken half of it and stared at the stove hoping the damned water would start boiling soon. pasta was simple and actually one of the few things he could cook without failing miserably. ”hey,” he shouted from the kitchen and let out a grunt as he put weight on his hurting toe. Dimitri limped his way back out of the kitchen and scratched his head at the sight of the blonde woman. ”I hope you’re hungry because I made dinner,” dimitri announced with a smile on his face, wrapping an arm around her. he ought to get points for actually trying—which he knew was pointless because she always suspected him of something. of course he would exaggerate his limp when gemma was watching, but hey, that was probably the only way he could ever get her to sympathise with him since she seemed hell bent on working against him at all points. ”I’m trying now, okay,” he looked down at her and clenched his jaws together knowing she would just never believe him. he only did unselfish things once every blue moon and was painfully aware of that, but for once he just hoped she’d just trust him. which was, per usual, mission impossible.

886 , gemma / izzie , trust me, okay ;D , ♥

you capture my attentioncarefully listening don't want to miss a thing keeping my eyes on you i'm anticipating watching waiting for you to make your movethings between gemma and dimitri had been relatively calm even after they got back from their trip to morocco. noemi, of course, had thought she and dimitri got married which was ridiculous. it was her own fault for wearing a white dress one night and letting pictures be taken. then, dimitri let her believe that gemma was pregnant. those were two heinous lies that had been going around. on top of that, noemi tried to kill her brother in a car accident and recently he'd been released from the hospital. he was back to trying to make her jealous with his new secretary wanting to fuck him or something typical like that. gemma wasn't going down that road again. if he fucked her and she found out, she would be out of this 'relationship' forever. she wasn't going through that again and even if they weren't married she still had a right to get pissed over that. gemma and dimitri still lived apart, but he always ended up coming over whether she invited him or not. while it was technically her house now he still had it set in his mind that it was his. it had always bothered her the way he couldn't get certain things through his thick skull. starting with the fact that it wasn't his house and she wasn't his wife anymore. she may have been his ex-wife, but that was it. she didn't like to think back too much on what led them to being legally divorced, and it was something that got brought up far too much. she remembered the night she kicked dimitri out and exactly how much fighting had occurred between them. finding out about him and his secretary had completely set her off. the two of them had always been very passionate fighters with each other, and him declaring that the reason he cheated is because she stopped having sex with him was bullshit. there was much more to it than that, but he only saw it one way. while dimitri had been in the hospital - which felt like forever - she'd had a lot of time to herself at this house. normally, she expected dimitri to come over whenever he pleased, but then she remembered that he couldn't. he was stuck in the hospital and a tiny part of her missed him. not that she would ever willingly admit that to him.gemma had made it sort of a rule in her life now to try with dimitri and not always expect him to do the worst thing. if she kept thinking that or didn't start trusting him again then this entire thing would never work. she wasn't sure what he was to her and she couldn't call him her 'boyfriend' without him having a hissy fit over that word. she just didn't refer to him as anything, really. some of the other nurses at the hospital would comment on her 'boyfriend' but they all knew he was her ex-husband and it was probably much more confusing to them than it needed to be. to be quite honest, gemma isn't even sure if she'd willingly marry him again. she's just been afraid in the back of her mind that things will go downhill once that happens and he'll never let her go then. not that he would now, but it would be different then since she would actually be his wife. gemma had spent the last nine hours at the hospital and before leaving she changed clothes. there wasn't much she hated more than staying in her work scrubs more than she needed to. she didn't really have any plans tonight, but had a feeling dimitri would somehow be a part of them. now that he was out of the hospital, she had a chance to see him more. once gemma got home, she noticed that there were a few lights on. and, while most people would think it was a serial killer invading her house, she expected something much less harmless. she set her purse down on the couch after closing the door behind her and locking it. apparently, the security around here was dwindling. "hey, yourself," gemma said back to him. while, she spent a lot of her time being hostile towards dimitri she was letting it go. if he was going to try, then he deserved for her to do the same. "you just felt like breaking in and making dinner?" she asked out or pure curiosity. actually, she couldn't care less that he had broken in - or stolen a key - to make his way in here, but she was oddly happy to see him here in this capacity. gemma watched closely as he limped his way around. he probably should've been sitting, but try telling that to the world's most stubborn man. she smiled slightly, wrapping an arm around his waist. "i see that," gemma mentioned about his version of trying. it was actually very refreshing to see, and she wasn't going to complain in the least. "i'm glad you're here and that you're trying," she added, in case he scolded her for not appreciating the fact that he was trying. it meant more to her than he would even believe.notes: see, she can be nice. ;D trusting you. :')

