welcome

[aeryn riann mclaggen]

I'm hot sticky sweet,

Thirty two weeks and five days pregnant didn’t look good on Aeryn. She was bloated and swollen to the point where she wasn’t sure how much her body could handle. She no longer had ankles. They were cankles. Aeryn couldn’t walk from class to class anymore. It had been a miracle that her mother had actually allowed her back to school at all in the condition she was in. But Aeryn wanted to graduate. She might not have been the smartest or the most brilliant in her year, or even close to it for that matter, but she was determined to get out of school with a degree so she could work and make sure she could take care of her children if, for some Merlin forsaken reason, the father of her children (whomever he may be) didn’t want to have anything to do with them. Aeryn refused to fail for herself and her children. She could only lean on her parents for so long before it wore on her nerves.

And so, Aeryn was sitting on a couch in the Gryffindor common room, legs tented over Sirius’s lap. He had been kind enough to stay up with her for Merlin knows what reason. It had to be about one in the morning, and she hadn’t been able to sleep. Getting comfortable with a beach ball perpetually attached to your stomach wasn’t easy. She couldn’t sleep on her stomach one because it hurt and two because it could hurt the babies. She couldn’t lay on her back for more than maybe ten minutes before the weight of the babies in her stomach began to weigh heavily on her internal organs, especially her heart and lungs. After ten, fifteen minutes max, Aeryn would have to find another position to lay in or risk blacking out from lack of air. As someone who had always been a belly sleeper, trying to sleep on her side was not something that made her happy. Left, right. Right, left. She spent most of her nights tossing and turning, unable to actually find a position that was anything even remotely close to comfortable. Her first pregnancy hadn’t been anything close to this bad. She even tried to use the pillow trick that had helped the first go around, sticking pillows all around her belly to support it so the weight wasn’t too much for her body, but that only helped for so long.

In a word, Aeryn was miserable. At this point, she honestly just wanted the babies out of her belly, but it was terrifying to think that she was still about two months out from being full term. Aeryn, who had a pregnancy to compare this one to, felt as though she were already far past her due date. The weight of the babies on her cervix made it hurt. It hurt as though she had over exercised the muscle. Some days, if Aeryn did too much walking, she felt as though her babies were just going to slip out. Of course, they hadn’t done that yet, but it just felt like they would. She felt so open… it was a scary feeling.

Even scarier than feeling as though her babies were just going to slip out of her was knowing that soon she would actually be delivering the babies. She had already started getting those stupid Braxton-Hicks contractions, the ones that are painful like real contractions but pose no harm on mother or baby (or, in Aeryn’s case, babies). They had been steadily been getting worse as the week wore on, and were now just shy of what normal contractions were. They hadn’t been regular though. Had they been coming at regular intervals, Aeryn would’ve freaked out. That wouldn’t have been a good sign. “Shiiiiiiiittt,” Aeryn whined, grabbing Sirius’s arm, squeezing it tightly with her eyes closed tightly. She clenched her teeth together as the pain spiked for one – two – three – four – five seconds and started to de-escalate. Breathing in and out through her nose, Aeryn opened her eyes and looked pleadingly at Sirius. With a half smile, half smirk, she apologized. “Sorry, didn’t see that one coming.” She took her hand off his arm and placed both on her belly.

Aeryn tipped her head back and leaned it on the arm of the couch. Using her hands as a balance on the couch, she scooted her butt closer to Sirius in order to rest her head more comfortably on the arm of the couch. “Merlin, this really sucks,” she said, moving her hands to support her back. “I’m fucking jealous, I hope you know,” she said, her thick Irish accent pouring through. “Everyone gets to party. Party, party, party. And here I am, looking like… like I don’t even know what. Whale doesn’t begin to explain it anymore. Pregnant whale might, but I’m not even sure that’ll do.” She scoffed and snorted, but stopped half snort. Her smirk dropped into a frown and she began to panic. “Uhhhh, Sirius?” Aeryn scrambled as best as she could to sit up and touched the couch cushions between her legs. They were wet. She knew she hadn’t just pissed herself. There was only one other thing that it could be. “SIRIUS. GET ME TO ST. MUNGO’S. NOW.”

TAG: mssr sirius black   WORDS: 883   outfit: hurr   NOTES: o.o PS- date is 13 January, VERY early morning

[sirius orion black]

Baby, I'm Your Slave

i'll let you whip me if i misbehave

Thirty two weeks and five days worth of guilt didn’t look good on Sirius. He hadn’t had a peaceful night’s sleep in ages. Though the most addicted to rule-breaking out of all the Marauders, Sirius had a fairly strict moral code. He didn’t let anyone know it, of course, but anyone who paid enough attention was bound to see it. Sirius had friends. Sirius had girls. Sirius had friends that were girls. However, he’d done a damn good job of keeping any of his ‘friends’ from becoming one of his ‘girls’. In short, he avoided fuck-buddies like the plague. Sirius had lived through enough drama in his life. He learned early on through James’ enterprises that girls were jealous and catty creatures who didn’t forgive easily when sex was involved. Sirius hadn’t ever wanted any part of that. He’d decided way before he’d had his little virgin-boy cherry popped that he wasn’t going to mix his different circles of people. He’d had enough drama to last him a lifetime and he was barely seventeen. Up until a few months ago, he’d been doing pretty damn good at keeping this little honor system of his ironclad.

Then Aeryn wore yellow eyeshadow.

He really didn’t know what it was about glittery yellow eyeshadow on a pretty girl, but it just drove him to bedlam. …or, in Aeryn’s case, just to bed. Not long after really getting to know Aeryn, Sirius had placed her in his ‘friend’ pile. It wasn’t that he found her unattractive or undateable. He just knew about… Well, he knew – like pretty much every other person at school – that she’d been raped. He knew that sort of thing happened all the time to girls, but never to one he’d known. It was a horrific thought and it made him so angry any time he thought about it that he swore to himself that he’d never ever do anything to Aeryn to make her think he only thought about her like that asshole had, as just something to fuck and leave. And not just fuck and leave, but fuck and leave pregnant. That had really been what made him feel so furious about the whole thing. Not only had she gotten raped, but then she’d ended up pregnant from it and had to carry the baby to term just to end up giving it up for adoption. Personally, had he been a girl, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to keep the baby either. How could you look at that little baby and not be reminded every single time about how they had come to be? The whole thing seemed nightmareish to him, so he’d always sworn to never be anything more than friends with Aeryn.

Fucking yellow eyeshadow.

It wasn’t like she didn’t flirt with him, and that he hadn’t flirted back. They flirted. So what? James kept telling him to just get over it and sleep with her, that she wanted him. Sirius couldn’t bring himself to do it, though. He felt bad even hugging her, sometimes, with worrying over what she might think his motives were. But that night, a few months ago… Well, Aeryn hadn’t let being raped slow her down any. She got around. Lots of girls did. Nothing wrong with it. Sirius got around too. But, he’d never planned on getting with Aeryn. It had been a mistake – a hot, steamy, against-the-wall, up half the night, best sex he’d ever had mistake – but a mistake none the less. When he’d woken up still tangled up with her, he’d nearly ran buck-naked through the castle back to his own bed. He’d never felt so guilty in his whole life. He hadn’t even felt that bad about nearly getting Snape killed. Between being high, the sexual tension that had been building between them for years, and that damned yellow eyeshadow, he hadn’t stood a chance at keeping it in his pants. She had wanted it. She had started it. That didn’t make him feel any better about it though. He still felt like some sicko, just using her like that other asshole had. He hadn’t been able to look at her for weeks, but, when she came to everyone and told them she was pregnant, he couldn’t let her go through that again without being supportive. He might have felt guilty for sleeping with her, but he let that go enough to be able to be the friend that he had always been to her.

Maybe he was a bit more protective… Maybe he was a bit over-protective… Maybe he’d gotten detention for a week for beating the shit out of some Slytherin for saying ‘the whore’s knocked up again’ during study hall… Maybe he’d lied and told her and everyone else it had been over Quidditch… Yeah, maybe, but so what? Once again some asshole had knocked her up and left her to fend for herself. Sirius really hated being associated with the same gender as fucktards like that. He might not be the dad, and he might not be her boyfriend, but, hell, somebody needed to stay awake with her when she couldn’t sleep, go raid the kitchens when she was craving some apples and brie. The douchebag that knocked her up didn’t have the decency to, so somebody had to pick up the slack. Sirius, still guilty about sleeping with her, felt obligated to step in; he didn’t mind it, but lately, it was getting a bit tiresome. He’d gotten a blister on his hand from rubbing her huge-ass monster-sized feet. Girls had weird bodies. They could swell up three times their normal size and bleed for a week straight without dying? Super-humans. And, ya know, that whole ‘able to make humans inside of them’ thing.

“Shiiiiiiiittt.”

Sirius braced himself to lose the last bit of top-layer skin that his arm still had as she had another of those cramps-that-weren’t-cramps. She apologized, but he was too sleepy to think of anything to say. He just smirked and shrugged. “It’s only permanent indentions in my flesh. No big. I hadn’t planned on being an arm model anyways.” She went on, whining. She did that a lot. Being a good friend was really difficult at one in the morning with a miserable, whiny super-pregnant chick. “Uh-huh,” he said, closing his eyes, just to rest them, just for a moment. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew she was screaming at him at the top of her lungs.

