Such Great Heights, Aaron

[Sakura Robles]

Sakura looked in the mirror for about the fiftyith time that evening, as she was going to go out on her first date with Aaron. She really liked him a lot and wanted to look as good as she could for him.

Her hair was let down as usual in its natural curl and bounce, and she decided to go casual, wearing nice slim dark jean with flip flops, showing off her real height, and a regular tank top with sequins. She didn't want to go to far out,she didn't want to seem like she was trying too hard.

It was 4:35 now and she was finally ready and she sighed, as she was pretty exhausted from the rush of the hour she wasted getting ready over and over and over again. She just couldn't believe he would actually feel the same way about her...they were both just so different yet so much alike, that they contrasted each other so nicely.

Now Sakura would wait, a bit nervously now, as she really like him, hoping nothing would go wrong today.

[Aaron Czuchry]

Aaron looked down at his feet as he walked. He was a wreck, honestly. He realised now that his once tight jeans were loose against his body and that his onec tight shirts were loose too. That morning he had heard some pretty bad news from Ray, and he was more then sure that he couldn't go out with her now. He had never had been involved with a girl that Ray had been involved with.

Today, Aaron was wearing a nice black shirt, a blazer, and a pair of dark jeans that loosely fit around his legs, along with a black studded belt. His hair was in his eyes, but it was clean and it smelled like vanilla shampoo. He had re-done his roots last night so that the blackness of his hair wasn't faded at all.

He was thin, though, his cheekbones were visable. He felt disgusting. He had eaten a little bit of fruit this morning with Ray, but nowhe wasn't sure if he could eat at all. And that wasn't the disorder's doing.

Aaron walked up to the stairs of her dorm. He wasn't enjoying this talk, he was dreading it. He knocked gently on her door and sighed, waiting. This wasn't going to be easy for him. He really did like her.

[Sakura Robles]

Sakura was taking one last look at herself in the mirror and she heard Aaron knocking on the door. She sighed and took one last look at herself and sighed again, going to the door slowly and opening it to reveal Aaron.

She smiled gently but it immediately went into a frown as she saw the look on Aaron's face. Oh shit...

Sakura started to get paranoid in her head. He knew didn't he? Sakura thought she was just being melodramatic though....it's a possibility that he was just upset about something else, right?

"Hey...is there something wrong?" she asked gently with a concerned look on her face, as he seemed really upset and she wanted to know what was going on.

[Aaron Czuchry]

Aaron bit on his lip. She looked amazing. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing or not, but he just didn't feel right about this. Ray had been his best friend since freshman year, and Aaron knew very well that he'd be fine with the two dating, but Aaron wasn't positive if he'd be fine with it. Something just felt out of place. It was really bad too, because he liked her a lot.

Aaron looked at the ground before looking at her, wishing that he hadn't because she looked great and he didn't want to see that. It made him want to go out with her more.

"Err... yeah, kind of..."he said truthfully, glancing back down at the floor today. "I talked to Ray this morning, and he told me about you two..."he said, his voice small.

[Sakura Robles]

Sakura's stomach felt completely twisted up in knots and she sighed heavily. She moved out of the doorway so he could step in, not wanting to talk to him about all of this in a hallway of the dorm rooms.

Sakura sighed and closed the door, and looked at him with a concerned expression on her face. Was he going to just end all of this right now?

"Don't be angry with me...." she said quietly, knowing very well he was probably really pissed about it.

"I was going to tell you...I know that sounds like a total lie but....I was going to wait....but I was going to tell you..." she said truthfully.

Sakura's head dropped and she looked at the floor, shuffling her feet around lightly. She just wanted this to work out. It wasn't even as if she cheated on him or anything, but the fact that it was his best friend when she didn't evne know about it....it was just a stupid mistake she had to make before they met because she was horny. It was just a big mistake.

[Aaron Czuchry]

Aaron shook his head. "I'm not angry with you. You didn't know... I just..."he sighed and looked up at her. He slowly stepped in to her room, having the distinct feeling he would be out of there any minute. Pausing, Aaron collected his thoughts inside his head.

She closed the door, and something told him that it would be better if it was opened.

"Look, I know that I like you, Sakura. A lot... But, I don't know if I can do this..."he admitted, looking at the ground, and then at her. "Ray said he didn't care if we dated, and he wanted us to, that's not the problem..."he murmured. "It just doesn't feel right. He's my best friend."