everything we had

everything we did, Is buried in dust

Technically he had broke into her house but he wouldn’t like to call it that. dimitri and his ever so flawless logic all worked towards the same goal: this house was still his house and gemma was still his wife and she could say whatever she wanted to say about that because in the end it wouldn’t make a damned difference to him. ”I didn’t break in, I got a key,” dimitri said and chose to leave out the part where he’d stolen the key. She didn’t know that but she probably would figure it out sooner or later. besides, he knew where she used to keep her spare key but he’d checked the old hiding place and obviously she’d moved it at some point after she’d kicked him out. he could’ve picked the lock open and disabled the alarm. The code was probably the same anyway but dimitri was lay and figured it was more convenient just taking a key rather than actually “breaking” in. ”and I didn’t only make dinner, I planned on drinking your wine too if that’s okay.” his obviously arrogance shun through and she could’ve told him to knock it off, but well, what good would it do? he would only keep doing what he was doing because whatever gemma said he would always end up doing, saying and thinking the complete opposite as the three year old he really was. he couldn’t help but do that; she said one thing and he did another and that was how things went. No wonder she told him she didn’t trust him. then again, dimitri didn’t trust gemma either; she had kicked him out of his own home and that was something he wasn’t willing to either forgive or forget in a long time.. .even if holding onto that grudge was just as childish as calling her his wife.

Trying was one thing, but succeeding was something completely different. he didn’t like to lose or fail and would never admit to a defeat....Especially not when his competition was a woman. in his head this was a competition; it was the only thing he could ever call it. competing who could come up with the worst nicknames, the best insults… anything he could think of was a competition. That was where he always failed: life wasn’t a big competition and all he really needed to do was to fit the pieces together. but well, try telling that to someone who was fucking decided that someone was out to destroy you. because at one point dimitri had fought her for everything that he could fight her for, and he still did. it was the one thing that kept him from thinking that this was a dream and that he was just fucking delusional. Nothing of that made sense to anyone but him, but it didn’t have to either. it made perfect sense in his head and that was all that mattered to him. when things stopped making sense would be the time he would actually start worrying. He knew where he had gemma, he knew where they stood and he knew what was wrong—but he lacked the motivation to actively fix things. he didn’t want to talk about it because he knew talking made no difference. And dimitri figured he owed her for whatever good deed she’d done in the past month. after all, she had put up with him when he’d had a cold… and then when he had gone half crazy in the hospital. Either he owed her or she deserved a fucking medal. So, since he wasn’t the person to ever wanting to waste his own money on someone (that, and he figured she already had enough of his money and stuff lying around she didn’t need it) he would just do this instead. Besides, he was hungry so it was a win-win situation.

It was probably no surprise dimitri couldn’t hold a serious topic unless he was paid to do so. ”I’m not trying, I just want to get laid,” he grinned sheepishly. Which was as true as the fact that he was trying to be nice… which he should get a round of applauds for. it was hard for him to hold his tongue but it was better to at least try and almost be nice rather than not try and start another fight. He didn’t feel like fighting. Obviously he’d hit his head pretty bad, but that wasn’t the case. Dimitri was too tired to fight. he had by no means seen some sort of light that would change his entire world; it was only too physically painful to fight right now and he knew that he would just end up losing; his arguments were failing him and so was his lung capacity so she’d even manage to yell louder than him. in any case, gemma would win whatever argument they had so he would do better not even try to start one. the word try sure was the word of the day for him and he didn’t like it one bit. It was either win or lose and he didn’t ever lose. ”I’m just gonna…” he gestured with his free arm towards the kitchen and kissed the top of her head before limping his way back to the stove. ”is pasta okay?” he asked and arched an eyebrow, ”because it’s that or you cook. Your pick.”