“SIRIUS. GET ME TO ST. MUNGO’S. NOW.”

He just stared at her a moment, then he felt something wet on his leg. “Oh, what the hell is that,” he cringed. Then, it hit him. “Wait… St. Mungo’s?” He gaped at her. “Now?” Oh, shit. “Uh, ok,” he said, moving her legs off of his lap so he could stand. “Um, right. Uh… Oh!” He turned to the fireplace in the common room and grabbed the small pouch of floo powder, just enough for one floo, that was sitting on the mantel. It was only for emergencies and using it immediately alerted the Headmaster…but… Well, this was definitely an emergency. Sirius threw the whole pouch into the fire and turned around, holding his arms out to her. “Cm’on, I’ll carry you. It takes you five minutes to waddle across a fucking room, so don’t argue.” Thankfully, she didn’t give him any bullshit and actually held out her arms to him. She must have been really scared, was what he’d think later, when he had time to think. Grabbing her as so to pick her up in his arms, Sirius quickly changed positions to help her stand instead. “Fuck, you’re way heavier than I remember,” he grunted, hoisting her enough to half-sling, half-drag her over to the fireplace. “Would locomotor-mortis hurt the babies,” he asked, sarcastically, climbing into the fireplace with her. He wrapped his arms around her and firmly said their destination. “St. Mungo’s Hospital!”

He’d felt slightly bruised and disoriented when they stepped out of the fireplace into St. Mungo’s. “I think my elbow hit a chimney,” he grabbed, rubbing his arm as he looked around for a nurse. “Oi!” He kept his arms around Aeryn, terrified she’d fall and hurt herself or her babies. “A little help? Party of five, they don’t have a reservation.” In a whirlwind of activity, Aeryn was put into a wheelchair and was being pushed off. Sirius didn’t really know what to do for a moment. Should he go or stay? It wasn’t really his kids, so it felt weird going back with her, but, then again, he didn’t want her to be all alone. Jogging, he caught up to her and snapped. “If you get anymore woman-juice on my new sleep pants, I’m going to be pissed. Keep your placenta to yourself.” His voice was a bit shaky and his joking a little forced. He felt terrified and it showed. He didn’t sign up for this. He’d only wanted to be a good friend and not some penis with no conscience like Aeryn’s baby daddy. He hadn’t wanted to be there during the whole screaming, cussing, coming-out-of-vagina-holes, crying womb-covered babies part. He’d seen enough movies to know he wanted no part of this magical journey of Aeryn’s second sojourn into motherhood. “If I pass out, don’t tell the guys. You owe me. I better get some fucking amazing ‘thank you, Uncle Sirius, for enduring some gross ass birthing bullshit’ present. I want a new bike. Get me a new bike.” He realized the Healer that had joined them was glaring at him. He just realized that he’d totally cut the guy off while he was trying to give Aeryn a medical pep-talk. “Did I…? Oh… I’m sorry. Continue.”

this post is for lexi and is 1,642 words long.

[aeryn riann mclaggen]

I'm hot sticky sweet,

Her babies had no particular father. In all honesty, Aeryn wasn’t sure if she wanted to even find out who the father was. What was the point of that? She had slept with so many men that they all blended together. Within the week that she could have gotten pregnant, Aeryn had had sex with at least eight or nine different guys. Sirius had been one of them, and by far the most memorable. That he could even be on the list of guys who could be the father of her children wasn’t something that she was about to share. She and Sirius had been housemates and friends of a sort, but they hadn’t gotten close until after she had been raped. She had been after him for years, years upon years. She had been after him even before she was raped, though back then she hadn’t been quite so aware of her actions and what she wanted versus what she didn’t want. After she was raped, though, it seemed like she had no shot at him. He joked around with her like she was one of the guys and couldn’t look at her for too long. There was always that little voice in the back of her head, nagging her, telling her the only reason he was friends with her was because she had been raped and he felt bad for her.

But that wouldn’t stop her, and hadn’t. It had taken too long for Aeryn’s liking, but the first weekend in June she had finally managed to bed the seemingly elusive Sirius Black. Well, elusive to her at least. There were plenty of other girls who had won the honor of being able to say that they had slept with the one and only Sirius – Fucking – Black. Even her own best friend, Aoife, had managed to get a fuck from him. But her? Nothing. She wasn’t self conscious enough to think that perhaps he didn’t find her attractive, and besides! He flirted with her. Often time she had initiated it, but he never had any problems flirting back. She just never seemed to be able to make it into the mix of girls who were able to have sex with Sirius. Aeryn wasn’t going to let that get to her though, and she wasn’t going to be defeated by some stupid thing he must’ve had against her. She knew that one of these days, sooner or later (and hopefully sooner), he would give in to her.

There was no time for reminiscing though. Aeryn’s mind was reeling and all she could think was it’s not time, it’s not time, it’s not time! Her doctor had informed her that there was a very good chance she would deliver early, as was common with multiples, but she still had six weeks to go! And there was more than one of them in there! How could any of them survive being born early, especially since they were tiny to begin with? She knew that her blood volume had at least tripled and her heart was working seriously overtime in order to get enough blood circulating for even halfway normal baby growth. Aeryn hadn’t been sure that having multiples at full term for one baby would be enough time for them to grow and develop enough to live normally. Through her minor freak out, Sirius had gone off and used the floo powder in the fireplace and was now holding his arms out for her. Good, he was going to help her. She didn’t expect him to, but it was a nice gesture. He had been exceptionally nice to her throughout her entire pregnancy and had been more than just a friend to her. Aeryn absently wondered if Sirius knew that he was the baby daddy, or if he assumed he was. She got around. Everyone knew she did. It wasn’t as though he was the only person who it could’ve been, and Sirius had to have known that. There was also no way that he really could have placed himself back to the week when she had conceived. He couldn’t do that. Only she could.

Aeryn decided to stop questioning Sirius’s motives behind the things he had done for her since they got back to school and it leaked that she was pregnant yet again (though, in all honesty, it hadn’t been too hard to notice. She had already been bulky and pregnant looking when they had arrived). Sirius pulled her off the couch and attempted to pick her up. A smirk appeared on her face and while she would’ve loved to see him actually try to lift her and her extra fifty five pounds, Aeryn really didn’t want to risk something happening to them. He half dragged her over to the fireplace and, once they were both safely inside, wrapped his arms around her. It was a nice feeling, to have someone’s arms wrapped around you. She was vaguely aware that he had made a joke of the sarcastic sort, but she had no time to actually let it settle into her brain before the emerald green flames engulfed them and they were being whisked away to St. Mungo’s.

Aeryn stumbled out of the fireplace and into the large, stark white waiting room at St. Mungo’s. Sirius’s arms were still wrapped tightly around her as he rubbed his elbow and commented on hitting it on a chimney somewhere along the way. “Sirius, I really need to sit down… they’re going to fall I swear they’re going to just come out,” she said frantically, and Sirius started shouting about for someone to help them out. An assistant healer came running out of seemingly nowhere as Aeryn tried to slither out of Sirius’s grip. She had to sit down, stop the effects of gravity. The healer helped her into a wheelchair and furiously pushed her through a set of double doors. Aeryn was barely aware that Sirius wasn’t there one minute and then right next to her the next, making an awkward, strained joke about placentas. Aeryn wanted to punch him, laugh and cry all at the same time. Back to questioning his intentions, she wondered why in the name of Merlin he had decided to come back with her, but decided not to question it out loud. She was happy he wasn’t leaving her alone.

The healer who had approached them at some point and had started to try to talk to Aeryn before Sirius’s arrival issued a light “he-hem” and Sirius stopped talking. He was going off about her owing him and getting him a new bike and passing out. She still didn’t get that he was going to stay with her, but he did. The next few minutes seemed to take forever and be gone in a flash. One healer helped Aeryn out of her jammies and into a birthing gown, while the other healer grabbed Sirius, shoved him into the bathroom and tossed in a pair of scrubs, yelling something about not being allowed to be in the delivery room without being in sterile clothing. Aeryn was helped into bed by two healers and was left alone for barely a minute. In that minute, Sirius emerged from the bathroom, looking adorable as ever, and Aeryn smiled. They didn’t have time to exchange any words before the healers came back into the room and started testing Aeryn to see where she was in labor. She was grilled with questions about how long ago her water broke and how far apart her contractions were. She had lost essentially all concept of time and was only able to tell them that her last contraction had been probably two minutes before they arrived at St. Mungo’s. Just then, another one hit. Aeryn let out a sharp yip of pain and grabbed on to the very well placed hand rails on the side of her hospital bed. If she could have arched her back in pain, she would have, but the extra fifty five pounds in front of her wouldn’t allow for it.