Ray was more then a best friend. He was like a brother. And Aaron just wasn't sure that he'd be able to let this go, because he didn't know if he could forget that the girl he liked and his best friend had been together, if only for a breif moment. It just felt... odd.

[Sakura Robles]

The words that Aaron had to say hit her hard, not because he wanted them to but because what he said really did hit her hard.

So, it was over before it even started. She knew that one day that having sex on impulse would bite her in the ass one day and it was today. She was being punished for having too much sex now, and it came at the worst time, now for the fact that she genuinely liked someone and waiting for sex with him.

Sakura sighed and stared at the ground, not being able to look at him. she realized that she was also being punished for the second time...the first guy that she had genuinely liked, so close to love, and he cheated on her and made her feel useless. Aaron wasn't doing that to her but the feelings were all coming back, and for the second time, someone that she liked was ending it with her. She was pretty convinced now...she was only good for an easy lay.

Sakura was too tired to argue back. What could she say anyways? They weren't even together...she would NEVER beg and she wasn't going to start now.

Sakura turned around and opened the door slowly, stepping aside. He wanted to leave and she knew it, so she was going to let him go...she jsut didn't deserve him anymore.

[Aaron Czuchry]

Aaron sighed and walked forward toward the door. "I-I'm really very sorry."he said, not sure exactly what that would do, but it was true. He was sorry that this had happened, that he had led her on like that. Well, kind of. They both had faults, and Aaron felt really bad. He wasn't so great with relationships, because for him they normally were short, but he had felt different about this one. He really liked her. If only things hadn't been the way they were.

It wasn't that she had sex on impulse.It was just that it was with his best friend. She slept with the guy who knew more about him, and was closer to him then his own parents. Aaron wasn't sure just how to react to that except to say no to it. He had never handled this situation before and he just thought that maybe this was the best way to do it.

Aaron weakly smiled at her before turning and walking out the door. He sat on the staircase and thought. Things were getting steadily worse in his life. He felt disgusting, he felt full, and he felt like he had done a terrible thing. Maybe he had, but he just wasn't sure he could do it.

[Sakura Robles]

Sakura sighed as he did. She heard him apologzing but she still didn't look at him and it didn't register until he left the dorm room, after she closed the door.

Sakura couldn't cry. There was absolutely no reason to cry...they weren't even together...yet...she felt like crying so much, but she forced herself not to...or at least she was trying not to.

She had liked a guy who was totally "out of her league". A guy where her friends would find absolutely weird that she would be dating. The type of guy she would NEVER date, but ended up being attracted to and liking a ton.

But it didn't matter, even so it ended before it even started and she was feeling like utter shit. Especially after all the stuff with owen./..how she couldn't say she loved him and he left her...and she found out her found someone else almost immediately, a guy, and they were now in love. Every guy she thought she could possibly see herslef with got away...Aaron was just another one.

Sakura was upset and she wanted to droown her feelings away. She knew she'd regret it but she just wanted to go to Recess and get trashed or something. She didn't even want to meet any guy, she just wanted to get trashed.

Sakura grabbed her purse and keys, and light tears streamed down her face and she wiped them away before leaving the dorm, locking the door. She wiped her eyes again and sniffled and started to leave the hallway but then stopped abruptly as she saw Aaron sitting on the staircase. He hadn't even left yet? Sakura was confused now.

[Aaron Czuchry]

Aaron hadn't left yet. In fact, he was contemplating going back there. He liked her a lot. He really really did. And look what was happening. Ray thought that a girlfriend would help him get over his problems. Aaron just didn't know. Maybe he couldn't even handle a girlfriend. He was trying to recover. Trying. Ray would help him out with that a lot. Could a girl in his life make it better? Or worse? Aaron hadtaken off his blazer, the heat running through him as he contemplated this was annoying. He liked the cold weather of the night much better. Aaron leaned back on the stair, noticing how thin his arms had become. It was dark in the hallway, and Aaron closed his eyes, thinking to himself.

It was moments later when a door closed and his hazel green eyes opened wide, to see Sakura, leaving for some place. He swallowed and stood up, grabbing his blazer.

"Uhh... sorry."Aaron said, realising that he probably should have left.

((ughhh short))

[Sakura Robles]

Sakura wiped her eyes, as their a bit bloodshot and she didn't want him to know she was crying, even though it was completely obvious taht she was. She wasn't mad at him, she wasn't upset at him...nothing was his fault. It was all her and it was always going to be her. She would never get over the fact that she was truly self conscious and didn't think she deserved anyone.