905 , gemma / izzie , trust me, okay ;D , ♥

you capture my attentioncarefully listening don't want to miss a thing keeping my eyes on you i'm anticipating watching waiting for you to make your movegemma had known dimitri long enough to realize that his logic wasn't like anyone else's since she'd never met anyone who was as illogical as he happened to be. if she called it breaking in, he would just say he used a key that he more than likely stole found lying around. she knew that it didn't matter what she called it because he would only ever see it his way. "and where did you find this key?" gemma asked, questioning him since she knew exactly where that key had been. she had moved the place where she kept her spare key after she inevitably kicked dimitri out of his own house. the fact that she still had a spare key was obviously stupid since he would sniff that out anyways. even if there was no key, he'd still find a way in. he was a lot of things, but most of all he was always determined to get what he wanted in the end. "you'd still do it whether it was okay or not, but i have plenty," gemma offered. even if she told him it wasn't okay - because honestly she didn't care if he did or not - he'd still do it just to spite her. she had made a silent promise to play less games with him and not to pick every single fight with him. she had gotten tired of the fighting, especially when it was over something completely pointless. they didn't trust each other, and that was probably one of the many reasons it hadn't worked out the first time. she just didn't know how she was supposed to trust a man like him and he would never forgive her for kicking him out even if he'd deserved it.gemma didn't know how well this 'trying' thing was going to go for either of them. for all they knew they could put everything in to it and still fail in the end. she guessed that she'd never really know unless she tried to make this work the second time around. she had obviously moved past calling him an asshole every five seconds and questioning everything he did. she had thought ever since she let him back into her life that he had some sort of ulterior motive or expected him to fuck up with everything that he did. that was something she'd let go of before it completely destroyed them. things hadn't worked out before as everyone else had expected, and she hated admitting when others were right. gemma didn't know if things were going to get fixed with her and dimitri, and if things didn't move in a positive direction then she wasn't going to stick around forever. and, she definitely wasn't going to legally marry him again without knowing it was the right decision this time when it obviously hadn't been before. she put up with a lot of things from him that any other woman wouldn't, and felt like that had to give her some sort of points in his book. she had brought him food when he was sick with a cold that felt like it lasted a month and then visited him when he was in the hospital so he didn't drive the other nurses crazy. those nurses really didn't know what they were getting themselves into having dimitri correia as a patient.gemma playfully rolled her eyes at dimitri's next response, mostly because it was expected. "that's always your motive," she said, smiling a little. she knew that was the main reason he wanted back in her life, and had little to do with the fact that she was a joy to be around. he could easily get laid by anyone else - which was obvious - but he hadn't lately as far as she knew. as much as gemma had enjoyed fighting, she didn't like doing it every chance she got with dimitri. she knew how easy it was to get him pissed off, and she just wasn't in the mood. in his mind, he always won but knew there were quite a few times when she had been the winner. although, it had never been a competition even if he happened to see it that way. gemma smiled slightly when he kissed her on the top of her head before she watched him limp past her. "pasta is great," she told him, agreeing for once. "plus, i'd rather watch you cook anyways."

everything we had

everything we did, Is buried in dust

Did she always have to ask follow-up questions like it was her goddamned job? he didn’t even know what to answer to that because he’d found it in the kitchen, probably because she’d used the spare key at some point and since she didn’t seem to miss it that had probably been a one time thing. dimitri didn’t see where he’d done wrong or why she even asked about it, he’d given her a key to his apartment, but mainly because he most of the time was too lazy to get up on his feet and leave the computer when she dropped by. actually, the majority of those times he was busy playing some computer game or laying half-asleep on the couch watching tv. So, with that in mind he hadn’t thought much about whether gemma approved of it or not because he’d figured it only was fair he had a key to her place as well… though he didn’t think of it as her place he still thought of it as their house because the majority of the time they/she had owned it it had been theirs. ”here, obviously,” dimitri said trying to avoid answering the question. he didn’t feel like explaining, and if she had a problem with him having a key it was her problem because he wouldn’t return it anytime soon. she got him. with that key he could do anything he wanted without her even knowing. For all she knew he had only been cooking, but lying to gemma about what he had been up to wasn’t that uncommon. But this once he hadn’t lied. ”you got me,” he said in a half-joking tone, ”feel free to press charges if you don’t want dinner.” there was a bitter underlying tone to his voice. So much for appreciating the effort he put into making that damned dinner. ”so?” dimitri took a deep breath before saying anything again. the wrong words would put them both in a bad mood. ”I wouldn’t do any of this if I liked you, that’d be a fucking waste of time.” obviously he was joking but he wasn’t too sure gemma would get it. if there was one thing he’d learnt it was to at least try to tell her he liked her, which he hadn’t a single time during their marriage. but when they’d been married he hadn’t known she had it in her to kick him out of not only their house but also her life – dimitri knew all too well she was capable of doing that so he wasn’t going to risk anything.