Eons seemed to pass before the pain began to subside and her breathing reregulated itself. Opening her eyes, she saw the healers writing on their little boards and assumed that they had no problems with her contractions. Blood thumping in her ears, Aeryn was only vaguely aware of the healer that was putting her feet into stirrups and feeling around inside of her, trying to determined how dilated she was. When he emerged from between her legs, Aeryn’s pulse had calmed down from the spike when she had a contraction. Feeling a bit conscious and overly aware of the healer’s face in her most private area, it took a lot for Aeryn to resist kicking him in the head. He told her that she was already seven centimeters dilated and at the rate she was going, she might be ready to deliver her babies within the next few hours. He took her feet out of the stirrups and patted her knees before leaving the room. Only then did Aeryn remember Sirius. She looked around for him, frantically, and when she found him gave him a smile. “I know, it’s not exactly where you want to be so early in the morning, but I really appreciate you being here.” She looked him up and down. “And those pink scrubs do wonders for your skin tone.”

TAG: mssr sirius black   WORDS: 1,580   outfit: hurr   NOTES: only you can get me to write like this. i hope what i wrote with sirius is alright =)

[sirius orion black]

Baby, I'm Your Slave

i'll let you whip me if i misbehave

Sirius was insanely glad James and Remus weren’t here. They were good friends, the best friends in the world as far as he was concerned, but he knew they’d never let him live this down. It was best they weren’t here in person to experience it. He could hopefully downplay his actions, say someone forced him to come back with her. Yes, there was a new rule that pregnant women couldn’t go back to pop out babies all alone – new hospital rule. Maybe they’d buy that. Just as he was working out exactly how to word such a flimsy lie, Sirius felt hands shoving him towards a dark little room. “Oi!” He heard something about clothes, birthing, and sterile and then the door slammed in his face, leaving him in a dark, tiny space. His eyes adjusted enough to find the lights and they hummed to life, blinding him momentarily. He found himself in an overly clean, overly white little bathroom with a set of ugly salmon-toned scrubs in his arms. He audibly groaned. He had only been trying to be nice. He didn’t want to do this. Aeryn was his friend, but he really didn’t know if he could do this.

Outside the door, he could hear a lot of movement, instructions, and Aeryn’s timed breathing. His ears focused in on Aeryn and he could tell that he’d never be able to live with himself if he ducked out on her now. It was too late. He was a part of this and he’d just have to tough it out. It would be gross, and would probably scar him for life, but she couldn’t do this alone. He wouldn’t let that happen. So, feeling shaky and panicked, Sirius pulled off his pajamas and put on the awful looking scrubs. Tying the pants in the front, he finally looked up at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t surprised to see a worried, pale, slightly sweaty face looking back at him. He steeled his expression and nodded firmly to himself. He’d be fine. He wouldn’t pass out. It would be great. Magical, just like people said. Yes. It’d be just fine.

Nodding to assure himself once more, Sirius left the bathroom to find himself alone with Aeryn. She was already in a gown and lying on a very uncomfortable-looking bed-like contraption. He was about to ask her if she was okay when the Healers came rushing back into the room. He stood by the bathroom door, wringing his hands and rocking from side to side, hoping they wouldn’t make him do anything more than stand right there and yell encouraging things to Aeryn from across the room. So far, everyone was ignoring him and that’s just how he liked it. But, then Aeryn started gearing up for another one of those baby-cramps and he nearly climbed over some nurse to get beside the bed. She finally had something else besides his arm to hang onto, so he stood beside the bed, feeling completely out of place and useless. A nurse pushed him back towards the head of the bed while they attached some sort of medical-y thing to Aeryn and he stood there, watching them all poke and prod her as her contraction wore off.

That nagging little protective streak in him got its dander up as some dude in green scrubs stuck his head between Aeryn’s legs, as bold as brass. Sirius took a step forward, fist clenched, but when the guy said something about dilating and cervixes, Sirius felt stupid for not realizing he was the main Healer dude. When the guy said something about it being “just” a few hours until the babies would come, Sirius thought again about punching him. What the hell was that fool saying?! They would be here for hours?! This wasn’t happening right now? He looked around, wondering if someone would jump out and yell ‘Got you!’, but no one did. This was for real. Hours?! He licked his lips, realizing his mouth was unbearably dry. Nervously, he began rubbing his elbow again, looking to see if it was bruised just so he wouldn’t have to look at some other guy all up in Aeryn’s lady parts. Then, as soon as he arrived, the guy left. There was still a nurse in the room, writing things on a chart, looking calm as could be. Sirius felt like yelling at her to do something. Why was everyone so fucking relaxed?! When he realized Aeryn was looking for him, he moved forward a bit, putting his hips level with her head. He hated himself for thinking this was a familiar position. “Hi,” he said weakly, failing miserably at being his normally cool, calm, collected, and charming self.

“I know, it’s not exactly where you want to be so early in the morning, but I really appreciate you being here.” She looked him up and down. “And those pink scrubs do wonders for your skin tone.”

Sirius felt himself blush and then felt himself feel like a total loser for doing so. He smirked and shrugged. “Well, I really want that new bike.” He got an itch behind his ear and scratched at it way too similar to how a dog might and he caught the nurse giving him a weird look. “Fleas,” he explained, casually. Cutting his brown eyes back to Aeryn he jerked his chin down at her tummy. “Hours, eh?” He leaned forward, grabbing the swivel-stool the Healer had been using. Moving to where he stood, he sat down on it, putting his head almost level with Aeryn’s. He smiled at her in his normal charming way, but, slowly, it started to fade. He leaned forward, resting his chin on the metal bar attached to the side of her bed. “Please don’t die,” he whispered. “I took that Ginger girl in Hufflepuff to a movie over the holiday and the girl in it died. Does that really happen?”

this post is for lexi and is 995 words long.

[aeryn riann mclaggen]

I'm hot sticky sweet,

Aeryn felt her heart skip a beat and the babies move within her when she was the little pink patches appear on Sirius’s cheeks. Was he? No, he couldn’t be. Sirius Black didn’t blush! He was way too cool for that. When the smirk played at his lips and the blush faded, Aeryn thought that he now looked more like the Sirius she knew. She laughed when he scratched like a dog and the nurse gave him a look. “Sirius, stop it!” Aeryn said, but couldn’t help laughing and issuing him a large smile. “And by the way, asshole, I never agreed to get you that bike.” He made some eye roll motion at her comment, and she was all together shocked he didn’t have a smartass comment to come back with. Ashe rolled over the stool which the healer, who would most likely be delivering her children, had been sitting on, Aeryn took that time to use the hand rails to sit up a bit more in her bed, leaning on the three or four pillows that had been stuffed behind her.

“Mmhmmm,” she said, nodding, when Sirius had asked her about the babies being a few more hours. She was about to explain to him that it could’ve been days in labor before the babies decided to show themselves, but his smile faded, and he actually looked scared. Aeryn furrowed her brow and pushed some hair off it forehead. It had been matted down by sweat, and something about him being so scared and so utterly not Sirius made her heart yearn for him. He whispered to her not to die, and began to tell her about how he saw it happen in a movie that he saw over break with some red headed chick from Hufflepuff. Yes, it did happen. People died from child birth daily, but the numbers now weren’t even close to what they were even ten years ago. Medical advancements had come a long way, but there was still a chance she could die. There was a chance that one or more of her babies could die. There was a chance that all of them, however many of them there were, would die, or would be still born and never get the chance to take their first breath of life.

She had felt the anxiety before, the nervousness, the inability to control your free running thoughts that had plagued her as a first time mother. Still, the thought about her dying tore her heart into pieces and she couldn’t imagine giving birth to at least two little babies without a mother or a legitimate father. Who would be able to name the possible fathers? Would her parents even begin to search for the father? Aeryn shook her head and resumed brushing the same hair out of Sirius’s face. The hair wasn’t stuck there anymore, but she just felt the need to continue. If she concentrated on that, she could ignore the dull, consistent, throbbing pain in her lower back.

With a heavy hearted sigh, Aeryn answered. “Yes, people do die,” her words slow and meaningful. It had taken her far too long to answer, but she didn’t want to scare him. She needed him there, even if the headmaster was alerted and so was her head of house and subsequently her parents, as well, and everyone else would probably be coming in soon. She didn’t want anyone else there though, except maybe her mom. It would be nice to have Sirius there, too. He had been so helpful, she couldn’t bear if he ran away. Aeryn locked her eyes on his, looking between them, hoping to find strength within their depths. Another contraction hit her out of what seemed like the clear blue, and she dropped her hand from Sirius’s hair, fearing she might clamp down on it and unintentionally pull some out. If he was talking to her, she couldn’t hear him. Blood was rushing in her ears and she felt as though her body were shaking a bit. This contraction had been the strongest so far, and Aeryn was afraid she might cry if the pain didn’t subside soon. After what seemed like an hour, though it had only been a minute, the pain subsided, leaving Aeryn with no more pain than the dull throbbing in her lower back and beads of sweat dotting her hairline.