Sakura shook her head and stuffed her keys in her purse as she tousled her hair around out of nervousness and sighed.

"Don't worry about it....I was just leaving..." she said quietly as she brushed past him slightly and began to go down the stairs. God, how she wanted to just get totally trashed right now and there, not caring she was breaking her sober streak.

[Aaron Czuchry]

Aaron blinked, noticing that she had been crying. That really ripped at him. He felt like a complete idiot. How could he have been so stupid? Maybe he shouldn't have done that. Maybe he should have given things a shot. He just didn't know. Aaron bit his lip, hating himself for making her cry. He didn't want to have her cry.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry..."he said, his voice quiet.

Leaving. Facts gathered in his head. Her friends at recess that night. The money in her purse. He wasn't a total airhead, she was going out, and he wasn't sure she was in the right state of mind. She was going to go drink. Aaron was pretty good at reading facts, and it just made sense to him.

He bit his lip. "Wait..."he said, his voice quiet. "Please wait..."

[Sakura Robles]

Sakura shook her head and totally composed herself. as she sighed and stopped silently crying.

"You have nothing to be sorry about...." she said honestly as she just continued to wak away.

She really hated how he could just read her mind sometimes or something. Did he really know her that well?

Sakura turned around and looked at him.

"Why?" she said quietly, shrugging.

Sakura wasn't blaming him at all. She just felt really stupid that she fell for things again, going very well taht everytime she truly liked someone, something always got in the way. If only he knew why she was reacting the way she was....but she couldn't cause a scene by telling him about Owen.

"I don't want you feeling sorry for me...." the last Sakura would ever want from someone, especially someone she likes, is sympathy.

[Aaron Czuchry]

Aaron looked at the ground. "Yes, I do."he said. He couldn't believe he was about to admit this. Well, he wasn't going to tell anything. He was just going to be cryptic. Tell her he shared blame. "Becuase... I have other reservations about dating that aren't your fault at all."he said. "And I'm sorry that I have them."he said. He was sorry because he really really liked her.

His reservations? His dates finding out about his anorexia. He didn't want people to know. It was an illness of the mind. He knew it detracted from him as a person, and he would hate it if someone who he wanted to like him found out. He was just kind of afraid they wouldn't like him, and it worried him. He closed within himself sometimes. Aaron liked some pieces of himself to be private. His past, his illness, and his art were only some of those things.

"Why? Because you're going to go out and drink."Aaron said. "And I know you aren't that person. You told me so yourself."he said. His voie was gentle, but his eyes were firm.

"Then I won't feel sorry for you. I'll feel sorry for what happened between us."he said.

[Sakura Robles]

Sakura sighed and shrugged.

"Well...honestly....I'm sorry that you have those and I'm sorry that beacuse of that or beacuse of the fact that i screwed your best friend before I even met you, is making you feel this way...really I am..." she said honestly, and pausing before she said some more.

"It's just really ironic to me...how usually, anytime I get close to a guy taht i really like I push him away beacuse I feel like I don't deserve any good at all, but when i start believing for two seconds that maybe i deserve an actual relationship, something gets in the way...something happens to stop it from creating...I mean...the only guy I ever liked in my life before, someone I actually thought I could fall in love with, told me he loved me...and I couldn't say it back....and so he fucks another guy...A GUY okay?....and then it feels as if things aare growing and he continues to say he loves me and I don't say it back and he deserts me...and guess what? he finds another guy and now their in love having this fantastic time with each other....leaving me to feel cheap and to feel like crap...." she said sighing and pausing yet again.

"I know our situation is nothing like that but...it seems everytime....I actually LIKE someone....something about them or me....or something I really fucked up with gets in the way....and it's just not fair...and I'm just....so done fighting against it and trying to change it....because it doesn't change...it always happens...." she said shrugging and sighing.

Sakura scoffed a bit and shook her head.

"I wish you were there when I used to be.....you know....getting drunk every night...."drinking" my problems away....not knowing left from right because I was soo wasted....and then the next morning id be so angry at myself, I wouldn't eat...and if I did eat....I would just throw it up....I was a bulimic and an alcoholic at the same time....and it seems that after all I've been through and recovering, everything is still going downhill...and it will just always do that...and so it's probably a good idea that we don't see each other because....you really don't want to be with me...you don't...because I am so screwed up, Aaron...I have such a screwed up life....I'm wondering how you can even stand there and look at me right now after finding out my past and what I've been through..." she said sighing and looking down at the ground.

'It's just really disgusting sometimes..."