Fucking up was what he did; whatever dimitri took upon himself to do he, eventually, ended up screwing everything up. almost everything, this far he hadn’t fucked his job up but he knew that it was probably the only thing he knew he was really good at and felt somewhat sure that he didn’t have to put all too much effort into. When it came to computers he knew what he was doing, but when it came to people and relationships he was clueless. Especially with the latter; he didn’t know the first thing about relationships even if he had been in one for the most part of his life. to be honest he didn’t even remember when he first met gemma but it was a long time ago, he knew that much… obviously since he couldn’t remember it hadn’t been a big deal at the time. he wasn’t the best at sharing things, which was the foundation of a healthy relationship. The harder he tried the more miserably he seemed to fail. He didn’t trust gemma, that was his issue. She’d kicked him out (for good reason) but that had really fucked him up; he could never be sure she wouldn’t do the same thing again even if he didn’t make the same mistake as last time – which he was, at the time, sure he wouldn’t. it was one thing messing around and joking about it but when it came down to it, he had learnt his lesson and dimitri was far from stupid. If he messed this up she would never take him back a third time. at least they weren’t angry with each other, and that was a start, or so dimitri figured even if he couldn’t help shooting glare over at gemma when she (or what he thought she really meant to say) didn’t want to cook but decided not to comment on that. ”do you have any bacon?” he asked instead and reached for his glass of wine standing on the counter next to the stove. After taking a sip he put the glass down again and continued with what he’d been doing when gemma came back: chopping tomatoes. Dimitri didn’t have the slightest idea of what he was doing or what he was going to use the tomatoes for. but at least tomatoes and bacon were a better mix with the spaghetti than serving spaghetti alone – that just tasted like cardboard. ”I got a new job offer,” he said casually trying to start a conversation as he poured himself another glass of the wine. He knew she had another bottle, he knew where she kept her alcohol so if she started complaining dimitri would just point that out.

888 , gemma / izzie , trust me, okay ;D , ♥

you capture my attentioncarefully listening don't want to miss a thing keeping my eyes on you i'm anticipating watching waiting for you to make your moveit was second nature for gemma to ask questions where dimitri was concerned, and that was mostly due to the fact that he rarely gave anything away. half the time she expected him to be hanging out inside her house without an invitation or his own set of keys. that was something she had taken away from him quite a while ago and hadn't given him the privilege again. however, she had a key to his apartment but it wasn't the same thing. she would never stay the night over there since it was far too small for two people to be in. that, and she was used to staying in this house and wasn't up for that type of change in her life. gemma knew that as soon as she gave him an actual key to this house again he would never leave. she liked her privacy when she could get it and knew just how difficult it would be to get that. after she'd kicked dimitri out, she no longer thought of it as their house which was something she used to do. it was her house, and that's the way she would stubbornly see it. "way to state the obvious," gemma said, rolling her eyes at him. she was very well aware that he got the key here, but that could've pointed to a lot of places. but, she knew where that key was and didn't feel like trying to get him to answer the question truthfully. that was much like taking candy from a small child or pulling a tooth. gemma had it in her mind that she would probably change the locks and keys in case he thought that he could come in here whenever he wanted. "i'll keep that in mind," gemma said, promising him. she wasn't so opposed to him coming in and cooking dinner, but knowing him there was an ulterior motive behind it all. "you're so charming," gemma told him. there was a bitterness in her voice and he would probably pick that out. she could tell when he was joking and when he wasn't. sometimes, it was hard to tell but right now she felt like he was joking. she already knew that dimitri loved liked her, or he wouldn't even be here right now. if she had thought for a second that he didn't feel that way, she wouldn't have put up with half the things that she did.the sad part was gemma expected dimitri to fuck up because he did it so well and so often. it wasn't shocking that he might do something again that would mess all of this up, and it would be more surprising if he didn't. she knew that it was unhealthy to see him that way, and she only painted him like that is because she knew how he was. when he screwed up before with fucking his assistant, he wasn't even sorry. that's the reason why she didn't want to go to therapy or even give him a chance to explain before kicking him out. in her mind, he didn't deserve any of it and she didn't hesitate before taking it away from him. they lacked a lot of things that made a relationship appear to be healthy. if anyone else viewed their relationship then they could easily see how messed up it was. she didn't trust him and she couldn't be honest with him since he only saw things his way. there were a lot of problems between the two of them and some days she didn't even know if it was worth it. if he screwed up again with her and she found out again that would absolutely be it for her. there wouldn't be a third chance, and dimitri knew that. she wasn't angry with him about what happened before, but she was skeptical that he could actually be faithful to her. gemma didn't want to believe that he would screw up any chance he got, but she didn't know how to think any differently. "yes," gemma answered him, motioning to the fridge which is where she kept the bacon. she lifted herself up and sat on the kitchen counter across from the one where dimitri was cooking. it was such a sight to see and a part of her wished she had brought a camera since it wasn't something she'd seen before. "you did? is it in ocean coast or elsewhere?" gemma asked curiously.notes: ;D