Aeryn had balled up her fists and punched into the mattress. She flexed her fingers, and as she did so, her hearing slowly returned. Aeryn let out a shaky breath and looked at Sirius. “Bitches never get any easier,” she said, offering him a tired, weary smile. A nurse came into the room and checked Aeryn’s vitals quickly, smiling all the while. After she wrote everything in her charts and asked Aeryn how far apart her contractions were and how long they were lasting, the nurse looked to Sirius. “It’s a wonderful thing to see a young man stepping up---” but was cut off by Sirius’s insistence that he was Aeryn’s friend and was there to help her get through the whole thing. The nurse’s smile faltered for a moment before she said “Of course,” and left the room, smile still on her face. Aeryn looked at Sirius and shrugged. “Guess she thinks you’re the dad,” Aeryn laughed, knowing that there was a chance, a one in ten chance or something like that, that he actually was the father. Yet again, Aeryn held the thought to herself. She didn’t want scare him away.

Aeryn returned to running her fingers through Sirius’s hair. He was on her right side, so she used that hand. Her left arm was attached to monitors to watch her heart rate, and she was attached to an IV drip as well. That had all happened during the crazy rush of getting her in and settled. She kept her left arm on the bed, not wanting Sirius to see it. They were both tough; they played quidditch and had each been hit with their fare share of bludgers, but that didn’t mean that either one of them particularly enjoyed staring at a needle that was half buried under someone else’s skin. “So do you have any more questions? We’ve got a couple hours to kill… just a warning though: there will be more contractions to come. Stronger and closer together. Think you can manage?”

TAG: mssr sirius black   WORDS: 1077   outfit: hurr   NOTES: only you can get me to write like this. i hope what i wrote with sirius is alright =)

[sirius orion black]

Baby, I'm Your Slave

i'll let you whip me if i misbehave

The thought that other people were coming never even crossed his mind. Aeryn had parents, siblings, other friends – they would all be here for this. Using the floo network would alert the headmaster straight away and then they would alert everyone else in turn, obviously, but, for Sirius, he was too worried about the situation at hand to even realize that he’d have back-up on the way soon. For right now, he was the only one here, the only one to stand by Aeryn while this happened. He knew he wasn’t the man for the job, but he’d have to do. Though, he was worried about her dying most of all. What if she did die? What would happen to her babies? Would people blame it on him? Really, he was so full of thoughts and worries that no one thought could settle in his brain long enough to make any real sense. He was being totally irrational, but he hadn’t exactly been prepared to be a birthing coach tonight.

As she touched his hair, a moment passed between them that made Sirius feel that, indeed, they were the only two people in the world. He hated when she did that. She did it a lot lately. When he’d had to write lines for being caught sneaking her food from the kitchens, he hadn’t cared. Detention was like another subject to him, really, since he frequented it so often. Though, she’d look at him the same way she was looking at him now, like he was some sort of saint. He smiled at her, fully and genuinely. Pregnant women were so weird. She confirmed his suspicion that girls really did die during this whole bundle of chaos they called “the miracle of life”, but she was looking at him in that deep, meaningful way again and he forgot to respond.

A tight feeling gripped him by the ribs as she kept giving him that soulful gaze and he was about to look anyplace else when she pulled away from him and starting having another fit. “What is it? A crampy-thing?” He stood up suddenly, the chair under him rolling away with the abrupt movement. He gripped the bedrail and looked down at Aeryn feeling so utterly useless. “Breath through it. You’re doing great!” He was quoting that movie but he really didn’t know what else guys were supposed to do during this traumatic moment of pain. His stomach started to knot up in sympathy and he clenched his teeth, wishing she’d stop looking so injured.

When she did stop, she tried joking to make him feel more at ease, but he really didn’t like how in-pain she looked when those cramps hit. “Do those happen the whole time? Can’t we just drug you up till it’s over?” A nurse came over and he aimed his question at her. “Doesn’t she need something for the pain?” The nurse and Aeryn exchanged words in female code about something or other having to do with the cramps, which he now reckoned were actually called contractions. He didn’t like that name. It made them sound even more daunting. “Cramps” was much less intimidating. Finally, the nurse paid him half a mind and he cut her off halfway through what she was saying. “Whoa, Lady. Stop right there. I’m not… They aren’t my… We’re not…” He groped for some less incriminating wordings. “I’m here for moral support. We’re just friends.” The nurse didn’t buy and Sirius wasn’t too sure he did either. Why the fuck was he still here? Shouldn’t some girl be here with her for this? He gave the nurse’s back a pitiful, dejected look and sighed. He had a bad feeling about this, and it had nothing to do with her dying.

“Guess she thinks you’re the dad.”

“Guess so,” he added, pulling the swivel stool back up beside the bed and sitting down. He was still giving the door a nervous look when he felt Aeryn start to play with his hair again. He cut his eyes at her, unable to wipe the worry lines off his face. He’d need a joint before this was all over. He couldn’t take this for much longer without some weed to mellow him out. The fact that Aeryn hadn’t said any different against what the nurse thought made his stomach quiver inside of him in an extremely unpleasant way. He looked at Aeryn’s face, then down at her stomach, all swollen with babies, and felt his dinner start to try to come back up. He swallowed, shuddered, and tried to shake it off. He was just freaking out. He was overthinking things, that was all. In a few hours, she’d be a mom. He’d be a good friend. Then everyone could go to bed and try to forget about all these insane worries and baseless fears.

“So do you have any more questions? We’ve got a couple hours to kill… just a warning though: there will be more contractions to come. Stronger and closer together. Think you can manage?”

Sirius, knowing he ought to have been brave for her, couldn’t help but shake his head no. “But I’ll stick it out all the same.” He’d never been a cool lie anyways, so no point in trying now with how flaked out he was feeling. Grabbing her hand out of his hair, he laced their fingers together. “Hold onto me and not the rail. I feel stupid just sitting here.” After that, an hour passed, filled with more nurse visits and way too many more contractions. By three a.m., Sirius was bleary-eyed, holding a cup of ice, giving Aeryn a piece when she asked for one, wondering how much longer those babies were going to dick around with his beauty sleep. He was almost asleep again, chin resting on the edge of the hospital bed, when Aeryn gripped his arm so tight and so hard that he dropped the cup of ice and opened his mouth in a silent yelp of protest. He gritted his teeth and rode the contraction out with her, but as soon as it was over, the Healer came back into the room. Once again, the asshole just stuck his face all up in Aeryn’s gown and Sirius glowered at him. He really didn’t like that guy. Though, when the Healer said that it was time to push, Sirius looked at the guy like he’d grown a third arm. Just like that? It was time just because he said so? Where had that douchebag been an hour ago?! Sirius scoffed but put aside his sleepy annoyance to shake himself awake and wipe some sweat off Aeryn’s forehead. “Ready?”

this post is for lexi and is 1,118 words long.

[aeryn riann mclaggen]

I'm hot sticky sweet,

It was amazing how there were certain moments when she and Sirius locked eyes that felt… different. They passed but it seemed as though time was standing still, as though there were no one else around. During those moments, she felt as though she could save the world, as though nothing could go wrong, as though she weren’t even pregnant. In those moments, everything was still. In those moments, since she had been able to feel the babies within her move, her babies were still, content. It was during those moments, moments such as the current one when Sirius laced his fingers with hers and asked her to hold on to him when she was in pain, that Aeryn wondered if maybe the babies knew better than she did, if they knew that Sirius was their dad and just because of those looks and the way he made her heart race made them calm down, knowing that their dad was around. But they were just babies. Unborn babies. They were still connected to her body, reacted to her body’s actions. So then why do they calm down whenever he makes your heart race?

The question was one that could never be answered. It was impossible to get into the mind of a fetus, to know why exactly it reacted to things the way it did. Trying to get the question out of her mind, Aeryn smiled fondly at one of her best friends and greatest allies. She felt bad that he was going through this with her. He was only a friend, after all, wasn’t he? No man should ever have to be put through the experience of labor unless he signed up for it. He did sign up for it, a small voice reminded Aeryn. Sirius had offered to stick around. He hadn’t run out. She was certain he knew full well that her parents would be there soon, as well as Liam and most likely Tiberius. Perhaps even McGonagall would stop by, but she wasn’t as pertinent a player as Aeryn’s own family was. Although Aeryn and McGonagall never got along and McGonagall seemed to have an unrelenting hatred towards Aeryn, part of her wished that the cranky old bat was there. It’d be nice to see another familiar face.

“Thank you,” Aeryn whispered to Sirius when he said he’d stick it out with her. He shouldn’t have to be there with her and Aeryn felt bad about it somewhere deep down. At that point, however, she was just grateful that he wasn’t leaving her alone.

An hour or so passed with a lot of activity. Her family had finally showed up, Liam, Tiberius and all. McGonagall and Dumbledore had presented themselves to check on Aeryn’s condition and granted Sirius leave from school the next day in order to be with Aeryn. Somewhere in her conscious the question arose regarding who they thought the father was. If they didn’t think it was Sirius, why would they have let him stay? She was too tired, too sore, in too much pain and faaaaaar too out of it to think logically about the question for more than a scant few seconds. Her parents and Liam lingered in the room for awhile, while Tiberius sat outside in the waiting room. He had made some comment about feeling queasy and had left. Aeryn had shot Sirius a glance and a weak smile, hoping he didn’t take any cues from her cousin, and squeezed her eyes shut in pain as her body was wracked with another contraction.

