IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT ., NATE/SIENNA

that's not our deal

WHEN YOU LEAVE AND WHEN IT'S EMPTY AND I FEEL CRAZY BECAUSE I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING I WISH YOU WOULD TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL BUT YOU'LL NEVER TELL ME BECAUSE THAT'S NOT OUR DEAL WHEN YOU LEAVE ME TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING YOU TAKE ALL MY MONEY YOU TAKE ALL MY WEED. I WISH ---

if there was one thing that thinking about nate winters did to piper, it was make her a little bit crazier. he wasn't her prince charming, by any means, but somehow, he was the only person that she would ever think about being with. in a relationship, at least. back in chicago, they'd had an odd sort relationship, if one could even call it that. it was fighting, and making up, fighting and making up, constantly. but she liked it, and he did too - he kept drawing her back, cracking that easy, crooked smile and pulling her back next to him, his warm, capable hands gripping her waist tightly. she remembered the way he would smell as they lay in his bed. not kissing, or touching. just laying. it was weird - it was every girl's dream - to be laying in a bed and just being, but for piper, it didn't feel right. it didn't feel like a dream come true. instead, it simply felt as if she were finally was where she was meant to be. things like that didn't happen for piper: things like that were too final, too real.

she didn't like living like that, because when you did, and it was all taken away from you, it felt worse than anything in the world. that knowing that you had something so perfect, and you fucked it up: that was the worst feeling that anyone could have.and maybe that's why she left without saying goodbye. because what they had, those perfect months, had just been too good to ruin with a goodbye. he would have convinced her not to go without even saying anything. he'd just purse his lips and nod, and she would have said 'fuck it,' and stayed with him. she would have fallen back into his arms contentedly, and stayed with him until he wanted her to leave: no one should have had that kind of control over her, and that's another reason why she left. she needed her freedom, she needed her balls back, to be honest. she was tired of feeling like she was attached to someone else - she remembered why she liked being single again, and the opportunity to tour with about ships we sail as a merch girl just presented itself at the perfect time. she wasn't proud of herself, by any means. she left one of the only people she really had cared about without saying goodbye. but she didn't regret it. instead of being in a comfortable albeit exciting relationship, she went around the world, became best friends with people she would have only dreamed of meeting, and done stupid, crazy things that she woke up the next morning, and thought "oh fuck, i'm never doing that again" - only to do it again. she would never give those things up for a boy.

he was nothing to her anymore. but, if that was really the case, why did he keep invading her thoughts? why couldn't he just fucking leave her alone. he was on tour with her. of course he was. that was just her god damn luck. she'd avoided any run ins with him thus far, and she was feeling pretty damn good about life right now. merch was boring - jesus christ it was boring. it was always boring as they were playing, but tonight it was extra boring. they were playing last, which meant she had to stick around and wait until they were done playing, and then until their fangirls came out and called her rude for not knowing exactly what they wanted. great. fucking great. this night could not get any worse.

and then it did.

and then the one guy that she never wanted to see again, came waltzing up to her, looking a stupid amount like he had the day they first met. bleeding. piper's eyes widened. "oh, fuck."

DON'T EXPECT ME TO MISS YOUWe called ourselves miles, we let ourselves dream, But dreams only come when we sleep.We've got thousands of miles, with states in between.I beg for you to forget me, just to let you be.My bed gets sick of your body Like the moon gets sick of the stars. If I'm going down, I'll take the whole damn town down. Don't expect me to miss youThe sun coming up,Seems to agreeWith our moods.-----------------when nate first realized that piper had left without saying goodbye, the first thing he felt was angry. he didn't miss her, and he wasn't upset, but he was so angry at her that he ended up making his friends sick from how much he would rant about how much he hated piper grey. piper grey was the devil, and he would keep repeating to them, over and over, how much he despised that bitch, hoped he'd never see her again, thought that she wasn't even worth talking about--but he couldn't stop talking about her. that bitch piper grey, who left without so much as an explanation.and yet every time he tried to cut her out of his life completely, for one last time, his mind kept rewinding to that night when he was drunk, bleeding, and laughing for no reason and she was treating his wounds, this mystery girl he didn't really know, but ended up grinning goofily up at her and holding her hand in his. it took awhile, but eventually her name stopped driving him crazy, and he somewhat forgave her, in his mind. he forgot about her, to some extent. he decided he didn't like the music scene in chicago and moved to new york to get discovered, and not to find piper and beat the crap out of her. his genuine purpose was to move to the city to get his music career to take off. in a huge city like new york, what were the chances of running into piper? nate didn't want to even see her. she'd faded away in his mind, and it was a good thing, because moving to new york was what had made him successful; it was how he met say something. that, and he had forgotten how much he liked being single. he was probably better at it than being in a relationship, given his personality, constantly trying to outshine other people.he'd had an actual girlfriend or two since piper, and others who weren't serious at all, and he'd done his best to forget her. he'd been successful with this, until now. because nate winters didn't get into physical fights a lot, to be honest, but he found himself now, alone, dizzied and sitting in the grass trying to steady himself. he knew he probably should get back to his bus, because crazy rumors would start if anyone saw him in this state: half his face and his knuckles bruised, a bloody nose, and a cut on his forehead. he knew he should be discreet, maybe wiped some blood from his lips, but still dizzy from the hit, he wasn't thinking straight, and headed straight through the merch tables to get back to the bus.at least, that was his plan, until he caught a glimpse of brown hair and the girl underneath him staring at him like she'd just seen a ghost. and when he saw her, he had absolutely no feelings of anger or sadness or anything negative towards this girl who left all that time ago. he was standing in front of her and grinning now, that stupid grin, even though he was getting a few stares from others. "well, well. piper grey." he started, taking in the situation. "that's not exactly the greeting i was hoping for."