everything we had

everything we did, Is buried in dust

It wasn’t his fault she hadn’t hid her spare key well enough. Actually, it hadn’t been too hard finding it and obviously it hadn’t been missed so… why would he care to tell her where he’d found it? it wasn’t as if she would need to put another key out and fish for potential thieves to break in using one of the poorly hidden keys. ”irresistible, actually,” he corrected her in an anything but joking tone. It wasn’t meant as a joke either. he could tell she was everything but sarcastic and didn’t feel like starting a fight about it. it was pointless, and since he felt like he was disadvantaged in every possible way dimitri wouldn’t risk her losing her temper and kicking him out, being pissed for a week only to say “fine” when he came crawling back on his knees telling her he said the wrong thing. apologizing wasn’t his thing, he didn’t apologize to anyone because no one apologized to him. that was something that had always annoyed him: people could act like fucking idiots around him but they never told him they were sorry, but whenever he fucked up they expected him to apologize. Fuck no. he wasn’t doing that shit even if it was probably the dumbest thing he could do. just a simple word could do a lot, especially if he meant it, which he rarely didn’t. if he regretted something he’d just make sure not to do the stupid thing again, but that didn’t mean he’d try to undo what he’d done by opening his mouth and saying a five letter word. It wouldn’t change a single thing; which was why he didn’t regret anything. whatever he had done he couldn’t undo shit so what did it matter if he told anyone he was sorry? the one person he should probably apologize to was the person he’d hurt the most, however, dimitri was too stubborn and dumb to realize that she’d never tell him she was sorry for kicking him out, hence he wouldn’t say he was sorry for cheating on her. it was just a downward spiral for him, and bringing that up would only open old wounds and he didn’t want to discuss that. he’d fucked up, and he knew that, why did he need to bring it up again only to upset gemma? Fuck no, it wasn’t worth it—at least not now, but in the long run it would probably make a difference. But, alas, dimitri was too stupid to get that into his thick head. It was one of the thing he ought to say to her, alongside the fact he liked her quite a lot. but that wasn’t the way he was; he didn’t talk in terms of regret or feelings.

Sure, there were things he would never open his mouth to say—but when he did, or would (if ever), he would make sure he meant it. otherwise he’d just lie… again. dimitri claimed he never lied, but he saying that he was just a big a liar as the rest of them. he did lie; maybe he didn’t lie per se but excluding information and covering for his own ass in his own schematic ways were just as bad, if not worse. but he wasn’t much of a talker; he did talk but the things he said rarely had any meaning to them. unless you were a witless intern and he’d tell you to shut the fuck up while he explained something. in private he didn’t really say much; at least not a lot that would be useful. he was great at talking shit but he rarely told anyone what he was thinking, he just expected them to know… which, most of the time, made him come of as a one trick pony. He did a lot more than just talk shit and verbalize the times he wanted to sleep with someone (that is after all his favourite topic, more or less). But what really went on in his head was for him alone. he didn’t share his dreams or thoughts for the future, because to him there was none. He lived for the moment; which was one of his biggest flaws. That kind of perspective didn’t really go well with marriage – a moment of weakness had caused his entire life to halt and fall apart, only because he had chosen rather to act on impulse than think shit through. he’d paid for that now; surely he was still pissed off. not only with gemma for kicking him out but he was equally mad at himself for being so fucking stupid. He’d ruined his comfortable life for what? a blonde cunt he didn’t care about! at least one thing he’d learnt during that period of time they’d spent apart (because to him that was what it was and nothing else) and that was how to survive on his own. he’d never been much of a cook but burnt food was better than starvation. He muttered and went to fetch the bacon. Gemma didn’t say much; no surprise, she rarely said anything in his presence. But neither did he. he knew that he was crossing a minefield whenever he started a conversation with his ex-wife and he had to approach some topics with caution to avoid starting WW3. dimitri gave the food his undivided attention and only glanced up at gemma when she asked him a question. ”what?” he said at first. ”no. it’s in california. but I’m not taking it.” he paused and glanced over at her again. ”because I know you wouldn’t move with me.” unintentionally he was testing her. not entirely unintentional; nothing dimitri ever did was unintentional but it most often served some greater purpose in his fucked up world.