Although she had been able to get up and walk around while in labor during her first pregnancy, nurses required Aeryn to stay in bed this time around. She was allowed to adjust her position- sitting, laying on her back, laying on her side- but that was about the extent of it. She got restless and irritable, and eventually even Liam couldn’t put up with her anymore. Both he and her dad left to join Tiberius in the waiting room, leaving Aeryn, her mother and Sirius. Part of Aeryn wanted to tell her mom to leave, to let Sirius do his job (and something in her was now certain that it was his job and the babies were his). The first time she had needed her mother, as she didn’t have anyone else. Now she had Sirius. But she let her mother stay. How could she tell her mother, who had gratefully stepped up and said that she and Aeryn’s father would continue to support Aeryn and her children until Aeryn was able to, to get the hell out of the room? She coudldn’t.

The contractions had become nearly consistent without any actual release from the pain, but one hit her especially hard and Aeryn let out a yelp of pain and groaned while digging her nails into Sirius’s forearm flesh. As the pain leveled out to what she had become used to, Aeryn let out a shaky breath and watched as the head healer, the one who would be delivering her babies, came into the room again. He checked her cervix and tenderly pressed around her belly for a few moments before declaring her ready to push. Suzanne, Aeryn’s mother, kissed her daughter on the forehead and shot Sirius a look as if to say “You had better take care of my daughter or I will personally come after you” and left the room. Aeryn, somewhat sad to see her mother and her labor coach depart, smiled up at Sirius as he wiped some sweat off her forehead. She took two deep breaths, as best as she could, and managed, “this is it.”

When the healer expressed that it was time to push, the nurses in the room scattered around, getting things ready to go. Paper liners and towels were placed under Aeryn’s bum and off to the side. The stool that Sirius had been sitting on before jumping up was rolled over to the healer, who promptly sat down and put Aeryn’s heels in those damned stirrups. He instructed Aeryn to keep them there if she wanted, or if she felt more comfortable she could grab her thighs and bring them close to her chest as she pushed down. Aeryn nodded wearily, only half aware that she was still not even thirty three weeks pregnant and about to deliver her children. Not child, children. Even though she had done this before, it was still all so surreal.

Aeryn was told that as soon as she felt the next contraction to push down hard, as though she were expelling something from the lower portion of her body (wait- wasn’t that exactly what she was doing?!). She had just enough time to hold on to Sirius’s hand before the next full blown contraction came on. A nurse on each side of her held down her legs and she pushed. Aeryn curled into herself. She had felt that movement before, a baby dropping, and it was the oddest feeling ever. Something inside of her moved, or rather everything inside of her moved and readjusted as the first baby made it’s way down the birth canal. It took half an hour of pushing before she actually felt the notorious “ring of fire,” the stretching, burning sensation that signaled that her baby’s head was crowning. The healer asked if she wanted to reach down and feel her baby’s head, but Aeryn couldn’t hear a thing. Instead, she focused on her own breathing and her contractions. Someone, somewhere far away, was telling her one more push, just one more push. So Aeryn took a shallow breath, clenched her teeth and pushed. As quickly as it had come, the ring of fire feeling subsided and Aeryn knew that the worst was over. Her baby’s head had emerged. Thirty seconds between contractions, thirty seconds that felt like an eternity, and she pushed once more, her baby rotating so that his or her shoulders could come through.

“It’s a girl,” the healer announced, pulling the tiny infant from Aeryn’s body. The baby wasn’t crying, and Aeryn’s heard dropped. She looked between Sirius and the healer frantically, but a few seconds and one cleared throat later, the baby let out a choke and Aeryn’s fears subsided. The worst of the contractions were gone for the time being. She knew that there was at least one more baby in there, so there would be at least one more round of pushing. Her eyelids felt heavy and Aeryn wondered how she ever made it through this the first time when she was only thirteen. She dropped her head onto the pillows behind her, eyes closing. She hadn’t let go of Sirius’s hand the entire time and refused to let it go now. She wondered idly where her baby was, if Sirius had cut the cord and when the next wave of contractions would come.

For another four hours or so, Aeryn’s body worked in waves. It was only three minutes after the first baby, her little girl, was born, that Aeryn’s body was ripped with contractions again. She had barely gotten a break before she spent sixteen minutes delivering her next child, a boy. It took another hour before the next baby decided it was time to come, and his birth was the easiest and shortest, lasting only nine minutes- three full contractions. Aeryn thought it was all over. She thought she was in the clear. She had actually managed to doze off a bit, head turned towards where Sirius had been standing through the entire process. Aeryn felt it coming on. The contractions had nearly subsided for the last hour and some time, but suddenly her pain level spiked and her eyes shot open. “No! No, no, no!” Aeryn shouted, only somewhat aware of what was going on. She was still half asleep and wanted to cry. She hadn’t been able to see any of her babies yet, as they had all be rushed off to the NICU area of St. Mungo’s for testing to make sure they could live outside the womb without her help.

The last of Aeryn’s children, a second little girl, was the worst to deliver. She pushed with nearly no success for forty minutes before healers thought to check the position of the baby. She was sideways and unable to fit through the birth canal. Aeryn squeezed Sirius’s hands as they mashed around her belly, trying to manually adjust the position of the baby. Tired, worn out and feeling completely incapable of doing anything more than laying there like a wet sponge, Aeryn broke down and cried. She didn’t want to do this anymore. She had three babies, why did she need another? Couldn’t it just disappear? No, apparently it couldn’t, and the nurses and healer decided that the baby had been turned enough for Aeryn to begin to push again. Another twenty minutes went by before Aeryn delivered her final little girl. The healer poked around her oddly empty body and determined that Aeryn was, finally, done with delivering her babies.

Sore, tired, and sapped of all energy, Aeryn turned onto her side as soon as she was allowed, hand still clasping Sirius’s. How could she let him go now? He had somehow managed to get through this with her, stick it out, stand by her side when he could have been elsewhere. She’d have to remember to thank him later, and never question why in the name of Merlin’s pants he stuck around so that she wouldn’t risk offending him. A friend as dedicated and as awesome as Sirius wasn’t one Aeryn wanted to lose. She closed her eyes and tried to drift off to sleep but couldn’t. She was too exhausted to even sleep, so she weakly opened her eyes and stared at Sirius. “Thank you,” was all that she could manage to say to him.

TAG: mssr sirius black   WORDS: 2000 even   outfit: hurr   NOTES: only you can get me to write like this. i hope what i wrote with sirius is alright =)

[sirius orion black]

Baby, I'm Your Slave

i'll let you whip me if i misbehave

When Aeryn’s family arrived, Sirius had been ready to jump and run. Even though her father was shooting him dirty looks behind his wife’s back, Sirius was so glad to see them. He was exhausted. This was, by far, the most energy-leeching experience he’d ever been through, and, according to the nurses, it hadn’t even really started yet. Sirius took a much-needed bathroom break while her family fawned over her, mainly to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes where it was cool and quiet. He thought to himself that, whenever he had kids, he’d just let whoever his wife was power through this nightmare with her best friend and mom or something. He wasn’t doing this bullshit again. He hatefully hoped his wife wouldn’t be able to have babies, unlike Fertile Myrtle out there. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, something in the back of his thoughts nagged at him that he better be careful what he wished for and that no one was making him stay, so stop bitching. He tried to be selfish a little longer, but it just made him more tired, so he rejoined Aeryn, her family, the nurses, the loud machines, and the overly bright lights.

When McGonagall arrived, followed shortly by Dumbledore, Sirius got a proud look from the old man and a regular lemon-face disapproving scowl from his Head of House. Typical. Somehow, though, it made him feel much better. When they granted him the next day with no classes, Sirius looked at them both warily. Why? Yeah, he was grateful. He’d need the sleep. But…why? In the back of his mind, he knew why, but he was doing his best to pretend he didn’t know that everyone thought he was the father. Well, he wasn’t, damn it. He was just moral support, for fuck’s sake. One by one, people started to leave, finally dwindling down to just Aeryn, him, and her mother. It was awkward, but Aeryn wouldn’t let go of his hand and he wasn’t sure he wanted her to. She looked fragile – Aeryn wasn’t fragile. They played Quidditch together and he knew, first hand, that she was no shrinking violet. Though, lying there in that bed, hooked up with all those tubes and things, sweating and in so much pain, Aeryn looked like a delicate thing that might break any moment. The thought was worrisome and he wished that the babies would just come already so she could rest.

When the time finally came for the babies to finally get the hell out, Sirius was shocked to see Aeryn’s mother leaving him high and dry. The look she gave him as she left was unreadable by a scared and panicked Sirius Black. He only wished she’d stay. He didn’t know what to do. Why was everyone leaving him alone?! These weren’t his babies, damn it! He wanted to tell them all so, but there wasn’t time. Aeryn was pushing and Sirius couldn’t feel his hand anymore. Up to this point, Sirius had been okay, as far as feeling nauseas went. Though, when they put her feet in those stirrups and pushed her gown so that he had a pretty clear view straight between her legs, his stomach rolled and he wished he wasn’t so tall. It was great for most things, but not when you wanted to see nothing at all of babies being birthed. When Aeryn started pushing Sirius could do nothing but yell through the pain with her. He didn’t know what else to do. Once nurse got tickled and the Healer shot her a serious look that Sirius didn’t notice. He was too busy loosing circulation in his fingers.

