The Lay of the Lion of Brystei: Comments

So, hereīs my entry at last... what do you think of it? Still have time for eventual corrections...

Looks great so far!

I just skimmed over it, I'll have to read the whole thing later.

Very nice! I enjoyed reading it very much. It really leaves you hanging, but in a good way. It makes you wanting for more, and wondering what happens.
I noticed there was at least one mistake or so, like leaving out punctuation, but can't really think of anything that could be changed story-wise for the better.

I doubt you were thinking about my poem thing when you wrote that, but I smiled when I read it.

Good luck in the contest!

I doubt you were thinking about my poem thing when you wrote that, but I smiled when I read it.

Good luck in the contest!

Actually I did since heīs one of the only ones who has a smiley face (I even mentioned you on CC )

Thanks anyway. Iīll read through it again and then submit it tomorrow..

EDIT: I split this to give the entry a cleaner look...

I did a little teaser movie today just for fun... what do you think of it?

LINK!

No comments at all...?

(Video)
Good music, but I found the blue chamber a little strange, probably because I haven't seen anything like it before, or I know too little, but something among those line it is.

Decent, but I think it needs more character-orientation, so you feel what the characters feel, and stuff.

Hmm... youīre probably right... calling it a teaser might be confusing since it doesnīt really say anything about the story and you probably need to read it to understand it... oh well...

And the music is from War on a Meadow by Diary of Dreams BTW (Yes, I made a Darkwave LEGO movie )

Hmm... this is VERY late, but I was so busy before, and I wanted a chance to sit and enjoy the story with a lot of time to read it... still, sorry to be getting around to it about 1 month too late!

First, I have to say this was another great story to read, nice to just relax and take it in... starting with the building, you did a lot of neat stuff here.

Really cool sun design... i never would have thought of oars in that way, but it has a very asian feel to it when combined with the red dot (sun?)... how did you get them to stick?

Also, that is a very cool gong in the corner.

Also, although I never thought of the vladek armor with that ninja sign, it goes perfectly (and seems to fit much better in an asian setting than an european one)

In terms of the opening text, that has to be one of the coolest openings i've read in a long time... it has a real epic feel to it... almost reminds me of how the LOTR movies started (don't kill me!) But it has the feeling of an old, epic story about to be related to the reader... very cool... how did you think of that oath? Any inspiration?

Good photoshoping work - must have taken some time, but nice to see that ship with figs and finally "sailing". The micro-scale castle is also done quite well - intersting idea to mix up the scales - it's the best way to show a massive castle from this high bird's eye view that you are going for.

It's also cool to see a short story which is seperate from your main story (i think), but still takes place in the same spot, with the same general, powerful characters being mentioned (King Llwrlws). King Llwrlws and his throne room look very cool - very much the picture of an embattled king, in a battered castle.

The internal struggle he has when he meets his old love, and before/on the day of the battle is perfectly done - you really expressed the emotions of the character, and got into his head for us... it's really well done.





Great photoshoping work... this was my favorite pic... it fits the two together perfectly! The partial lighting on the cape and other fig is great.

Scili is by far my favorite character... it's almost too bad he died off so quickly... but I liked him because of the way he acts, talks, and of course the magic/guardian he uses.

It was also really cool how you played with the lion crests... it took me a second to realize that in your story, the royal lion crest was first, and the saes are actually later, using a "perverted" form of the lion crest, with the crusaders.

The ending is perfect, as is the way that you had the man character talking with Kuruta at the end, in which he decides his fate, is perfect. I really want to see he reaches his goal, but I guess that is the point... perfect ending... and cool how you did kurata's stance/shoes.

Overall, I'd say this is great stuff... the elves add the mystic feel, but only enough to let you see that things are being controlled by them in the background, they are not major players here... and it's cool how you do the story from the point of the losers of the battle. It's kind of what makes the story so epic.

I didn't see any spelling mistakes, although in one part you said "span", and I think you meant "spun" (he spun around). Still, that was the only mistake I saw, for grammar too, so I think that should not be counted against you... I'm not sure what the other stories feature, but I'll be suprised if this doesn't win something! (and eager to read whoever beat you).

Thanks! And donīt worry, Iīm patient

With these little beauties

Thanks! Might sound stupid but I got the idea from reading a bit in a sourcebook to a vampire RPG..

Ah, yes I liked writing it as well. Especially the 25 years younger Llwrlws became a favourite of mine. Also the Spring-princess in the end is the same that Maedrin tears apart if you hadnīt noticed

When I get around to continuing Dying Beauty I think yiu will get all the answers that you want

Ahh... I figured it was some sort of piece like that, although I wasn't sure how you arranged it all on the wall... very cool.

Ahh... that actually makes a lot of sense... as with ideas for new villians/monsters, those RPG manuals are also full of inspiration for all sorts of other story stuff - I find D & D's Ravenloft to be great for me. Although I don't use any of the vampires or werewolves, the traits, descriptions and etc. are great for getting me into the "feeling" of the kind of story i want to write.

As for the female elf, I didn't recognize her name, but I did wonder if it was one of the two from the first story - the one that helps the main character... again, very interesting to see these characters in different stories.