969 , gemma / izzie , trust me, okay ;D , ♥

you capture my attentioncarefully listening don't want to miss a thing keeping my eyes on you i'm anticipating watching waiting for you to make your movegemma made a note to herself to hide the spare key better - or not have one at all - if and when she changed the locks again. she wasn't even sure why she had the spare key to begin with. it was just asking for someone to break into her house, and there were probably far worse men that could be here right now than her ex-husband. "you keep thinking that," she slightly teased him. even if dimitri was irresistible to her, she wasn't about to give him that one. he already knew what was obvious, and she didn't like fueling his ego anyways. it was always odd to her when the two of them weren't fighting so now that they were somewhat getting along and not picking fights with each other, it was actually kind of nice. that was the part about their relationship that she missed; when they were them and not two angry adults who couldn't hold a conversation without yelling at each other. gemma never expected dimitri to apologize for the grave mistake he'd made in their marriage because she would probably die before that ever happened. she knew he'd said that he wasn't going to do it again so she was forced to believe him. if he did mess things up, she was out and he knew it. gemma never apologized to dimitri either mostly because she didn't want to be the only one doing that. she had been sorry for how quickly she acted on kicking him out and getting keira to help her take everything she could away from dimitri. she never joked when it came to things like that, and if her cheating husband thought he could get away with what he did then he was gravely mistaken. if dimitri ever happened to apologize for the mistake he made in their marriage, she would happily accept it after wondering what was wrong with him. she would never say she was sorry for kicking him out or taking the house from him or anything else she'd taken. honestly, gemma just wanted to move on from all of that. it was in the past and while she couldn't change anything that happened she also didn't want to relive it every time she was around him.it was rare that gemma ever heard dimitri talking about his feelings, and there had been the rare occasion when it happened. mostly, it was when she'd forced him to talk about them or badgering him with questions until he caved. there were things he should've said to her, but didn't. there were also things she should've said to him, but alas she didn't either. she knew that he wouldn't call it lying, but would probably say it was withholding information when in fact that is the same thing. in dimitri's world, those were two separate things which is one of the many reasons why his 'logic' was flawed. it was such a mystery to gemma what actually went through dimitri's head and where he came up with his version of logic. unfortunately, she was not a mind reader and couldn't gather what was going through his mind. she wasn't even sure if she wanted to possess such a quality, after all. he wasn't the type of person that shared his thoughts and feelings and that was fine, but he didn't need to hide all of them. how was were they supposed to have an actual relationship if they couldn't talk about those kinds of things? gemma knew that's one of the reasons why this wasn't working, but she wasn't really ready to give up so soon. she would always have it in the back of her mind that he was going to make the same mistake, but he'd never actually called it that. that was the word she'd used, and she wasn't even sure what he'd refer to it as. she would always be disappointed in him for what he'd done, but she had also learned to let go of the past and all the mistakes they'd made. it had been increasingly difficult for gemma and dimitri to have an actual conversation together like they used to, and she didn't realize how hard it was going to be when they got back together. actually, she never pictured them getting together again but she caved after a while of him pestering her outside of her house. "why not? you hate this place," gemma said, offhandedly before looking over at him. "you didn't even ask if i'd move with you. i would've at least considered it," gemma told him. she'd always hated the way he made decisions without her because he thought he knew what she would say.notes: ugh i'm sorry this took forever. D: it won't take nearly as long next time.