What happened next was something Sirius knew he’d never be able to unsee. The healer asked if Aeryn wanted to feel her baby’s head and, before Sirius could stop himself, his curiosity made him lean slightly to the left to see what in the hell the healer was talking about. He really, really, really, really wished he hadn’t looked. “Oh, cm’on,” he groaned, feeling is stomach flip-flop inside of him. Not having eaten anything for a good while, he felt the stringing of bile rising in his throat and did his best to keep it all inside of him. He couldn’t puke, not right now. He’d be fine. But… seeing a little head poking out of another person’s body? He’d have nightmares for months, he just knew it. Then, suddenly, there was a baby. Just like that. It was screaming and flailing and covered in stuff that he didn’t care to know the name of. He must have looked bad because a nurse held out some weird looking scissors to him and some long thing that looked way too much like intestines, and, seeing his face, cut whatever it was in half herself before rushing off, baby in her arms. “Oi! Where she’s going with that? Hey! I mean it, was she even a nurse? Make sure she isn’t stealing our baby.” He was delirious and only had enough sense left in him to know that he hadn’t worded that right, especially the last part. Someone said something about NICU, like he should have known what it was, and all attention went back to Aeryn.

She was like a fucking Pez dispenser of children. The harrowing experience repeated two times and Sirius wondered if they’d ever stop coming out. The first had been a girl, and then the other two had both been boys. It all seemed to be over, but Sirius was worried it wasn’t because everyone was still poised, ready for another kid to pop on out of there. Would this never end? He knew that, if Hell was real, and actually really was personalized, that childbirth would be his eternity. This was fucking awful. How in the hell did people find this magical and beautiful? Aeryn looked like death warmed over and he felt like death warmed over. Enough. He’d had enough. Getting ready to let go of Aeryn’s had and just pass out on the floor already, Sirius stiffened when she started mewling out the word ‘no’, over and over. This didn’t seem to phase the healer and nurses, but Sirius felt like crying. This was too much. He wasn’t built for this kind of sensory overload. “Just get it out,” he pleaded, wishing someone would do something besides tell the poor girl to push, yet again. Not only that, but something was wrong. The word ‘breeched’ was tossed around and Sirius could only envision a dead whale on a beach. Then he really did start sniffling. Were they saying she was going to die? When Aeryn started crying, Sirius stared at her a moment before sucking it up. Time to be a man and be brave and not stand there whining and sniffling like a baby – there were already three babies to do that for him. “Come on, babe” he said in a firm, sure voice. “Push. It’ll be over soon. You can do it.” And she did. Another baby was born, a little girl again, and finally it was over. The healer clapped Sirius on the shoulder and said ‘Congratulations, Dad. I’m going to go check on your children’, and Sirius couldn’t muster up the energy to sock the guy like he really wanted to. “Thanks,” was all he could say, before stealing the guy’s seat. His feet were killing him now that he had enough time to notice them.

Aeryn was finished. She could finally rest. As she turned to look at him, looking so weak and delicate, Sirius couldn’t help it. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, sweaty as it was. “You did great. Two boys. Two girls. You were amazing. I’m so glad I’m not a girl.” He got a little chuckle out of her before she finally succumbed to the exhaustion. Even though she was dead to the world, out like a light, Sirius still held her hand for a few minutes before peeling his fingers away from hers. He left the birthing room and staggered aimlessly towards the waiting room where the whole of Aeryn’s family descended upon him. “Four babies – two boys, and two girls. Aeryn’s fine. She’s fine. She’s asleep.” Her dad actually thumped him on the back and Sirius could only look at him with a haze of exhausted confusion in his eyes. Her mother seemed to realize he was about to faint and got him into a waiting room chair before he just went limp. He heard someone ask someone what his name was, what they were going to name the babies. He heard Aeryn’s brother say his last name and that was all Sirius knew for a few moments.

Quite unkindly, a nurse came for him in about forty-five minutes looking grave and serious. “Mr. Black, I need to speak with you about your children.” Sirius didn’t even argue anymore. He got to his feet, swaying slightly, but feeling much more awake. “The two boys are doing fine. They’re breathing on their own. One of the girls is still having a little trouble, and the other girl, we aren’t sure she’s going to make it. They were so early. Mr. Black, we’re trying our best to-“ But Sirius didn’t wait around to hear the rest. He ran down the hallway, not really knowing which way to run. Though, following the signs hanging from the ceiling, he found NICU and threw himself against the glass, looking in on three little babies all hooked up to machines that he found ominous, and then a group of people gathered around what he could only assume was the other baby, the fourth. “Hey!” He pounded on the glass with both his palms. “Those are my kids! Those are my-“ When someone finally looked at him, a nurse came jogging out of the room. She and Sirius had a short wrestling match as he tried to get inside. “That’s my kid,” he said desperately, but she just closed the door and patted his shoulder. They were doing everything they could, she said, everything to save the baby, and Sirius totally broke down. “It’s just a little baby. You gotta do something. It’s just a baby.” He felt Aeryn’s dad’s arm around him, tugging him away from the windowed room. Sirius was completely hysterical. “They’re letting it die. That’s my kid,” he sobbed, holding out a hand to the windows that were getting farther and farther away. Aeryn’s mother grabbed his hand and started trying to calm him down, but all he could do was cry. He was tired, oh so tired. He was emotionally scarred, for life. And they were killing his baby. “But it’s a little baby,” he sloppily sobbed. “It’s a little baby.” Her mother hugged his head and Sirius proceeded to totally fall apart on a woman he’d met about four times prior to tonight.

this post is for lexi and is 1,826 words long.

[aeryn riann mclaggen]

I'm hot sticky sweet,

After whispering a brief note of thanks to Sirius, he kissed her on the forehead and told her that she had done wonderfully, two boys and two girls. She even smiled and chuckled when he said that he was happy he wasn’t a girl. After this, I’d be happy if I weren’t a girl too, she thought, exhaustion finally overwhelming her body and mind. She slipped into an empty sleep, void of dreams. It was a rather interesting place to be, as she couldn’t quite figure out if she was coming or going, or where exactly she was. It faded from black on one end to white at the other, for as far as Aeryn could see. Her fragile mind was still exhausted, so dream-Aeryn laid down on the ground, if it was even a ground, and just stayed there.

Aeryn was woken up a bit later, how much later she was completely unsure of, and was told once again to push. It took only fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to deliver the placentas and she wished that birthing the babies had been that easy. There was no pain, just an elated feeling when she was told the placentas came out find and there was no hemorrhaging. She curled back up as soon as the healers left, feeling strangely empty inside. After just over seven months of having four babies inside of her body, Aeryn was almost in shock at how light she was without them. She felt that she could possibly just float away, if she hadn’t been attached to so many monitors, heavy monitors, that would keep her grounded. She just wanted to float away, why weren’t they letting her float away? Before she knew what was going on, Aeryn had slipped back into her empty dream again.

The entire thing was white now, including the balloons that were added to her wrists and ankles, held to her body by white ribbon. “That’s new,” Aeryn could hear her dream-self note. Dream-Aeryn wasn’t pregnant, nor did she look like she had ever been pregnant. She was… thin, lithe even. She looked healthier than she had looked in years. It was so quiet where she was, void of any noise whatsoever. Even her breathing didn’t seem to register on a sound scale. She couldn’t hear her blood pumping and wondered for a brief moment if she was dead. That didn’t last long, as Aeryn realized it was too nice a place for both purgatory and hell, but it certainly wouldn’t have been where she wanted to go if, for some reason, God decided to let her through the big pearly gates upstairs. Somewhat delirious, Aeryn laid back down once more on what might be a type of ground, though it was soft and springy like grass in the springtime, and just was.

A seemingly ungodly amount of hours later, Aeryn awoke to an almost empty room. At some point, Sirius had made his way back into the room. He was lightly snoring on a chair. Aeryn couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him, wondering if all new dads looked liked that. He may not be the father, a voice in the back of Aeryn’s head reminded her. She frowned and furrowed her brow, remember the entire morning and how he had stayed with her through absolutely everything. He acted like the father, and would be more of a father to those kids because of it than anyone else. She sighed and looked at Sirius again. The sight of him there like that reminded her of how young they actually were. Only seventeen! Well, he had just turned eighteen, but that was neither here nor there. The truth of the matter was that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make him be a father to her kids if they weren’t his, and she’d never try to, but she still held on to that small ten percent chance that he might be the father.

Aeryn shuffled in bed, pulling herself up onto her pillows so she was sitting up and could view the room. She was far too aware of the soreness between her legs and it was reminiscent of the feeling she got the first time she had had sex. That wasn’t a time she really wanted to think about, but there was no better way to explain the utter soreness, the openness, the overall uncomfortable feeling that was radiating between her legs. Though she wasn’t sure where her beliefs lay, Aeryn mentally cursed at Eve for taking the damned snake’s bait. Why in the name of anyone anywhere would someone be stupid enough to trust a snake with legs?! She sighed and looked over at Sirius, who was stirring in the chair. His eyelids fluttered open and she smiled lightly at him.