that's not our deal

WHEN YOU LEAVE AND WHEN IT'S EMPTY AND I FEEL CRAZY BECAUSE I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING I WISH YOU WOULD TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL BUT YOU'LL NEVER TELL ME BECAUSE THAT'S NOT OUR DEAL WHEN YOU LEAVE ME TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING YOU TAKE ALL MY MONEY YOU TAKE ALL MY WEED. I WISH ---

she was almost positive that nate was stalking her. why else would he be on the same exact tour as her? either he was stalking her, or he had a funny sense of humor. or wanted retribution for her leaving him. she hadn't meant to hurt him. the opposite, in fact. she wanted to protect him. well, not really. she wanted to protect herself. it was selfish, to leave without telling him, but she was a selfish person. there was nothing pretty, or cute about it. it was the plain and simple truth. she wasn't proud of it, either, but she wasn't exactly attempting to hide it. simply hide from him. she wasn't sure why, either. he was just an ex. just another ex. it had practically become her mantra. one day, she had decided, she was going to go up to him, and talk to him. but that day had always been the next day. and when the next day came, it was "too inconvenient," while truthfully, she was just scared shitless. she wasn't good with confrontations where she'd fucked up. she loved yelling. it was a good release for all of her anger.

but when it came to apologizing? she hated it. she hated feeling like she was the one who'd done something wrong. and in the situation with nate, honestly, there was no way he'd done anything wrong. he'd just been his usual, dumb, charming self, and she freaked out and left to tour the country without telling him. no big deal, right? apparently it was, since every time she attempted to, it felt like her throat was closing in on her, or she was coming down with a sudden, unexplained sickness.

she should have known she was fucked from the moment they arrived in new jersey. this morning, instead of slowly and lazily opening her eyes to greet the beautiful, freezing morning, she had fallen out of her bunk and hit the floor. that was great. and then, she'd run out of toothpaste, and had to borrow someone else's, which just made her feel like she'd catch herpes or something. who knew diseases they'd had contracted? her hairbrush had broken, and she'd just felt like it'd be a bad day. seeing nate wasn't a bad thing, per se, but it wasn't exactly ideal. seeing the only man in the world who could make her want to vomit, make her knees go weak and get her heart racing all at the same time would be a walk in the park, right? it should be, for after all, in the end that was all he was: a man. and her mom had taught her one thing, the most important lesson that she would ever been taught. that a man was nothing, really, but a body with less than half a brain. she was smarter than him. she could find ways to avoid him easily, problem solved. kind of. what would she do when the day which would inevitably arrive and she would bump into him? what was there to do? apologize?

no, piper grey never apologized. she never did anything so wrong that she had to apologize, but what she'd done to nate was definitely almost apology-warranting. but he wouldn't let her know that she'd done anything to affect him, and for all she knew, she hadn't. for all she knew, he'd just gone on living his life, not thinking about her at all, while she'd been consumed with guilt for a good three days. she would talk to him eventually, but if she had her way, it wouldn't be today, or even for a long while. but of course, she wouldn't have her way. why wasn't avoiding someone on a tour of a huge group of people easier? why did she always manage to run into the people that she didn't want to see at all? fucking nate.

she furrowed her eyebrows, looking at him. why was he bleeding? why was he always bleeding. she sighed softly, clenching her jaw. "maybe it's because i didn't want to see you, winters." she stood up slowly, moving to stand almost toe to toe to him. placing her hand squarely on his jaw, she yanked his face down so that she could properly assess the damage. piper sighed softly, lacing her fingers in between hers, walking towards her bus. she had a first aid kit in there somewhere. "why is it," she asked, softly. "that every time we meet, you're bleeding everywhere? who kicked your ass tonight, nate?"