everything we had

everything we did, Is buried in dust

”you’ve always been a terrible fucking liar.” dimitri would know, he was a pro at lying. Actually, he could probably make a living out of lying. Though he didn’t lie as much as bend the truth to his own liking; forgetting to mention certain facts wasn’t the same thing as lying, or concealing half the truth wasn’t lies either. it was just games to him; the more he knew and the less he revealed gave him the upper hand. as if that thinking had ever been to his advantage; actually, it most often backfired just like the majority of dimitri’s amazing ideas. apparently people didn’t see things the way he did and it often ended badly for him. especially when he tried to lie to gemma; she could tell… or dimitri was sure she could tell when he was hiding something, which probably gave him away in the first place. to be honest, he hadn’t straight out lied to her once, only concealed some facts that he didn’t want her to know… which on paper looked good but in reality it was just as bad as lying. Lying came easy for him, but unlike popular belief dimitri could feel bad about it – even if it was yet another thing he denied and pretended didn’t happen to him. he didn’t like feeling sorry for anyone or apologizing because that was the same thing as admitting a mistake; which he sure as heck didn’t do. in dimitri’s book mistakes were as bad as failures and he didn’t fail. The divorce had been a failure; and people sure liked pointing that out to him as often as they fucking could. they kept telling him to get over it but how motherfucking easy was that when some people just loved pointing it out? he sure wanted to break noemi’s neck if she mentioned it one more time, because she was the one who really just enjoyed pointing things like that out to him – as if he already wasn’t painfully aware of what had happened between him and his (now) ex-wife – or whatever you were to call it, surely it wasn’t his favorite title. But the harder he tried to cover up his past mistakes everyone kept assuming he did things to provoke gemma; and that was where they were all wrong. he didn’t try to provoke her, he was trying to do the exact opposite, with mixed results.

Relationships weren’t rocket science, but they were hard enough for dimitri. He wasn’t the kind of person to excel at sharing things. but when it came to the job offer he’d turned down he was sure he’d made the right choice; even if she was upset he hadn’t talked to her. ”because I knew you were going to say no.” so what? he already knew she was going to say no so why bother asking in the first place? he didn’t see the point in it. albeit, gemma did have a point – not that he would admit that she was right, but she did make a good argument. ”no you wouldn’t and I’m fucking sick of hearing you say no all the damned time.” his words were harsh but his voice calm. For once he didn’t feel like starting a big yelling competition. ”moving would mean you’d have to quit your job and sell the house, and after the fucking ordeal you went through to get it I don’t think that would happen in a long fucking time.” to him, not asking her made perfect sense, but to most it didn’t. ”and I said no because I couldn’t keep them fucking waiting for an answer until you were done thinking. Which would end in you saying no anyway so why the fuck should I have waited for that?” he didn’t even look at her when he talked, but continued giving the food his undivided attention. The least he could do was to try to make something edible without burning it to coal because he was busy fighting with her. besides, moving wouldn’t have made a fucking difference.” at least he was insightful; if he had decided to take the job and against all odds, gemma had agreed on moving with him nothing would have changed. They would still fight and they would still be them; at least he’d learnt one thing after the divorce and that was that running didn’t solve shit. he’d left ocean coast and he was still angry as hell when he returned – nothing had changed, the only thing that moving had done for him was to give him distance from her, and that wasn’t what was on the table this time.

779 , gemma / izzie , trust me, okay ;D , ♥

you capture my attentioncarefully listening don't want to miss a thing keeping my eyes on you i'm anticipating watching waiting for you to make your move"guess i didn't learn that admirable quality from you," gemma told him. she knew dimitri as well as anyone could, and knew very well just how good he was at lying. she had been lied to by him not that he would ever admit this. his version of lying wasn't actually lying and preferred using other phrases like 'withholding information' which was still lying. dimitri's logic was never the same as everyone else's and that was something she'd gotten used to even if she didn't agree to it. gemma would never see things the way dimitri did and that was fine by her. he was alone in his logic and she wondered if he realized that. and even if he did, she knew he didn't care. she was always suspicious of dimitri because she knew how him and his manipulative ways went, and even if she wasn't always right about him hiding something she still had every right to be skeptical. she had gotten tired of him hiding certain facts to get around lying just because he didn't want to deal with her. it almost disturbed her how easy it was for him to lie to her and other people in his life, and it was almost impossible to tell when he was being honest. anything that wasn't complete honesty was lying to gemma so in her opinion dimitri was often a liar towards her. she felt sure that he would've even tried to lie about cheating on her when they were actually married since he never admitted mistakes or apologized for such things. she was beyond tired of being reminded of how stupid it probably was for her to even be with him after everything they'd been through together. she didn't like admitting that he was her ex-husband because he'd cheated on her with his secretary, and unfortunately it was something she would never live down. she couldn't erase the past, but she also wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. gemma wasn't even sure anymore what would be a mistake now, and what wouldn't be.relationships weren't gemma's specialty - given her history - but she knew that things shouldn't have been as hard as they were with dimitri. they had a lot of problems between the two of them which wouldn't get solved unless they were both willing to admit that. "that's not the point, dimitri. you're supposed to at least consult me before making a decision like that," gemma told him. even if she had said no, that wasn't the point. of course, he wasn't going to understand that bit. they were in a relationship and that meant they were supposed to consult each other on big decisions without making that decision solely. "yes, i would have," gemma told him, sternly. "i do not say 'no' all the time,"[/color] she added, calmly. the last thing she wanted to do was fight with him over something so insignificant. "i could always transfer my job, too," she told him. "well, you did a lot of thinking where this is concerned so maybe i should let you make all the decisions from now on," gemma told him in an obvious sarcastic manner. she didn't care if she was being sarcastic right now about this, but it irritated her the way he made a big decision like this without even considering telling her about it first. as much as she didn't want to argue with him, she always found it increasingly difficult. they both did things that irritated the other and it was very difficult for one of them not to fuel the fire. "then what will make a difference?" she asked him out of pure curiosity. if nothing was going to even make a difference, then what was the point of going through all this again? she knew things weren't perfect between the two of them - which they never had been - so it wasn't all that surprising.notes: i am so sorry this took 5eva. D: work sucks and i've been sick AGAIN.