Just then, a pair of nurses came into the room. Fucking awesome timing, really, Aeryn thought glumly, smile disappearing from her face. She knew that she had just given birth to a baby… rather, to babies… but why were they here? Weren’t they going to take them away like last time, as Aeryn sat and watched some other couple cradle their new baby, her baby, in their arms, cooing and making all sorts of weird, new-parent faces? Aeryn shot a glance towards Sirius, who looked to be dazed or still half asleep or something, and figured he probably wasn’t going to be much of any help right now. The one nurse was saying how the boys were doing fine and were about three pounds each, give or take. Just three pounds?! That’s so tiny… Aeryn thought, wondering how for fuck’s sake the nurses could be standing there when two of her babies weren’t just barely three pounds each! It got worse the more they spoke though. The boys were healthy enough to be held, if the father wanted to help her into a wheelchair and push her down there. Baby D, one of the little girls, was smaller than her brothers, about two pounds, two ounces. Aeryn was now a bit frantic, so the nurses told her that the three babies were doing fine. They were mostly breathing on their own, but Baby D was hooked up to a ventilator for now and would stay on it over night, just to ensure she knew how much air she could breathe in. Each was in an incubator, but the boys could be taken out and held. Baby D, the little girl, couldn’t be held until she was off the ventilator.

Aeryn counted. Two boys, one girl. Two boys, one girl. Didn’t Sirius say that there had been two boys, two girls? She was fairly certain she had gone through pushing four times, not just three. “And of the other girl,” Aeryn asked. The nurses looked somber and the one who had been primarily talking shook her head. “Baby A isn’t doing so well. She came out barely a pound and a half. She’s still alive, but we can’t tell you for how much longer she’s going to hang on.” There was a pause and the second nurse said softly, “You might want to go in there and name her. We don’t know how much longer she’s going to hang on to life and it might help you, both of you,” as she turned to look at Sirius briefly and then turned her gaze back to Aeryn, “if you named her.”

The nurses left and Sirius re-entered the room. She wasn’t aware he had even left the room! There was a wheelchair between his hands and Aeryn threw her covers back. It was cold and breezy, as she was still wearing the birthing gown, but to hell with that! She scrambled out of bed and nearly fell to her knees. “Damn my clearly weak legs,” Aeryn half grumbled, half shouted, as Sirius helped her into the wheelchair. He pushed her out of her room and down the hall, taking turns to the NICU. Clearly, he had been there before. None of her family members were around and she realized that they must have gone to get food or to get sleep or something. She couldn’t even think about sleeping again, or eating even, despite the fact it had probably been more than half a day since she had last had something to eat.

A nurse saw Sirius and Aeryn coming and held open the door so Sirius could push Aeryn through. She directed them to where Baby A was laying hooked up to so many monitors. Aeryn noted how tiny and fragile she looked. She was hooked up to twice as many monitors as her sister, and Aeryn prayed for the first time in her life. There was no way she could survive. It would be a miracle if she made it more than a day. The nurses were talking about Baby A’s condition, and how her lungs aren’t as developed as her brothers’ and sister’s, and they didn’t want to give her steroids to help them develop faster because of how tiny she was. They had never given steroids to such a tiny preemie before, and couldn’t guarantee how much would be needed, and could either pump not enough or too much into her. Aeryn ignored them all a she stared at her precious angel, tears pricking her eyes. “What have I done,” she whispered, somehow understanding that this was all her fault.

TAG: mssr sirius black   WORDS: 1585   outfit: hurr   NOTES: omg babies o.o

[sirius orion black]

Baby, I'm Your Slave

i'll let you whip me if i misbehave

It took a good thirty minutes, but, Sirius finally sucked it up. There was nothing he could do and being a weepy mess certainly wasn’t making things better. The Healers were trying. What more could you ask of them? Sirius sat with Aeryn’s family for a while, but things started to get awkward. He knew it would only be a matter of time before the subject came up, but he hadn’t expected it so soon. Everyone in a five mile radius had heard him yell that Aeryn’s babies were ‘his kids’. Well, now, he hadn’t meant it literally. He meant it like, those were kids that he knew, as opposed to some stranger’s kids. Those were his kids, he knew them. Yes. That’s exactly what he’d meant. …he supposed. Honestly, he hadn’t been thinking straight. He was tired, hungry, emotionally drained, and dying babies was just too much for him. He chalked it up to a mini-nervous breakdown and avoided her family’s off-handed questions about the babies and their possible father’s identity.

He liked to deny the thought, but he knew why everyone thought they were his kids. He and Aeryn had a certain chemistry that, though he brushed it off as nothing, was hard to ignore. Even just today, she’d given him those soul-piercing gazes that made him feel weird and warm inside. He didn’t like it. He knew that, at eighteen, he didn’t need a girlfriend weighing him down. He was young, and girls were everywhere, so why pick just one? He had plenty of time to settle down. He had dreams and goals that a girlfriend wouldn’t approve of. He didn’t want a job. He wanted to be in Order of the Phoenix. He didn’t want to be reasonable and tame and sensible. He wanted to ride his motorcycle in the rain with no helmet. He wanted to become a great wizard like Dumbledore, powerful and respected. He wanted to be able to rub it in his parents’ faces when the side he picked beat their precious Dark Lord. It would happen. Eventually. He was betting his future on it. But… girls didn’t want duelers with death wishes. Sirius knew he was destined for something better than a job at the ministry and a modest flat in Hogsmeade. That didn’t mean he hadn’t considered it, the tame life, the girlfriend route. He supposed that warm, fuzzy feelings were the way to go when picking a girlfriend, but quite a few girls did that to him – Aeryn included. So, instead of choosing, he just played it cool. So far, it was working pretty good for him, but, the more people kept saying the babies were his, the more he started to wonder if that were true and what it would mean in the long run.

In the end, it just proved to be too much for him to handle. He excused himself from her family and went back into Aeryn’s room. She was sleeping and he stood there a moment watching her, wondering if she knew something he didn’t. Instead of waking her and starting some serious drama, he just sat down and in moment, was dead asleep. A few hours later, he woke up from that feeling that someone was watching him. Indeed, someone was. He smiled sleepily back at Aeryn and pulled himself up in his seat to talk to her. But, with their usual bad timing, the nurses came into the room and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He had a feeling that they weren’t bringing good news. He felt like pushing them out the door, telling them to give her some time, some space. She didn’t need to know about the babies right now. She needed rest, not the worst shock of her life over that tiny little girl in there dying. He frowned at them, standing and folding his arms across his chest. He didn’t like this one bit and he wanted them to know it. As they broke to news to her, Sirius shut his eyes, trying to will them to shut the fuck up.

…fuck it. Sirius left the room in a huff, stomping down the hallway to where there was a folded up wheelchair against the wall. He snatched it up and took it back to Aeryn’s room, wishing horrible things upon those two fucking nurses. Bitches. He was so busy brooding that he didn’t think to help Aeryn into the chair and cringed, catching her before she did some damage to herself. “Cm’on, we need to hurry.” Once she was in the chair, Sirius wasted no time getting her to where they kept the babies. Once inside, Sirius put Aeryn as close as he dared next to where the gaggle of Healers had been earlier. He retreated, pressing himself against the wall a few feet behind them. He hadn’t gotten a look at the sick baby before, but, now, he had, and it made his whole body hurt in a way that he’d only felt when his mother had blasted his name off the family tree. It burned. It scorched him with grief and he felt sick to his stomach. Babies weren’t supposed to die.

When Aeryn spoke, he could hear the grief and pain in her voice that he felt in his chest. The nurses moved back, giving her some room, some privacy for this awful moment. Sirius looked past Aeryn at the other babies in the ward, the other three. What would happen to them? Were they really going to make it? Why this one? Why just the one? Why not all? Why not any? It just seemed so unfair – not just to the baby, but to Aeryn too. He couldn’t imagine what she was feeling and he didn’t try. All he knew was what he was feeling and all he worried about right then was finding a solution to the question he had to know the answer to, and fast. Stepping forward, he stood beside Aeryn, not touching or looking at her. “Are they mine?” After a moment with no reply, he asked. “Do you know at all, about the father?” Well, she gave him the answer he expected. No. She was crying but Sirius looked at the little baby in front of them and knew he didn’t have enough time to comfort her.

Turning, he left the room, taking a nurse with him. He explained that, if the baby was going to die, he had to know right now if it was his or not. He didn’t want her to die and him have no idea. He’d spent nine hours with Aeryn during labor getting those kids here. He wanted to know if it had all been for naught. He rolled up his sleeve as the nurse led the way to an empty room. After they drew blood, it was only a matter of minutes before he got the answer to his question. Positive, on all four counts. Right now, he didn’t have time to process what that meant. That baby could… His baby could be gone any minute. Running through the halls, nurse in tow, Sirius came back into the NICU and squatted down beside Aeryn’s wheelchair. “What girl names sound good with ‘Black’?”

this post is for lexi and is 1,215 words long.