DON'T EXPECT ME TO MISS YOUWe called ourselves miles, we let ourselves dream, But dreams only come when we sleep.We've got thousands of miles, with states in between.I beg for you to forget me, just to let you be.My bed gets sick of your body Like the moon gets sick of the stars. If I'm going down, I'll take the whole damn town down. Don't expect me to miss youThe sun coming up,Seems to agreeWith our moods.-----------------he had a moment of clarity in the first few seconds after he saw her, but now memories were coming back to him. the weeks after she left. how angry he was at her. now, he felt differently. mad, but a different kind of mad. nate didn't want revenge, he didn't feel envy, he didn't want to tell her off, he didn't want to do anything to her. it was like she'd stepped in on his territory, and he couldn't believe she'd had the nerve to do that. she must have known that all he really wanted was to make it in music, and then she ended up selling merch for a band on a label that rivaled the label his own band was on. now that he was here, he could have ignored her--she was only selling merch. but there was something stopping him from walking in the other direction. maybe it was closure, or maybe he wasn't over her, or maybe it was something else.maybe he kind of wanted piper to throw herself at his feet and beg for his forgiveness. not even to get back together, just to be forgiven. and he would milk it but eventually accept her apology and they'd part ways and he'd go off feeling like he held her in the palm of his hand. but this wasn't any girl, this was piper grey. and she wasn't going to grovel. in fact, he knew it would be a stretch for thinking she might apologize. on some level, all he wanted was her to feel badly about leaving him. maybe even regret it, but mostly to just feel guilty. if he'd known she was here earlier, he probably would have done something stupid and poorly thought out to get her to regret leaving, and it wouldn't have worked. like, gotten some girl, a merch girl or roadie, maybe even a fan, to walk around with him and amped up the pda whenever he saw piper. it was a good thing she'd caught him by surprise, because again, if he knew one thing about piper, it was that the stupid shit he did without thinking never worked on her. ever.and, of course, she never apologized. but he was determined, this time, to make her actually at least acknowledge what she did to him. no, he wasn't going to let her off the hook so easily. was nate a drama queen? yes. did he often take things way out of proportion? absolutely. but this time, he knew exactly what he wanted from her, because it was clear as day to him. nothing anyone had ever done to him in the past had made him feel the way piper did when she left without a word.he scoffed at her. she didn't want to see him? to him, this felt like his tour and not hers, and she had no right to be here. he raised his eyebrows slightly and crossed his arms, his smile fading. "then i really don't know why you're here. maybe you're stalking me?" he said coolly, an attempt to somehow turn the situation around. but the next thing he knew, she was standing right in front of him, examining his face with no intent to be gentle with him. she was holding nate's hand now, the way he'd held hers in the bathroom the night they first met, and it made him momentarily forget why and what he was angry about. his goofy smile returned. "i don't know. someone's tech?" he replied, still a little dizzy, honestly.

that's not our deal

WHEN YOU LEAVE AND WHEN IT'S EMPTY AND I FEEL CRAZY BECAUSE I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING I WISH YOU WOULD TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL BUT YOU'LL NEVER TELL ME BECAUSE THAT'S NOT OUR DEAL WHEN YOU LEAVE ME TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING YOU TAKE ALL MY MONEY YOU TAKE ALL MY WEED. I WISH ---

there were so many things about nate that made her want to impale herself on the nearest tree and run into his arms and never leave at the same time. there was the way that he smiled - that stupid half smirk of his was nothing like that real smile. that goofy smile that took up half his face, the stupid way that his eyes lit up when they woke up in the morning and saw her, and didn't say a word. the way he'd wrap his arms around her and pull her closer, much to her protests about his morning breath. but it didn't matter much. the smile, the god damn smile got her every time. another thing was the way he walked. he looked like he was a teenager hopped up on coke while having a seizure. he tripped over his every step and he looked like an idiot while he did it, but still, somehow, girls were all over him. she hated the way his voice was raspy in the morning, she hated the way how he'd look straight at her when he was singing, she hated the way he cooked breakfast and then left a mess for he to clean, but most of all god damn it, she hated that he'd gotten to her.