everything we had

everything we did, Is buried in dust

Whatever he did it always turned into some big fucking thing and he just shook his head in resignation. If starting a fight was what she wanted then she’d get one but dimitri (for once) didn’t raise his voice, but his irritation was still obvious. ”maybe I fucking should since you’re not even fucking interested in making any decisions.” in his opinion he hadn’t done anything wrong. If he had been serious about taking the job it would have been a different story – but since he hadn’t and since it wasn’t interesting to him dimitri had said no and moved on with his life. ”besides, you keep pointing out that we’re not married, so whatever fucking decisions I make isn’t your business.” he gave her a bitter smile. he hated having the divorce pointed out to him; actually he didn’t even want to acknowledge it at all since to dimitri this break had just been just like any other fight they’d had… except he’d moved away for a while. technically, nothing had really changed besides the fact they didn’t live together or were, on paper, legally married. ”I don’t fucking know.” dimitri sighed. He didn’t know anything; relationships were like mysteries to him. he just never understood them; he never had and he probably never would. then again, the only real relationship he’d ever had had been with gemma so he couldn’t really claim he knew what he was talking about since he actually lacked the experience. just thinking about it gave him a headache and he was done with that shit. if she didn’t want to even try she could walk away, he’d never stopped her from doing that – even if dimitri wouldn’t let her go that easy (he hadn’t the first time around). dimitri chose to ignore her for the remaining time it took for him to finish up the dinner. That was just the best thing to do; at least he wasn’t in a position where he’d lose his temper. really, it wouldn’t do any of them any good. he’d done what he thought was right and he couldn’t go back in time and change his decision; even if it only meant he’d ask her before he turned the job down. ”let’s just eat.” he said when he’d set the table. thinking on an empty stomach didn’t help his cause at all. so much for the gesture, he had a bitter taste in his mouth. Was it really impossible for him to do anything right? Taking his place by the table he would play the decent card and let gemma serve herself before he even reached for the food. he had some manners, when he wanted to, but occasions like this were rare. As much as dimitri would ever try he knew that he would have to get over himself eventually. He was great at lying and deceiving people, but he was even better at lying and deceiving himself. whenever people told him he was wrong he would stop listening and tell himself they were fucked up. he didn’t say a thing but stared at his plate without touching the food (to be honest, it probably tasted like paper but, hey, he’d given it a try). He knew he ought to say something; he was good at being quiet and he had a feeling he’d insulted gemma (of course he ahd insulted her – it had been his intention to put her in her place by making a comment about his sovereignty over his life). he finished the glass of wine and leaned back in his chair, watching gemma. ”I’m sorry, okay.” it didn’t matter if he meant it or not (he figured), at least he’d actually said the one word he never used. ”fine, I fucked up. more than once…” he made a face and scratched his head, not really sure what to say next. Obviously he did fuck up, and he did so like a real professional. ”but just stop presuming I will fucking fuck up all the fucking time.” he grimaced. ”I won’t do it again.” surely dimitri knew how little his word meant to her, but at least he meant that part. He didn’t intend to screw this up again. he was very well aware of it, but he didn’t know how to actually put his own conviction in words. dimitri knew himself better than he liked to admit; at least he knew what he would and wouldn’t do.

745 , gemma / izzie , :'DDDDDD , ♥