[aeryn riann mclaggen]

I'm hot sticky sweet,

It was her fault. Aeryn just knew that it was her fault. Her doctor had warned her that having multiples would have increased risks for one or more of the babies, not to mention herself, but she knew that what was happening to her little baby wasn’t just because she had more than one baby growing in her. Something was wrong, something had gone wrong during the pregnancy and it was because of something Aeryn had done, or didn’t do. She wasn’t quite sure what exactly had happened to make things so bad, but what else could it have been? Her tiny daughter was laying there, struggling to cling to life, and there wasn’t really anything she could do about it. Too wrapped up in trying to understand the nurses and healers, while simultaneously trying to will the baby to get better, Aeryn wasn’t aware of Sirius’s presence or lack thereof.

Aeryn nearly jumped in her chair when Sirius asked her if the babies were his. Aeryn was exhausted, so exhausted that she wasn’t aware that she was crying until she reached up to rub her eyes and felt the tears on her face. Of course she was crying! Who wouldn’t be crying at a time like this? She opened her mouth to reply, but had to close it again in order to choke back a sob. There was a moment more of silence before Sirius asked if she knew who the father was. Aeryn squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. She couldn’t find the strength to open her mouth and try to give him an answer. Before she could try, Sirius was gone. Not bothering to look at where he had gone off to, Aeryn stared at the healer and nurses who had paused for a brief moment to allow for the short conversation between Aeryn and Sirius, then continued to plow on with what they had been talking about before.

The lead healer, who wasn’t the man who had delivered her children, was telling her something about low birth weight, which wasn’t news to Aeryn, and something about a small head circumference. Aeryn raised an eyebrow, confused as to why something like that would matter, but realized it probably had something to do with brain growth. Okay, so her baby would be a little slow. So what? She could love a child like that. She could be a good mother to a child like that. …couldn’t she? When the thoughts in her head stopped racing, she realized all was silent. The healer and nurses were staring expectantly at her, as if they were waiting for an answer. “I’m sorry, what was that,” Aeryn asked, trying to be polite and show them that she was strong, but she was sitting in a wheelchair, her baby was dying and her damned voice not only shook but cracked. If that didn’t scream ‘I’m a nervous fucking wreck,’ Aeryn wasn’t sure anything else she did would. The healer reposed his question slowly, as though he either thought she were lame or as if he were afraid to offend her. With the question he asked, it made sense.

Did she do drugs? Well, not anymore, she didn’t. Only marijuana, which wasn’t really a drug, not really. She had done drugs in the past. She had done a lot of drugs in the past. Ecstasy, speed, heroin, cocaine, meth… that wasn’t even talking about the times she drank so much she blacked out. That had all been in the past though, and she had sobered up during the pregnancy. Aeryn knew that if she had continued to abuse drugs the way she did, there was no way her babies would make it. Somewhere deep down, she was more than aware of the fact that she had actively been looking to get pregnant. She knew that one day it would happen, the way she had sex, and although it was sick, she had been excited for it. Somewhere deep within Aeryn’s subconscious, she knew that she had been excited to find out she was pregnant because it meant she could finally fill that hole that giving away her first son had left.

Although she hadn’t answered their question, the silence was as strong an answers as they needed. The lead healer began to explain that there could be a number of birth defects pending on the types of drugs that were used during pregnancy, for how long and the intensity of the abuse. The baby was showing signs of hypersensitivity to light and sound (that would explain why everyone’s taking such care to talk quietly and most of the lights are out Aeryn thought), tremors when she was both asleep and awake and a lot of difficulties breathing that couldn’t be related to premature birth. Baby A also had an extremely low blood sugar compared to her siblings’ as well as the average baby born at thirty two weeks. Aeryn had absolutely no idea what they were all talking about, but before she could ask, they were opening up her incubator and taking her frail little body out. Aeryn was terrified that they were going to do something to the baby she didn’t agree with, but her mouth was dry and her throat thick with saliva… she couldn’t make the words to put up a fight.

A nurse pulled the top of Aeryn's hospital gown down to her nipple line and another nurse placed the small newborn on Aeryn’s chest. They were talking about the mother-child connection helping the baby grow and get stronger, so Aeryn didn’t fight it. They wrapped a warm, fuzzy blanket over the baby girl to keep any amount of body heat in her frail body, and Aeryn sat there, one arm perched under the newborn’s butt, her other hand on the baby’s back. Her heart was racing and she was unsure of what to do, so she looked up at a nurse who just nodded before turning away to check on the other three babies.

Aeryn was now aware that she was still crying. Oh lord was she crying. She tried to abstain from releasing her sobs, in order to not scare the baby. In silence, Aeryn stared at the painfully tiny little being that was now resting on her chest. The baby’s hand was poking out of the blanket and looking at it made Aeryn want to dissolve into a fit of tears all over again, but she maintained her composure and let silent tears roll down her cheeks. She could barely feel it, but the baby was breathing. It was scary, because for awhile Aeryn couldn’t feel the baby breathing and her heart started to race. She wasn’t sure how well she would hold up if the small child were to die. Afraid it might happen before the little girl had a name, Aeryn started to ponder the ideas. There were several family members she wanted to name children after, but she wanted the little girl to have a name with meaning. S, B, G and N were the letters she had to work with. Noelle and Grace were the only two that came to mind that worked with the situation, unless she could come up with something from B or S.

When Sirius re-entered the NICU, Aeryn was very much aware of his presence. She wasn’t sure how or why, but she was. He squatted next to her wheelchair, but she didn’t bother to look at him. Her precious baby was dying in her arms, and she wanted every minute she could to drink in what the little girl looked like. There was apparently only one thing that could make Aeryn give up that desire, that need. Sirius had asked her what names went well with ‘Black,’ she turned her head slowly to look at him. She locked her eyes with his, searching for the truth. He was the father? He was the father. “You…” Aeryn whispered. When Sirius confirmed that he was, indeed the father, Aeryn had to bit her lip in order to repress the sob she felt building in her chest.

A moment of silence resonated between the two. It was a comfortable silence, despite the circumstances, and Aeryn continued to look at him. She was happy that her best friend had ended up being the father of her children. Even if they didn’t end up together, she knew that he would always be involved. She was happy that he had been the one to help her through labor, to watch as each one of their four children were born. We have four babies, Aeryn thought, a new resolve taking hold. “I was thinking Noelle or Grace,” Aeryn managed, much softer than usual. “But I couldn’t think of anything better using either B, S, N or G that works for the circumstance.” Aeryn smiled wearily at Sirius, shocked that she could even manage to smile at a time such as this.

TAG: mssr sirius black   WORDS: 1506   outfit: hurr   NOTES: omg babies o.o

[sirius orion black]

Baby, I'm Your Slave

i'll let you whip me if i misbehave

Sirius felt empowered, somehow. Lights in the hallways seemed brighter, where, only hours ago minutes ago, they had seemed dark and sinister. The people in the wards seemed cheery, and not like faceless monsters lurking in the flickering shadows. He now knew he hadn’t spent the last half-day being a weird freak. No, he’d done this for a reason. He’d stayed and helped and seen things he had never wanted to see before and certainly never again. He’d done all this because, deep down, he had hoped Aeryn’s kids were his. He knew he could and would be a much better father than his own had ever considered being. He knew no other guy was going to help Aeryn out. He really had hoped they were his so that he could hang around them and not seem creepy for chilling with some other dude’s kids. Now, the truth was out. They really were his. Surreal.

As Sirius was squatted down beside Aeryn, he looked at her with his signature toothy smile. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her long and hard and make her feel how grateful he was that the babies were his…theirs. As he told her the news, he could barely contain himself, but, it was easy once he noticed what Aeryn was doing. The littlest baby, the sick one, was nuzzled up to her chest and Sirius stared. Was she dead? No, Aeryn seemed to calm for that to be true. When Aeryn finally looked at him, he looked back at her and threw her a wink as the answer to her question. When she looked like she might cry, his bravado faded and he reached out, touching her cheek with a concerned look and trying to keep her from crying. Rubbing her cheek with his thumb, he had another strong urge to make out with her, but now wasn’t really the time or place. He withdrew his hand and one of those powerful looks passed between them; it gave him goosebumps.

“I was thinking Noelle or Grace.”

“Grace is good.”

“But I couldn’t think of anything better using either B, S, N or G that works for the circumstance.”

“Is this part of that weird Jewish naming thing?” Sirius didn’t get religion. It was one thing that he actually did agree with his parents on. He never felt that some cosmic dude with a beard was checking in on him regularly. Though, Aeryn’s family was, as she had told him years ago, Jewish. …or was it Hebrew? Or was that a language? Fuck it. Anyways, he couldn’t remember all the details, but they had a weird way of naming kids and it had to do with Bible characters and dead relatives and all other such nonsense. “I know I want the boys named after James and Remus. That’s not a B, S, N, or G name, but, whatever.” He bit his lip, trying to think up a few good names. “Beckett? Benjamin? Brent? Byron?” Then S names…? Hmm. “Samuel? Sawyer? Simon? Seamus? And for girls, the only girls I know in my family that I like? Well, just Andy, really. Andromeda, but that’s a shit name to be saddled with. I don’t care what you name them.” He looked at the baby in her arms and then glanced at where the other three were. “I’m just glad they’re mine.”

this post is for lexi and is 572 words long.