he'd tamed her. piper grey was many things, but tame was never one of them. she was wild and free, she wasn't the girl to pass up on a party to hang out with her boyfriend and make funny faces and watch movies and eat pizza until she thought she would explode. but somehow, with nate, that's who she became. the worst part was she didn't even realize it. she didn't realize that he'd become such a big part of her life, she didn't realize that she chatted idly on the phone about nate and she didn't even see the big fucking red flag when her mother told her she wanted to meet the man making her daughter so happy. she didn't see it until one day, she woke up, wrapped up in those stupid bright blue sheets he wanted so much and she was realized she was content. content was a good thing, for most people. content was never for piper grey.

she wanted anything but content. she wanted passionate, angry, sad, elated, but she didn't want content. she needed to feel something more than she was right now. she needed something else, something new. so she packed up and left. she left the love of her life, and she didn't feel bad about it. not at first, at least. then, sometimes when she was laying in bed alone, she'd close her eyes and imagine how it was when he put his arms around her waist and pulled her into him and kissed her forehead and told her goodnight.

she missed him more than she'd ever admit, but here, now, she wished that he'd go away and she could miss him from a distance. the last thing she wanted to do was deal with him. to deal with his shit, and all the things that drove him crazy. piper rolled her eyes as he spoke. as if she would ever stalk him. "i don't care about you enough to stalk you, nate." she spat at him, venom dripping off of her words. sure, maybe it was harsh, but it was true. no. it wasn't. it was a big fucking lie, but she wouldn't let him know that.

but he was bleeding, and she couldn't very well let the love of her life bleed to death, could she? she sighed softly as he spoke, rolling her eyes once again - it was amazing, the effect his words had on her ability to roll her eyes. "or maybe you just get into fights too much. can't you just control your temper, nate?" walking slowly onto her bus, she dragged him behind her, sitting him down on one of the couches while she grabbed the first aid kit. "you look like shit."

DON'T EXPECT ME TO MISS YOUWe called ourselves miles, we let ourselves dream, But dreams only come when we sleep.We've got thousands of miles, with states in between.I beg for you to forget me, just to let you be.My bed gets sick of your body Like the moon gets sick of the stars. If I'm going down, I'll take the whole damn town down. Don't expect me to miss youThe sun coming up,Seems to agreeWith our moods.-----------------if she had been anyone else, nate would have probably gone running when he met piper. it was rare for him to be up for a challenge. some guys were, but nate didn't like chasing after girls and begging them to give him the time of day. no thanks. but something about the way piper looked at nate like he was an idiot, bloody face and all, that exasperated face she got when he did or said something dumb, he kind of maybe liked it. she would get annoyed with him, but it didn't really stop him from doing these childish things that he left her to clean up.but as much as piper changed during their relationship, so had he. honestly, he wasn't used to having a girlfriend who would put up with his dumb shit and stick around. if she did, then he would get bored and bolt first. it was either one or the other. with piper, it stayed well between them for so long he though he was safe. he thought that it would be different. he wasn't under the impression that this would necessarily be forever, but if it didn't, they would at least talk and it would be friendly and mutual. but maybe his hopes were too high. maybe this wasn't anything special, it was just the same situation as it had always been, just dragged out longer. except he knew on some level that it wasn't. he'd felt different this time around. and maybe nate didn't want to necessarily say it, but he hated that piper hadn't.okay, so piper wanted something else. something nate used to want, but didn't really miss when he met piper. apparently, what she wanted wasn't him, and he had to move on. which wasn't hard at first, because all he'd really done was go around and tell everyone how much he hated her, probably making him look quite pathetic. he missed her, but he didn't want it to look that way. when he complained about her, it wasn't about the fact that she left. it was about all the little things that she did that annoyed him, for once, and not the other way around. how cold she was and how she always acted like she was above everyone. true or not, those were the things he complained about to his friends in slurred phrases on the nights he missed her most.and the way she rolled her eyes at him and snapped at him didn't make things any better. if anything, it made him want to snap her twiglike body in two. he said nothing but stared at her as she dragged him onto her bus, telling him he looked like shit. "i don't have a temper," he lied simply. it was one of those lies you told just to tell, but knew the other person wouldn't believe you, the kind you tell your parents: i'm not spoiled, of course i'm nice to my sisters, i love aunt helen. he flinched and pulled away slightly as she touched his face. "so where did you go?" he asked bitterly, without thinking before he spoke.